Emotional/mental ...labeled....

[lynzy420]

Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom

I recently read a quote from someone who said about depression:
Anyone who expects you to "snap out of it" is essentially asking you to perform your own brain surgery via telekinesis.

I'm so sorry about what your sons have been through . Depression is so painful and it's SO hard to fight bc it feels there isn't a reason to fight, at its worst.

---------

This thread is amazing, and I think it's so brave and important to share this kind of stuff bc there are still stigmas about mental health issues. Lynzy, thanks so much for starting this .

I remember feeling depressed even as a young child; given my childhood, I know where this comes from - so it makes sense now. It was far worse in jr high and then especially high school...but no one really recognized it bc I didn't act out - I just went inward, and my parents ignored the signs. I faked being okay, which I'm still an expert at. In my 20s, it was horrible after my Mom died (when I was 21) and I was in a very bad place - but still, I wasn't aware that I should get help, or that I could get help...I just suffered and felt dead inside; and self medicated by experimenting w/ lots of fun drugs , just so that I could feel SOMEthing. My late 20s/early 30s looked super "successful" on the outside and I think bc of this, bc I could "function" - I just kept stuffing everything deeper and deeper. God, what a mistake! That causes SO much more damage than what is already there.

Finally around age 36, I just crashed...just isolated from everyone around me, except when I had to go to work. I stopped returning calls to all friends and family. I SO hoped that, somehow, I would just die a quick natural death bc I just couldn't live like that anymore.

When I finally got help after my best friend said she was scared to death for me, I was diagnosed w/ major depression and PTSD. I went on meds and went to therapy. Therapy can be amazing...especially if you've stuffed things to infinity.

Depression is rampant in my family, from my Mom's side....almost a genetic guarantee. I have 2 female cousins who were cutters and had extensive issues. Eating disorders in all 5 females that are in my generation of the family. Think my great grandma was bipolar. Substance abuse in various family members.

Needless to say, I'll probably always have to take some kind of med to support my messed up brain chemistry...there is just no way around it. I'm always at risk for deep, deep, paralyzing depression - so I really have to watch for it.

Those w/ depression: if you haven't read William Styron's "Darkness Visible", you absolutely must! He is a writer who suddenly suffered a major, deep depression. The way he writes about depression and articulates how it feels is nothing short of amazing. And, extremely validating.

I don't know how I lost track of this thread but thank you for this info about the book. PTSD is awful because you can't *make* it go away...I totally understand folks who have amnesia and respect them. One symptom of PTSD is hyper vigilance and that is what I fight everyday because I face everything head on, I don't block out, I don't give in, especially when I'm afraid like elevators etc., I just do it no matter what and each time I do I feel a little stronger. No one would ever know what I deal with I am so good at concealing it, no one would ever know what I have seen because I don't want anyone to, what purpose? I have walked through the fire and extinguished the hottest flames and I am ok with it, everything is neatly filed in my mind...and when I get out of sorts...well I wait for the clouds to pass...they always do! Its not easy, but the hard part is already over, ya know?

[lynzy420]

Originally Posted by Wallee

I just want to start by saying depression is VERY REAL. I lost my oldest son 3 weeks before his 18th birthday to suicide. The after affects and post traumatic effects will last with my youngest son and I forever. I, too have struggled with depression most of my life as it is strong in my family too. My youngest son made an attempt on his life 10 years after losing his only brother while he was away at University. He had never properly dealt with the loss of his brother nor the PTS from being only 15 and cutting his brother down and trying to perform Cpr.
Sadly, my ex (their father). Still believes it is not real and a person can snap out of it. Knowing what it's like being depressed at times I can attest that only meds and professional help gets one on the right track.

Cindy, I am so sorry for the loss of your son and the awful struggles your family has endured... Suicide is not something any of us left behind can ever understand...knowing and believing that God makes us whole again and gives us eternal life in heaven is what makes me accept it....for a time we must do without those who have gone on, sadly we are often left with what they chose to leave behind...I'd like to believe that if they were not "sick" and knew what it would do to us that they would never have done it, I know they wouldn't, I wish you and your family peace and strength until you are all together again....you are a remarkable mother and I admire your strength.

