Very personal about anorexia.

[KiKiPie]

Is there anyone here that has suffered with this? If you are comfortable with talking about it, would you please pm me?
I have lost 45 pounds over the last 6-7 months. I started at 150 lbs. (I know thats not too bad) Several family members have always commented on how fat and chubby I was. My husband never said that, but I knew he thought it by little things he said. I finally felt so sick about myself I went to a "Dr" my friend was going to and got some rx diet pills. (I know they are terrible for you, I think they killed half my brain cells) But I took them for three months and started exercising. I havent taken any pills in 3 months but I live my life all day everyday waiting to gain weight again. If I eat a lot one day, I just hate myself and can't stop thinking about it. So the next day I will just eat one serving of fruit because I am so upset with myself. I LOVE food. I crave ice cream and desserts like a crazy person. Growing up (and still) my mom an I have always LOVED ice cream and use to go to Baskin Robbins or DQ 4 times a week. Anyway, I have never shared any of this with anyone, so please don't bash me. I really wanted to talk about it and see what I can do to not be obsessed every single day of my life about it.

[littlewhip]

I dont personally have it, But i think your courage to come forward and ask for help is amazing, even if its just to talk to someone, I have other health issues and i know first hand how difficult it can be to share something so personal
I only weigh 97, I try to gain weight and just cant, Been on so many meds and nothing works. I think its time for you to see a doctor hun, There are alot of support groups and meds that can help you, please dont feel alone, HUGS.

[KiKiPie]

Originally Posted by littlewhip

I dont personally have it, But i think your courage to come forward and ask for help is amazing, even if its just to talk to someone, I have other health issues and i know first hand how difficult it can be to share something so personal
I only weigh 97, I try to gain weight and just cant, Been on so many meds and nothing works. I think its time for you to see a doctor hun, There are alot of support groups and meds that can help you, please dont feel alone, HUGS.

Thank you! That really means a lot. I have NO one to talk to about it. I have tried so many times to tell my husband that I have a problem but he doesnt listen at all. I think he is just glad I am not the size I use to be. I hate that all of my thoughts are consumed by food.

[IluvLucy]

God bless you for having the courage to discuss this issue. My older sister was anorexic in high school. This was in the '70's when anorexia wasn't the issue it became later on.

She wasn't fat, but she thought she was. She just stopped eating. She'd eat half a piece of plain bread in the morning and brush her teeth and then not eat 'til the next day. Her appearance drastically changed to the point where she looked like she had tennis balls for knees.

To this day, I don't know what brought her out of it - but something happened. She spent an entire summer between her jr and sr years in high school with a favorite aunt and when she returned, she was much better.

Don't feel like you're alone with your food issues, I believe they're much more common than you think. I became extremely overweight after my husband died and had gastric bypass surgery earlier this year. I'm down 83 lbs with 20 to go to reach my goal weight.

You may need to discuss your problem with a dr, but please, for your own health - don't take any more diet pills. Those things will kill you!

[Smarty Bones]

I used to be a dancer and everyone around me (family, teachers, etc) would tell me I was fat when I was mathematically underweight. NO matter what size anyone is, positive or negative reinforcement from family is very strong. I'm so sorry that I can't talk right now about my own experience (too painful, unhealthy for me to revisit that time right now, i'm so sorry).

is there anyway you can talk to a third party? a therapist? I say this as someone who has personally benefited from talking to a 3rd party (a counselor during college at first). if you look in the phone book, you will find therapists that charge on a sliding scale, based on what you can afford. Even just one session can be helpful. Another excellent resource is to look at a website for eating disorder treatment and see if they can recommend someone in your area.

Please talk to someone who you can trust AND who isn't necessarily in your family. Family and friend just see the before and after snapshot and not the obsessional thoughts behind it. The reason I suggested a counselor is b/c they have had experience with others in our situation. People who haven't gone thru it can sympathize but it's very hard to understand that it's not just about weight if you or someone close to you has gone through it.

Please consider this. The literature show that early invention is the key to getting and staying in a healthy frame of mind for individuals with eating disorders. As someone who got help late, I really implore you to consider speaking with a doctor or 3rd party of any kind. It's SUCH an isolating condition. You've recently lost about 1/3 of your body weight. I'm concerned about your physical and well as emotional help.

