Women's "duties" around the house

[brezofleur]

Relationships should absolutely be 50/50. Maybe 55/45, but definitely not 80/20 and god forbid 90/10. If it's not, move on to the next guy. If I was with a guy that didn't believe that and wanted a mother instead of a girlfriend, I was out of there regardless of how long we were together. I'd rather spend my time with someone who cherishes me and my company and not my slaving for him.

These kinds of relationships are partnerships. Show me a successful partner business that runs on 80/20. Yes, businesses and relationships are similar. You don't "run" a relationship like a business but you do have compromises and shared goals.

[lovespandp]

Originally Posted by My lil friend

I didnt read all of the responses because my eyes are really tired. But,if I were talking to one of my daughters,this is what I have said. Men ,God love them,are not even close to being grown up until they are 30. It is the fault of our society,not all his mother's. If you love him and are willing to spend "til death do us part" with him,pick your battles. If you are wanting a 50/50 relationship ,these happen mostly in the movies and novels,not in real life. I put my DH through college,he worked part time,I worked full time. I kept the apartment that we lived in,we did the laundry (Im not going to a laundrymat by myself),grocery shopping was me or us. I ,to this day take care of all of the animals,except I do NOT walk dogs unless I am the only one home. The kitchen did and still does get cleaned by me unless I ask someone else to do it. I reserve the right to not cook any and all evenings as my personal schedule sees fit.
I do NOT put gas in my car,check the oil or any other fluid levels. If my car breaks down because he didnt take care of it, I raise H@!! and chances are pretty good that I will forget to do his laundry for a while. We have been together almost 40 years. This works for us. If you want to stay together,instead of trying to change him cause that isnt going to happen, find what works peacefully for you.

Well I must live in a movie/ novel.

[lovespandp]

Originally Posted by ironmike86

At least you know now. It should be 50/50 or close. But I don't clean. Our 50-50 = My wife does all the cleaning and cooking. But we are single income. I make enough for her to stay home.I pay all my bill her bills my daughters bills and Moki's. I take care of Moki = bath ect... My dog

Good man! Sounds 50/50 to me- you take care of her - she takes care of you

[lovespandp]

Originally Posted by brezofleur

Relationships should absolutely be 50/50. Maybe 55/45, but definitely not 80/20 and god forbid 90/10. If it's not, move on to the next guy. If I was with a guy that didn't believe that and wanted a mother instead of a girlfriend, I was out of there regardless of how long we were together. I'd rather spend my time with someone who cherishes me and my company and not my slaving for him.

These kinds of relationships are partnerships. Show me a successful partner business that runs on 80/20. Yes, businesses and relationships are similar. You don't "run" a relationship like a business but you do have compromises and shared goals.

we think alike!

[alaskayorkie]

I quickly scanned the replies but thought I'd offer one (old) man's perspective. I think a successful household involves dividing all the chores equally. There's no woman's work and man's work, just a team effort to get everything done.

My Mom worked part-time, so she accepted many of the daily chores. Laundry, cooking, getting the kids to school (etc.), making sure the kids did the dishes, etc. My Dad would drive us to sports' practices when he got off work and spend his weekends doing stuff like mowing lawns, tending and cleaning the pool, taking out the trash, fixing the car, etc.

For bigger projects, like painting, replacing carpet, etc., they often worked together.

While I honestly don't think I ever saw him do a dish, he shouldered his fair share of the total work. I've always tried to do the same thing in my life. There are no servants in a relationship, just an equal partnership and a plan to get everything done as a team.

Well, that's the theory anyway. Our house is often a mess, but it's both our faults!

[brezofleur]

I work 50+ hours a week and Chad works closer to 30-35 / week and we make about the same (lame, I know). He does more housework than I do (laundry and dishes) but it's a compromise. And he loves doing the laundry and dishes and I hate it, LOL. I still do dishes weekly though and vacuum daily and dust, etc. We both tidy and take care of the kids and do yard work.

