SORRY! I had to vent

[megooego]

I'm going crazy! My boyfriend's mother is in town.. she came unannounced!

She calls my cell phone at around 8 pm on Thursday night, screaming at me, "Where the F*** is Rick?" (my bf) My boyfriend and I are always avoiding her calls because all she does is whine and nag at us. Most of the time when she calls he has me answer and make up an excuse why he can't come to the phone. (showering, working, etc.) Well this time we figured mowing the lawn was a good excuse so I told her that. She said, "Really, hes mowing the lawn huh? Well i'm outside and I don't see him out here!".....She wasn't kidding. She was parked outside and she had intentions on staying...for AWHILE.

She is literally making me go insane. She is criticizing me because she thinks I don't clean up the house enough.. First of all this is none of her business..second of all if i KNEW she was coming i wouldve cleaned up more! We have gotten into a yelling match about this twice since she's been here. Whenever there are dishes in the sink that have been sitting for longer than a minute she asks me to do them and stop being so lazy. AHHH its sooo annoying. Sometimes i leave things out on the counter because i know i will be returing to them, and she gets sooo pissed and asks me why can't i clean up after myself. Seriously, I am an adult and she is NOT my mother, I can live how i want to live, and i shouldnt have to be screamed at for every move I make that she doesnt approve of.

My boyfriend has been having car trouble lately and we intended on getting the car fixed at a later date when we had the extra cash.. well she heard about the car and said she had to come and take care of everything immediately because we obviously cant handle our expenses according to her.. ugghh.. She even threatened to take my puppy Jimi away because she doesn't think we can afford it! thats none of her business we are taking care of him and going to the vet regularly. We wouldn't have gotten a puppy if we couldn't afford it. We saved up money for him and he is a very happy and healthy pup. (this might have something to do with the fact that she is obsessed with him, which i understand in some way because he is a cute puppy, but still she is NOT having him EVER!)

She also says that my boyfriend cannot support me because i am too damn needy. First of all I have a job and we work together to pay our bills. She has a problem with me wanting to have the air conditioning on.. umm its august its hot outside! Im sure most of you keep your air on during the summer at least.. She turned our air off now and is having the windows open! Im sweating like a pig. And i feel like Jimi is suffering as well.. he seems to pant more =[ I like to live comfortably, why is that needy?

Anothing thing - she smokes in the house! and i told her i dont approve of it. First of all, I am asthmatic and go crazy when people smoke around me.. I have coughing fits and it makes my chest hurt! ..second of all I want her to do it outside and away from the dog because its bad for his lungs.. she has two yorkies of her own that she smokes around and they dont have health issues (thats her excuse of course) but im not going to risk it.. whats the point.. Second hand smoke must be just as bad for dogs as it is for people. Right??

Also another thing I will mention.. this may be inappropriate so excuse me but i guess my boyfriend and his mom were drinking and he made a joke about how we are never intimate..just to assure his mother.. well she took it seriously. She came up to me and said why are you not fufilling his needs? Me and my husband had sex like rabbits when we were your age. OMGG!! ahhhh... Our sex life is none of her freaking business! Its so embarrassing and I shouldnt have to defend myself like this in my own house! agh what does anyone think about all of this? How do i settle down and relax again?!

She says she has no intentions on leaving until the car is fixed and all of our finances are in order.. who knows how long this could be in her opinion! ahhh help me.

Sorry about all of this i just had to vent to someone.. maybe im overreacting but i hate feeling uncomfortable in my own home.

[kjcmsw]

It's called a restraining order. Have you asked your bf was he allows his mother to treat you that way?

