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09-04-2006, 07:36 AM | #1 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,453
| family! yuk!!!!! Hi guys I know this is a really funny title but it does involve a family issue. I am not married and do not have children except for my two Yorkshire kiddies. Of late (last 6months approx) and family member (brother) who I have not had anything to do with in about 5years has reappeared in my LIFE (!!!!!! ). He is about 20years older than me(and I am well into my adult life) and as a kid and young adult I looked up to him with great admiration and respect. Things changed though and a lot of it was cause of his beatch of a wife (who I have also known since I am a child). I have worked hard to rid my life of these "nervy" (Iwon't elbaorate) people. As a motter of fact I don't bother with anyone of my "relatives" as I do no longer consider any of them to be family. The perplexity now is that he has moved back into the town I now live in and is "SEPARATED" from his beloved "beatch", lol. And has had some heart surgery(in the past 5years). and I really feel sorry for him as I had always. He is very well off and has never financially helped me with anything (always pays, now and before for lucnh etc. but that is it). He/they have helped their3 little "whatevers" of course and I had always helped rhem babysit etc. Now what to do....tell him how I feel about things (don't want him using me again and any thing I do for him benefits his kids as in releving their minds of responsibilty for his health right now) or should I ignore my feelings of being "very" annoyed regarding the past and some things in the present and just spend as much time with him as I want whether that is one day a week or one day a year. Thanks for listening "really annoyed over my Labor Day Weekend" Tina Pucci GiGi |
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09-04-2006, 07:46 AM | #2 |
Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: N. California
Posts: 1,316
| Is what he did very unforgivable?? I would say make-up because you only live once and you don't want to stay made at each for the rest of your life. I know how you feel though, I have a brother that I can just ring his neck, but I still talk to him I just don't let him use me or anything and he knows that now. Good luck family situations are always the hardest. P.S. As hard as it's going to be you need to let him know how you feel and let him know you want to be there for him only if he needs you and not to use you. If you keep your feeling bottled up your going to explode one day and it will not be pretty.
__________________ Candee, Bear, Daizy (in spirit, R.I.P) and Pepsi's mommy Last edited by candybaby; 09-04-2006 at 07:48 AM. |
09-04-2006, 08:05 AM | #3 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,453
| Lydia This is what I am trying to avoid "the blowing up" ,lol. Yes it is pretty unforgivable in that my life now can't be changed. What I have lost I have lost (as far as relationships go). I just don't want to blow up at the wrong people or neglect my kiddies on days I am feeling funked out. But I have considered just getting a cup of coffe and sitting with him and letting hoim know where it is at (as you have mentioned). This conversation will either finalized our connection (whatever is left) or he will just ignore what I say as if I am not a person "just a thing" and continue with things in his own fashion. It will then become "my JOB" to continually set limits. The feeling of wringing his neck is mild in comparison to how I feel about them "ALL"......that covers a lot of territory. Thanks for commenting. Always helps to realize I am not alone in these matters (or not the only one) Tina Pucci GiGi |
09-04-2006, 08:15 AM | #4 |
Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: N. California
Posts: 1,316
| No, problem it's good to know I'm not alone with these family problems, it's sooooooo hard sometimes. I always here everone tell me it's your brother he's your family, but sometimes I feel like he is a pain in my a$%. How can you keep helping someone if they don't want to help themselves? It's not possible. As a matter of fact I haven't seen him in 3 years until last week and you think I would be happy to see him and when I seen him my heart dropped and I said Sh*^ he's here, what does he want. And of course he was the same old person, I could think of a way to get rid of him quick enough. Sometimes things are just not meant to be. But, if I were you I would sit and talk to him and if he can respect your feelings and deal with it than thats good, but if he just ignores you and does not care about your feeling , than you don't want to set yourself up as a door mat. Your just going to have to cross him off, it's soooooooooooo sad to say but hey, what are you suppose to do if you tried to make a mends. But, I believe you do need to try and then go from there.
