Very personal about anorexia.

[PANAMA69]

I think you look good. When I came here to US, I was so skinny I always been small frame, actually my nick name back home huesito (small bones) then I got huge from eating lots of junk food, and not doing anything been almos depress missing my family back home. Then I got fit and people start telling me I was too skinnyl, is because they didn't know me before, now that I have pack some lbs no one said anything I find that interesting and . If you know you are eating right, and doing the right thing and above all you are happy then that is all matter

[allisongaines]

when i was a junior in high school, there was so much going on..
my bf of almost two years was off to college, hurricane katrina, and just the normal stresses of a teenage girl. i was already small.. i would say 5ft 3in and 103 lbs. i played soccer all my life so i was all muscle.
i started to look at myself and find things i thought were wrong with me. for hours i would look at myself in the mirror. there was some fat here.. some there.. ugh, i hated it. so i just stopped eating. after like two days i saw a small difference... (since i was already small) like my stomache wasnt pooched out.. so i kept going. after awhile started keeping a food journal so that i could see how little i ate - like it was a good thing. somedays id only get a bowl of cereal... maybe a sandwich if i was lucky. meanwhile, i was still playing soccer everyday. my legs were thin, my skin was grey, my hair was coming out. i got sick when i ate..
after about a year, my mom started to notice. so did my boyfriend. one day i woke up and just thought... i dont care anymore.. and thats when i started eating normal.
i do admit that i did go over board and that i am more than i want to weigh.. im 5ft 4 and 120lbs. but i like my curves

[Wylie's Mom]

Originally Posted by phfgkl

Why do you say she is not suffering from anorexia?
Here is a site..maybe it will help you
Anorexia Nervosa - AOL Health

Good link.

There are a lot of misconceptions about eating disorders - and this thread is a good example.

[KiKiPie]

Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom

Good link.

There are a lot of misconceptions about eating disorders - and this thread is a good example.

From my understanding of anorexia, I feel like this is what I suffer from. I could be terribly wrong. But I feel like when I go days with eating one 300 calorie meal a day, that would be considered anorexic. Again, I could be wrong. Thats why I was hoping to be able to get some advice and support from someone here. I feel like being obsessed with my weight and with food 24 hours a day is a problem. I think that when I do eat, and it makes me hate myself for the whole day, that is a problem. I am aware that I have a problem. I know that I have a distorted body image. I know that no matter if I weigh 150 lbs. or 100 lbs. I still look at myself and feel sick because I think I look overweight. No matter how many people comment on how "sick" I look. In my mind, I am still big. I don't know how it got to this. A year ago, I had no issues like this, except for always feeling a little chubby and having family members comment on that. However, I do think that when I no longer enjoy my life anymore because all I do is think about how scared I am to gain weight and how terrified I am to eat even a bite of food because it may make me look the way I use to.. that they may be a form of anorexia. I don't think its normal to wake up, get dressed and think my clothes fit a little tighter than they did a few days before and so I make sure I don't eat for two days... that is a problem. Again, I have never shared any of this with anyone before I posted this thread. I sincerely appreciate anyone that has pm'd me or given me words of encouragement. It honestly means more to me than you know. I agree that I should find someone to talk to about it. I just hate to disapoint my family. Thank you again. I'm so thankful for my friends here.

[Ashley V]

Originally Posted by KiKiPie

From my understanding of anorexia, I feel like this is what I suffer from. I could be terribly wrong. But I feel like when I go days with eating one 300 calorie meal a day, that would be considered anorexic. Again, I could be wrong. Thats why I was hoping to be able to get some advice and support from someone here. I feel like being obsessed with my weight and with food 24 hours a day is a problem. I think that when I do eat, and it makes me hate myself for the whole day, that is a problem. I am aware that I have a problem. I know that I have a distorted body image. I know that no matter if I weigh 150 lbs. or 100 lbs. I still look at myself and feel sick because I think I look overweight. No matter how many people comment on how "sick" I look. In my mind, I am still big. I don't know how it got to this. A year ago, I had no issues like this, except for always feeling a little chubby and having family members comment on that. However, I do think that when I no longer enjoy my life anymore because all I do is think about how scared I am to gain weight and how terrified I am to eat even a bite of food because it may make me look the way I use to.. that they may be a form of anorexia. I don't think its normal to wake up, get dressed and think my clothes fit a little tighter than they did a few days before and so I make sure I don't eat for two days... that is a problem. Again, I have never shared any of this with anyone before I posted this thread. I sincerely appreciate anyone that has pm'd me or given me words of encouragement. It honestly means more to me than you know. I agree that I should find someone to talk to about it. I just hate to disapoint my family. Thank you again. I'm so thankful for my friends here.