In the end, it's pretty darn close to 50/50.

Originally Posted by lovespandp

Good man! Sounds 50/50 to me- you take care of her - she takes care of you

Exactly.

[lovespandp]

Originally Posted by alaskayorkie

I quickly scanned the replies but thought I'd offer one (old) man's perspective. I think a successful household involves dividing all the chores equally. There's no woman's work and man's work, just a team effort to get everything done.

My Mom worked part-time, so she accepted many of the daily chores. Laundry, cooking, getting the kids to school (etc.), making sure the kids did the dishes, etc. My Dad would drive us to sports' practices when he got off work and spend his weekends doing stuff like mowing lawns, tending and cleaning the pool, taking out the trash, fixing the car, etc.

For bigger projects, like painting, replacing carpet, etc., they often worked together.

While I honestly don't think I ever saw him do a dish, he shouldered his fair share of the total work. I've always tried to do the same thing in my life. There are no servants in a relationship, just an equal partnership and a plan to get everything done as a team.

Well, that's the theory anyway. Our house is often a mess, but it's both our faults!

I knew you were a good catch!

[lynzy420]

Once again I am too melancholy today to tell my story....but I will say this...settling, no matter what will never ever make anyone happy....while this life may seem long...it is not, and when its over, today, tomorrow or a hundred years from now....it will be too late...live, write your own ticket...take what you want out of life, you won't be remembered for what you sacrificed you will be remembered for what you put up with if you decide to sacrifice your own happiness, sometimes pain is the only way to happiness.

[brezofleur]

Originally Posted by alaskayorkie

I quickly scanned the replies but thought I'd offer one (old) man's perspective. I think a successful household involves dividing all the chores equally. There's no woman's work and man's work, just a team effort to get everything done.

My Mom worked part-time, so she accepted many of the daily chores. Laundry, cooking, getting the kids to school (etc.), making sure the kids did the dishes, etc. My Dad would drive us to sports' practices when he got off work and spend his weekends doing stuff like mowing lawns, tending and cleaning the pool, taking out the trash, fixing the car, etc.

For bigger projects, like painting, replacing carpet, etc., they often worked together.

While I honestly don't think I ever saw him do a dish, he shouldered his fair share of the total work. I've always tried to do the same thing in my life. There are no servants in a relationship, just an equal partnership and a plan to get everything done as a team.

Well, that's the theory anyway. Our house is often a mess, but it's both our faults!

[lovespandp]

Originally Posted by brezofleur

I work 50+ hours a week and Chad works closer to 30-35 / week and we make about the same (lame, I know). He does more housework than I do (laundry and dishes) but it's a compromise. And he loves doing the laundry and dishes and I hate it, LOL. I still do dishes weekly though and vacuum daily and dust, etc. We both tidy and take care of the kids and do yard work.

In the end, it's pretty darn close to 50/50.



Exactly.

Its not about who does what- its about working together- spliting the load of a household- being a team- partners- you can find a 50/50 relationship, along with the respect you should be getting.

[brezofleur]

Originally Posted by lovespandp

Its not about who does what- its about working together- spliting the load of a household- being a team- partners- you can find a 50/50 relationship, along with the respect you should be getting.

Yep! This is what works for us in terms of household work.

But it's more than just that. It's more than just friendship too. It's a bunch of things bundled into one. Respect, love, work, friendship, humor, work, compromise, work... and that's not all in equal blocks.

I personally feel, though, that compromise should be limited... (I.e., don't do the "you get to decorate the bathroom and I decorate the living room." Because you'll still be unhappy with the bathroom. The compromise should be something you BOTH like.)

And love only goes so far... Just because you love someone doesn't mean you should be with them romantically.

[lovespandp]

Originally Posted by brezofleur

Yep! This is what works for us in terms of household work.

But it's more than just that. It's more than just friendship too. It's a bunch of things bundled into one. Respect, love, work, friendship, humor, work, compromise, work... and that's not all in equal blocks.

