Indescribable Pain VENT (kinda graphic ) - YorkieTalk.com Forums

newmommy · 10-09-2007, 07:41 AM

My hysteryctomy is scheduled for October 18th. I have been constantly crying and I know part of me its selfish. I WANT another baby. Hubby is fixed so this isnt a possibility anyways. I never had a girl so I will never experience the mother daughter relationship that I have with my mom that I cherish so much. I know this shouldnt bother me as much as it does.
On the other hand I have endo. severe. My uterus is tilted to begin with and now my uterus is completely bonded with my rectum. There are days i wonder if a hysteryctomy is necessary (the few days in between the pain) but its like havin a baby you forget the pain until you are there again.
The past few nights I have woke up in the middle of the night with pain so bad I feel like i need to push. Like im in full blown labor. So I spend an hour or so on the toilet crying because I hurt so bad I wanna push the pain away and cannot even have a bowel movement. (sorry if this is graphic)
I woke up this morning and cannot even walk straight. Sometimes i just wanna die. Im so sick of this pain and I swear no one understands. Im just a "whiner" or being a "baby." I feell like that sometimes anyways. I mean who really wants to be in pain all the time. Im sorry if I whine too much. Im sorry if I am cranky. For freaks sake I hurt. I know its hard to understand. I dont even understand it all I know is the pain is there and its very real.

Im freaking out about surgery. What if I am in a lot of pain and people just expect me to feel better right away?? I am freakin out about being put under. It freaks me out that doctors know things about your body as soon as they open you up and yet they cannot even discuss it with you. Im nervous about my children. They love me they are worried about me. They love to climb on me how do I explain to them that this is just not going to be okay?

Im sure my moods are the greatest. Im fatigued, i wanna sleep. Im bitchy cuz I hurt. Sorry if that offends you. maybe I should lock myself in a bubble before I have my surgery so I dont hurt anyone elses feelings!!

Graleyne · 10-09-2007, 07:44 AM

HUGE HUGS to you! I have experienced the same kind of pain you are describing. I don't think you are a whiner or being a baby at all!

Once I had my hyst I felt so much better! I felt like I could run marathons the next day - of course, that could have been the morphine

I hope you feel better soon and that the pain eases up!

Tiramisu · 10-09-2007, 07:50 AM

Been there, done that, got the scar. It's not so bad and just think - no more monthly! My step daughter complains more than you at having a wisdom tooth extracted. You'll be OK!

ARCHIE · 10-09-2007, 07:54 AM

Honey, I'm so sorry your hurting so much. Your human and human's feel pain,
get bitchy and want it all. Your no different. It does sound like your surgery
should be done. You must know that. You have wonderful children that need
you, healthy. Your health is what should be priority to you. You have a family
that needs and loves you. Think how they must be suffering seeing you in
pain and not being able to help you. Your so fortunate to have had children.
Think of them and think of getting back to feeling good and free of pain.
Good luck to you. I know you must be scared but if you have faith in your
doctor believe in him to make you well again.
Prayer's coming for you to be pain free soon.

MorkieAZ · 10-09-2007, 07:55 AM

Wow, I really feel for you,,,you look so young and vibrant. I know it must hurt to want a baby girl of your own and know that after the surgury you won't be able to.

Remember there is always adoption if you still have that desire later in life. Soon your pain will be gone and this will all have seemed like a bad dream. Look to the future. Good luck and prayers go out to you.

littlewhip · 10-09-2007, 08:08 AM

Hey you go right a head and bitch away, we understand, Ive been there, hell im still here, not with that pain, i had that done many yrs ago, you will not regret it, except for the part of not being able to have another child, Iam so sorry you have to go thru this

at times it just dont seem fair, I know thats how i feel at times, sending you bigs hugs and wishing you the very best on your surgery.

JCarlson2004 · 10-09-2007, 08:27 AM

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. As for the surgery, I don't know anyone who had it. So I can't offer any advice in that department but I'm sure some of the fine ladies we have on YT have experience with that. I just wanted to offer you some support during your tough time. Everything will be fine in the end, it's just a hard road to get there sometimes.

PS - I know this isn't something you're able to consider right now with everything ahead of you but I just wanted to throw this out there and maybe keep it in the back of your mind.