That should be the last of your worries. You're family should love and support you no matter what and want you happy and healthy. Honestly, I would sit them down and talk to them whether it be as a group or individually. Tell them how you feel, why you feel that way, and how they can help you feel better (like not commenting on your weight for starters). If they can't support you, then I'm sorry, but you need to have a long break from them until you are 100% better and are stable minded.

[phfgkl]

Never feel bad about your weight..I had 3 siblings, the rest of them are in the right weight range, I was the only big one(baby of the family)..I had a Grandma that used to say, when I die, I'm leaving everyone $1000, but, to you, I'm leaving a diet book..that hurt my feelings..well, when she died, she left all of us a $1000..Everyone used to say things about me being over weight(except my Mom) but, they say it was because they were worried about me..now, the only one that gives me a hard time is my brother, but, I let it go in one ear and out the other..Like I said, I would like to lose weight(for me) but, I don't obsess with the weight issue anymore..just love yourself for who you are and stop obsessing about the weight..!

[Mom to Hot Rod]

Kikipie, I applaude you for talking about this. This is the first step in recovery.

I had a very dear friend who was bulumic (sp). She would exercise and run so we all did not realize that she had anything else going on; we thought she was physically fit. It wasn't until she passed out at home was then admitted into the hospital that we knew something was wrong. She had a lot of inner turmoil going on and her way of dealing with it was to look good on the outside. She was a college graduate, had lots of friends, did well at work but lacked self confidence.

Once it came to light that she was bulumic, everyone rallied around her. She and her family went to counseling together and in separate sessions and so on. She didn't realize just how she affected those around her and how much everyone cared for and about her. She felt that she was not up to everyone's standards and expectations of her-she was so very wrong about all of that and she came to realize it after years of therapy.

You've taken the first steps in helping yourself but you don't have to do it alone. Talk and ask for the help of your family, they will surprise you. You look amazing in your photos. I wish you the best in your jouney.

[Wylie's Mom]

Originally Posted by KiKiPie

From my understanding of anorexia, I feel like this is what I suffer from. I could be terribly wrong. But I feel like when I go days with eating one 300 calorie meal a day, that would be considered anorexic. Again, I could be wrong. Thats why I was hoping to be able to get some advice and support from someone here. I feel like being obsessed with my weight and with food 24 hours a day is a problem. I think that when I do eat, and it makes me hate myself for the whole day, that is a problem. I am aware that I have a problem. I know that I have a distorted body image. I know that no matter if I weigh 150 lbs. or 100 lbs. I still look at myself and feel sick because I think I look overweight. No matter how many people comment on how "sick" I look. In my mind, I am still big. I don't know how it got to this. A year ago, I had no issues like this, except for always feeling a little chubby and having family members comment on that. However, I do think that when I no longer enjoy my life anymore because all I do is think about how scared I am to gain weight and how terrified I am to eat even a bite of food because it may make me look the way I use to.. that they may be a form of anorexia. I don't think its normal to wake up, get dressed and think my clothes fit a little tighter than they did a few days before and so I make sure I don't eat for two days... that is a problem. Again, I have never shared any of this with anyone before I posted this thread. I sincerely appreciate anyone that has pm'd me or given me words of encouragement. It honestly means more to me than you know. I agree that I should find someone to talk to about it. I just hate to disapoint my family. Thank you again. I'm so thankful for my friends here.

Oh hon, I think you might've misunderstood what I meant above - I'm so sorry if that came off wrong. I *totally* agree with YOU, which is why I gave that "thumbs up" to that link someone provided for you. I think you know via our PMs that I understand exactly where you are.

My comment about misconceptions was in no way aimed at you - it was more for some of the comments on this thread that show how misunderstood EDs are (ie, people telling you that you're *fine*! ).

HUGS HUGS HUGS. You know I'm here for you.

[DENISE517]

I too have no experience on this issue. I'm over weight and know that weight can be an issue rather you are too small or over weight. It can make you feel terrible and its emotionally hard. My thoughts and prayer are with you that you get the right help you need and emotional support from your family.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!

HUGS TO YOU!