[Nancy1999]

Lol, I'm older and usually when I read this type of thread, I try to give information about what the mother-in-law may be going through, or just another way to see things in a different perspective, but, sorry, I can't in this case with the mother-in-law from hell! I do not think you are over-reacting. This woman has crossed way too many boundaries, and this is something your boy friend will have to deal with. There are certain things you can learn to say, to people who are totally out of control, like, "I don't allow people to speak to me that way," and then you walk away. Books on assertiveness training and Toxic relationships will have lots of great suggestions on how to deal with people like this, but you almost have to memorize lines, until it becomes natural for you. My only suggestion, is that I would let my boy friend tell his mother that he can't talk now, I've learned that putting myself in between my husband and his family always backfires, there's one person in the family he hates to talk to, and he wants me to tell them he isn't home. So then they think, I'm trying to keep them apart. Now I give him the phone, and let him handle it, and it's much easier on me. Remember, a mother will always forgive her son, but she will hold grudges against you. Best of luck to you, I hope you learn how to deal with this before you consider marriage.

[Princessangela3]

Originally Posted by megooego

I'm going crazy! My boyfriend's mother is in town.. she came unannounced!

She calls my cell phone at around 8 pm on Thursday night, screaming at me, "Where the F*** is Rick?" (my bf) My boyfriend and I are always avoiding her calls because all she does is whine and nag at us. Most of the time when she calls he has me answer and make up an excuse why he can't come to the phone. (showering, working, etc.) Well this time we figured mowing the lawn was a good excuse so I told her that. She said, "Really, hes mowing the lawn huh? Well i'm outside and I don't see him out here!".....She wasn't kidding. She was parked outside and she had intentions on staying...for AWHILE.

She is literally making me go insane. She is criticizing me because she thinks I don't clean up the house enough.. First of all this is none of her business..second of all if i KNEW she was coming i wouldve cleaned up more! We have gotten into a yelling match about this twice since she's been here. Whenever there are dishes in the sink that have been sitting for longer than a minute she asks me to do them and stop being so lazy. AHHH its sooo annoying. Sometimes i leave things out on the counter because i know i will be returing to them, and she gets sooo pissed and asks me why can't i clean up after myself. Seriously, I am an adult and she is NOT my mother, I can live how i want to live, and i shouldnt have to be screamed at for every move I make that she doesnt approve of.

My boyfriend has been having car trouble lately and we intended on getting the car fixed at a later date when we had the extra cash.. well she heard about the car and said she had to come and take care of everything immediately because we obviously cant handle our expenses according to her.. ugghh.. She even threatened to take my puppy Jimi away because she doesn't think we can afford it! thats none of her business we are taking care of him and going to the vet regularly. We wouldn't have gotten a puppy if we couldn't afford it. We saved up money for him and he is a very happy and healthy pup. (this might have something to do with the fact that she is obsessed with him, which i understand in some way because he is a cute puppy, but still she is NOT having him EVER!)

She also says that my boyfriend cannot support me because i am too damn needy. First of all I have a job and we work together to pay our bills. She has a problem with me wanting to have the air conditioning on.. umm its august its hot outside! Im sure most of you keep your air on during the summer at least.. She turned our air off now and is having the windows open! Im sweating like a pig. And i feel like Jimi is suffering as well.. he seems to pant more =[ I like to live comfortably, why is that needy?

Anothing thing - she smokes in the house! and i told her i dont approve of it. First of all, I am asthmatic and go crazy when people smoke around me.. I have coughing fits and it makes my chest hurt! ..second of all I want her to do it outside and away from the dog because its bad for his lungs.. she has two yorkies of her own that she smokes around and they dont have health issues (thats her excuse of course) but im not going to risk it.. whats the point.. Second hand smoke must be just as bad for dogs as it is for people. Right??

Also another thing I will mention.. this may be inappropriate so excuse me but i guess my boyfriend and his mom were drinking and he made a joke about how we are never intimate..just to assure his mother.. well she took it seriously. She came up to me and said why are you not fufilling his needs? Me and my husband had sex like rabbits when we were your age. OMGG!! ahhhh... Our sex life is none of her freaking business! Its so embarrassing and I shouldnt have to defend myself like this in my own house! agh what does anyone think about all of this? How do i settle down and relax again?!

