question but please no judging! - YorkieTalk.com Forums

ytsirk27 · 05-22-2006, 09:41 AM

Have any of you have a "first Love" and over time you lost touch but have come into contact again and there still in your heart and they feel the same but if you were with somebody else should you stick it out with them especially with kids even though your heart is tearing for this other person! (NO judging please) PLEASE no personal pm's my husband reads them!

cribal · 05-22-2006, 09:43 AM

WOW, I really don't know what to say about this. Just, good luck in whatever path you choose.

Crystal

Sorry I'm no help

vainchick5 · 05-22-2006, 09:46 AM

I think that you will always feel for your first love. Thats natural and of course especially now because he's like a shiny new penny. Being married has it's advantages I'm sure but it's also hard, I've heard, being around the same person alll the time. So communication with a man you used to be in a relationship with, will give you a jolt through memory lane. I think that if you love your husband, you will no longer have communication with your ex because it will and already has affected your relationship with your own family. Jusy my opinion though. That's why I don't have guy friends anymore, it's too many distractions and possibilities even if your intentions are pure.

bchgirl · 05-22-2006, 09:52 AM

Well, part of what you still love is the dream. That's the person who stars in daydreams, but you haven't experienced "real" life situations with him. He's all so romantic, exciting in your head, but probably would not live up to daydream expectations. There is alot of mundane in everyday life.
Sincerely,
Abby

Timmy · 05-22-2006, 09:54 AM

Agree with Vainchick.
Your first love is not your husband for a reason. He was in the past so I think you should leave it in the past. I've been where you are at and it's not worth it. Really not worth it!

Bizzymammabee · 05-22-2006, 09:58 AM

It's a hard spot to be in. But remember and I think the others hit it on the head...that relationship is just something new or maybe a distraction. I think loving a first love and who you both use to be is always fine but remember due to life experiences and just generally growing up you are both not the same person that you used to be. So what you remember will not be the reality of what you get. I am sure if you sit back and think hard you will remember a good bit of things that were not all that ideal about him and that is why you didn't build a future together.

Also I think contact is a bad thing. Sit and think of the good and bad that you have shared with Hubby and all that you have built. If you are truly unhappy with him then maybe you need to take stock of that and resolve things there and in time maybe hook up with the ex. The interest in the ex might be a sign that you are truly unhappy and that is why this ex is able to have any effect on you and what you currently have.

Good luck....hope you figure out what you need and what is the most important thing and how to make yourself happy.

bchgirl · 05-22-2006, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bizzymammabee

I think loving a first love and who you both use to be is always fine but remember due to life experiences and just generally growing up you are both not the same person that you used to be.

Let me tell ya, as someone whose first love got back in touch with me....
HE IS WHACKED. The memory was so much better than the whacked reality.
WTH did I see in him again???

I love Lucy · 05-22-2006, 10:02 AM

I feel for you, I would hate to be in the position you are in now...Our feelings are complex ( women).... I too use to dream a lot of my first love, he was so adventurous, spontanious,handsome and made me feel like a sexy woman! But those things don't last. Ask yourself why you married your husband, he probably is a great father, your best friend and a great guy..You are just probably remembering how you use to feel when you were around your first love and how much passion there was back then between the 2 of you...and you probably miss it. That is way normal. If you love your hubby and ultimately know he is good for you..I would just try to distance yourself from the ex...it would be nothing but trouble for you. Good luck and no judgements..I think there is a time that everyone questions who they are with, why and what their future hold with them. I have been with the same man since I was 17!! OMG!

Bizzymammabee · 05-22-2006, 10:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bchgirl

Let me tell ya, as someone whose first love got back in touch with me....
HE IS WHACKED. The memory was so much better than the whacked reality.
WTH did I see in him again???

I hear you. Its amazing how growing up and changing ideals and needs can show you what a mistake you would have made. I think that we grow and we leave them behind for a reason.

ytsirk27 · 05-22-2006, 10:05 AM

Thank You all but under certain circumstances is the reason why me and him were never married. He went ot work out of town and since I was 17 we thought it would be better to stop what he had (SOOO REGRETTING NOW) but he did say...we will be married....and when he got back finally i was already!

BTW..how do you change it to where you dont get email notifications for replies...my husbands VERY nosy..

