My son.......... - Page 2 - YorkieTalk.com Forums

kitty · 11-15-2006, 07:35 AM

Yes, I do disiplne him when he hits. I can't hit him though. He has gone to school before and told them that I beat him and I'm always being investigated by DHS for child abuse. He was mad at me once and went to school and stabbed himself with a fork then went to his teacher and told her I did it. I almost had my kids taken away over that incident. I have been cleared all the times I was investigated. The councilor at school said she can't help him because he won't talk to her. I just don't know what else to do. My son is afraid of Grandpa but my step mom is getting ready to take him to Kansas away from his grandfather. And she does spoil him so I agree that it is pointless to send him there if he only gets spoiled and not punished.

FlDebra · 11-15-2006, 08:08 AM

Since you posted on the forum, I am guessing you do want input -- it is hard to give anyone else advice about their kids because every situation and every person is different but.... sticking my neck out here .... I think sending your son to grandpa's house when he misbehaved was not the answer. More than any other time, that would be a time when he would not be allowed to leave the house except to attend school. He is having a difficult time, but there has to be consequences for every action -- kids need them, they expect them, and they deserve to get them. Some consequences are good -- nice report card, treat them -- some are bad, hit your mom, you are grounded and lose TV and phone priviledges for a couple of weeks, maybe lose a favorite toy. Since violence is a problem, I would also insist on counseling. If you do not have insurance, ask at the school and I bet there are some programs they can refer you to.
I know this is hard on you, parenting is not always easy -- but you have to make sure you give him all the parenting he deserves to get. It is easy to love and dote on a well-behaved child -- but the ones messing up need it even more. If you do not get a handle on this now, what happens when he is 16?
I would like to say, "ahhhh, this is not your fault"-- but that does no one any good. The truth is we MUST take responsibility for our kids and their actions. At 11 years old, your son is needing you -- be there for him and don't turn him away. He has already been abandoned by a father, don't you give up on him too.
Sorry if this seems a little harsh, but the consequences of not being there for him are just too steep to ignore.

Rem&Silkmom · 11-15-2006, 09:43 AM

Maybe he could benefit from some type of mentoring program. I'm sure he has anger issues that his father is not around...even if he has never shown it. I went through counseling when I was younger. I was a victim of abuse from my dad. I did not want to go to counseling at first and would just sit there and not say anything. It took time for me to develop a relationship with a counselor to trust her enough to open up. It was the best thing that ever happended to me and I am thankful everyday that people made me go.

OLIVIA_KARHIS · 11-15-2006, 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kitty

Yes, I do disiplne him when he hits. I can't hit him though. He has gone to school before and told them that I beat him and I'm always being investigated by DHS for child abuse. He was mad at me once and went to school and stabbed himself with a fork then went to his teacher and told her I did it. I almost had my kids taken away over that incident. I have been cleared all the times I was investigated. The councilor at school said she can't help him because he won't talk to her. I just don't know what else to do. My son is afraid of Grandpa but my step mom is getting ready to take him to Kansas away from his grandfather. And she does spoil him so I agree that it is pointless to send him there if he only gets spoiled and not punished.

OOOH..

I told my mom I was going to call DHA on her ONE TIME when I got really made at her, when I was little.. she was like go head call them, HERE is the phone! Just remember after you get off the phone, I will give you the beating of your life! Then I get to have a vacation, color TV and 3 HOT meals a day,that I dont have to cook.. So do it! I will make sure the beating I give you, make it worth your calling!.

Needs less to say, I didnt call lol

Take EVERYTHING ,I MEAN EVERYTHING, way from him.. TV, games, stuff he likes doing.. See is that helps... (if you have not already tried that) if not... If he was my son, I would put him in Boot camp for teen... or they have this thing where the trouble kids can go to jail for a day and see what its going to be like if he dose not behave.... I really dont know what to tell you... he wont talk to the school teachers.. but they really dont try to get kids to open up, like the Dr's do.. My cousin went to one when he was little and they play cards and games to get him to open up to the dr...