As for wanting a girl and not being able to have one after this operation, I just wanted to share something my husband and I are seriously considering for the future. We want to have one biological child and we want to adopt a child. We did some research and we decided on an international adoption, rather than a domestic adoption. We also did extensive research and we found a very reputable agency called Children's Hope International.

http://www.childrenshopeint.org/

They place children from many China, Columbia, Ethopia, Kazakhstan, Russia and Vietnam. They use to work with Indian but right now there's some problems with the policies, so that's on hold. There are many other wonderful adoption agencies out there but this one just tugged at our hearts.

Please don't feel like this is the end for you in regards to having a daughter. You never know, there just may be a little girl out there who was meant to be your daughter.

Again, I just want to wish you ALL THE BEST with your surgery and if you need someone to talk to or vent, PLEASE feel free to PM me. You will be in my prayers.

celstu1 · 10-09-2007, 09:52 AM

awwwww... its ok to be bitchy! Hey NOONE can live in that much pain all the time without being bitchy either!

The hysterectomy WILL make you feel better... and girl.. you are a mom! moms never let anything keep them down. I remember my mom after her hysterectomy and she was a trooper. She was down for about a week but thats about it. Also Im going back about 12 years ago also, things have progressed medically since then.

As for anesethia (sp?) well its a very real fear you have. Sooooo many people fear going under! Don't feel the need to try to hide your fear or crankiness! Its all real and you are entitled!

Yorkiekids · 10-09-2007, 10:25 AM

Your hubby's going to have to help you a lot after your surgery. You might want to line up some people to make dinner for atleast a few nights. I know I was totally wiped out after mine. Wishing you all the best. In the end it was one of the best things I've ever done for myself. How old are your kids? Can you explain to them your still sick when you come home, and you can't pick them up?

drawlins27 · 10-09-2007, 10:45 AM

Please forgive me for saying this, but it doesn't seem like you have completely decided whether or not this is what you want. Are you having the hysterectomy only because of the endo? I have stage IV endo and have for years and I know the pain you are going through. I am very fortunate to live near Vanderbilt University where the Endometriosis Association Research Facility is located and I have learned so much from the doctors there and one of those things is that a hysterectomy is not a cure for endo but rather a treatment only because the endo can come back even with a complete hysterectomy.

There have been many studies regarding reoccurrence rate of endo with a hysterectomy and I encourage you to read some of them. Sometimes the endo returns quickly, sometimes it returns 10 yrs later, and sometimes it doesn't return at all. Reoccurrence is extremely high if the disease has spread to the nonreproductive organs such as the bladder or bowel or when endometrial implants are not completely removed because some endometrial implants don't need estrogen to grow!

With all that being said, I know many young women who have had a hysterectomy due to endo. Some do regret it but others say it was the best decision they ever made! If your only worry is having a daughter, then the others are right, there are so many other options out there. Only you know what the right decision is for you.

Here is a good article on how to lower the reoccurrence rate of endo when doing a hysterectomy. Its a few years old but its a great place to start and it will give you plenty of questions to ask your surgeon to make sure you lower your risk of reoccurrence.
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/m...37/ai_90792544

If you want more info on why endo recurs after a hysterectomy try:
http://www.endo-resolved.com/hysterectomy.html
For objective answers to FAQ's regarding endo and a hysterectomy try:
http://www.centerforendo.com/askcec.htm#hyter
(The home page of http://www.centerforendo.com is also a great site as this center is often able to provide relief to women when no else has been able to)

I wish you the best of luck and please feel free to PM if you need anything or just want to chat. Praying for your quick recovery.

drawlins27 · 10-09-2007, 11:01 AM

Just wanted to add, please don't see what I posted as saying that you're making the wrong decision. I just want you to make sure it really is what you want. Only you know how much pain you're in every day. Everyone is different and this may be the right choice for you! Good luck with whatever you decide!

LunasMomma · 10-09-2007, 02:02 PM

You poor thing

!!! I know exactly how much pain you're in, as I had the same issues. It sucks! I couldn't poo, and I was in so much pain

The surgery is such a relief, the pain from that is a welcome pain, really. I'm sorry that you have to wait until the 18th. I had to wait over a month for my date, I spent that time curled up in the fetal position on my bed.