I personally feel, though, that compromise should be limited... (I.e., don't do the "you get to decorate the bathroom and I decorate the living room." Because you'll still be unhappy with the bathroom. The compromise should be something you BOTH like.)

100% agree!!

[horsnaround]

Originally Posted by alaskayorkie

I quickly scanned the replies but thought I'd offer one (old) man's perspective. I think a successful household involves dividing all the chores equally. There's no woman's work and man's work, just a team effort to get everything done.

My Mom worked part-time, so she accepted many of the daily chores. Laundry, cooking, getting the kids to school (etc.), making sure the kids did the dishes, etc. My Dad would drive us to sports' practices when he got off work and spend his weekends doing stuff like mowing lawns, tending and cleaning the pool, taking out the trash, fixing the car, etc.

For bigger projects, like painting, replacing carpet, etc., they often worked together.

While I honestly don't think I ever saw him do a dish, he shouldered his fair share of the total work. I've always tried to do the same thing in my life. There are no servants in a relationship, just an equal partnership and a plan to get everything done as a team.

Well, that's the theory anyway. Our house is often a mess, but it's both our faults!

Works that way at our house also

[msyorktown]

Ok gonna throw in my late night two cents. I'm 55 years old, been married twice...both turned out to be complete a**holes. The first was my kids father...stayed with that man 20 years, and three kids later....the last beating I took from him landed him in jail...no doublt the man would have killed me had I stayed.
Took me a long time to trust any man again....marrieage number 2 knight in shining armour...so I thought. He worked, cleaned the house...I cooked and finished raising MY kids. Found out he was diagnosed with clinical depression....I think wrong diagnosis...more bi-polar....went off at the drop of a hat. Didn't touch me...abused my son.....you got it...I was soooo gone!
So here I am engaged to a wonderful man.... I work full time, the house is mine, all the bills are in my name, but everything is split 50/50....I am the better cook, but he does most of the cooking as I am up and gone by 4am!
Not coming home to cook and clean...yes he does work ...part time.
My kids are grown and gone now, so it is me, him and the yorkies...one of which he bought for me.
I will not tolerate any form of abuse...verbal or physical, he knows this....choses his words very carefully...or risk my mouth! (which can get nasty if i'm pushed too far)
Do not let me come home to a nasty house...best pick up your stuff, trust me if I have to pick up after him, he wont find it...even my kids know this.
I've been known to wake up my kids at 3am to clean the daggone kitchen they messed up after I had cleaned it and gone to bed!
You have to do what is best for you...took me years of abuse to learn this...you are worthy of so much more...Dang you are only 20! I was having the time of my life at that age, while still living at home!
Baby you have not lived yet, please do not settle for any less than you are worth.
A wise old lady told me (my grandmother) a woman's biggest fault is not knowing their worth....know your worth boo...you deserve it.
Tomorrow is not promised, grab your piece of life and live it!

[msyorktown]

Originally Posted by alaskayorkie

I quickly scanned the replies but thought I'd offer one (old) man's perspective. I think a successful household involves dividing all the chores equally. There's no woman's work and man's work, just a team effort to get everything done.

My Mom worked part-time, so she accepted many of the daily chores. Laundry, cooking, getting the kids to school (etc.), making sure the kids did the dishes, etc. My Dad would drive us to sports' practices when he got off work and spend his weekends doing stuff like mowing lawns, tending and cleaning the pool, taking out the trash, fixing the car, etc.

For bigger projects, like painting, replacing carpet, etc., they often worked together.

While I honestly don't think I ever saw him do a dish, he shouldered his fair share of the total work. I've always tried to do the same thing in my life. There are no servants in a relationship, just an equal partnership and a plan to get everything done as a team.

Well, that's the theory anyway. Our house is often a mess, but it's both our faults!

That's exactly how we were raised! Wanted a man just like my Daddy...God rest his soul...think I finally found him!