[Wylie's Mom]

Originally Posted by lynzy420

I don't know how I lost track of this thread but thank you for this info about the book. PTSD is awful because you can't *make* it go away...I totally understand folks who have amnesia and respect them. One symptom of PTSD is hyper vigilance and that is what I fight everyday because I face everything head on, I don't block out, I don't give in, especially when I'm afraid like elevators etc., I just do it no matter what and each time I do I feel a little stronger. No one would ever know what I deal with I am so good at concealing it, no one would ever know what I have seen because I don't want anyone to, what purpose? I have walked through the fire and extinguished the hottest flames and I am ok with it, everything is neatly filed in my mind...and when I get out of sorts...well I wait for the clouds to pass...they always do! Its not easy, but the hard part is already over, ya know?

I got your PM, and I'm so glad you can relate so well to what I wrote. People who have been down that black, cavernous Hole Of Empty just *know* all of what I could say about it, but don't need to, bc they get it. It's very debilitating...but we just keep pushin', no matter what. I'm really glad to hear you've developed some safe ways to cope, that's amazing .

I absolutely understand, and have, hypervigilance. Someone else here at YT, who is very beloved, has it too - and we've talked about it for years. There is a very small part of me that likes it (like really isn't the right word), but mostly it just drives me nuts! I'm aware of any and all slight changes of body language, expression, any falter in someone's attention / listening, who walks in a room, the energy of a room / place / meeting / whatevs, can read people when I really truly do NOT want to. UGH, it's usually just draining and exhausting to take in all that stimuli. I think that's why I love being alone so much, why I don't get antsy for socializing...bc it's so overloading (hubby is exception, of course).

Abused kids usually grow up to be hypervigilant, and of course anyone who experiences trauma / PTSD often develop it, unforch. No one would even know a person is hypervigilant, but inside the person is absorbing about 800 things in their environment at any given moment. Major energy suckage, I tell ya.

I hope you read the Styron book about depression...tell me whatcha think if you read it.

[concretegurl]

Is hyervigilance consider 'diagnosable' or along the lines of a mental health issues?

I'll just throw this out there, Derik, and all the kids go to counseling we do not heck ins throughout the year as a family: the psychologist said to me that I'm 'just hylervigilent'...I asked for clarification and all I got was a kind of off handed remark about it not meaning paranoia...

Of course I Googled the heck out if it...and am begining to think I just made case in point at the time but still.

Any better information about it besides my fleeting innitial search?

[GuinnessStout]

Sounds like a form on anxiety.... I was just reading about it and it's kinda funny how it reminds me on myself... Both me and Ryan have to sit in the far back corner of a room back to wall facing doorways when we go places... I always thought that was just normal for people to be like that haha

[lynzy420]

Hyper Vigilance Is exactly what Ann said and more...I'm sure that different people experience similar "symptoms" (cuz there is only so many possibilities) but to what degree each symptom is for individuals most likely varies.

Someone like me can read people and like Ann said "even when you don't want to"....I can tell you so much about a person seconds or sometimes minutes after meeting them...worse I can spot a bad person in a room full of people who think said bad person is wonderful! Its being alert to almost everything so much to the point that it is part of our personalities...not something we want but something we can't help and can't live without! Ex: In my "old" house I knew every sound that was in it, from which sink was running, to the settling of the load bearing wall in the living room, the dryer, the washer etc., now I wouldn't spend a second *thinking* about those noises...but the second a new noise entered, or an old noise changed I would instantly recognize it! So if the dryer suddenly was making a different sound, I would know immediately so sometimes its a good thing! I am having a very difficult time with the new house and adjusting to the sounds...they startle me! Also, if the TV is too loud I have to turn it down if its drowning out all the normal sounds around me...sounds crazy but its not...There are so many things but one of the funny ones and yet not so funny is example: I am walking through the parking ramp there is someone coming toward me, I'm unconsciously reading his body language taking inventory of everything about him...again its not paranoia your just doing it without realizing it, suddenly he is 2 feet in front of you and then suddenly says HI and startles the shiz right out of me cuz I was zoned out on studying the stranger! I literally jump and then immediately say "hello, I'm sorry I was lost in my thoughts" Its a reflex now! I can go on and on with all the symptoms, if you want more info pm me.

