What age to let teen start to date??

[Anna Banana]

Originally Posted by Chelsea15

I'm 15 and I have been allowed alone on dates since I was 12....

I have been dating the same person for over 2 years, we've been alone in each others rooms and home alone for a long time and I didnt do anything like "that" until this year (after talking to my mom!) and I'm almost 16.

And did I mention I wouldnt have Abby if it wasn't for him? that was my 2 year anniversary present! (w/ a $750 dollar price tag!)

I have always had good grades, I'm in 10th grade and already have $450 in scholarship money.

I'm not sure some people will appreciate my chiming in, but I just thought you might want the opinion of someone closer to his age.

I think its great that you're chiming in!

I had a similar experience. I'm 18 now, and have been allowed to date since whenever I wanted to. I went on my first date and had my first boyfriend when I was a sophomore in highschool, but could have done it sooner if I wanted too. I think it is because my mom was so easy-going that I waited until I felt comfortable to concern myself with all that romantic stuff. I plan to parent my future children the same way. I sincerely believe that if you put all these rules and restrictions on teens, they will rebel, and do it anyway behind your back, and even push farther than they would have on their own terms.

As for his grades dropping, I really don't think thats a factor here. I maintained a 4.3-4.7 GPA throughout highschool, and was accepted to every college I applied to (From Yale to UCLA to Whittier College, the small liberal arts school that I chose to attend). I think its important for teens to learn to balance a social life and academic and other responsibilities while they're still in high school, or else it will be overwhelming when they go off to college and finally are allowed to do everything that their parents never allowed them to (which is why I think partying, drinking, sex, and drug use is so prevelant on college campuses).

[pepe mint]

OMGOSH!!!!!! I can't handle this. i have a daughter and I am just going to DIE the day I know she has S-E-X AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i honestly agree with everyone that if he is coming to talk to you about it, it says a lot about him. and it's great that he is being open and honest with you. give him the same respect be honest with how you feel. and let him enjoy having a girlfriend but keep it somewhat controlled. sounds like you are on the right track with him

[Anna Banana]

Originally Posted by Suzy

haha, it is a little over the top...but I understand it! I'm 25, and got married 18 months ago, and it's even kind of weird for me to sleep in the same bed as my husband in my grandparents house or at his parents' homes. When we stay over there during holidays, it's kind of a weird feeling when we're laying on the sofa bed together and they call "goodnight" from the hallway...I spent so many of my teens and early 20's NOT laying next to boyfriends when parents were around that it took some getting used to now that it's "allowed".

Lol!

[Anna Banana]

Originally Posted by pepe mint

OMGOSH!!!!!! I can't handle this. i have a daughter and I am just going to DIE the day I know she has S-E-X AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

But won't you feel great when she comes to you and shares that special moment with you? Rather than her hiding it and hoping you'll never find out? Its going to happen regardless...

[pepe mint]

Originally Posted by Anna Banana

But won't you feel great when she comes to you and shares that special moment with you? Rather than her hiding it and hoping you'll never find out? Its going to happen regardless...

i hope and pray we have that kind of relationship. that is what i strive for on a daily basis. i hear people all the time "don't be her friend, be her mother". well, i think you have to be both. otherwise, you will not have the kind of relationship that is needed when times like this come up.

[Anna Banana]

Originally Posted by labrown

OMGoodness, you are likely to kill your kids if you want to talk about them not having sex at the dinner table! Why don't you leave that to your DH when they can be alone!

But I think having them all over is a great idea.

Amber, I love you, but how would you feel if your parents and your teenage boyfriend's parents talked about you too having sex, over dinner!? Lol, that would be beyond embarrassing, right?

[sweetr72]

I have to say 16 and over is an appropriate age to "date" even then I would be pretty strict. I think 14 is too young..I have 15 and 13 year old boys and a 10 year old daughter...none want to date yet and that is fine..I mean they have "girlfriends" at school and they talk online or hang out as groups but alone time....no way no how...they dont sneak around as they havent asked to go out yet but when the time comes I will tell them they have to be 16 or over to go out together alone. My mom let me date at 14 and she always thought she was keeping a close eye on me...all it did was give me more adult feelings and thoughts. I was pregnant as a teenager so anything I can do to prevent it with my kids I will do. My common law calls my boys Momma's Boys but thats juuuuuuuuuuuuuuust fine with me lol...they can stay that way until they are adults as far as Im concerned...for now they are concentrating on school. I am only speaking from my own experiences but when I started dating young my focus was off school work and on boys and dating and partying as I was allowed to act more mature than I really was...hope this makes some sense...I vote for group dates and limiting the amount of time they spend together..

