Emotional/mental ...labeled....

[rubymoon2072]

Originally Posted by celstu1

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry!!! I live in NH, a little more South than you, actually we own a timeshare in Sanbornton, NH, right next to you. I love your area!!! I love Lake Winni and Laconia and spend a lot of the summer up there. Friends of ours have a camp up there, last year we tried to buy one too. I know how long and hard the winters can be also. He must want to care for his family more than he can and that may be killing him.

We should try to meet up this summer with the pups! I'm 36 and my hubby is 44, so we all roughly the same age. That would be fun! My Fletcher loves other dogs to play with... my Dexter, not so much! HAHA

i would love that. i actually have a beautiful back yard, in the summer i set up our pool and the kids pool lol....we have a pond and everything. i only wish i could afford to make it all fenced in and keep out the rottie that thinks small dogs are toys that lives next to me. her mother is not very good about keeping her in the yard all them time. most times but sometimes she sneaks over.

i live next to gunstock so i usually walk the kids there. lola and dexter should hit it off as shes not into other dogs. haha. cedric and keylo love to play with others. we are around the same age and you can always use a new friend. =*(())

[rubymoon2072]

btw thank you so much and yes it has taken its toll on his pride.

[celstu1]

I have a fenced in yard for the 'kids' if you want to come south a bit, and an in-ground pool for all the kids (skin and fur)! My 2 fur boys love swimming in the pool, they are very good at it. The skin kids are always welcomed to the pool too, as long as they don't mind the fur kids being in with them! haha As for the Rottie, well I would be ok, but not ok with my boys if the Rottie were out. Ive been lightly bitten by 2 dogs in my life, and both were Rotties. I'm a little gun shy when it comes to them.

[Verbena]

Originally Posted by rubymoon2072

originally a couple of crushed discs....when we first moved to nh while he was chopping wood. it was the middle of winter and he wanted to keep us warmer than the oil heat was doing. hes had three back surgeries total..and the last one did not fix what it was supposed to. the first surgeon wasnt really a good one and it sorta went downhill from there. he has always pushed through though and gone to work. even if he had to suffer but now hes been listed as disabled and stays home with the kids all day. he feels like a loser staying home...so that also doesnt help with our mental fight. he hasnt yet accepted this is the way things are.

I can understand how he is feeling. I have been there. I have damage to my spine, neck, shoulder, knees. How long has he been hurt? Mine is 14.5 years. I was a very active person. Working 60-80 work weeks, Yoga, working out, dancing, riding a motorcycle, volleyball, etc. then came to a screeching halt. The pain, the meds, the loss of self worth. I total get it.

[rubymoon2072]

Originally Posted by Verbena

I can understand how he is feeling. I have been there. I have damage to my spine, neck, shoulder, knees. How long has he been hurt? Mine is 14.5 years. I was a very active person. Working 60-80 work weeks, Yoga, working out, dancing, riding a motorcycle, volleyball, etc. then came to a screeching halt. The pain, the meds, the loss of self worth. I total get it.

yes exactly and it is not something i can really help him with to a certain point i can encourage but after that its beyond me. its been 11 years but just only a year...this month last year is when the doctor informed us he could never return to work or do the things he once did...he had his third surgery in nov of 11 and we expected a full recovery so it was a shock.

[rubymoon2072]

Originally Posted by celstu1

I have a fenced in yard for the 'kids' if you want to come south a bit, and an in-ground pool for all the kids (skin and fur)! My 2 fur boys love swimming in the pool, they are very good at it. The skin kids are always welcomed to the pool too, as long as they don't mind the fur kids being in with them! haha As for the Rottie, well I would be ok, but not ok with my boys if the Rottie were out. Ive been lightly bitten by 2 dogs in my life, and both were Rotties. I'm a little gun shy when it comes to them.

either or works for us. trust me when shes in my yard all jason or i have to do is make eye contact with her and she knows to leave our yard. she actually took my punkee princess who has since passed by the neck and was tossing her like a toy. thankfully jason was out with her and not me. he had to hit her with a stick for her to let go of my punkee princess. she wasnt hurt only emotionally probably cause she was 13 pounds. if it were cedric or lola that may have not been the case. i told the neighbor what happened and since then shes tried to keep her in her own yard more. my kids are never out alone and we keep our eyes peeled for her.