JeanieK · 05-22-2006, 10:10 AM

I agree with the others. It is probably just the infatuation. If you were reasonably happy in your marriage before this guy came back into your life, I would not risk upsetting the entire family for something that might not work out. However if you are in a rocky relationship anyway, then chances ar it isn't going to improve.

Whatever you do, think long and hard about it before yhou make any decisions.

Chelsey · 05-22-2006, 10:11 AM

You split up with him for a reason

whatever that might have been. It's been years ago, he lived his life, you lived yours. Ofcourse memories live on, but people change as they get older. He has bagage, you have bagage... let the past be for what it's worth, as nice as what it all seems right now, don't throw away what you have now for something that possibly could never last.

bchgirl · 05-22-2006, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ytsirk27

Thank You all but under certain circumstances is the reason why me and him were never married. He went ot work out of town and since I was 17 we thought it would be better to stop what he had (SOOO REGRETTING NOW) but he did say...we will be married....and when he got back finally i was already!

BTW..how do you change it to where you dont get email notifications for replies...my husbands VERY nosy..

Go to your user account and set your preferences to no email notification. But it only works on threads or posts AFTER you reset it....meaning you might still get notifications for this one.

ytsirk27 · 05-22-2006, 10:13 AM

to be honest I cant see jeff and I maried 5 years from now! Whats that say? HAVENT been able to for a very long time either!

zsmommy · 05-22-2006, 10:22 AM

IMO first love will always be something special; however, when you are married with kids (i am

) you have to set your priorities straight. I know my prioriy is to be happy, secure, and my son to grow up in a stable loving environment. If my ex came today and wated to go back or whatever, I'd probably feel in love for a second like you are, but my family is what's most important to me. I'd never break my husband's heart, we've worked so hard for what we have, and I'd never ever make my son suffer by rupturing our family. I feel like once you make the life changing decision to get married and have kids, you made a commitment, and you change the fun and exciting things in life like dating and that cool feeling of first love, for what really matters in life which is your family, even if that means watching veggietails all friday night

.

05-22-2006, 09:41 AM	#1
ytsirk27 BANNED FOR SCAMMING MEMBERS! Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Kansas Posts: 2,811	question but please no judging! Have any of you have a "first Love" and over time you lost touch but have come into contact again and there still in your heart and they feel the same but if you were with somebody else should you stick it out with them especially with kids even though your heart is tearing for this other person! (NO judging please) PLEASE no personal pm's my husband reads them!

05-22-2006, 09:43 AM	#2
cribal YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Mt. Ulla, NC Posts: 683	WOW, I really don't know what to say about this. Just, good luck in whatever path you choose. Crystal Sorry I'm no help __________________ RIP My little Lucy Live forever my Lucy Too, Tank and Annabelle

05-22-2006, 09:46 AM	#3
vainchick5 YT 6000 Club Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: CA Posts: 6,588	I think that you will always feel for your first love. Thats natural and of course especially now because he's like a shiny new penny. Being married has it's advantages I'm sure but it's also hard, I've heard, being around the same person alll the time. So communication with a man you used to be in a relationship with, will give you a jolt through memory lane. I think that if you love your husband, you will no longer have communication with your ex because it will and already has affected your relationship with your own family. Jusy my opinion though. That's why I don't have guy friends anymore, it's too many distractions and possibilities even if your intentions are pure. __________________ Mommy to Coco and Rocco

05-22-2006, 09:52 AM	#4
bchgirl Donating YT 10K Club Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: at da beach Posts: 15,444 Blog Entries: 2	Well, part of what you still love is the dream. That's the person who stars in daydreams, but you haven't experienced "real" life situations with him. He's all so romantic, exciting in your head, but probably would not live up to daydream expectations. There is alot of mundane in everyday life. Sincerely, Abby __________________ Deb, Reese, Reggie, Frazier, Libby, Sidney, & Bodie Trace & Ramsey who watch over us www.biewersbythebay.com

