My son.......... - YorkieTalk.com Forums

kitty · 11-14-2006, 06:19 PM

My oldest son isn't living with me right now. I'm very depressed about this too. This weekend he decided he was bigger than me and swung a punch at me. He is currently with my dad. I just wanted him to go for a couple of weeks but now my step mom is talking about putting him in school where she lives. I just don't know what to do any more. My mom called me tonight and basically told me I suck at being a mom and that I'm a failure. (Maybe she's right.) I don't feel like celebrating the holidays now.

I just wish I knew what to do with my son.

GracieLou · 11-14-2006, 06:23 PM

i am so sorry! it is not your fault ! How old is your son? For no reason should he have done that and it was wrong for her to say that! I hope everything gets better for you !!! prayers coming your way!

kitty · 11-14-2006, 06:27 PM

He's 11 and out of control.

Katys mom · 11-14-2006, 06:30 PM

I remember when my daughter was 11. Odd years just seemed to be the hardest from 11-19.

I will be praying for you!

JeanieK · 11-14-2006, 06:35 PM

I'm so sorry for what you are feeling. anyone who has ever raised a child has had these same feelings. Teenagers are not an easy lot to deal with at times. At other times they can be sooooooo much fun.

Just hang in there. pray for guidence and everything will sort it's self out in time.

I raised 6 kids and there wasn't a one of them that didn't have me in tears at one time or another. But in the end, they all turned out to be wonderful adults.

GucciMyGirl · 11-14-2006, 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kitty

My oldest son isn't living with me right now. I'm very depressed about this too. This weekend he decided he was bigger than me and swung a punch at me. He is currently with my dad. I just wanted him to go for a couple of weeks but now my step mom is talking about putting him in school where she lives. I just don't know what to do any more. My mom called me tonight and basically told me I suck at being a mom and that I'm a failure. (Maybe she's right.) I don't feel like celebrating the holidays now.

I just wish I knew what to do with my son.

Is your sons dad in his life? If he is you should have him speak to him. If not you have to stand up to your son and tell him that behavior is not acceptable and punish him. Do not let him get away with that. Does he have any issues with behavior in the past? He is still a child at 11 yrs old. Your mother had no right to tell you that , your not a failure but you do have to get tough with him. Maybe he needs to get some counseling sounds like he has issues and needs to speak to someone. Good luck , I will say a prayer for you...

Brookef18 · 11-14-2006, 06:36 PM

Your not a bad mom... Kids don't come with an instruction manual and they are all different. Please don't blame yourself. it is scarey if they start trying to hit you!!! My sister used to beat the crap out of me. I was terrified of her! My Mom put her in a lock down shelter... She is an adult now and we are all very very close...He is going through a bad stage. I would try and sit and talk with him though, so he knows you love him very much, but if he is going to get violent then it's going to be harder to figure out having him with you... He needs to know how much you love him. This is very hard and there are no easy answers. Don't blame your self. I will pray for your family.

</IMG>

Tiggerwit · 11-14-2006, 06:36 PM

11! Holy smokes. Just my opinion - I think he's trying to assert himself and find his place. I think you need to show him who is in charge and that that behavior will not under any circumstances be tolerated. But you would need him in your home for that. I agree with counseling or seeing a doctor. There may be a reason for his behavior.

As for your mom. I'm sorry and no she is not right. You have a lot on your plate. You are alone while your husband is gone most of the time and not much support. I know as a single mom how hard it is. My kids test me all the time and I'm stuck with them.

My youngest started acting like I'm all that and then some and I just recently started getting firm with her. Before when I'd get mad and yell she'd just be like whatever. Finally I started just calmly saying this is the way it is and here are the consequences. It's bizarre because she's like ok, and chats away like nothings up and she's not in trouble and we are best friends. Freaks me out. lol

kitty · 11-14-2006, 06:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GucciMyGirl

Is your sons dad in his life? If he is you should have him speak to him. If not you have to stand up to your son and tell him that behavior is not acceptable and punish him. Do not let him get away with that. Does he have any issues with behavior in the past? He is still a child at 11 yrs old. Your mother had no right to tell you that , your not a failure but you do have to get tough with him. Maybe he needs to get some counseling sounds like he has issues and needs to speak to someone. Good luck , I will say a prayer for you...

No, his father is not in his life. He gave up parental rights when he was only 4 1/2mos old. My husband now, is gone alot. He works in the oil field and is also in the National Gaurd. I've been sick for the last 3 wks and just don't have the stength to deal with him. He has my 10 year old son thinking he can't do anything right and that he is dumb. He beats on my 7year old son that has behavior problems. My 6 year old daughter is the only one he doesn't pick on. I just don't know right now what to do. I tried getting him counciling through the school but he won't talk with the councilor and I don't have the funds to put him in counciling right now.

