SORRY! I had to vent

[MizMaRLeysMoM86]

My mother-in-law has never been anything but nice to me, but still, reading this kinda makes me glad I am on a whole 'nother continent than her LoL I was reading somewhere online today that they took a poll and 60% of woman have used words such as "loath" and "b*tch" to decribe their mother-in-laws... sounds awful, but I can understand.. I hope I am not one of those words to my future daughter-in-laws when I have kids.. but I probably will knowing me

[erickajm]

You have two choices. You can sit her down and lay it out for her. Telling her you will #1 not be disrespected in your home or you can continue to allow her to disrespect you in your home.

If you allow it now it will continue from here on out. You can respectfully tell her that there is absolutely no smoking in your house.. and everything else that is driving you crazy. Let her know that in the future you would appreciate a headsup to when she is planning on coming out for an extended visit.

It comes down to demanding the respect and as far as the bf goes... he should have already said all of this to his mother before any of this came out of your mouth. If he hasn't, then he needs to man up and set her straight or in my opinion... leave with her. I wouldn't put up with that at all!

[yorkiepuppie]

sent you a PM.

[luvfla]

Does she say this crap infront of your bf? If so, you need to tell him, he WILL interject & set her straight. If she does it behind his back...well she's just trying to get on your nerves & you are letting her.

Instead of butting heads with her, why not try some snappy comebacks?
Smoking - "When you start paying the rent you can smoke in our house"
Dishes - "We do them all after dinner but if they bother you, please, feel free to do them now"
Finances - "Wow you want to help us? I think about $5K would set us right THANKS!"
Sex - "Oh we don't have sex often but when we do, even the neighbors know. That boy of yours is a WILD one!"

[Rerun201]

I agree, she sounds like the wicked witch of the west. However, I see the real problem being your boyfriend. Where are his man parts and why doesn't he stand up for you????? If my husband allowed his mother (or anyone else) to treat me this way, HE would be packing his bags and leaving with her. If he refuses to be a man, you need to pack up and leave. If she's treating you this way now, can you imagine a lifetime of this? If your boyfriend makes excuses for her, get ready for it. I was blessed with a gem of a mother in law and thank God for that. Please do not allow either of them to treat you this way. You deserve better, but may have to look elsewhere to get it. Hugs to you!

[littlewhip]

Wow, My daughter just got married 2ys ago this month, I would never ever intrude on there space like that , Its called respect I feel bad for you hun.

[Sunnie]

all I have to say is I live in the desert... and ya know something? those old abandoned mine shafts come in handy! (just kidding)

[MinMuf1]

Originally Posted by luvfla

Does she say this crap infront of your bf? If so, you need to tell him, he WILL interject & set her straight. If she does it behind his back...well she's just trying to get on your nerves & you are letting her.

Instead of butting heads with her, why not try some snappy comebacks?
Smoking - "When you start paying the rent you can smoke in our house"
Dishes - "We do them all after dinner but if they bother you, please, feel free to do them now"
Finances - "Wow you want to help us? I think about $5K would set us right THANKS!"
Sex - "Oh we don't have sex often but when we do, even the neighbors know. That boy of yours is a WILD one!"

I have ZERO tolerance for persons of that nature!!! I read and re-read your post and I don't see where you or your boy friend invited her to stay on the "long term." With that said, I'd tell her to beat it in front of your boyfriend. Don't mean to step on toes...But, your boy friend isn't helping the situation either!!! IMO he needs to MAN UP and tell dear old mom to put her breast back in her bra because breast feeding days are long done and over!!! And, if she doesn't start treating you both with respect, then he needs to be the one to pack her bags and escort her to out the door!!!

[megooego]

Ah! she is so stubborn but we finally all sat down and discussed everything. She is leaving Sunday. thank goodness.

After she made me cry last night my boyfriend finally stood up for me this morning. (I know most of you were waiting for him to get some balls, Im glad he finally got the idea!) He said its gotten out of hand and if she is going to stay any longer than Sunday it is going to have to be at his sister's house. We made some agreements though for the next couple of days

1. She cannot smoke inside. (even if im gone because it makes my house stink and i hate that.) This is the one she hates the most. I told her just smoke outside! whats the big deal? Well just to make a point she said no i will not smoke outside but she will smoke in her car..?? uh.. whatever. i dont care as long as its not in my house or around my dog!

