I feel like I'm beating a dead horse.

[DaisyMaesMom]

Originally Posted by lisakurth

I wonder if she'd move if he wanted to live with his dad? Just a thought.

I have to move. My husband is being transferred. It's loose a job or go..

[Muffie's Mom]

I wish you luck in your move. I also think it imperative that you get an attorney and talk to him about legal matters.

I hate to see children go through this. Sometimes you can't avoid it.

Good luck - perhaps something can be worked out. If you go to an attorney he'll know you really mean business.

[Francie]

Originally Posted by DaisyMaesMom

Sorry to do this to you all again, but my ex is giving me a hard time about moving with my son and I have come up with a lot of solutions, all that he has turned down. I want you to read this letter that I am going to send him and let me know what you think.. Thanks!!



As per our conversation last night, January 18, 2006, wherein I called you concerning my upcoming move to Concord, North Carolina; please understand that I am trying to work amicably with you toward a solution to keep Danny out of court and to continue your relationship with him. My first suggestion was that I would agree to Danny spending four weeks with you during the summer, a week at Christmas Break, and alternating Thanksgivings and Spring Breaks, and I would agree to pay half of the airfare. However, you disagreed with this arrangement, and stated that you could not go “months” without seeing your son. I completely understood your point, so after giving the matter further consideration, I thought that since you were now willing to pay for private school to keep him here (which you did NOT agree to for his middle school education 2 years ago), perhaps rather than pay for private school, you could purchase a plane ticket each month to have him come down and stay with you for any weekend of your choosing. This would enable you to see him every month and still on the extended holiday visits. However, once again, you said no to this arrangement, citing that you don’t want him in North Carolina, because you “couldn’t see him if he got sick or something”. You also said that he was too young to get on a plane by himself at 13, and that if and when I move you will pick him up on your visitations, and not put him on a plane. However, I have researched this issue, and, for an additional small fee, children from the age of 5 and up can fly unattended, and the flight attendant will personally care for him throughout his travel, from one parent to the other.

Henry, I do not want to go to court, primarily because Danny is opposed to being put in front of the judge and having to talk. I am also trying to save both of us the cost of attorney's fees and possible court fees, but you are leaving me no options. As you can see, I have bent over backwards trying to come up with a solution that we can both agree to, that is in the best interest of Danny, but you seem to keep adding road blocks each time I talk to you regarding issues that were never mentioned before (as if you are making up excuses, rather than dealing with the facts). At this point, it truly feels as if you have turned this matter into a personal attack on me.






Page 2 of 2
1/19/06



I need you to take into consideration that my family can no longer afford to live here. My husband has gotten an offer for employment, which would raise our annual income by approximately $5,000.00, and due to the cost of living and public v. private school issue, our living expenses would be drastically reduced. I would no longer need to put all 3 of my children in private schools. Additionally, I have done extensive research into the crime rate and each area’s schools, and the schooling far exceeds the education that he would receive here. The crime index and registered sexual offenders statistics are much higher in Homestead than in Concord, North Carolina, and where Homestead’s crime index is 3 times higher than the national average, Concord’s crime index is below the national average.

Please understand that I am willing to listen to any suggestions that you might have to help us resolve this matter without having to go to court. Please let me know if you want to talk.

Regards,

Lynn


cc: Roberta Fox, Esq. (via facsimile)

Sorry to throw a wrench in here...but from the sound of it...your ex husband loves his son...and wants to be near him. His parental rights need to be given as much rights as yours. Turn the shoe on the other foot...if he had custody...would you be ok with seeing your son once a month? You would be missing out on a LOT of his upbringing....

Francie

[DaisyMaesMom]

Originally Posted by Francie

Sorry to throw a wrench in here...but from the sound of it...your ex husband loves his son...and wants to be near him. His parental rights need to be given as much rights as yours. Turn the shoe on the other foot...if he had custody...would you be ok with seeing your son once a month? You would be missing out on a LOT of his upbringing....

Francie

The thing of the matter is that I don't have a choice. Either my husband and my children with him leave me or I leave my son here?? I have to move... My husband is being transferred..

[ytsirk27]

I personally would consult an attorney! Wish you all the luck in the world!

[Francie]

Originally Posted by DaisyMaesMom

The thing of the matter is that I don't have a choice. Either my husband and my children with him leave me or I leave my son here?? I have to move... My husband is being transferred..