Shadow · 11-14-2006, 06:44 PM

who beats on yor son, your husband? nm got it your son does right?

kitty · 11-14-2006, 06:46 PM

Yes my 11 year old beats on my other sons.

LunasMomma · 11-14-2006, 07:02 PM

(((((((((((((Kitty)))))))))))))))

I'm sorry you're going through this

I have had a lot of trouble with my son, and it all started when he was 11

I think that's when the horomones kick in and they lose their minds

My son's father isn't in his life either, and I think that has a lot to do with it. My husband has been in his life since he was 3 yo, but it's not the same, I guess. Well, now he's 18, and he's been in and out of juvie, and I finally had to use tough love and kick him out. He's still working with my husband, so I see him every day, but it's still hard. He lives with one of his friends and his mother, who is a single parent, so he's having to chip in money for bills. He now realizes that he made a mistake by not listening. Anyway, my point is, sometimes you have to let them fall on their face a little bit before they realize that you're serious and that YOU know best. I know he's only 11, but living with his grandparents can't take the place of being HOME

PLEASE don't listen to your mother's critisims on your parenting skills. Things are so different than when she was raising kids, and you're doing it practically all alone. You're doing the very best you can, and I wish that she was being more supportive of you, I'm sorry

Hang in there, and stay strong. Maybe let your step mom put him in school and stay there for a while. It won't kill him, and perhaps he'll see that things were NOT so bad at home with you.

doortego · 11-14-2006, 10:40 PM

I hurt for all of you. Are you involved with a church? If so, there should be some men there that could help you with some fatherly guidance for your son, a youth director or pastor that could offer family counseling. I understand that money may be tight, but you just cannot afford not to get counseling of some form for your family. I have a grown son that through God's grace is doing well now, as a matter of fact, he is a youth minister, but I am here to tell you that his junior high years up until college were the most awful times of my life. His dad was working construction in California and didn't really want to spend his limited home time arguing with his teenage son. In fact, he told me ( and probably rightly so ) that if he took care of a particular problem we were facing with our son, that I should be prepared for my son to leave home. I was never ready for that so we fought it out for years, up until he came home from college one year on my birthday and told me that he had dropped out of college & was leaving to go to NC. Don't give up on him. Regrets are awfully hard to live with. Continue to do everything you can to show him that you love him & won't allow him to make decisions that are not in his best interest. If you don't give up, it may be years, but someday he will understand that you did the best you could and that you loved him even when he didn't feel loved

I do feel like you are probably right in that his anger is probably due to feelings of abandonment from the men in his life but more than likely, he doesn't know why he feels the rage that he does. A book that helped me a lot at that time was Ruth Bell Graham's "Prodigals and Those Who Love Them".
Aside from some wonderful content in the book, I think it helped me to know if Billy Graham's family had issues, ours didn't mean I wasn't a good mother.

If you would like to read that book and I can still find it, pm me and I will mail it to you.

OLIVIA_KARHIS · 11-15-2006, 12:59 AM

is not your fault!! You mother should not have even said that, that was wrong!!

I agree with Tiggerwit, thou... If you let him think its ok for him to hit you and then he gets to go to grandmas house with out being punished, he will think its ok to do it.

GucciMyGirl · 11-15-2006, 07:30 AM

[QUOTE=kitty]No, his father is not in his life. He gave up parental rights when he was only 4 1/2mos old. My husband now, is gone alot. He works in the oil field and is also in the National Gaurd. I've been sick for the last 3 wks and just don't have the stength to deal with him. He has my 10 year old son thinking he can't do anything right and that he is dumb. He beats on my 7year old son that has behavior problems. My 6 year old daughter is the only one he doesn't pick on. I just don't know right now what to do. I tried getting him counciling through the school but he won't talk with the councilor and I don't have the funds to put him in counciling right now.[/QUOTE

So the boys father is no longer in the picture. Your husband is away alot. I get the picture.. May I ask when he hits his siblings do you punish him? He really needs to be reprimanded. He is a child of 11. I agree someone gave you advice to let your father and stepmother have him for a little bit. But that is if only he is afraid of grandpa, and listens to him , not to go stay there and they spoil him. I am a mother of two, boy 21yr and girl 19yrs. Thank God I never had this problem, yes my daughter was mouthy but I always punished them. They turned out to be great kids. Your son is just acting out of rebellion, the guidance counselor at school should be of some help, even though he doesnt talk to he or she. They are trained to deal with all problems and should do something. Try to set rules for him at home , when he hits , put him in his room take the tv, computer away from him. Or I suggest if he likes to play with his friends, punish him that way . I am old fashion and if my son would ever had raised a hand to me. I would hit him in the butt, today you have to be careful , some parents take it to the extreme. Believe me they won't die from a smack once in awhile...I hope things go better for you...