Tiggerwit · 11-15-2006, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kitty

Yes, I do disiplne him when he hits. I can't hit him though. He has gone to school before and told them that I beat him and I'm always being investigated by DHS for child abuse. He was mad at me once and went to school and stabbed himself with a fork then went to his teacher and told her I did it. I almost had my kids taken away over that incident. I have been cleared all the times I was investigated. The councilor at school said she can't help him because he won't talk to her. I just don't know what else to do. My son is afraid of Grandpa but my step mom is getting ready to take him to Kansas away from his grandfather. And she does spoil him so I agree that it is pointless to send him there if he only gets spoiled and not punished.

Your step mother doesn't have that right unless you gave her power of attorney. YOU are his mother and if you want him with Grandpa, then so be it. Based off everything I've read it sounds like you both need some professional help. Him for his anger and you for the stress and how to cope.

Kitty, I don't know what's what and it's hard to tell just based off your postings. But I wish I was there. You need to stand up for yourself. Especially with your hubby. Crossing the line here and based on what you say, he's not there for you and could care less about your kids. Again, based off what you've told us in this post and previous post. Why would you tolerate that? You mentioned earlier your husband makes your son feel like a loser or something like that. Maybe that's your sons problem. Your husband and how he treats you and your children.

Just a thought. Sorry. You are just such a nice person and deserve so much more.

furby2000 · 11-15-2006, 11:45 AM

Preteens are highly emotional years. I am sooo sorry this is happening to you. I will keep you and your family in my prayers...

Rockster's Mom · 11-15-2006, 12:45 PM

I am so sorry that are you going thru this. It sounds like to me son is very angry and sad. Does you church or community have a class for troubled kids or a anger mangement class that you and your son can attend?

2blkcatsmom · 11-15-2006, 01:11 PM

if it was me i would write to dr phil to get some help or maury povich and see what they say im sorry you are having a hard time

kitty · 11-15-2006, 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tiggerwit

Your step mother doesn't have that right unless you gave her power of attorney. YOU are his mother and if you want him with Grandpa, then so be it. Based off everything I've read it sounds like you both need some professional help. Him for his anger and you for the stress and how to cope.

Kitty, I don't know what's what and it's hard to tell just based off your postings. But I wish I was there. You need to stand up for yourself. Especially with your hubby. Crossing the line here and based on what you say, he's not there for you and could care less about your kids. Again, based off what you've told us in this post and previous post. Why would you tolerate that? You mentioned earlier your husband makes your son feel like a loser or something like that. Maybe that's your sons problem. Your husband and how he treats you and your children.

Just a thought. Sorry. You are just such a nice person and deserve so much more.

Not my husband that makes my 10 yo feel like a loser it's my 11 yo son that makes my 10 yo feel that way. Sorry if I wasn't clear about that.

Tiggerwit · 11-15-2006, 01:53 PM

oh gotcha, I probably just misread it. My bad.

Hang in there. I just hate seeing people go through stuff like this and I want to fix it all.

I'm sorry if I offended you.

kitty · 11-15-2006, 03:21 PM

Don't worry, You didn't offend me at all.

sharong · 11-15-2006, 03:42 PM

I have six children whom I raised alone; two boys and four girls. My son (the next to the oldest child) gave me hell and I shed alot of tears over him. We did the counseling thing several times which was a waste of time. He wouldn't talk and I wondered whether the counselor in one case even cared. She just blamed everything on his father. I knew he was hurting, he was a follower, he saw no fear in life and he certainly wouldn't let anyone tell him what to do!

He quit school at 16. He was in juvenile hall as a young teenager for theft; he was in juvenile and adult court several times (I worked at this courthouse by the way). I tried every thing I could. I never stopped praying. He spent two years in prison at 18. I was always there to visit, send money, letters, cards, etc. I never gave up on him. Everyone told me to do the tough love thing but it was so hard. I always babied him through his life.

Finally I had to let go of him and do the tough love and ask him to leave the house. He was 25 at this time. He went through really tough times and today at 29 he still struggles. Just recently did he say that he has to begin again to get his life together. He just realized he has nothing and has gotten nowhere. My other children and I have great faith and have never stopped praying for him.

