My BF called me very hurtful names :(

[capt_noonie]

I would suggest to change your number too.

[Bentleysmom1985]

Thanks for all the great responses! I appreciate every one of you trying to help me.

He's been texting me nonstop to get me to meet on friday, he's really really good with words I must say, he's making me even think about giving him a second chance.

Is there any possibility that this was a one time mistake or not? I've been losing a lot of sleep over it.

But my instincts tell me to stay away. It's so hard to give up that image I had of him. I thought he was respectful and sweet, he even ask for my permission t hold my hand, to kiss me, or any type of physical contact during the beginning of th relationship.

It's mind blowing that a guy that seemed so respectful called me all those names, out of nowhere, he just exploded, I never even replied to that hurful text with all the insults because I was just in shock. He even told me to take my psycho bipolar personality to the next guy.

Anyway, I just told him I can't be with him anymore. Because I dont feel safe with him and he broke my trust. That was my last text.

I just want to move on, but there's still a tiny voice in my head that tells me to give him a second chance. (When someone begs you and asks you to not leave and they love you, it makes you want to reconsider leaving them, it's so hard!) I really want to follow your advice though and stay away.

I'm 29 and I thought I've found the one. It's scary to turn 30 and still be single :-/

[yorkietalkjilly]

Nothing scary about turning 30 and being your own woman, free to work, date, travel, have friends and family in anytime you choose! And you've got little Bentley! Who needs some psycho who has a hair trigger? I wouldn't stand for one word of cursing from any man - never did, never will.

This guy is a total control freak - the obsessive texting and desperately insisting you give him a second chance is a dead giveaway that he's an obsessive manipulator - can't STAND any form of female rejection - especially from someone silly enough to spill milk and otherwise reveal she's less than perfect. He's thinking: "How dare she reject ME!!! I'm God's gift. She's just a silly woman. She's not going to be able to just walk out on me - uh uh. I'll get her back and control the way this ends and in my own way". If you go out with him, it could be your last.

Don't you watch "Dateline" or any of those shows about obsessive suitors - the guy who just overwhelms you with attention, always checking on you, saying all the right things, constantly in touch, buying you gifts, showering you with the seeming affection so many woman seem to long for? Trouble is, the guys seem to have hair and I do mean hair trigger tempers. Usually these guys are such obsessive perfectionists that the first sign they see that the woman they are with isn't just perfect seems to press all their buttons and then they have to have you under their control, to themselves on a date, so they can groom you further until they begin to rush marriage - or worse. And then they punish you are your shortcomings.

Block this guy from your phone. Change your number. Get a big, mean guard dog, a gun you learn how to use and alarm system. Tell all your family and friends what he's doing and let him know you did. Don't ever go out alone or open the door to anyone you cannot identify through the peephole and always be aware of your surroundings when out and about. Don't ever give this guy another moment of your time or you could be another statistic. Tell him if he doesn't leave you alone, you might have to show all his texts, phone records of his calls, to the police department and file harassment charges against him. No one needs a guy like this - not ever.

[GuinnessStout]

Take it from somebody that is 40 and still "single" that if he did it once he will do it again and again... and each month or years that go by and you stay justifying it with the he was sweet and loving that week or month his hurtful words will get worse and worse but by then you tell yourself well it's been 1 year I can handle the words and I have wasted this much time I might as well stay... 10 years later you are still there and your self-esteem is GONE...
Don't be that woman and make excuses just to have somebody!!

[capt_noonie]

Agree with the two above 100%! You think it's hard to say no to him now... wait until he knows your every weakness and trigger. People like this will tear you down and you will be too weak to leave.

Trust me. NOTHING feels better than saying no and walking away from a guy that hurts you, and hear him begging for you back. Just keep walking. Another dumb guy I wasted time on, wasn't as manipulative, but still drove me mad. Never wanted to be official. Always had me hanging, waiting for his call.... then he said he wanted a break. He didn't call for three weeks. After the first week I cut my losses. Stopped feeling sorry for him (who's going to drive him around since he didn't have a car? Yeah winner there huh?) and stopped giving a crap. When he finally called me and begged to meet up with me I said yes, with no intention of meeting him. In the end I made him cry. I don't think it was real though, probably just playing me. But boy did that feel good to hear him cry. BWAHAHAHA!

Change your number now or block his number! Seriously! That is the first thing you need to do.

[yorkiemini]

Originally Posted by Bentleysmom1985

Thanks for all the great responses! I appreciate every one of you trying to help me.

He's been texting me nonstop to get me to meet on friday, he's really really good with words I must say, he's making me even think about giving him a second chance.

Is there any possibility that this was a one time mistake or not? I've been losing a lot of sleep over it.