11-14-2006, 06:19 PM	#1
kitty My Best Friend Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: oklahoma Posts: 2,258	My son.......... My oldest son isn't living with me right now. I'm very depressed about this too. This weekend he decided he was bigger than me and swung a punch at me. He is currently with my dad. I just wanted him to go for a couple of weeks but now my step mom is talking about putting him in school where she lives. I just don't know what to do any more. My mom called me tonight and basically told me I suck at being a mom and that I'm a failure. (Maybe she's right.) I don't feel like celebrating the holidays now. I just wish I knew what to do with my son. __________________ Support our Troops :

11-14-2006, 06:23 PM	#2
GracieLou The grace of god Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: LA Posts: 1,945	i am so sorry! it is not your fault ! How old is your son? For no reason should he have done that and it was wrong for her to say that! I hope everything gets better for you !!! prayers coming your way! __________________ Gracie Lou

11-14-2006, 06:27 PM	#3
kitty My Best Friend Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: oklahoma Posts: 2,258	He's 11 and out of control. __________________ Support our Troops :

11-14-2006, 06:36 PM	#7
Brookef18 Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Cape Cod Ma Posts: 1,855	Your not a bad mom... Kids don't come with an instruction manual and they are all different. Please don't blame yourself. it is scarey if they start trying to hit you!!! My sister used to beat the crap out of me. I was terrified of her! My Mom put her in a lock down shelter... She is an adult now and we are all very very close...He is going through a bad stage. I would try and sit and talk with him though, so he knows you love him very much, but if he is going to get violent then it's going to be harder to figure out having him with you... He needs to know how much you love him. This is very hard and there are no easy answers. Don't blame your self. I will pray for your family. </IMG> __________________ Brooke (Chewy's and Sadie's Mom) visit us on dogster dogster.com/dogs/700047

11-14-2006, 06:36 PM	#8
Tiggerwit Just me 'n my boys Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Murphy, TX Posts: 4,596	11! Holy smokes. Just my opinion - I think he's trying to assert himself and find his place. I think you need to show him who is in charge and that that behavior will not under any circumstances be tolerated. But you would need him in your home for that. I agree with counseling or seeing a doctor. There may be a reason for his behavior. As for your mom. I'm sorry and no she is not right. You have a lot on your plate. You are alone while your husband is gone most of the time and not much support. I know as a single mom how hard it is. My kids test me all the time and I'm stuck with them. My youngest started acting like I'm all that and then some and I just recently started getting firm with her. Before when I'd get mad and yell she'd just be like whatever. Finally I started just calmly saying this is the way it is and here are the consequences. It's bizarre because she's like ok, and chats away like nothings up and she's not in trouble and we are best friends. Freaks me out. lol __________________ "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." Alphy 's Roxy Last edited by Tiggerwit; 11-14-2006 at 06:39 PM.

11-14-2006, 06:30 PM	#4
Katys mom I love yorkie kisses Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 1,751	I remember when my daughter was 11. Odd years just seemed to be the hardest from 11-19. I will be praying for you!

11-14-2006, 06:35 PM	#5
JeanieK Donating YT 12K Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Council Bluffs Iowa Posts: 12,552	I'm so sorry for what you are feeling. anyone who has ever raised a child has had these same feelings. Teenagers are not an easy lot to deal with at times. At other times they can be sooooooo much fun. Just hang in there. pray for guidence and everything will sort it's self out in time. I raised 6 kids and there wasn't a one of them that didn't have me in tears at one time or another. But in the end, they all turned out to be wonderful adults.

11-14-2006, 06:44 PM	#10
Shadow No Longer a Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: California Posts: 5,368	who beats on yor son, your husband? nm got it your son does right?