BTW...peace for me is listening to the stereo full blast and getting lost in the music!!!

[msyorktown]

My ex was diagnosed with clinical depression....it wasn't easy living with him at all. He would go from one extreme to the other...from laughing an joking around, to this nasty mean,derogatory person I didn't know. It didn't help that he was on meds, and drank excessively...the minute he became violent, I was gone! As some of you know I am a domestic abuse survivor...so there was no way I was going down that road again. It wasn't me he abused, it was my son. No, nope ....thankfully I didn't kill him and wind up in jail with no one to protect my son...my son stopped me with the words 'please mommy, I still need you' dropped the knife and called the police, who then escorted him out of my house!
I had no idea such a thing existed until it slapped me in the face, what a rude awakening...I hope for a better tomorrow for all who suffer some form of depression, anxiety, PTSD etc...
I went into a deep funk after the marriage ended, the hardest thing I ever had to do was seek help, bc I was raised to pick yourself up and keep going....well I couldn't keep going, I was sinking fast, my kids were suffering for it...mom was functioning but wasn't there, at least not the way they remembered mommy always being there.
My kids were my motivation to seek help ....went into therapy and returned to prayer...here I am today.
My first therapist wanted to put me on Prozac...my bff begged me not to take it...she is a psychiatric nurse....I took her advice and changed therapists, all the better for it.

[Wylie's Mom]

Originally Posted by lynzy420

Hyper Vigilance Is exactly what Ann said and more...I'm sure that different people experience similar "symptoms" (cuz there is only so many possibilities) but to what degree each symptom is for individuals most likely varies.

Someone like me can read people and like Ann said "even when you don't want to"....I can tell you so much about a person seconds or sometimes minutes after meeting them...worse I can spot a bad person in a room full of people who think said bad person is wonderful! Its being alert to almost everything so much to the point that it is part of our personalities...not something we want but something we can't help and can't live without! Ex: In my "old" house I knew every sound that was in it, from which sink was running, to the settling of the load bearing wall in the living room, the dryer, the washer etc., now I wouldn't spend a second *thinking* about those noises...but the second a new noise entered, or an old noise changed I would instantly recognize it! So if the dryer suddenly was making a different sound, I would know immediately so sometimes its a good thing! I am having a very difficult time with the new house and adjusting to the sounds...they startle me! Also, if the TV is too loud I have to turn it down if its drowning out all the normal sounds around me...sounds crazy but its not...There are so many things but one of the funny ones and yet not so funny is example: I am walking through the parking ramp there is someone coming toward me, I'm unconsciously reading his body language taking inventory of everything about him...again its not paranoia your just doing it without realizing it, suddenly he is 2 feet in front of you and then suddenly says HI and startles the shiz right out of me cuz I was zoned out on studying the stranger! I literally jump and then immediately say "hello, I'm sorry I was lost in my thoughts" Its a reflex now! I can go on and on with all the symptoms, if you want more info pm me.

BTW...peace for me is listening to the stereo full blast and getting lost in the music!!!

Girl, exactly. And btw, I have a terrible startle reflex too! It's annoying. But most people w/ PTSD or hypervig or former trauma sufferers have it. I always wonder why it won't go away, when I've already dealt w/ so much of the yukky stuff. Bleh.

Originally Posted by msyorktown

My ex was diagnosed with clinical depression....it wasn't easy living with him at all. He would go from one extreme to the other...from laughing an joking around, to this nasty mean,derogatory person I didn't know. It didn't help that he was on meds, and drank excessively...the minute he became violent, I was gone! As some of you know I am a domestic abuse survivor...so there was no way I was going down that road again. It wasn't me he abused, it was my son. No, nope ....thankfully I didn't kill him and wind up in jail with no one to protect my son...my son stopped me with the words 'please mommy, I still need you' dropped the knife and called the police, who then escorted him out of my house!
I had no idea such a thing existed until it slapped me in the face, what a rude awakening...I hope for a better tomorrow for all who suffer some form of depression, anxiety, PTSD etc...
I went into a deep funk after the marriage ended, the hardest thing I ever had to do was seek help, bc I was raised to pick yourself up and keep going....well I couldn't keep going, I was sinking fast, my kids were suffering for it...mom was functioning but wasn't there, at least not the way they remembered mommy always being there.
My kids were my motivation to seek help ....went into therapy and returned to prayer...here I am today.
My first therapist wanted to put me on Prozac...my bff begged me not to take it...she is a psychiatric nurse....I took her advice and changed therapists, all the better for it.