I'm praying for the days to pass quickly so you can get the relief you need. As for having a daughter, there is always adoption (I know, it's not exactly the same, but there are so many out there that need loving parents

)

tjdmom · 10-09-2007, 03:59 PM

I have to have a hysterectomy too.

I am sad about it. Even thought we are done having kids, I too would like to have another and a girl would be nice as I have 2 boys. But just always wanted 3 kids. My husband is done though as far as he's concerned and I really think it needs to be a joint decision but still it's been a choice and once I do this, there's no turning back. Wish I could offer some helpful advice...but I'm depressed about it myself

Angela · 10-09-2007, 05:10 PM

I am so sorry. I hope you are out of pain VERY soon and that you will be emotionally pain free. There are so many options out there for children. I have boys and sadly lost my sister recently.....she had a 4 year old daughter we are raising. I NEVER wanted a daughter this way, but GOD will hear your prayers and help you cope. I could not love Maya more if we had had her so I know we could love a adopted child the same. I hope to have more kids, but I still want to adopt one. Good Luck, you are in my prayers and I am happy you did get to have your own children before this. Seems like alot of young girls have to have this dome before getting the chance.

Angie

Ivhana · 10-09-2007, 05:44 PM

I'm so sorry you're in so much pain and have to go through this. My mom had the surgery done many years ago. Unfortunately, she had some complications. Not due to the surgery itself, but because she did not take the appropriate time to heal. PLEASE make sure you have the support you need to see you through this. Take your time and don't push things.

/hugs

10-09-2007, 07:41 AM	#1
newmommy Keep Me Away From eBay Donating Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Arizona Posts: 2,109	Indescribable Pain VENT (kinda graphic ) My hysteryctomy is scheduled for October 18th. I have been constantly crying and I know part of me its selfish. I WANT another baby. Hubby is fixed so this isnt a possibility anyways. I never had a girl so I will never experience the mother daughter relationship that I have with my mom that I cherish so much. I know this shouldnt bother me as much as it does. On the other hand I have endo. severe. My uterus is tilted to begin with and now my uterus is completely bonded with my rectum. There are days i wonder if a hysteryctomy is necessary (the few days in between the pain) but its like havin a baby you forget the pain until you are there again. The past few nights I have woke up in the middle of the night with pain so bad I feel like i need to push. Like im in full blown labor. So I spend an hour or so on the toilet crying because I hurt so bad I wanna push the pain away and cannot even have a bowel movement. (sorry if this is graphic) I woke up this morning and cannot even walk straight. Sometimes i just wanna die. Im so sick of this pain and I swear no one understands. Im just a "whiner" or being a "baby." I feell like that sometimes anyways. I mean who really wants to be in pain all the time. Im sorry if I whine too much. Im sorry if I am cranky. For freaks sake I hurt. I know its hard to understand. I dont even understand it all I know is the pain is there and its very real. Im freaking out about surgery. What if I am in a lot of pain and people just expect me to feel better right away?? I am freakin out about being put under. It freaks me out that doctors know things about your body as soon as they open you up and yet they cannot even discuss it with you. Im nervous about my children. They love me they are worried about me. They love to climb on me how do I explain to them that this is just not going to be okay? Im sure my moods are the greatest. Im fatigued, i wanna sleep. Im bitchy cuz I hurt. Sorry if that offends you. maybe I should lock myself in a bubble before I have my surgery so I dont hurt anyone elses feelings!! __________________ There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face!!

10-09-2007, 07:44 AM	#2
Graleyne Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Georgia Posts: 2,563	HUGE HUGS to you! I have experienced the same kind of pain you are describing. I don't think you are a whiner or being a baby at all! Once I had my hyst I felt so much better! I felt like I could run marathons the next day - of course, that could have been the morphine I hope you feel better soon and that the pain eases up! __________________ Aerrica, and Norman RIP my sweet Poopanut

10-09-2007, 08:08 AM	#6
littlewhip Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: wiith my furbabys Posts: 8,874	Hey you go right a head and bitch away, we understand, Ive been there, hell im still here, not with that pain, i had that done many yrs ago, you will not regret it, except for the part of not being able to have another child, Iam so sorry you have to go thru this at times it just dont seem fair, I know thats how i feel at times, sending you bigs hugs and wishing you the very best on your surgery. __________________