11-14-2006, 06:46 PM	#11
kitty My Best Friend Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: oklahoma Posts: 2,258	Yes my 11 year old beats on my other sons. __________________ Support our Troops :

11-14-2006, 07:02 PM	#12
LunasMomma Izzy's Momma Too! Donating Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Stuart, Florida Posts: 8,799	(((((((((((((Kitty))))))))))))))) I'm sorry you're going through this I have had a lot of trouble with my son, and it all started when he was 11 I think that's when the horomones kick in and they lose their minds My son's father isn't in his life either, and I think that has a lot to do with it. My husband has been in his life since he was 3 yo, but it's not the same, I guess. Well, now he's 18, and he's been in and out of juvie, and I finally had to use tough love and kick him out. He's still working with my husband, so I see him every day, but it's still hard. He lives with one of his friends and his mother, who is a single parent, so he's having to chip in money for bills. He now realizes that he made a mistake by not listening. Anyway, my point is, sometimes you have to let them fall on their face a little bit before they realize that you're serious and that YOU know best. I know he's only 11, but living with his grandparents can't take the place of being HOME PLEASE don't listen to your mother's critisims on your parenting skills. Things are so different than when she was raising kids, and you're doing it practically all alone. You're doing the very best you can, and I wish that she was being more supportive of you, I'm sorry Hang in there, and stay strong. Maybe let your step mom put him in school and stay there for a while. It won't kill him, and perhaps he'll see that things were NOT so bad at home with you. __________________ Tracy, Mom to Izzy and Luna

11-14-2006, 10:40 PM	#13
doortego Little Bit & Buttons Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: US Posts: 2,160	Oh, Sweetie, I am praying for your family I hurt for all of you. Are you involved with a church? If so, there should be some men there that could help you with some fatherly guidance for your son, a youth director or pastor that could offer family counseling. I understand that money may be tight, but you just cannot afford not to get counseling of some form for your family. I have a grown son that through God's grace is doing well now, as a matter of fact, he is a youth minister, but I am here to tell you that his junior high years up until college were the most awful times of my life. His dad was working construction in California and didn't really want to spend his limited home time arguing with his teenage son. In fact, he told me ( and probably rightly so ) that if he took care of a particular problem we were facing with our son, that I should be prepared for my son to leave home. I was never ready for that so we fought it out for years, up until he came home from college one year on my birthday and told me that he had dropped out of college & was leaving to go to NC. Don't give up on him. Regrets are awfully hard to live with. Continue to do everything you can to show him that you love him & won't allow him to make decisions that are not in his best interest. If you don't give up, it may be years, but someday he will understand that you did the best you could and that you loved him even when he didn't feel loved I do feel like you are probably right in that his anger is probably due to feelings of abandonment from the men in his life but more than likely, he doesn't know why he feels the rage that he does. A book that helped me a lot at that time was Ruth Bell Graham's "Prodigals and Those Who Love Them". Aside from some wonderful content in the book, I think it helped me to know if Billy Graham's family had issues, ours didn't mean I wasn't a good mother. If you would like to read that book and I can still find it, pm me and I will mail it to you.

11-15-2006, 12:59 AM	#14
OLIVIA_KARHIS Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: GERMANY Posts: 1,544	is not your fault!! You mother should not have even said that, that was wrong!! I agree with Tiggerwit, thou... If you let him think its ok for him to hit you and then he gets to go to grandmas house with out being punished, he will think its ok to do it. __________________ Bunny &Bella Supporting The Troops

11-15-2006, 07:30 AM	#15
GucciMyGirl YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Brooklyn, NY Posts: 550	[QUOTE=kitty]No, his father is not in his life. He gave up parental rights when he was only 4 1/2mos old. My husband now, is gone alot. He works in the oil field and is also in the National Gaurd. I've been sick for the last 3 wks and just don't have the stength to deal with him. He has my 10 year old son thinking he can't do anything right and that he is dumb. He beats on my 7year old son that has behavior problems. My 6 year old daughter is the only one he doesn't pick on. I just don't know right now what to do. I tried getting him counciling through the school but he won't talk with the councilor and I don't have the funds to put him in counciling right now.[/QUOTE So the boys father is no longer in the picture. Your husband is away alot. I get the picture.. May I ask when he hits his siblings do you punish him? He really needs to be reprimanded. He is a child of 11. I agree someone gave you advice to let your father and stepmother have him for a little bit. But that is if only he is afraid of grandpa, and listens to him , not to go stay there and they spoil him. I am a mother of two, boy 21yr and girl 19yrs. Thank God I never had this problem, yes my daughter was mouthy but I always punished them. They turned out to be great kids. Your son is just acting out of rebellion, the guidance counselor at school should be of some help, even though he doesnt talk to he or she. They are trained to deal with all problems and should do something. Try to set rules for him at home , when he hits , put him in his room take the tv, computer away from him. Or I suggest if he likes to play with his friends, punish him that way . I am old fashion and if my son would ever had raised a hand to me. I would hit him in the butt, today you have to be careful , some parents take it to the extreme. Believe me they won't die from a smack once in awhile...I hope things go better for you...