She says she has no intentions on leaving until the car is fixed and all of our finances are in order.. who knows how long this could be in her opinion! ahhh help me.

Sorry about all of this i just had to vent to someone.. maybe im overreacting but i hate feeling uncomfortable in my own home.

Time to ask her to leave

[megooego]

Originally Posted by kjcmsw

It's called a restraining order. Have you asked your bf was he allows his mother to treat you that way?

Ha that's kind of how I feel right now! I talked to my boyfriend about it, and he doesn't like that she yelled at me that way.. but he said she's just being a mother to her youngest child, the baby, so she is very defensive and no girl in the world is good enough for him. I guess she acted like this to his old girlfriends. This is ridiculous she needs to get over it, because we have been dating for over 3 years, and we have a house together now so we are committed and it won't be ending anytime soon! I feel so aloine though because I feel like my boyfriend should be defending me more.. He told her "Quit freaking out" but obviously she's not getting the hint.

Nancy1999, thank you for the advice. Because she is planning on staying so long i will probably have to look into getting one of those books just because I don't see how I can stand to live like this for long. I feel like she is holding a grudge against me but honestly i have done nothing to her!.. I really want to confront her and tell her she can't talk to me like this but I don't want to offend her and let this come between us because i truly do love my boyfriend and I want our relationship to last.

Im my opinion she is acting soo immature... yet she always accuses me of being dumb and young.. hey im 18 i am young but i am NOT dumb. She didn't even finish high school but this year I am starting college at the University of Wisconsin on a $30,000 scholarship

..sorry thats just me venting again.

[daisy mae06]

I don't know what to say other than tell her to get lost... WOW sorry you are going though this.

[megooego]

Originally Posted by Princessangela3

Time to ask her to leave

Originally Posted by daisy mae06

I don't know what to say other than tell her to get lost... WOW sorry you are going though this.

..I have tried giving hints to my boyfriend , but it is his mother.. it's not going to be that easy! He even said himself he wishes she wouldn't have came right now but now that she's here.. she seems pretty determined to stay until she is "comfortable" with leaving him (car fixed, finances in order) .. ah give me a break!

The only possible thing that could break her away is her business. She owns a resort (cabins up north) and right now her husband is alone taking care of it. If duty calls though.. she will have to leave! we'll see.. Part of me wants to get her out of my house but another part of me wants us to gain an understanding of each other so we can get along in the future.

[Princessangela3]

Originally Posted by megooego

..I have tried giving hints to my boyfriend , but it is his mother.. it's not going to be that easy! He even said himself he wishes she wouldn't have came right now but now that she's here.. she seems pretty determined to stay until she is "comfortable" with leaving him (car fixed, finances in order) .. ah give me a break!

The only possible thing that could break her away is her business. She owns a resort (cabins up north) and right now her husband is alone taking care of it. If duty calls though.. she will have to leave! we'll see.. Part of me wants to get her out of my house but another part of me wants us to gain an understanding of each other so we can get along in the future.

Maybe try to sit her down and tell her just that....that you want to come to an understanding for your bf's sake and peace in your house. I think your BF needs to stand up to the smoking in the house thing though...I had a VERY domineering mother in law and after a huge blow up between her and I and then me ready to leave my husband he finally stood up to her and told her our house our kids our rules dont like it dont stay...she ended up a pretty good mother in law after the sting wore off.....too bad he was an a$$ and now my EX!!!!

[Breeze]

You can either put up with this or tell him and her it's your home and she IS leaving.

I would have a talk with your boyfriend and tell him that you will not put up with this from her or him. He needs to talk to her and explain that this is not the way to treat others in their own home. If she does not respect this, she is leaving or you will have her removed. If your boyfriend does not stick up for your home and your relationship please move on. I could not put up with this for long, hugs.

[LDandPasquale]

I would pack up the dog and go stay with a friend. Tell your bf "i'll be back when she's gone". Respect is a two way street....until she gives you some, you dont owe her any.