10-09-2007, 08:27 AM	#7
JCarlson2004 Mommy To 3 Poochies Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: New York Posts: 8,287	Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. As for the surgery, I don't know anyone who had it. So I can't offer any advice in that department but I'm sure some of the fine ladies we have on YT have experience with that. I just wanted to offer you some support during your tough time. Everything will be fine in the end, it's just a hard road to get there sometimes. PS - I know this isn't something you're able to consider right now with everything ahead of you but I just wanted to throw this out there and maybe keep it in the back of your mind. As for wanting a girl and not being able to have one after this operation, I just wanted to share something my husband and I are seriously considering for the future. We want to have one biological child and we want to adopt a child. We did some research and we decided on an international adoption, rather than a domestic adoption. We also did extensive research and we found a very reputable agency called Children's Hope International. http://www.childrenshopeint.org/ They place children from many China, Columbia, Ethopia, Kazakhstan, Russia and Vietnam. They use to work with Indian but right now there's some problems with the policies, so that's on hold. There are many other wonderful adoption agencies out there but this one just tugged at our hearts. Please don't feel like this is the end for you in regards to having a daughter. You never know, there just may be a little girl out there who was meant to be your daughter. Again, I just want to wish you ALL THE BEST with your surgery and if you need someone to talk to or vent, PLEASE feel free to PM me. You will be in my prayers. __________________ Mommy Loves Codie, Tia & Baby Cali RIP My Precious Katie - I Love You

10-09-2007, 09:52 AM	#8
celstu1 Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 10,534	awwwww... its ok to be bitchy! Hey NOONE can live in that much pain all the time without being bitchy either! The hysterectomy WILL make you feel better... and girl.. you are a mom! moms never let anything keep them down. I remember my mom after her hysterectomy and she was a trooper. She was down for about a week but thats about it. Also Im going back about 12 years ago also, things have progressed medically since then. As for anesethia (sp?) well its a very real fear you have. Sooooo many people fear going under! Don't feel the need to try to hide your fear or crankiness! Its all real and you are entitled! __________________ “Petting, scratching, and cuddling a dog could be as soothing to the mind and heart as deep meditation and almost as good for the soul as prayer.” ― Dean Koontz

10-09-2007, 07:50 AM	#3
Tiramisu YT Addict Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Houston, Texas Posts: 462	Been there, done that, got the scar. It's not so bad and just think - no more monthly! My step daughter complains more than you at having a wisdom tooth extracted. You'll be OK!

10-09-2007, 07:54 AM	#4
ARCHIE No Longer A Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: NEW YORK Posts: 16,218	Honey, I'm so sorry your hurting so much. Your human and human's feel pain, get bitchy and want it all. Your no different. It does sound like your surgery should be done. You must know that. You have wonderful children that need you, healthy. Your health is what should be priority to you. You have a family that needs and loves you. Think how they must be suffering seeing you in pain and not being able to help you. Your so fortunate to have had children. Think of them and think of getting back to feeling good and free of pain. Good luck to you. I know you must be scared but if you have faith in your doctor believe in him to make you well again. Prayer's coming for you to be pain free soon.

10-09-2007, 07:55 AM	#5
MorkieAZ Inactive Account Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Arizona Posts: 1,276	Wow, I really feel for you,,,you look so young and vibrant. I know it must hurt to want a baby girl of your own and know that after the surgury you won't be able to. Remember there is always adoption if you still have that desire later in life. Soon your pain will be gone and this will all have seemed like a bad dream. Look to the future. Good luck and prayers go out to you.

10-09-2007, 10:25 AM	#9
Yorkiekids Piper & Sebastian Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: florida Posts: 14,495	Your hubby's going to have to help you a lot after your surgery. You might want to line up some people to make dinner for atleast a few nights. I know I was totally wiped out after mine. Wishing you all the best. In the end it was one of the best things I've ever done for myself. How old are your kids? Can you explain to them your still sick when you come home, and you can't pick them up? __________________ Susan, Piper ,Harley & Suiki