This is long but I wanted you to know that you are not alone. So many of us understand your pain. I had to learn to be strong and it took so long. He never hit me or cursed me so I knew there was respect for me. I still believe the pain of no father destroyed a little bit of him and I also believe that a bit of his problems are hereditary. His father was very much like him. But, I know that he has enough of me in him to survive.

Stay strong, learn tough love and if you seek help, please look for reliable sources.

We're here for you.

kitty · 11-18-2006, 06:25 AM

My son is home now. I went to Texas and picked him up Thursday. He still has a major attitude and I don't know what to do with him. But he is home.

GucciMyGirl · 11-18-2006, 07:04 AM

Kitty.. I know that your son came home on Thursday, how is he acting the last few days? I hope your a little less stressed. It will take some time not an overnight solution... Please be strong , discipline him, punish him. Don't worry he won't die from it. You must assert yourself and show him who is boss, and you won't tolerate his behavior.. He is still a little boy, and you want to nip the problem now. Good luck and keep us posted.

kitty · 11-18-2006, 07:06 AM

He has been acting the same as he was before he left. He has a major attitude problem and a big mouth problem. Right now I have him washing dishes. He decided to backtalk me so I gave him a chore. I told him everytime he was disrespectful to me then he would have a job to do.

11-15-2006, 07:35 AM	#16
kitty My Best Friend Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: oklahoma Posts: 2,258	Yes, I do disiplne him when he hits. I can't hit him though. He has gone to school before and told them that I beat him and I'm always being investigated by DHS for child abuse. He was mad at me once and went to school and stabbed himself with a fork then went to his teacher and told her I did it. I almost had my kids taken away over that incident. I have been cleared all the times I was investigated. The councilor at school said she can't help him because he won't talk to her. I just don't know what else to do. My son is afraid of Grandpa but my step mom is getting ready to take him to Kansas away from his grandfather. And she does spoil him so I agree that it is pointless to send him there if he only gets spoiled and not punished. __________________ Support our Troops :

11-15-2006, 08:08 AM	#17
FlDebra Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: FL Posts: 7,651	Since you posted on the forum, I am guessing you do want input -- it is hard to give anyone else advice about their kids because every situation and every person is different but.... sticking my neck out here .... I think sending your son to grandpa's house when he misbehaved was not the answer. More than any other time, that would be a time when he would not be allowed to leave the house except to attend school. He is having a difficult time, but there has to be consequences for every action -- kids need them, they expect them, and they deserve to get them. Some consequences are good -- nice report card, treat them -- some are bad, hit your mom, you are grounded and lose TV and phone priviledges for a couple of weeks, maybe lose a favorite toy. Since violence is a problem, I would also insist on counseling. If you do not have insurance, ask at the school and I bet there are some programs they can refer you to. I know this is hard on you, parenting is not always easy -- but you have to make sure you give him all the parenting he deserves to get. It is easy to love and dote on a well-behaved child -- but the ones messing up need it even more. If you do not get a handle on this now, what happens when he is 16? I would like to say, "ahhhh, this is not your fault"-- but that does no one any good. The truth is we MUST take responsibility for our kids and their actions. At 11 years old, your son is needing you -- be there for him and don't turn him away. He has already been abandoned by a father, don't you give up on him too. Sorry if this seems a little harsh, but the consequences of not being there for him are just too steep to ignore. __________________ FlDebra and her ABCs Annie, Ben, Candy Promoting Healthy Breeding to the AKC Yorkshire Terrier Standard

11-15-2006, 09:43 AM	#18
Rem&Silkmom YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Chesapeake, VA Posts: 833	Maybe he could benefit from some type of mentoring program. I'm sure he has anger issues that his father is not around...even if he has never shown it. I went through counseling when I was younger. I was a victim of abuse from my dad. I did not want to go to counseling at first and would just sit there and not say anything. It took time for me to develop a relationship with a counselor to trust her enough to open up. It was the best thing that ever happended to me and I am thankful everyday that people made me go. __________________ *Remmy&ChanceMOM*