You have a ton of courage, my friend!!! I'm so glad you found a way out of such a painful relationship, bc not all people can find that way out. I can't even imagine the fear and pain of spousal / partner abuse .

Therapy is amazing, isn't it? With the right therapist (which can be very hard to find, like a needle in a haystack), you can really work through a ton of stuff, and develop coping mechanisms that can work no matter what comes up to haunt you later.

Glad you are healed / healing .

[Ellie May]

I have been meaning to post here but keep forgetting. Not sure where to start, so let's go with the beginning...

Traumatic childhhod. Alcoholic father. Divorce. Continued conflict with father (to this day). Death of brother. Long list of health problems, one of which most of you would be shicked at. In suspence yet?

In fifth grade math became difficult for me, then over the years, studying in general. Got to college with a major procrastination issue and an inability to grasp math/chem. Kind of important for a pre vet... I had been mildly depressed, but nothing that jumped out/that
i would admit to. Also always had anxiety issues. ADHD runs in the fam. I figured I had it, but went undiagnosed mostly bc the drugs are not great for heart patients (which I am). Continuously procrastinated and didn't do well in harder classes despite people thinking that I should "just do it". In March of last year it all spilled out.

I had had a few margaritas. The next morning something was just off. Thought I was hung over. Later that night I was trying to study for immuno (gag) and just could not. I'd open the book and cry. Frustrated that I had put the studying off, but also frustrated that something was obviously wrong. I cried and cried and cried. Failed the immuno test. Failed the class. Went to my GP. Diagnosed with AZdHD, anxiety, and depression. Started on Concerta. Heart did not like it. Put on Buspar or anxiety (so much more went on around this time...notice my absence from yt). Anyway, that drug forced me to sleep after taking it. Hated it. Doctor didn't really care bc she was too concerned about me becoming dependent on whatever else she coud prescribe.

Went to a psych. Invalidating waste of time. Went to the ER later that day bc on top of everything I was dizzy. Just needed answers bc I can't go to class, etc. ER was no help. They did an EKG and it loked abnormal to them. They thought I had heart block. So I am transferred to the ER that my cardio is at. The next day he reads the EkG, sets everyone straight that this is normal for cardiomyopathy, and sends me home (love him). So I see the second psych that my GP recommended. He was supposed to be an education expert. He (in so many words) said I am unmotivated, this vet stuff might not be for you, you aren't going to be able to pull this off, blah bleh. So that made it worse. Couldn't stop crying. GP heard me over the phone and tod the fam that I should be admitted for inpatient eval. Yup, give a 24 yo a psych record when she hadn't even sent me for an outpatient eval! Oh and she refused to give me an antidepressant bc of the heart and would not consult with cardiologist about it (different hospital system - her panties were in a twist the my cardio wasn't at her hospital). Anyway, amazing family. They were totally against the admitting advice. Never tried to force me. Actually, this is still really fresh and hard to type. I went into severe fear of loss of control bc a doctor was trying to force this on me (as an aside, I was not suicidal....). Left that GP (saw her on and off fr 24 years and she had always listened before). Saw an aazing psychiatrist a few days ater that did start an antidepressant. It has worked very well. When cardiologist fund outbthat
i was now on this type of med he said it is actually good for the heart issue.
During this whole time a very, very, very special person from YT held me hand. ...like constantly... when the doctors and psychs were making it worse she was there to make it better again. The mental health system in this country is a disaster. I felt so helpless with nowhere to turn. Professionals were not listening and I was devastated/scared stiff.

I also talked to my 'second parents' the weekend before seeing the psychia. I'm convinced that I would have ended up admitted if it hadn't been for that.