GETTING HELP DOES NOT MEAN YOU WILL GAIN ALL THE WEIGHT BACK. THAT FEAR KEEPS SO MANY OF US FROM TALKING TO DOCTORS AND IT DOES **NOT** HAVE TO BE THAT WAY. I PROMISE

Another thing I learned is to try to avoid is eating disorder forums, which can be counterproductive. Often, postings there can be a trigger for more obsessional thinking and a lot of people posting almost read as tips for maintaining an eating disorder (unintentionally).

I wish you the very best and will be thinking of you.

[Wylie's Mom]

It took enormous courage to post about this, since eating disorders are usually misunderstood - and therefore, people who have them won't discuss them. I PMd you.

[IluvLucy]

Originally Posted by Smarty Bones

is there anyway you can talk to a third party? a therapist? if you look in the phone book and call around or look on the web, you will find therapists that charge on a sliding scale, based on what you can afford. Even just one session can be helpful.

I say this as someone who has personally benefited from talking to a 3rd party (a counselor during college at first). I used to be a dancer and everyone around me (family, teachers, etc) would tell me I was fat when I was mathematically underweight. NO matter what size anyone is, positive or negative reinforcement from family is very strong. I'm so sorry that I can't talk right now about my own experience (too painful, unhealthy for me to revisit that time right now, i'm so sorry).

Please talk to someone who you can trust AND who isn't necessarily in your family. Family and friend just see the before and after snapshot and not the obsessional thoughts behind it. The reason I suggested a counselor is b/c they have had experience with others in our situation. People who haven't gone thru it can sympathize but it's very hard to understand that it's not just about weight if you or someone close to you has gone through it.

Please consider this. The literature show that early invention is the key to getting and staying in a healthy frame of mind for individuals with eating disorders. As someone who got help late, I really implore you to consider speaking with a doctor or 3rd party of any kind. It's SUCH an isolating condition.

Another thing I learned is to try to avoid is eating disorder forums, which can be counterproductive. Often, postings there can be a trigger for more obsessional thinking and a lot of people posting almost read as tips for maintaining an eating disorder (unintentionally).

I wish you the very best and will be thinking of you.

This is GREAT advice!

[Smarty Bones]

I apologize, my computer froze and my last part got cut off.


I am so very sorry you are suffering right now. Your courage to come here and talk about your experiences speaks volumes about your character. I am going to do some serious introspection and talk to a therapist again so that I will be more comfortable revisiting the past, in case I can help in any way

PLEASE DON'T GO AWAY. PLEASE KEEP TALKING TO US.

If you're feeling up to it, can you please tell me three things about yourself that you like -- three physical and three about your personality. PM me if you are more comfortable.

[amandawash]

You are so brave to come forward with this, and it hurts me to think you can't even talk to your husband about it.

I struggled with anorexic-like behavior for a few years in early high school. I was a dancer as well, and just hated myself. I would not eat breakfast, would eat a small package of pretzels for lunch, and pick at dinner. I couldn't have weighed more than 100lbs, but had curves, which in my mind, made me fat. I somehow grew out of it when I realized that I liked to run and liked going to the gym and working out. Becoming physically fit (different than skinny) made me change my habits and allowed me to eat healthy- not starving myself. I went through another bout of it in early college, where I went from 118lbs to 105lbs. I had a lot of stress at that time and felt like I was losing control. Luckily, I never got to a dangerous point, but I still worry someday I could get "triggered" and go back to it. I now try to control stress with exercise and believe it or not Ranger has really been fantastic for my stress levels.

I agree with everyone else that you need to talk to someone. Maybe after you have made some headway with yourself, you can bring your husband into it and he can be part of your support system. Again, I think you are so amazingly brave to bring this up, but surprised you would think people would "bash" you. I hope you get some help and get better. We are all here for support.