But my instincts tell me to stay away. It's so hard to give up that image I had of him. I thought he was respectful and sweet, he even ask for my permission t hold my hand, to kiss me, or any type of physical contact during the beginning of th relationship.

It's mind blowing that a guy that seemed so respectful called me all those names, out of nowhere, he just exploded, I never even replied to that hurful text with all the insults because I was just in shock. He even told me to take my psycho bipolar personality to the next guy.

Anyway, I just told him I can't be with him anymore. Because I dont feel safe with him and he broke my trust. That was my last text.

I just want to move on, but there's still a tiny voice in my head that tells me to give him a second chance. (When someone begs you and asks you to not leave and they love you, it makes you want to reconsider leaving them, it's so hard!) I really want to follow your advice though and stay away.

I'm 29 and I thought I've found the one. It's scary to turn 30 and still be single :-/

Bentleysmom,

This whole behavior is called "grooming" - sucking you in!
You witnessed/heard his behavior! Your gut feeling is important - don't ignore that! He know what he said and he felt free to say it.

He wants you to doubt yourself. Anyone who talks to you like that is NOT THE ONE!

I did not marry until I was in my my late thirties - was very career oriented and very picky about how I wanted to be treated - didn't ruin my life in the least! In fact I had many friends who married young tell me I was smart!

When I did marry my husband never talked to me like that even once! And we both had our good days and bad days.

I want you to think more of yourself!!! You are too important to Bentley and you two have a great thing going.

Listen to what other experienced folks on here are saying to you and don't be in a hurry!

[yorkietalkjilly]

What does your dad say about this guy?

[Bentleysmom1985]

Originally Posted by yorkietalkjilly

What does your dad say about this guy?

My parents met him once (we were together for 3 months) they invited him to dinner. They liked him. He just looks like a good guy and he's well behaved, well spoken, educated :-/

No one knows about the words he used on me. I only told a friend and thats because she went through the same. My friend said she has forgiven her boyfriend for insults, but it only happens again and again....

I know you guys are right, and it's not only about my safety, but it's about my Bentley and future kids.

Sigh

[matese]

Originally Posted by yorkietalkjilly

Nothing scary about turning 30 and being your own woman, free to work, date, travel, have friends and family in anytime you choose! And you've got little Bentley! Who needs some psycho who has a hair trigger? I wouldn't stand for one word of cursing from any man - never did, never will.

This guy is a total control freak - the obsessive texting and desperately insisting you give him a second chance is a dead giveaway that he's an obsessive manipulator - can't STAND any form of female rejection - especially from someone silly enough to spill milk and otherwise reveal she's less than perfect. He's thinking: "How dare she reject ME!!! I'm God's gift. She's just a silly woman. She's not going to be able to just walk out on me - uh uh. I'll get her back and control the way this ends and in my own way". If you go out with him, it could be your last.

Don't you watch "Dateline" or any of those shows about obsessive suitors - the guy who just overwhelms you with attention, always checking on you, saying all the right things, constantly in touch, buying you gifts, showering you with the seeming affection so many woman seem to long for? Trouble is, the guys seem to have hair and I do mean hair trigger tempers. Usually these guys are such obsessive perfectionists that the first sign they see that the woman they are with isn't just perfect seems to press all their buttons and then they have to have you under their control, to themselves on a date, so they can groom you further until they begin to rush marriage - or worse. And then they punish you are your shortcomings.

Block this guy from your phone. Change your number. Get a big, mean guard dog, a gun you learn how to use and alarm system. Tell all your family and friends what he's doing and let him know you did. Don't ever go out alone or open the door to anyone you cannot identify through the peephole and always be aware of your surroundings when out and about. Don't ever give this guy another moment of your time or you could be another statistic. Tell him if he doesn't leave you alone, you might have to show all his texts, phone records of his calls, to the police department and file harassment charges against him. No one needs a guy like this - not ever.

Originally Posted by GuinnessStout

Take it from somebody that is 40 and still "single" that if he did it once he will do it again and again... and each month or years that go by and you stay justifying it with the he was sweet and loving that week or month his hurtful words will get worse and worse but by then you tell yourself well it's been 1 year I can handle the words and I have wasted this much time I might as well stay... 10 years later you are still there and your self-esteem is GONE...
Don't be that woman and make excuses just to have somebody!!

Originally Posted by yorkiemini

Bentleysmom,

This whole behavior is called "grooming" - sucking you in!
You witnessed/heard his behavior! Your gut feeling is important - don't ignore that! He know what he said and he felt free to say it.

He wants you to doubt yourself. Anyone who talks to you like that is NOT THE ONE!

I did not marry until I was in my my late thirties - was very career oriented and very picky about how I wanted to be treated - didn't ruin my life in the least! In fact I had many friends who married young tell me I was smart!

