question but please no judging! - Page 3 - YorkieTalk.com Forums

bchgirl · 05-22-2006, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cindy0721

I agree... do what is best for you... alot of times we do tend to the see the grass greener on the other side

The grass isn't necessarily greener, it just has different weeds.

veguroev · 05-22-2006, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vainchick5

So why did you marry your husband and have kids if you couldn't see a future with him?

Hello!!!You didn't read the title of this thread???? NOJUDGMENTS OR QUESTIONS ASK!!!

vainchick5 · 05-22-2006, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ytsirk27

i have been married 9 years.. things can change in that time frame. i saw a future in the begiining.

I have a bad feeling where this is going to go..I should have never said a word.

I wasn't trying to be judgemental but I think people take marriage so lightly. Divorce has become such a popular thing these days. I just think people should stay together (unless there is abuse in any way or cheating) especially if there are children involved and try to make it work no matter what (not saying you won't. Not aiming this at you at all). I think it's easy to look at a new person and like everything about them and imagine a future with someone else. But is it really worth throwing away what there is with the current family?

StewiesMom · 05-22-2006, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vainchick5

I wasn't trying to be judgemental but I think people take marriage so lightly. Divorce has become such a popular thing these days. I just think people should stay together (unless there is abuse in any way or cheating) especially if there are children involved and try to make it work no matter what (not saying you won't. Not aiming this at you at all). I think it's easy to look at a new person and like everything about them and imagine a future with someone else. But is it really worth throwing away what there is with the current family?

Life's too short to make things work for the sake of making it work. I think that people should live for themselves and what they think is best for them. Especially if their better judgement is telling them what to do. If in the end, you are happier, you're not throwing anything away.

vainchick5 · 05-22-2006, 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by veguroev

Hello!!!You didn't read the title of this thread???? NOJUDGMENTS OR QUESTIONS ASK!!!

That's not what the title says...it just states that SHE has a question, and no judgements, I don't see any judgement in my question

veguroev · 05-22-2006, 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vainchick5

That's not what the title says...it just states that SHE has a question, and no judgements, I don't see any judgement in my question

Sorry, I'm probably making a big deal out of your question. I don't meant to spoil this threat or whatsoever.

vainchick5 · 05-22-2006, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StewiesMom

Life's too short to make things work for the sake of making it work. I think that people should live for themselves and what they think is best for them. Especially if their better judgement is telling them what to do. If in the end, you are happier, you're not throwing anything away.

I just think you have to think about the kids too. Divorce has a huge impact on them. I think we make OURSELVES unhappy, by thinking negative, being in touch with exes, ect. We are all capable of making ourselves a little more positive and happier in our situations, thus thinking about the kids.

Mueyinter · 05-22-2006, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StewiesMom

Quote:

Originally Posted by vainchick5

Quote
I wasn't trying to be judgemental but I think people take marriage so lightly. Divorce has become such a popular thing these days. I just think people should stay together (unless there is abuse in any way or cheating) especially if there are children involved and try to make it work no matter what (not saying you won't. Not aiming this at you at all). I think it's easy to look at a new person and like everything about them and imagine a future with someone else. But is it really worth throwing away what there is with the current family?

Life's too short to make things work for the sake of making it work. I think that people should live for themselves and what they think is best for them. Especially if their better judgement is telling them what to do. If in the end, you are happier, you're not throwing anything away.

I agree totally with Kristy. And comming from a childhood whose parents stayed together "for the kids" I feel that my parents would have been better off getting a divorce earlier when my sister & I were young, rather than 3 years ago. Depending on how bad your situation is, in my case my parents fought daily. And my sister and & were always caught in the crossfire. It's better off for the kids not to have to go through that.

Life is too short to be miserable. Only you know what's best for yourself, and what will make you happy. Good Luck to you hun'. And don't worry about anyone judging you.

Bizzymammabee · 05-22-2006, 11:23 AM

Listen the best thing first off is to take step back from the ex. Honestly do some soul searching over the issues you are having with DH. Even if there are children involved I feel that people that are seriously unhappy shouldn't stay together. I speak from the experience of being one of those children in that situation. Till this day I still tell my dad that he should just walk away from my mom. I personally being a child of a unhappy situation would like to say if you are not happy please go on and don't drag it out thinking you are doing something good for us. We can feel the tension and see the unhappiness..even when adults think that they are disguising it.