Psychia believes depression and anxiety in this case is secondary to ADHD. This is why ADHD shoud never ever ever be taken lightly.

Playing with the meds to see what wors best for me.
Saw another therapist. Okay but nothing to write home about. Seemed like another waste of money. I might try one more someday, but overall I'm not sure it is for me. The experiences are somewhat creepy to me (depends on who you go to). I am a very deep person and have to figure everything out. That is something I am learning to let go bc I literally could drive myself insane. For me that means sticking to faith, trusting that God is there to figure it all out so I don't have to, etc. I make a practice of walking through fears/anxieties, forgiving people...bc it is good for me. And yes, there are still many days where it is very hard, but I am just so grateful that I'm not where I was ten months ago.

Gotta stop there and ger ready for class.
Sorry for typos. Not editing.

[Wallee]

Originally Posted by Ellie May

I have been meaning to post here but keep forgetting. Not sure where to start, so let's go with the beginning...

Traumatic childhhod. Alcoholic father. Divorce. Continued conflict with father (to this day). Death of brother. Long list of health problems, one of which most of you would be shicked at. In suspence yet?

In fifth grade math became difficult for me, then over the years, studying in general. Got to college with a major procrastination issue and an inability to grasp math/chem. Kind of important for a pre vet... I had been mildly depressed, but nothing that jumped out/that
i would admit to. Also always had anxiety issues. ADHD runs in the fam. I figured I had it, but went undiagnosed mostly bc the drugs are not great for heart patients (which I am). Continuously procrastinated and didn't do well in harder classes despite people thinking that I should "just do it". In March of last year it all spilled out.

I had had a few margaritas. The next morning something was just off. Thought I was hung over. Later that night I was trying to study for immuno (gag) and just could not. I'd open the book and cry. Frustrated that I had put the studying off, but also frustrated that something was obviously wrong. I cried and cried and cried. Failed the immuno test. Failed the class. Went to my GP. Diagnosed with AZdHD, anxiety, and depression. Started on Concerta. Heart did not like it. Put on Buspar or anxiety (so much more went on around this time...notice my absence from yt). Anyway, that drug forced me to sleep after taking it. Hated it. Doctor didn't really care bc she was too concerned about me becoming dependent on whatever else she coud prescribe.

Went to a psych. Invalidating waste of time. Went to the ER later that day bc on top of everything I was dizzy. Just needed answers bc I can't go to class, etc. ER was no help. They did an EKG and it loked abnormal to them. They thought I had heart block. So I am transferred to the ER that my cardio is at. The next day he reads the EkG, sets everyone straight that this is normal for cardiomyopathy, and sends me home (love him). So I see the second psych that my GP recommended. He was supposed to be an education expert. He (in so many words) said I am unmotivated, this vet stuff might not be for you, you aren't going to be able to pull this off, blah bleh. So that made it worse. Couldn't stop crying. GP heard me over the phone and tod the fam that I should be admitted for inpatient eval. Yup, give a 24 yo a psych record when she hadn't even sent me for an outpatient eval! Oh and she refused to give me an antidepressant bc of the heart and would not consult with cardiologist about it (different hospital system - her panties were in a twist the my cardio wasn't at her hospital). Anyway, amazing family. They were totally against the admitting advice. Never tried to force me. Actually, this is still really fresh and hard to type. I went into severe fear of loss of control bc a doctor was trying to force this on me (as an aside, I was not suicidal....). Left that GP (saw her on and off fr 24 years and she had always listened before). Saw an aazing psychiatrist a few days ater that did start an antidepressant. It has worked very well. When cardiologist fund outbthat
i was now on this type of med he said it is actually good for the heart issue.
During this whole time a very, very, very special person from YT held me hand. ...like constantly... when the doctors and psychs were making it worse she was there to make it better again. The mental health system in this country is a disaster. I felt so helpless with nowhere to turn. Professionals were not listening and I was devastated/scared stiff.

I also talked to my 'second parents' the weekend before seeing the psychia. I'm convinced that I would have ended up admitted if it hadn't been for that.

Psychia believes depression and anxiety in this case is secondary to ADHD. This is why ADHD shoud never ever ever be taken lightly.