[KiKiPie]

I cant tell you thank you enough for everyone that has posted. I have been longing for someone to talk to that would just understand how I feel. I usually do just eat one meal a day. Sometimes if its late, I think that I have gone so far without anything today, I don't want to "mess" it up and eat now. (I KNOW this is not normal) About a month ago everyone in my family (except my dh) would say I looked sick and awful and too skinny... now I think I have gained about 10 pounds back and they say I look better. But I hate that. That makes me feel like I am gaining all the weight back.
I know this sounds just silly and I know that this is not correct thinking at all. I know that. I don't even know how to enjoy my life anymore because this is all I think about. To give you an example of how different I look I went from an xl in shirts with a 38D bra size to an xs or s in shirts and a 34b bra. I use to wear a ten in pants and now a 0. If I put my clothes on in the morning and I feel like they are getting tight, it scares me to death. THANK YOU for listening to me. Thank you so much. Really, it is great to be able to write my thoughts down and have a little encouragment.

Originally Posted by Smarty Bones

I apologize, my computer froze and my last part got cut off.


I am so very sorry you are suffering right now. Your courage to come here and talk about your experiences speaks volumes about your character. I am going to do some serious introspection and talk to a therapist again so that I will be more comfortable revisiting the past, in case I can help in any way

PLEASE DON'T GO AWAY. PLEASE KEEP TALKING TO US.

If you're feeling up to it, can you please tell me three things about yourself that you like -- three physical and three about your personality. PM me if you are more comfortable.

[KiKiPie]

Originally Posted by Smarty Bones

I apologize, my computer froze and my last part got cut off.


I am so very sorry you are suffering right now. Your courage to come here and talk about your experiences speaks volumes about your character. I am going to do some serious introspection and talk to a therapist again so that I will be more comfortable revisiting the past, in case I can help in any way

PLEASE DON'T GO AWAY. PLEASE KEEP TALKING TO US.

If you're feeling up to it, can you please tell me three things about yourself that you like -- three physical and three about your personality. PM me if you are more comfortable.

I forgot.. 3 things. I think I am extremely kind hearted, patient, and encouraging. ... physically, the only thing I can think of is maybe I have nice hair?

[txshopper73]

Kristi...I applaud you for wanting to find out more about this disorder. There are so many women/men in this country that suffer from this condition. Admitting that the problem may exist is the first step.

So many people feel like they are out of control of their life...but their weight IS the one thing that they think can control.

Please seek help. People with anorexia (one instance) suffer from something called DISTORTED BODY IMAGE. They see themselves as being fat when indeed, they are not. I am 5'6"...at one time, I got down to 103 lbs...but considered myself fat. I'd look at myself in the mirror and hated what I saw. I saw someone that was grossly overweight and out of proportion.

I had underlying issues from childhood that caused me to view myself as less than perfect.

I encourage you to talk when you feel the need to talk...and to seek professional help. This is a disease...not something that people can choose to do or not to do...hugs to you!

[KiKiPie]

It makes me sick to look at myself when I was bigger. This picture was not even a year ago, last Christmas. The next one is from August at my birthday, and the last one is from today.. thats me with the pink shirt on.

[Catrina]

Originally Posted by KiKiPie

It makes me sick to look at myself when I was bigger. This picture was not even a year ago, last Christmas. The next one is from August at my birthday, and the last one is from today.. thats me with the pink shirt on.

I personally think that you look great! I don't suffer from this but I know a loooot of people that have. I don't think anything is wrong with dessert. You shouldn't feel guilty.. it's just about the amount you eat. And if you do eat over, maybe a little walking around will help so you don't feel guilty? I think you should maybe see a nutritionist? Or you could ask your Doctor and maybe they can tell you what is the appropriate portions you should consume daily and try that for a while. Something else that may help is to eat like more little meals during the day.. that way you stay fuller and if you really crave food then maybe lots of fruits and veges to satisfy the hunger? Another thing is to keep yourself busy... have you tried some exercising? I know that makes a lot of people feel so much better about themselves. I'm sorry to hear that your husband doesn't really seem like he wants to discuss this with you.. but I think its probably better to discuss it with women who understand better and I'm glad you are getting some help on here! Good luck~!

[andibaby]

Wow- you were very beautiful before and still are. Your hair is nice-you are right. But you also have a catching smile and beautiful eyes. Don't cut yourself short here. I have always struggled with weight. But more in a need to get to a healthy weight issue because it bothers me. I am not extremely overweight either-just uncomfortable with my size. But cannot obsess about it-I am to busy obsessing about 4 kids, 2 dogs, a hubby, and a chaos home. I do get sad about it though.