2. She needs to stay out of our personal business. I figured this would be normal common sense but we had to explain it to her. My boyfriend was so embarrassed that she made a comment about it to me behind his back he was pissed and let her know its totally inappropriate and none of her business.

by the way- luvfla when she asked me why we dont have sex i said HA! actually we had sex last night when you were sleeping!.. good one huh? (a total lie but owell, still funny)

3. She has to stop criticizing the way I clean or how i live! This is the most important to me, just because it drives me nuts. We tested it out this morning. I left the dog food bag out of the pantry to see if she would get pissed i didn't put it back in.. she looked irritated of course but didnt say anything to me

4. She has until Sunday to leave, or she has to stay elsewhere. My boyfriend agreed that this is a long enough stay and we need to get back to our lives.

5. She can't criticize the way i am raising/training my dog, or threaten to take him away. He is my dog, and she's not having him. I dont care if she thinks i cant afford him, she cannot just take him away from me. (plus we can afford him there is NOTHING i am depriving that dog of.) I told her this straight up and that she has no business butting in. Her dogs are healthy but are mean! They will only go to their mother because they are not properly socialized. They bark and bite at everyone else who goes near them. I want Jimi to be social and love everyone he meets. He might lick you a little too much and might be a little rowdy sometimes, but like i said, if you dont like it then leave HEs a puppy for goodness sakes!

6. We made an agreement to be civil. We will avoid conversation that could possibly start arguements. We both love Rick and we agreed that we have to at least like (or pretend to like) each other for the sake of him. He loves us both and it is not fair to have him in the middle of all of this.

We are kind of planning to spend the next couple of days apart. I think this would be a good idea just because I am still very upset after what she said to me. She has other family here she needs to visit, and I am going to be taking my pup to see his brother, his littermate, tomorrow. Hes going to love it, and I'm going to love the quiet house once again.

Thanks for everyones comments and support. Venting on here really helps, and I also got some good advice that I will take into consideration when I see her in the future.

[BamaFan121s]

I'm sorry, I can't give you any good advice because I would have kicked Mama to the curb by now and had some very choice words for her on her way out. To summarize, she is definately sticking her nose where it doesn't belong and you shouldn't have to put up with that. Grrrrrr! I got all worked up on your behalf just reading this.

And not to ptu down your BF or anything, but he needs to stand up for himself and you and put his foot down with his mother. I'll be DARN if my hubby would sit sheepishly by and ever have let his mother get away with some of the things you've described! He should be taking up for you in this situation, not letting his mother make such hurtful, nasty comments about you.

[Angela]

I haven't read all the post...yet. However, it's time for you or her to get a hotel room. Tell her to add that to your expense.....whatever, but it would be me or her. Things could end badly the way she is treating you. What if y'all marry and have children? I know your very young, but y'all have dated a while and have a home together...its something to think about. Somehow, she has to learn to respect you and I really feel it comes down to your BF laying the law down for her...no matter how hard it is.

Good Luck!
Angie

P.S Where do they hand out 30,00.00 scolarships?? I know a few people who would qualify! LOL

[luvfla]

Good for you!

I am shocked that there are modern women who think their way is the only way AND are vocal about it! I don't always agree with what my son & DIL do but if they don't ask my opinion....I'll be damned if I'll give it...it is not my business!

[Rerun201]

Originally Posted by luvfla

Good for you!

I am shocked that there are modern women who think their way is the only way AND are vocal about it! I don't always agree with what my son & DIL do but if they don't ask my opinion....I'll be damned if I'll give it...it is not my business!

You make a very good MIL. My dear MIL would never give any advice about anything unless asked. She's a gem and I sure appreciate her!!

[chattiesmom]

Please don't be offended, but I have a different perspective. You can talk all you want, boyfriend can talk all he wants, but the Boyfriend's mother comes with the boyfriend. It is a package deal. The fact that the boyfriend ever allowed his mother to treat you (and him as an adult) in that fashion tells me that perhaps rethinking the whole relationship might be a good option.

[Wend]

It sounds like you have found a solution to things. In the future I would try the snappy comeback idea. Say something like "Oh, you are so cute! Is that how they did things back in your day?" or "Wow that is different. I can see why you are so stressed out all the time." "That is a good one! Does that work for you at your house? Cause it probably won't here." "How nice that you can live with all that structure and perfection. We prefer to have a bit more fun and youthfulness in our lives. Maybe when we are your age we will be more like you."