Playing with the meds to see what wors best for me.
Saw another therapist. Okay but nothing to write home about. Seemed like another waste of money. I might try one more someday, but overall I'm not sure it is for me. The experiences are somewhat creepy to me (depends on who you go to). I am a very deep person and have to figure everything out. That is something I am learning to let go bc I literally could drive myself insane. For me that means sticking to faith, trusting that God is there to figure it all out so I don't have to, etc. I make a practice of walking through fears/anxieties, forgiving people...bc it is good for me. And yes, there are still many days where it is very hard, but I am just so grateful that I'm not where I was ten months ago.

Gotta stop there and ger ready for class.
Sorry for typos. Not editing.

Amazing you should mention Adhd in this scenario. My oldest son was diagnosed with ADD when he was 13. He was put on Dexidrin and that started his downward spiral of experimental drugs, ecstasy and whatever he could get his hands on. After he took his life, I did my research on the drugs he had used. It all started to make so much sense. The Dexidrin caused him to have very bad OCD for starters. Also, it seems that many times, people with depression are being treated for ADD. He never was a hyper child and I questioned the ADD thing at the time but was told he just didn't have the H part of ADHD..I trusted the doctors when it appears I shouldnt have..What he really did gave was depression and he proved that 3 weeks before he turned 18.

[Ellie May]

Originally Posted by Wallee

Amazing you should mention Adhd in this scenario. My oldest son was diagnosed with ADD when he was 13. He was put on Dexidrin and that started his downward spiral of experimental drugs, ecstasy and whatever he could get his hands on. After he took his life, I did my research on the drugs he had used. It all started to make so much sense. The Dexidrin caused him to have very bad OCD for starters. Also, it seems that many times, people with depression are being treated for ADD. He never was a hyper child and I questioned the ADD thing at the time but was told he just didn't have the H part of ADHD..I trusted the doctors when it appears I shouldnt have..What he really did gave was depression and he proved that 3 weeks before he turned 18.

I'm so sorry to hear that.
It is definitely misdiagnosed a lot. Some have it and a doctor thinks some random testing says they don't and others don't have it but it is the 'easy' diagnosis.

You definitely don't have to be hyperactive to ave ADHD (although that is fery common in children). The stimulant meds can works wonder for people who have this, but for those who don't and get placed on stims it is not always going to come out well.

[Wylie's Mom]

Originally Posted by Ellie May

I have been meaning to post here but keep forgetting. Not sure where to start, so let's go with the beginning...

Traumatic childhhod. Alcoholic father. Divorce. Continued conflict with father (to this day). Death of brother. Long list of health problems, one of which most of you would be shicked at. In suspence yet?

In fifth grade math became difficult for me, then over the years, studying in general. Got to college with a major procrastination issue and an inability to grasp math/chem. Kind of important for a pre vet... I had been mildly depressed, but nothing that jumped out/that
i would admit to. Also always had anxiety issues. ADHD runs in the fam. I figured I had it, but went undiagnosed mostly bc the drugs are not great for heart patients (which I am). Continuously procrastinated and didn't do well in harder classes despite people thinking that I should "just do it". In March of last year it all spilled out.

I had had a few margaritas. The next morning something was just off. Thought I was hung over. Later that night I was trying to study for immuno (gag) and just could not. I'd open the book and cry. Frustrated that I had put the studying off, but also frustrated that something was obviously wrong. I cried and cried and cried. Failed the immuno test. Failed the class. Went to my GP. Diagnosed with AZdHD, anxiety, and depression. Started on Concerta. Heart did not like it. Put on Buspar or anxiety (so much more went on around this time...notice my absence from yt). Anyway, that drug forced me to sleep after taking it. Hated it. Doctor didn't really care bc she was too concerned about me becoming dependent on whatever else she coud prescribe.