05-22-2006, 09:58 AM	#6
Bizzymammabee Luvs Lulu Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Queens, NY Posts: 6,931 Blog Entries: 1	good luck... It's a hard spot to be in. But remember and I think the others hit it on the head...that relationship is just something new or maybe a distraction. I think loving a first love and who you both use to be is always fine but remember due to life experiences and just generally growing up you are both not the same person that you used to be. So what you remember will not be the reality of what you get. I am sure if you sit back and think hard you will remember a good bit of things that were not all that ideal about him and that is why you didn't build a future together. Also I think contact is a bad thing. Sit and think of the good and bad that you have shared with Hubby and all that you have built. If you are truly unhappy with him then maybe you need to take stock of that and resolve things there and in time maybe hook up with the ex. The interest in the ex might be a sign that you are truly unhappy and that is why this ex is able to have any effect on you and what you currently have. Good luck....hope you figure out what you need and what is the most important thing and how to make yourself happy. __________________ Lulu will always be in my heart

05-22-2006, 09:54 AM	#5
Timmy Mimi & Gabby too! Donating Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Vineland, NJ Posts: 3,208	Agree with Vainchick. Your first love is not your husband for a reason. He was in the past so I think you should leave it in the past. I've been where you are at and it's not worth it. Really not worth it!

05-22-2006, 10:02 AM	#8
I love Lucy Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: California's central coast Posts: 239	No judgements.. I feel for you, I would hate to be in the position you are in now...Our feelings are complex ( women).... I too use to dream a lot of my first love, he was so adventurous, spontanious,handsome and made me feel like a sexy woman! But those things don't last. Ask yourself why you married your husband, he probably is a great father, your best friend and a great guy..You are just probably remembering how you use to feel when you were around your first love and how much passion there was back then between the 2 of you...and you probably miss it. That is way normal. If you love your hubby and ultimately know he is good for you..I would just try to distance yourself from the ex...it would be nothing but trouble for you. Good luck and no judgements..I think there is a time that everyone questions who they are with, why and what their future hold with them. I have been with the same man since I was 17!! OMG! __________________ Lucy's mom RIP Milo 12/07-we miss you!

05-22-2006, 10:05 AM	#10
ytsirk27 BANNED FOR SCAMMING MEMBERS! Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Kansas Posts: 2,811	Thank You all but under certain circumstances is the reason why me and him were never married. He went ot work out of town and since I was 17 we thought it would be better to stop what he had (SOOO REGRETTING NOW) but he did say...we will be married....and when he got back finally i was already! BTW..how do you change it to where you dont get email notifications for replies...my husbands VERY nosy..

05-22-2006, 10:10 AM	#11
JeanieK Donating YT 12K Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Council Bluffs Iowa Posts: 12,552	I agree with the others. It is probably just the infatuation. If you were reasonably happy in your marriage before this guy came back into your life, I would not risk upsetting the entire family for something that might not work out. However if you are in a rocky relationship anyway, then chances ar it isn't going to improve. Whatever you do, think long and hard about it before yhou make any decisions.

05-22-2006, 10:11 AM	#12
Chelsey My2Pearls Chelsey & Chanel YT Donator Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: N Posts: 4,097	It's normal never to forget! You split up with him for a reason whatever that might have been. It's been years ago, he lived his life, you lived yours. Ofcourse memories live on, but people change as they get older. He has bagage, you have bagage... let the past be for what it's worth, as nice as what it all seems right now, don't throw away what you have now for something that possibly could never last. __________________ Proud member of the crazy club

05-22-2006, 10:13 AM	#14
ytsirk27 BANNED FOR SCAMMING MEMBERS! Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Kansas Posts: 2,811	to be honest I cant see jeff and I maried 5 years from now! Whats that say? HAVENT been able to for a very long time either!

05-22-2006, 10:22 AM	#15
zsmommy Yorkie Talker Join Date: May 2006 Location: Oregon Posts: 20	IMO first love will always be something special; however, when you are married with kids (i am ) you have to set your priorities straight. I know my prioriy is to be happy, secure, and my son to grow up in a stable loving environment. If my ex came today and wated to go back or whatever, I'd probably feel in love for a second like you are, but my family is what's most important to me. I'd never break my husband's heart, we've worked so hard for what we have, and I'd never ever make my son suffer by rupturing our family. I feel like once you make the life changing decision to get married and have kids, you made a commitment, and you change the fun and exciting things in life like dating and that cool feeling of first love, for what really matters in life which is your family, even if that means watching veggietails all friday night .