[sandy simpson]

We all walk through the valleys of life. How did I make it? Faith, family, friends and dogs. I could not make it alone. Look up-there is strength from the Lord. There is peace amid the storms of life. My husband and I are cancer survivors and my daughter a bi-polar diagnosis. How did we make it? Cried out to Jesus. I am telling you, He is the answer. Life is not easy and we need the help of the man who came down to this very earth and died for us. Now He has a place for us in heaven. All we do is turn our life to Him and let Him carry us through. He led me to the most awesome psyc dr when I was in depression over cancer. He will help you. Read the bible, grab ahold of the promises in there and you will find comfort like I did.

[Lovetodream88]

Originally Posted by sandy simpson

We all walk through the valleys of life. How did I make it? Faith, family, friends and dogs. I could not make it alone. Look up-there is strength from the Lord. There is peace amid the storms of life. My husband and I are cancer survivors and my daughter a bi-polar diagnosis. How did we make it? Cried out to Jesus. I am telling you, He is the answer. Life is not easy and we need the help of the man who came down to this very earth and died for us. Now He has a place for us in heaven. All we do is turn our life to Him and let Him carry us through. He led me to the most awesome psyc dr when I was in depression over cancer. He will help you. Read the bible, grab ahold of the promises in there and you will find comfort like I did.

Even with God medicine can be necessary because there is a chemical imbalance in the brain.

[McheleM]

Originally Posted by sandy simpson

We all walk through the valleys of life. How did I make it? Faith, family, friends and dogs. I could not make it alone. Look up-there is strength from the Lord. There is peace amid the storms of life. My husband and I are cancer survivors and my daughter a bi-polar diagnosis. How did we make it? Cried out to Jesus. I am telling you, He is the answer. Life is not easy and we need the help of the man who came down to this very earth and died for us. Now He has a place for us in heaven. All we do is turn our life to Him and let Him carry us through. He led me to the most awesome psyc dr when I was in depression over cancer. He will help you. Read the bible, grab ahold of the promises in there and you will find comfort like I did.

Not everyone believes in the same "all loving god" that you do. And that's all I'm going to say, because I don't want a religious debate.

[concretegurl]

Originally Posted by McheleM

Not everyone believes in the same "all loving god" that you do. And that's all I'm going to say, because I don't want a religious debate.

Thanks.
Its often isolating for some when a single religion or sectors of it are constantly at the forefront.

Back on topic, I've never struggled with anything other than temporarily due to life circumstances, depression, anxiety, but am in a relationship with someone who has a metal disorder-not sure how else to classify it no offense.

Its helpful to read others share their experiences, I really struggle trying to make it more logical and have a just get over it attitude, the inner struggle of the other person isn't vocalized so it's a sheer frustration is guessing their experience of events and emotional responses.

[Wallee]

I just want to start by saying depression is VERY REAL. I lost my oldest son 3 weeks before his 18th birthday to suicide. The after affects and post traumatic effects will last with my youngest son and I forever. I, too have struggled with depression most of my life as it is strong in my family too. My youngest son made an attempt on his life 10 years after losing his only brother while he was away at University. He had never properly dealt with the loss of his brother nor the PTS from being only 15 and cutting his brother down and trying to perform Cpr.
Sadly, my ex (their father). Still believes it is not real and a person can snap out of it. Knowing what it's like being depressed at times I can attest that only meds and professional help gets one on the right track.

[Wylie's Mom]

Originally Posted by Wallee

I just want to start by saying depression is VERY REAL. I lost my oldest son 3 weeks before his 18th birthday to suicide. The after affects and post traumatic effects will last with my youngest son and I forever. I, too have struggled with depression most of my life as it is strong in my family too. My youngest son made an attempt on his life 10 years after losing his only brother while he was away at University. He had never properly dealt with the loss of his brother nor the PTS from being only 15 and cutting his brother down and trying to perform Cpr.
Sadly, my ex (their father). Still believes it is not real and a person can snap out of it. Knowing what it's like being depressed at times I can attest that only meds and professional help gets one on the right track.

I recently read a quote from someone who said about depression:
Anyone who expects you to "snap out of it" is essentially asking you to perform your own brain surgery via telekinesis.

I'm so sorry about what your sons have been through . Depression is so painful and it's SO hard to fight bc it feels there isn't a reason to fight, at its worst.

---------

This thread is amazing, and I think it's so brave and important to share this kind of stuff bc there are still stigmas about mental health issues. Lynzy, thanks so much for starting this .

