I recently read a quote from someone who said about depression:
Anyone who expects you to "snap out of it" is essentially asking you to perform your own brain surgery via telekinesis.
I'm so sorry about what your sons have been through
. Depression is so painful and it's SO hard to fight bc it feels there isn't a reason to fight, at its worst.
---------
This thread is amazing, and I think it's so brave and important to share this kind of stuff bc there are still stigmas about mental health issues. Lynzy, thanks so much for starting this
.
I remember feeling depressed even as a young child; given my childhood, I know where this comes from - so it makes sense now. It was far worse in jr high and then especially high school...but no one really recognized it bc I didn't act out - I just went inward, and my parents ignored the signs. I faked being okay, which I'm still an expert at. In my 20s, it was horrible after my Mom died (when I was 21) and I was in a very bad place - but still, I wasn't aware that I should get help, or that I could get help...I just suffered and felt dead inside; and self medicated by experimenting w/ lots of fun drugs
, just so that I could feel SOMEthing. My late 20s/early 30s looked super "successful" on the outside and I think bc of this, bc I could "function" - I just kept stuffing everything deeper and deeper. God, what a mistake! That causes SO much more damage than what is already there.
Finally around age 36, I just crashed...just isolated from everyone around me, except when I had to go to work. I stopped returning calls to all friends and family. I SO hoped that, somehow, I would just die a quick natural death bc I just couldn't live like that anymore.
When I finally got help after my best friend said she was scared to death for me, I was diagnosed w/ major depression and PTSD. I went on meds and went to therapy. Therapy can be amazing...especially if you've stuffed things to infinity.
Depression is
rampant in my family, from my Mom's side....almost a genetic guarantee. I have 2 female cousins who were cutters and had extensive issues. Eating disorders in all 5 females that are in my generation of the family. Think my great grandma was bipolar. Substance abuse in various family members.
Needless to say, I'll probably always have to take some kind of med to support my messed up brain chemistry...there is just no way around it. I'm always at risk for deep, deep, paralyzing depression - so I really have to watch for it.
Those w/ depression: if you haven't read William Styron's "Darkness Visible", you absolutely must! He is a writer who suddenly suffered a major, deep depression. The way he writes about depression and articulates how it feels is nothing short of amazing. And, extremely validating.