10-09-2007, 10:45 AM	#10
drawlins27 Mommy's Lil' Miracle Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Mufreesboro, TN Posts: 1,028	Please forgive me for saying this, but it doesn't seem like you have completely decided whether or not this is what you want. Are you having the hysterectomy only because of the endo? I have stage IV endo and have for years and I know the pain you are going through. I am very fortunate to live near Vanderbilt University where the Endometriosis Association Research Facility is located and I have learned so much from the doctors there and one of those things is that a hysterectomy is not a cure for endo but rather a treatment only because the endo can come back even with a complete hysterectomy. There have been many studies regarding reoccurrence rate of endo with a hysterectomy and I encourage you to read some of them. Sometimes the endo returns quickly, sometimes it returns 10 yrs later, and sometimes it doesn't return at all. Reoccurrence is extremely high if the disease has spread to the nonreproductive organs such as the bladder or bowel or when endometrial implants are not completely removed because some endometrial implants don't need estrogen to grow! With all that being said, I know many young women who have had a hysterectomy due to endo. Some do regret it but others say it was the best decision they ever made! If your only worry is having a daughter, then the others are right, there are so many other options out there. Only you know what the right decision is for you. Here is a good article on how to lower the reoccurrence rate of endo when doing a hysterectomy. Its a few years old but its a great place to start and it will give you plenty of questions to ask your surgeon to make sure you lower your risk of reoccurrence. http://findarticles.com/p/articles/m...37/ai_90792544 If you want more info on why endo recurs after a hysterectomy try: http://www.endo-resolved.com/hysterectomy.html For objective answers to FAQ's regarding endo and a hysterectomy try: http://www.centerforendo.com/askcec.htm#hyter (The home page of http://www.centerforendo.com is also a great site as this center is often able to provide relief to women when no else has been able to) I wish you the best of luck and please feel free to PM if you need anything or just want to chat. Praying for your quick recovery. __________________ I LOVE my little Furbutts!

10-09-2007, 11:01 AM	#11
drawlins27 Mommy's Lil' Miracle Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Mufreesboro, TN Posts: 1,028	Just wanted to add, please don't see what I posted as saying that you're making the wrong decision. I just want you to make sure it really is what you want. Only you know how much pain you're in every day. Everyone is different and this may be the right choice for you! Good luck with whatever you decide! __________________ I LOVE my little Furbutts! Last edited by drawlins27; 10-09-2007 at 11:02 AM.

10-09-2007, 02:02 PM	#12
LunasMomma Izzy's Momma Too! Donating Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Stuart, Florida Posts: 8,799	You poor thing!!! I know exactly how much pain you're in, as I had the same issues. It sucks! I couldn't poo, and I was in so much pain The surgery is such a relief, the pain from that is a welcome pain, really. I'm sorry that you have to wait until the 18th. I had to wait over a month for my date, I spent that time curled up in the fetal position on my bed. I'm praying for the days to pass quickly so you can get the relief you need. As for having a daughter, there is always adoption (I know, it's not exactly the same, but there are so many out there that need loving parents ) __________________ Tracy, Mom to Izzy and Luna

10-09-2007, 03:59 PM	#13
tjdmom Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: upstate ny Posts: 5,847	I have to have a hysterectomy too. I am sad about it. Even thought we are done having kids, I too would like to have another and a girl would be nice as I have 2 boys. But just always wanted 3 kids. My husband is done though as far as he's concerned and I really think it needs to be a joint decision but still it's been a choice and once I do this, there's no turning back. Wish I could offer some helpful advice...but I'm depressed about it myself

10-09-2007, 05:10 PM	#14
Angela YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Baton Rouge, LA Posts: 849	I am so sorry. I hope you are out of pain VERY soon and that you will be emotionally pain free. There are so many options out there for children. I have boys and sadly lost my sister recently.....she had a 4 year old daughter we are raising. I NEVER wanted a daughter this way, but GOD will hear your prayers and help you cope. I could not love Maya more if we had had her so I know we could love a adopted child the same. I hope to have more kids, but I still want to adopt one. Good Luck, you are in my prayers and I am happy you did get to have your own children before this. Seems like alot of young girls have to have this dome before getting the chance. Angie

10-09-2007, 05:44 PM	#15
Ivhana Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: VA Posts: 286	I'm so sorry you're in so much pain and have to go through this. My mom had the surgery done many years ago. Unfortunately, she had some complications. Not due to the surgery itself, but because she did not take the appropriate time to heal. PLEASE make sure you have the support you need to see you through this. Take your time and don't push things. /hugs __________________ Ivy, Mommy to Brody!