11-15-2006, 11:45 AM	#21
furby2000 Lil' Divas mom Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Miami, FL Posts: 3,337	Preteens are highly emotional years. I am sooo sorry this is happening to you. I will keep you and your family in my prayers... __________________ Tiffany http://www.dogster.com/?447329 & little Zoey:http://www.dogster.com/dogs/859071

11-15-2006, 01:53 PM	#25
Tiggerwit Just me 'n my boys Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Murphy, TX Posts: 4,596	oh gotcha, I probably just misread it. My bad. Hang in there. I just hate seeing people go through stuff like this and I want to fix it all. I'm sorry if I offended you. __________________ "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." Alphy 's Roxy

11-15-2006, 12:45 PM	#22
Rockster's Mom Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Fort Worth, Texas Posts: 1,279	I am so sorry that are you going thru this. It sounds like to me son is very angry and sad. Does you church or community have a class for troubled kids or a anger mangement class that you and your son can attend?

11-15-2006, 01:11 PM	#23
2blkcatsmom Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: elizabeth city,NC Posts: 190	if it was me i would write to dr phil to get some help or maury povich and see what they say im sorry you are having a hard time

11-15-2006, 03:21 PM	#26
kitty My Best Friend Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: oklahoma Posts: 2,258	Don't worry, You didn't offend me at all. __________________ Support our Troops :

11-15-2006, 03:42 PM	#27
sharong Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Florida Posts: 166	I have six children whom I raised alone; two boys and four girls. My son (the next to the oldest child) gave me hell and I shed alot of tears over him. We did the counseling thing several times which was a waste of time. He wouldn't talk and I wondered whether the counselor in one case even cared. She just blamed everything on his father. I knew he was hurting, he was a follower, he saw no fear in life and he certainly wouldn't let anyone tell him what to do! He quit school at 16. He was in juvenile hall as a young teenager for theft; he was in juvenile and adult court several times (I worked at this courthouse by the way). I tried every thing I could. I never stopped praying. He spent two years in prison at 18. I was always there to visit, send money, letters, cards, etc. I never gave up on him. Everyone told me to do the tough love thing but it was so hard. I always babied him through his life. Finally I had to let go of him and do the tough love and ask him to leave the house. He was 25 at this time. He went through really tough times and today at 29 he still struggles. Just recently did he say that he has to begin again to get his life together. He just realized he has nothing and has gotten nowhere. My other children and I have great faith and have never stopped praying for him. This is long but I wanted you to know that you are not alone. So many of us understand your pain. I had to learn to be strong and it took so long. He never hit me or cursed me so I knew there was respect for me. I still believe the pain of no father destroyed a little bit of him and I also believe that a bit of his problems are hereditary. His father was very much like him. But, I know that he has enough of me in him to survive. Stay strong, learn tough love and if you seek help, please look for reliable sources. We're here for you.

11-18-2006, 06:25 AM	#28
kitty My Best Friend Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: oklahoma Posts: 2,258	Update My son is home now. I went to Texas and picked him up Thursday. He still has a major attitude and I don't know what to do with him. But he is home. __________________ Support our Troops :

11-18-2006, 07:04 AM	#29
GucciMyGirl YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Brooklyn, NY Posts: 550	Kitty.. I know that your son came home on Thursday, how is he acting the last few days? I hope your a little less stressed. It will take some time not an overnight solution... Please be strong , discipline him, punish him. Don't worry he won't die from it. You must assert yourself and show him who is boss, and you won't tolerate his behavior.. He is still a little boy, and you want to nip the problem now. Good luck and keep us posted.

11-18-2006, 07:06 AM	#30
kitty My Best Friend Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: oklahoma Posts: 2,258	He has been acting the same as he was before he left. He has a major attitude problem and a big mouth problem. Right now I have him washing dishes. He decided to backtalk me so I gave him a chore. I told him everytime he was disrespectful to me then he would have a job to do. __________________ Support our Troops :