Once you can sort out that mess at home if you really want to see and play the "whatif" game with your ex then do so.

I have been married for 7 years and with DH for almost 14 (I have been with him since I was 17). We have three young children and I have to say if either of us is unhappy and can't or don't feel it's worth working out then we are going to go our seperate ways. You might no longer be a good match couple wise but you can still remain great parents no matter if you are apart.

bchgirl · 05-22-2006, 11:28 AM

Last thought.....
Forget the ex (or anyone else), they cloud your thinking, then consider whether or not you should remain married. If you become single then think about adding a boyfriend, not before. And don't kid yourself that divorce is painless....it is never painless...it's an emotional roller coaster all it's own.

StewiesMom · 05-22-2006, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vainchick5

I just think you have to think about the kids too. Divorce has a huge impact on them. I think we make OURSELVES unhappy, by thinking negative, being in touch with exes, ect. We are all capable of making ourselves a little more positive and happier in our situations, thus thinking about the kids.

I speak from experience when I say that I was an emotionally fragile wreck as a child because my parents fought 24/7. They never did it in front of me and never ever yelled @ me, but I just knew and spent my time worrying about them. I would spend my days and nights trying to keep them away from each other. When my parents finally split when I was 11, it was the best day of my life. I felt free and could be a kid again. So, I don't believe that divorce is necessarily a bad thing - in fact, it could be life saving. Who knows how I would have turned out if my parents were still together...

BabyFidgette · 05-22-2006, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ytsirk27

to be honest I cant see jeff and I maried 5 years from now! Whats that say? HAVENT been able to for a very long time either!

I hope you didn't get that ring tattoo!

Well, I STILL have dreams about my first love, and I wake up "liking" him again. It still freaks me out. But, I highly doubt if he would feel the same way if we were to see each other. So, I can't help you in that department. I would "stick" it out with your husband if that's what you really want to do. But, don't leave him for another man. It will come back to bite you in the a**. That's just my ho. Good luck, though!

BabyFidgette · 05-22-2006, 11:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ytsirk27

i have been married 9 years.. things can change in that time frame. i saw a future in the begiining.

I have a bad feeling where this is going to go..I should have never said a word.

No, you did the right thing by asking. But remember, if you don't want to hear the "truth," then you shouldn't have asked.

(I didn't mean that sarcastically.) I just meant...the truth hurts.

Baby Blessing · 05-22-2006, 11:45 AM

Hi, I have read the other postings and wanted to comment. I am not one to tell anyone how to live their life but can share my life experience with you.
We just had our 50th wedding anniversary the 19th. Life is not a bed of roses no matter how you slice it, marriage, employment raising kids, friends, on and on and on. However, it is something that I found takes a lot of work on my part to have a happy life, and to be successful in all challenges that face me, so through the years that is what has gotten me thorough it all. The past is the past, to move forward and gain knowledge from things we learn in life is of great value. I pray everything will work out for you and wish you the best. Through the years my love for my husband has grown so deeply, he is now fighting a battle with Parkinsons Disease (for six years) it is a daily struggle, telling you how long we have been married, yes it tells you we are up in our years. I was told that I needed to go on a treatment a year ago but due to his illness I decided not to because he couldn't handle it, it would be very rough on me and I could not take care of him, so I opted not to. Good Lord willing HE will enable me to be here to take care of my hubby and then what ever will be, will be. I just want to say I faced many many hard times through the years but am so thankful I toughed them out and thank the Lord each day for the blessings HE has given us and for always being the one person I could lean on in those tough times. I am not a fanatic in christianity but I am a christian and know that through my beliefs it has been my crutch in life and has enabled me to become the person I am and to hold the happiness I treasure. I sincerely wish the best for you and I definately will be praying for you in your situation. Patti ~~Baby Blessing~~

ytsirk27 · 05-22-2006, 11:46 AM

OK...I think we all need to chill out. Kristy..I am not or was not mad at your question. I was just stating that hes not abusive. everybody else. The ones of you that read my thread awhile back knows that this has been an on going issue (my marriage that is). This was brought up way before the ex came into play, and im not even saying hes "in Play". The thought has crossed my mind but right now my focus is my two beautiful daughters. I have talked to my ex. yes, but not for awhile but I saw him yesterday (did not speak). I should not have brought up this thread at all so I am sorry that i did. I look to you guys for opinions and help when im down and usually at the end I feel better but i feel all that has been done today is me opening a great debate that ppl are going to get hurt on so I apologize.