[miabellaamoure]

Originally Posted by megooego

Im my opinion she is acting soo immature... yet she always accuses me of being dumb and young.. hey im 18 i am young but i am NOT dumb. She didn't even finish high school but this year I am starting college at the University of Wisconsin on a $30,000 scholarship

I give you a lot of credit for pursuing a college education and please...if you do anything, don't follow your BF's Mother's "rabbit" advice or you may end up with a child before you're ready...kwim?

Best of luck to you in pursuing your college education!

[MizMaRLeysMoM86]

Honestly, and this is just me, I am very very B*tchy when it comes to people like this.... I would tell your BF that he has to tell her to leave. I would tell him that he needs to be a man and stick up to his mom. And I know this sounds horrible, but I wouldn't take crap from her. I would remind her of who's house shes in. I don't tolerate disrespect from anyone, no matter who you are. I am always sweet and pleasant to begin with, but this lady has crossed more than one line. I know this sounds like awful advice, and I agree LoL I am just telling you what I would do. I am not one to beat around the bush to spare feelings or avoid conflict. This way of dealing with people like that has worked for me soo far

[mizzwanned]

I'm sorry...that really sucks..my bf's parents get on my nerves too and im sure my mom gets on his nerves..cause she def. knows how to get on mine..lol Some parents are just soooo...annoying..i def. understand

[megooego]

Thanks for all of the opinions. I think everyone can agree this woman is a bit crazy!..Nevertheless, I plan on talking with her tomorrow morning before my boyfriend leaves to work. (just in case things get out of hand)

LDandPasquale, I would LOVE to get up and go to a friend's house. But unfortunately, I just moved up here with my boyfriend about 2 months ago, so I really haven't made any friends besides the few acquaintances i've met at work. I would really really love to go see my mom, but she lives back home in Kansas 10 hours away.. My boyfriend and I moved up here for my schooling. University of Wisconsin offers a great pharmacy program, and they offered me much more money in scholarships than any local Kansas school, so we decided it was worth it to leave.

..although it would be easier for me to get up and leave, I agree with Princessangela3. I really need to come up with some sort of agreement with her so that we can get along.

MizMaRLeysMoM86 & Breeze - I agree with both of you! My boyfriend needs to be a man and stand up for me more.. I know it is his mother and I understand that to some extent, but all of this is just wayyy out of hand!

My boyfriend grilled out, and he had a stack of dishes so I was expecting her to freak out.. hmm no shock she did. She said its not fair for Rick to cook and I sit around and do nothing! ahhh.. We switch off cooking and doing dishes but I figured it would make much more sense to wait until we were DONE eating to do the dishes.. am i stupid or does this make sense to you guys too?? Anyways she ending up screaming at me saying well youre not doing anything else right now so what is the need for you to wait so long? I just said nothing.. im done with it! Why does it matter if i wait or not? They will get done! that's all that matters so quit worrying about it!!! I pretty much just ran outside I pulled him aside and we discussed it briefly. He agrees he is uncomfortable that his mom and I are not getting along, so he came up with the idea that we will all discuss everything after sleeping on it for a night. He still thinks this is just how she is though.. uggh well..I cant even stand to look at her its gotten this bad! He thinks that he can convince her to leave on Sunday at the earliest because he has plans to fix the car tomorrow. She has told us though that she really wants to stay awhile to "help us out".. in my opinion, she's not helping anything. but..anyway.. I'll let you know how our discussion goes.. Wish me luck =/

[megooego]

Originally Posted by miabellaamoure

I give you a lot of credit for pursuing a college education and please...if you do anything, don't follow your BF's Mother's "rabbit" advice or you may end up with a child before you're ready...kwim?

Best of luck to you in pursuing your college education!

.. sorry i forgot to say thank you for your comment. Don't worry my education is #1 for me I wouldn't take that type of advice from someone who had a baby at 14 and was married at 17.

Plus we already have a yorkie puppy and we all know that is just like having a baby around! haha