I remember feeling depressed even as a young child; given my childhood, I know where this comes from - so it makes sense now. It was far worse in jr high and then especially high school...but no one really recognized it bc I didn't act out - I just went inward, and my parents ignored the signs. I faked being okay, which I'm still an expert at. In my 20s, it was horrible after my Mom died (when I was 21) and I was in a very bad place - but still, I wasn't aware that I should get help, or that I could get help...I just suffered and felt dead inside; and self medicated by experimenting w/ lots of fun drugs , just so that I could feel SOMEthing. My late 20s/early 30s looked super "successful" on the outside and I think bc of this, bc I could "function" - I just kept stuffing everything deeper and deeper. God, what a mistake! That causes SO much more damage than what is already there.

Finally around age 36, I just crashed...just isolated from everyone around me, except when I had to go to work. I stopped returning calls to all friends and family. I SO hoped that, somehow, I would just die a quick natural death bc I just couldn't live like that anymore.

When I finally got help after my best friend said she was scared to death for me, I was diagnosed w/ major depression and PTSD. I went on meds and went to therapy. Therapy can be amazing...especially if you've stuffed things to infinity.

Depression is rampant in my family, from my Mom's side....almost a genetic guarantee. I have 2 female cousins who were cutters and had extensive issues. Eating disorders in all 5 females that are in my generation of the family. Think my great grandma was bipolar. Substance abuse in various family members.

Needless to say, I'll probably always have to take some kind of med to support my messed up brain chemistry...there is just no way around it. I'm always at risk for deep, deep, paralyzing depression - so I really have to watch for it.

Those w/ depression: if you haven't read William Styron's "Darkness Visible", you absolutely must! He is a writer who suddenly suffered a major, deep depression. The way he writes about depression and articulates how it feels is nothing short of amazing. And, extremely validating.

[concretegurl]

Originally Posted by Wallee

I just want to start by saying depression is VERY REAL. I lost my oldest son 3 weeks before his 18th birthday to suicide. The after affects and post traumatic effects will last with my youngest son and I forever. I, too have struggled with depression most of my life as it is strong in my family too. My youngest son made an attempt on his life 10 years after losing his only brother while he was away at University. He had never properly dealt with the loss of his brother nor the PTS from being only 15 and cutting his brother down and trying to perform Cpr.
Sadly, my ex (their father). Still believes it is not real and a person can snap out of it. Knowing what it's like being depressed at times I can attest that only meds and professional help gets one on the right track.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[GuinnessStout]

Originally Posted by DBlain

I wanted to add this to my post but waited to long

I have a question as an outsider looking in. For those of you with depression or anxiety, what do you feel is the best way people close to you handle you when they might be getting frustrated with your problems in dealing with life. Do you like to be encouraged, or forced to do something, or just be left alone. I am assuming that when in the moment being left alone is your choice, but what about afterward, are you like, wow thanks for making me go or do such and such. Often my reaction is to try to encourage but I never really know the right approach. thanks

I was not going to answer this but now I feel the need to.... For an outsider looking in on the world of somebody that lives day to day with anxiety here is how it goes... You wake up.. Better yet you TRY to go to sleep at night but you can't because you mind is going 500 miles a minute driving you nuts of did I say something wrong, did I do something wrong, have a hurt somebody, OMG did I do what was best for me, my family, my dog today are they going to get hurt or die because of what I did... Hmm do I smell fire? Did I leave a candle on.. Let me go check... Ok no candles wait did I lock the doors? Let me go check... Hmm are my car doors locked let me check that... Was Guinness fed enough today? Is his blood sugar ok or is going to die in his sleep? Wait I think I might have said something wrong to my friend today because she posted on FB she was upset... OMG I bet I did and now she hates me... She is attacking me I just know it but she is not saying it was me but I know everybody knows it was me... Now I wish I would just die in my sleep because I am not doing what is best for Guinness so he is going to die and I might have said something wrong and my best friend hates me... This goes on nonstop until my medicine kicks in and I can sleep!!! Around people I say things wrong or come across too blunt because I lack the ability to fully think thru what I say and how I say it before it just flies out my mouth... I have been known to hurt a person or two BUT after they come back and ask why did you say or do that and I explain and say that I am sorry we work things out like adults most times... Other times it comes down to they feel the need to attack back which just sends me into a deep dark lonely spiral bringing on even an worse attack which has been known to make me lock myself in my room in the dark alone and wish for death. People with anxiety a lot of times also have social anxiety that make us says things for attention because if we don't we fear we will fade into the background and forget us.... And these things might not always be the "right" things to say because no mater the type of attention it is just attention.
So figured now would be a great time to explain and let you know what it is like to live in our shoes.

[celstu1]

I've never been "labeled"... And most days/nights, that's how I live. Hhhhmmmmm