Dawn

[sweetr72]

Originally Posted by pepe mint

i hope and pray we have that kind of relationship. that is what i strive for on a daily basis. i hear people all the time "don't be her friend, be her mother". well, i think you have to be both. otherwise, you will not have the kind of relationship that is needed when times like this come up.

I always agree with what you have to say in your posts but this time I have to disagree...I think there is a time to be a mother and a time to be a friend. At 14 its not time to be their friend...at 18 yes..but at 14 I just dont see it being possible..I have three kids 15, 13 and 10..mind you we get along famously I am still the "mother" and dont try to take on the roll of friend..they have friends and they need a mother to lead them in the right direction whether they like it or not lol...I know I sound like a drill sargent but I swear Im not...my kids know I love them and I know they love me but I am a very strict mother..I guess its because I had a more "friend" like mother growing up...and it didnt work for me...I did what I wanted when I wanted and how I wanted because Mom thought of me as mature and old enough to be her "friend"..I wasnt and I needed the guidance of a Mom..someone to just say NO lol...ok ill get off my soapbox now lol..

Dawn

[chachi]

I let My Son go to the movies with a girl when he was 14. He didnt seriously date anyone untill he was 17 though

[pepe mint]

&t

Originally Posted by sweetr72

I always agree with what you have to say in your posts but this time I have to disagree...I think there is a time to be a mother and a time to be a friend. At 14 its not time to be their friend...at 18 yes..but at 14 I just dont see it being possible..I have three kids 15, 13 and 10..mind you we get along famously I am still the ;mother" and dont try to take on the roll of friend..they have friends and they need a mother to lead them in the right direction whether they like it or not lol...I know I sound like a drill sargent but I swear Im not...my kids know I love them and I know they love me but I am a very strict mother..I guess its because I had a more "friend" like mother growing up...and it didnt work for me...I did what I wanted when I wanted and how I wanted because Mom thought of me as mature and old enough to be her "friend"..I wasnt and I needed the guidance of a Mom..someone to just say NO lol...ok ill get off my soapbox now lol..

Dawn

I can see that...i just think there needs to be a little of both. I think the mother role is the most important role you can play in your kids' lives. but they need to know that i want her come to me the way she would friends if it is something big.

i have a lot to learn my daughter is only 6

[Chelsea15]

Originally Posted by Anna Banana

I think its great that you're chiming in!

I sincerely believe that if you put all these rules and restrictions on teens, they will rebel, and do it anyway behind your back, and even push farther than they would have on their own terms.

EXACTLY!!!! almost everyone I know is like that b/c of their parents. My mom was like that as a teenager, & ended up getting pregnant with me. And my mom knows why she did it, b/c my grandparents were so strict on her. so she acts more like a friend to me, and that makes me feel like I can trust her and talk to her about that kind of stuff, which I do. Hoenstly I dont know how I would be if we didnt have this kind of relationship.

[TootiesMom]

I am a friend AND a drill sergeant! My girls tell me everything, even things I wish they didnt.. LOL...
they were both allowed to have a "friend" at 13 or 14 but there weree no "dates".. neither of them were ever allowed to ride in a vehicle, with ANYONE under 17. My 21 year old is very mature, had the ability to make her own decisions but knew to abide by the rules of the MOM... she still has a curfew and always abides and is very open about where and when she is going where... My 16 year old had a little harder time dealing with the rules but she knows where the line is, always....
we have a super open relationship and talk about things most people would never openly discuss. This makes them have trust in me that I will trust them to make their own decisions(usually always the right one)
I beleive strongly to give them the responsiblity, then they will learn to accept it and behave accordingly.
I am so proud of the super "people" I have raised, they are caring, smart, and very respectful....
good luck to you with your baby boy...
d

[Sugar's Mom]

i think group dating is the way to go and as far as someone talking about how young they were when they were in each others ooms for long periods and etc. My only comment is to shake my head and wonder where in the world were the parents heads to allow this.

[Yorkieluv]

Not ALL kids rebel...I did not rebel against my mother at all. My mother is a very sweet and loving mother, but she didn't hesitate to tell me no whenever she knew it was something inappropriate that I was asking. She let me go out with groups of friends (guys and girls). I had my first boyfriend at the age of 15, but was never alone with him, always with friends. I went on my first "alone" date when I was 17, but I never had a boy in my room, not even when I was engaged. My mom never came out and said "You can't have a guy in your room", but I knew that I would never put my mom in that position to have to say that to me, so I knew the boundaries that I needed to respect. I lived under my mom's roof until the day I got married. Never spent the night at my fiance's(now husband) house.

[Chelsea15]

I think I'm gonna have to stop posting in here, I've got some pretty strong opinions about some things people have said.