Went to a psych. Invalidating waste of time. Went to the ER later that day bc on top of everything I was dizzy. Just needed answers bc I can't go to class, etc. ER was no help. They did an EKG and it loked abnormal to them. They thought I had heart block. So I am transferred to the ER that my cardio is at. The next day he reads the EkG, sets everyone straight that this is normal for cardiomyopathy, and sends me home (love him). So I see the second psych that my GP recommended. He was supposed to be an education expert. He (in so many words) said I am unmotivated, this vet stuff might not be for you, you aren't going to be able to pull this off, blah bleh. So that made it worse. Couldn't stop crying. GP heard me over the phone and tod the fam that I should be admitted for inpatient eval. Yup, give a 24 yo a psych record when she hadn't even sent me for an outpatient eval! Oh and she refused to give me an antidepressant bc of the heart and would not consult with cardiologist about it (different hospital system - her panties were in a twist the my cardio wasn't at her hospital). Anyway, amazing family. They were totally against the admitting advice. Never tried to force me. Actually, this is still really fresh and hard to type. I went into severe fear of loss of control bc a doctor was trying to force this on me (as an aside, I was not suicidal....). Left that GP (saw her on and off fr 24 years and she had always listened before). Saw an aazing psychiatrist a few days ater that did start an antidepressant. It has worked very well. When cardiologist fund outbthat
i was now on this type of med he said it is actually good for the heart issue.
During this whole time a very, very, very special person from YT held me hand. ...like constantly... when the doctors and psychs were making it worse she was there to make it better again. The mental health system in this country is a disaster. I felt so helpless with nowhere to turn. Professionals were not listening and I was devastated/scared stiff.

I also talked to my 'second parents' the weekend before seeing the psychia. I'm convinced that I would have ended up admitted if it hadn't been for that.

Psychia believes depression and anxiety in this case is secondary to ADHD. This is why ADHD shoud never ever ever be taken lightly.

Playing with the meds to see what wors best for me.
Saw another therapist. Okay but nothing to write home about. Seemed like another waste of money. I might try one more someday, but overall I'm not sure it is for me. The experiences are somewhat creepy to me (depends on who you go to). I am a very deep person and have to figure everything out. That is something I am learning to let go bc I literally could drive myself insane. For me that means sticking to faith, trusting that God is there to figure it all out so I don't have to, etc. I make a practice of walking through fears/anxieties, forgiving people...bc it is good for me. And yes, there are still many days where it is very hard, but I am just so grateful that I'm not where I was ten months ago.

Gotta stop there and ger ready for class.
Sorry for typos. Not editing.

So glad you shared all of this . I knew you'd get to this thread eventually, when you had time btwn all your -in-real-life- commitments.

What I can't get over is all of the shuffling you had to go through to get some dang help. Meaning, REAL help from someone who knew what they were doing. I don't think this kind of shuffling around happens to everyone anymore, but when it does happen - holy all - it just causes a gigantic mess and more pain for the person going through it. What happened to you should not have happened . You deserved so much better than this.

Even though you're still struggling at times, I know you'll get closer and closer to where you hope to be. Everything will get more balanced as they get better at figuring out the meds and all. What's great is that you're getting help *now*, when you're young...instead of wasting decades (like me) without any help or relief. You will be so much better for it in the long run!

[Ellie May]

Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom

So glad you shared all of this . I knew you'd get to this thread eventually, when you had time btwn all your -in-real-life- commitments.

What I can't get over is all of the shuffling you had to go through to get some dang help. Meaning, REAL help from someone who knew what they were doing. I don't think this kind of shuffling around happens to everyone anymore, but when it does happen - holy all - it just causes a gigantic mess and more pain for the person going through it. What happened to you should not have happened . You deserved so much better than this.

Even though you're still struggling at times, I know you'll get closer and closer to where you hope to be. Everything will get more balanced as they get better at figuring out the meds and all. What's great is that you're getting help *now*, when you're young...instead of wasting decades (like me) without any help or relief. You will be so much better for it in the long run!

It was insane.

This reminded me - please don't hesitate to see a psychiatrist. GP's can be clueless about psychological issues. Override them if you have to and do what you need to do to get help. If I had went to a psychia within the first week, things probably wouldn't have spiraled out of control. I know what you all have heard about them being nothing but drug dealers, blah bleh. But the reason they appear that way is bc for some that approach really is necessary. My (ex) GP certainly is not a fan of psychiatrists, but her refusal to try effective drugs came very close to ruining my life.