Did you discuss with your husband the repercussions of accepting this job? In my state...it is illegal to move a child out of state. And although this would be a sound financial move for you, this decision prevents your son's father from spending significant amount of time co-raising his son...which is his legal right. Perhaps you should consider leaving your son with his father, and per your suggestion, having him fly to see you once a month, and on holidays...etc. I guess the most important question is ...what is best for your son? I don't know the legal ramifications in your state...but I'm not sure how the courts would feel about having you take your husband's son away from him for a significant period of time and also force him to assume the financial burden to transport him back to spend time with him. This must be a very hard time for both you, your husband, and your son...

Francie

Francie

[DaisyMaesMom]

Originally Posted by Francie

Did you discuss with your husband the repercussions of accepting this job? In my state...it is illegal to move a child out of state. And although this would be a sound financial move for you, this decision prevents your son's father from spending significant amount of time co-raising his son...which is his legal right. Perhaps you should consider leaving your son with his father, and per your suggestion, having him fly to see you once a month, and on holidays...etc. I guess the most important question is ...what is best for your son? I don't know the legal ramifications in your state...but I'm not sure how the courts would feel about having you take your husband's son away from him for a significant period of time and also force him to assume the financial burden to transport him back to spend time with him. This must be a very hard time for both you, your husband, and your son...

Francie

Francie

Yes, we did discuss everything. The thing is that the education is far better in North Carolina then here. I am living in the hell hole of the earth right now and the crime rates and everything are few less in North Carolina. Another big thing is with the rising costs of insurances and taxes here I can no longer afford to live in this area. We have outgrown our house and can't afford to buy a bigger house as something that is comparable to a house in North Carolina would be almost 800,000 here.. In NC it's right around 250,000. I'm scared to death to go to court, but in the same sense if I stay where I'm at it might mean loosing my house.

[reneernc]

I know this has to be a very difficult situation for all involved. It is sad and there are sooo many sides. If it were my child I couldn't leave him behind nor only visit monthly and doubt I could afford it..on the other hand that is his dad and visits are different from "growing up" with. I know, been there done that. I was 32 yr old before I began to form a real daughter/father relationship with my dad...and I resented both my mom and dad for it. There are no winners in these situations. If the shoe were on the other foot, would you sacrifice seeing your child to enhance your ex's finances?
I doubt the courts would look at schools, crime, etc. as you can always find somewhere that has better schools, less crime, etc. JMO, offering a point of view, I hope you can get this worked out for everyone's sake.

[hzlis]

OMG.....I feel for you being in this situation. I myself am divorced and remarried and my ex is one heck of a jack#**. He would spend his parent's last dime to fight me. I know in our divorce decree that neither one of us is allowed to move out of state without going through the proper procedures (meaning the courts........yes that includes attorney's) and then there are no guarantees that the court will agree. Thank goodness my current husband's children also live here and I know he wouldn't be able to leave them for a job transfer so I won't have to deal with that. Just with my dealings with the courts and the attorney's, the court honestly doesn't care what your reasons or justifications are. They are siding with the father a lot more these days. Which I guess is good for those father's who actually want to participate in their children's lives. Man, I have a feeling this is going to be a long battle for you. If your ex hasn't cooperated now, I don't think it will matter what letter you send him........he isn't going to cooperate then. I agree about contacting an attorney. I would do it before I send the letter. The only thing about that letter is that your ex might find a way to use it against you and then it will come back to bite you on the butt. It is sad to have to think in such a nasty way but it might save you in the end. Just cover all your bases and try not to give him any chance to file a contempt charge on you. The court sees those in a negative way also. It seems to be "points" against you. I honestly hope things work out for you. I do understand a lot of the things the others are saying. My son (who is 10) seems to have a strong relationship with his dad and still views my husband "as the other man, the step-father" and I know for a fact that if it were me........he would chose (if not insist, throw a temper-tantrum, one hell of a hissy fit) to stay with his father. That would devestate me in itself!!!!!!

I hope I haven't upset you or offended you. That definitely wasn't my intentions. Best of luck!!!!

[centralnewyorki]

I would offer one weekend a month (splitting the fees) and each vacation- winter, spring, and summer. I know you offered a month over summer vacation, but I think you would have a better chance if you were to offer the entire vacation. I know that your husband is being transferred and either takes the job or loses it, but as others have said, the courts may side against you. Has your husband looked for other employment in the area/state? If you take your son away from his father, you risk your son growing to resent you for that fact. If your son is of age, I think you should ask him with whom he wants to live. I wish you all the best of luck with this situation.