When I did marry my husband never talked to me like that even once! And we both had our good days and bad days.

I want you to think more of yourself!!! You are too important to Bentley and you two have a great thing going.

Listen to what other experienced folks on here are saying to you and don't be in a hurry!

Take this advise, follow your gut feeling, this man cannot take rejection, you are playing with your LIFE. Your gut is telling you nooooooo, listen to it, not your heart. My niece,my cousins girls all married past 30 y/o, married beautiful men, had children. Never settle, never sell yourself short. Returning to this man shows a sign of weakness, he will play you, tear away your self confidence, do you think so little of your self? Stay strong PLEASE. No meeting no where, no time. Block him so you don't see his text messages, better yet, do as a member advised, change your # PLEASE.

[Dayswalters]

I feel compelled to tell you one more time...Do Not Trust Him! I have been in your shoes, only I gave my guy another chance, and then another and another until 17 years passed, he hurt my kids to hurt me. He was ALWAYS sorry until a point where he made me think it was my fault and something was wrong with me. I got the same advice that you are getting but I ignored it and paid dearly for it. Years of abuse, children who are afraid to trust and when I finally got counseling, I realized what I had done by staying with him. When I finally escaped, it took years to repair my life and to help my kids see positive relationships. And I do mean escaped, because they won't just let you leave. It has now been 28 years since I met that man and I still think "What would my life have been like if I had only listened to all the advice that I knew in my heart, was right. You don't want to go down this road.

[capt_noonie]

Originally Posted by Bentleysmom1985

My parents met him once (we were together for 3 months) they invited him to dinner. They liked him. He just looks like a good guy and he's well behaved, well spoken, educated :-/

No one knows about the words he used on me. I only told a friend and thats because she went through the same. My friend said she has forgiven her boyfriend for insults, but it only happens again and again....

I know you guys are right, and it's not only about my safety, but it's about my Bentley and future kids.

Sigh

OMG! This was just like my ex I was talking about! He knew exactly what to say to parents and other adults to make them like him. The only person who saw thru his facade was my dad, but everyone else thought he was soooo polite. It was all an act.

[BorderKelpie]

Gosh, this brings back too many horrible memmories. Please, please follow your instincts - Nature installed them for a reason. It's all about self-preservation. Society makes us want to ignore them. Do NOT ignore them. I wish I hadn't.

I will never forget how the 'sweet' guy waved our marriage license in my face and told me: 'Now I own you; tax, title and license.' He meant it, too.

[GuinnessStout]

Originally Posted by Bentleysmom1985

My parents met him once (we were together for 3 months) they invited him to dinner. They liked him. He just looks like a good guy and he's well behaved, well spoken, educated :-/

No one knows about the words he used on me. I only told a friend and thats because she went through the same. My friend said she has forgiven her boyfriend for insults, but it only happens again and again....

I know you guys are right, and it's not only about my safety, [b]but it's about my Bentley and future kids. [b]



Sigh

That too... Bentley hears mom get yelled at and upset and he goes to attack and gets punished... Or you end up with a little girl that gets to hear mommy being called all these names and grows up thinking this is way she should be treated... Which just adds to the mental hell you have to live and no longer know how to walk away... Just trust me it is NOT a life you want!!

[MauiGirl]

Originally Posted by Bentleysmom1985

My parents met him once (we were together for 3 months) they invited him to dinner. They liked him. He just looks like a good guy and he's well behaved, well spoken, educated :-/

No one knows about the words he used on me. I only told a friend and thats because she went through the same. My friend said she has forgiven her boyfriend for insults, but it only happens again and again....

I know you guys are right, and it's not only about my safety, but it's about my Bentley and future kids.

Sigh

Show his mean text to your parents, and see what they think of him then. Would you let your daughter, friend, etc. allow such behavior from a guy? I sure hope not.

[MarkFromSea]

Originally Posted by Bentleysmom1985

We were having an argument and he called me a b**** psycho and bipolar (on a text) We were together for only 3 months! I broke up with him and 2 days later he apologized and he's been trying to get me to forgive him for the past couple of weeks.


Now he's saying he was falling in love with me and he loves me (I'm not sure if this is true or not? Maybe he's using the word "love" to manipulate me)

Anyway, I lost my respect for him and I also dont trust him: how can I ? What if he does it again?

He's asking for a second chance and I dont know if I should... He was really sweet to me before those words. I'm really confused and I have no idea how can he snap like that!

I would really appreciate any advice from you ladies ...

I told him we could talk next friday, he wants me to come over to his apt to talk, but I told him it's better in a public place :-/ ...

I agree with the ladies on here. Drop him like a hot potato, AND, don't ever pick him back up... Walk away... Don't look back and don't ever regret it...