05-22-2006, 11:23 AM	#39
Bizzymammabee Luvs Lulu Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Queens, NY Posts: 6,931 Blog Entries: 1	...mmmh Listen the best thing first off is to take step back from the ex. Honestly do some soul searching over the issues you are having with DH. Even if there are children involved I feel that people that are seriously unhappy shouldn't stay together. I speak from the experience of being one of those children in that situation. Till this day I still tell my dad that he should just walk away from my mom. I personally being a child of a unhappy situation would like to say if you are not happy please go on and don't drag it out thinking you are doing something good for us. We can feel the tension and see the unhappiness..even when adults think that they are disguising it. Once you can sort out that mess at home if you really want to see and play the "whatif" game with your ex then do so. I have been married for 7 years and with DH for almost 14 (I have been with him since I was 17). We have three young children and I have to say if either of us is unhappy and can't or don't feel it's worth working out then we are going to go our seperate ways. You might no longer be a good match couple wise but you can still remain great parents no matter if you are apart. __________________ Lulu will always be in my heart

05-22-2006, 11:28 AM	#40
bchgirl Donating YT 10K Club Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: at da beach Posts: 15,444 Blog Entries: 2	Last thought..... Forget the ex (or anyone else), they cloud your thinking, then consider whether or not you should remain married. If you become single then think about adding a boyfriend, not before. And don't kid yourself that divorce is painless....it is never painless...it's an emotional roller coaster all it's own. __________________ Deb, Reese, Reggie, Frazier, Libby, Sidney, & Bodie Trace & Ramsey who watch over us www.biewersbythebay.com

05-22-2006, 11:45 AM	#44
Baby Blessing Our Blessings R Many Donating Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: In the shelter of God's Loving Care. Posts: 3,095 Blog Entries: 1	Hi, I have read the other postings and wanted to comment. I am not one to tell anyone how to live their life but can share my life experience with you. We just had our 50th wedding anniversary the 19th. Life is not a bed of roses no matter how you slice it, marriage, employment raising kids, friends, on and on and on. However, it is something that I found takes a lot of work on my part to have a happy life, and to be successful in all challenges that face me, so through the years that is what has gotten me thorough it all. The past is the past, to move forward and gain knowledge from things we learn in life is of great value. I pray everything will work out for you and wish you the best. Through the years my love for my husband has grown so deeply, he is now fighting a battle with Parkinsons Disease (for six years) it is a daily struggle, telling you how long we have been married, yes it tells you we are up in our years. I was told that I needed to go on a treatment a year ago but due to his illness I decided not to because he couldn't handle it, it would be very rough on me and I could not take care of him, so I opted not to. Good Lord willing HE will enable me to be here to take care of my hubby and then what ever will be, will be. I just want to say I faced many many hard times through the years but am so thankful I toughed them out and thank the Lord each day for the blessings HE has given us and for always being the one person I could lean on in those tough times. I am not a fanatic in christianity but I am a christian and know that through my beliefs it has been my crutch in life and has enabled me to become the person I am and to hold the happiness I treasure. I sincerely wish the best for you and I definately will be praying for you in your situation. Patti ~~Baby Blessing~~

05-22-2006, 11:46 AM	#45
ytsirk27 BANNED FOR SCAMMING MEMBERS! Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Kansas Posts: 2,811	OK...I think we all need to chill out. Kristy..I am not or was not mad at your question. I was just stating that hes not abusive. everybody else. The ones of you that read my thread awhile back knows that this has been an on going issue (my marriage that is). This was brought up way before the ex came into play, and im not even saying hes "in Play". The thought has crossed my mind but right now my focus is my two beautiful daughters. I have talked to my ex. yes, but not for awhile but I saw him yesterday (did not speak). I should not have brought up this thread at all so I am sorry that i did. I look to you guys for opinions and help when im down and usually at the end I feel better but i feel all that has been done today is me opening a great debate that ppl are going to get hurt on so I apologize.