__________________ Candee, Bear, Daizy (in spirit, R.I.P) and Pepsi's mommy |
09-04-2006, 09:09 AM | #5 |
BANNED FOR NOT MAILING PRODUCTS PURCHASED | Mt brother and I are not the closest, we have never done anything to each other to make us not close. But it's just him and I, I have no other brothers and I dont have a sister. When my parents are gone, it's just going to be him and I. I love my brother so much, His wife is, well... as you would call it, a beaotch! But they have given me a beautiful neice who I adore. Family is suppose to be very important to us, we only live once, we mise well make it the best life we could ever ask for. We all have are up's and downs, but we only have 1 life, mise well live it to the fullest and it's not worth always being mad at someone. Stop and think about just being happy and enjoying the time we all have together, because in a flash, it can all be taken away! |
09-04-2006, 09:34 AM | #6 |
Yorkie Kisses are the Best! Donating Member | If your brothers WIFE was a main source of the problems and she's out of the picture (that's what I gathered from your post) then I would DEF sit him down and have a talk & try to put the past behind you. My brother and I are very close and I couldn't imagine us having any barriers.... |
09-04-2006, 09:46 AM | #7 |
Lovin' Lucy & Rebel Donating Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Georgia
Posts: 4,438
| I agree with Villette. LIfe is too short to carry hard feelings with a sibling. I have 2 sisters, one older and one younger. We've had our ups and downs as adults, but I can't imagine my life without them. When the going gets tough, I call my sisters!
__________________ Kim , Rebel ,and baby Dixie RIP my sweet Lucy |
09-04-2006, 11:03 AM | #8 |
Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Indiana
Posts: 4,685
| My older brother (by 8 years) and I are very close. Don't know what I would do without him, but my younger brother (by 3 years) is a pain most of the time. He's so moody. One minute fine, the next defensive or something. I don't like walking on egg shells around him so I avoid him. We see each other at Thanksgiving and Christmas and he lives 3 miles from me. I don't see going out of your way, unless you want to. I have other family members and friends I'd rather be around and enjoy my life with.
__________________ Janet |
09-04-2006, 12:45 PM | #9 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,453
| Hi guys Thanks for all the responses . My issue with him is not the anger I worked past that......it is that I feel sorry for him cause of his present situation. But I always feel that way for him and I always end up getting a kick in "A" for it.....somehow either by loosing out on happiness in my own life or by some wherr down the raod getting a barrage of insults/rejection from one of his family members which he will do nothing about or maybe evn find it a convienient way of getting rid of me while he doesn't need me. But as most of you mentioned....his current situation "maybe" an opportunity for change....."OR" he just might get back with her and then the old sinario might or more than likely occur. As we had said I think Iwill use this as an opprtunity to talk with him. I really don't know how it will go but I know loneliness can be a killer and I really feel for him at his age. I just really must maintain my independence to "ENJOY" my life cause they (the folks) can really do quite alot of damage (psyhcologically). I felt the funk already prob because I feel sorry for "him" and not me, lol. This right now is a burden, but a couple of cups of coffe won't hurt as long as I keep my wits. Well when I came back and bend over don't hesitate to KICK me right in the butt. Thanks again ALL of you. Tina Pucci GiGi |
09-04-2006, 12:46 PM | #10 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,453
| Yorkie 3.....I hear you !!!!!!! Tina Pucci GiGi |
09-08-2006, 03:29 AM | #11 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,453
| Hi guys: I just wanted to thank you all for your help with my family (for lack of a better word, lol) issue. I did confront the situation and thanks to all of you I was very glad "for myself" on how I did it. I picked up to containers of coffee and sat in the park with my (4legged) kiddies and my brother and during our chat I was able to tactfully insert my feelings. This will probably take time to filter through "him" but for me it was an "opprtunity " to face some old angry feelings and minimize their impact on me. Not that I see these people in any better light but I do see them "clearly" for what they are , lol. Thanks again so much Tina Pucci GiGi |
09-08-2006, 05:46 AM | #12 |
Donating YT 30K Club Member | I'm glad you were able to sit down with him and state your feelings.
__________________ Cali Pixie Roxie : RIP Nikki; RIP Maya;RIP my sweet Dixie girl 1/17/08 http://callipuppyscastle.bravehost.com/index.html |
09-08-2006, 06:21 AM | #13 |
Gina, (Lexi's Mommy) Donating Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: LONG ISLAND,NY
Posts: 10,455
| blood is thicker than water,,im glad you talked to him... life is too short
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