[Bruce's_Mom]

OP you should be really proud of yourself that you can be honest about the fact that you have developed a problem. Do not listen to any suggestion, from anyone, that this is not the case! I have been where you are, I know it is easy to brush off the problem when it is in its early stages or listen to others that it is not that bad. Eating 300 calories a day is not normal food behavior for an adult woman, even if you do not yet (because you are simply not emaciated enough) meet the criteria for a clinical diagnosis of anorexia you still having an eating disorder from what it sounds like. Please reach out and get yourself help, even if you are afraid of disappointing your family. Things can get a lot worse.

I have always struggled with my weight. In middle school I received a subscription to Seventeen magazine as a birthday gift, and that is when the comparisons began. I have now learned at that time I was far from overweight but I sure did not look long and lean like those girls...So I started "dieting." This consisted of eating 2 sugar free popsicles per day and a cup of rice which I would follow up with 2 to 3 hours of jogging. Eventually I started having fainting spells, so in to the doctor it was. The doctor figured I had a blood sugar problem so then I was given supplemental nutrition bars...I then became obsessed with portion control and rationing and would cut each bar into 10 pieces. Those 10 pieces were all I would eat throughout the day save for the dinner I had to eat in front of my family. On most nights this dinner wound up going down the toiled.

By high school I weighed something like 89 pounds and I wore the coveted size 0. It seemed great, but what I did not realize is that by chronically comparing myself, and having slightly disordered behavior I had laid the foundation for many serious health problems down the road...So I stayed the course and kept obsessing, nothing was ever quite enough, I will spare you the details, but in sum due to my obsessing I did not really enjoy my teenage years, at least not like I should have. Before college I never reached 100 pounds, I can see how sick that is now, but at the time I used to find it pleasing.

Through all of this my family suffered as much as I did. My parents felt responsible, they felt they had to keep constant guard over my eating habits; they spent in well excess of $100k of their savings and put a second mortgage on their house to get me failed treatment after failed treatment. They began blaming each other. Their marriage was nearly destroyed. I lost their trust and their respect. Of course I could have prevented this by being honest with them in the beginning, when I still had my mind around the fact that I had a problem, I chose not to.

I spent hours that I should have been having fun, playing sports or going to the mall in hospitals and therapists offices. Even when I did participate in normal activities a lot of the joy was lost because I was wrapped up in worrying about how I could avoid going out to dinner before prom or if I had snuck enough diuretics to not look "bloated." Shopping for my prom dress with my mom, I remember crying hysterically because the dress I wanted would not fit properly, at the time I thought it was because I was an awkward size, but it was simply because I was too boney.

By the time I reached college my habits became truly bizarre. Once there, I could go about attempting to be too thin unfettered by my parents. I began living off 1 bullion cube a day, eating cotton to avoid feeling hungry, taking 10-20 ephedrine pills per day, and having weekly binges in which I would routinely eat $200 worth of groceries in a sitting and promptly purge. I fought desperately against the fact I reached 100 pounds, and I did so brutally. One spring break I went shopping with a friend from the dorm. I was 20 years old at this point and the size 0 at Old Navy was too big. I fit into the large size children’s clothing. I felt like that was a huge achievement...I did not realize all the sales people, my friend, everyone was horrified...I kept on...

Once in law school, after 10 years of dysfunctional behavior, I fell in love with a fellow law student who ended up be a complete ass who broke my heart over and over again, but the one thing he did was watch my behavior. He urged over and over for me to reenter treatment, and worked with my family to try to get me help, etc. I refused naturally, until one morning. It was our second year and we had been up nearly all night studying for finals. I woke up and felt strangely hot, I stumbled to my bathroom and began vomiting blood, I blacked out and walked through my hall I am told now that I was crawling...The boyfriend picked me up and said I felt cold to the touch, I remember feeling like I was burning up. He rushed me to a hospital. As it turns out I had a heart attack. At age 22 I had a heart attack! Not only did I have a heart attack, I had several problems. I was malnourished, dehydrated and had a severe electrolyte imbalance which caused the heart attack. I had adema, muscular atrophy, tearing in my esophagus, gastrointestinal bleeding, thrombocytopenia causing me to have suppressed immune system, ketoacidosis, osteopenia (thing preosteporosis), I had not had a period in 3 years (I now may be unable to have children), my teeth that were rotting from vomiting (I did not choose my veneers I had to get them), I had a heart arrhythmia, and peptic ulcers. Essentially I had the body of someone 30-40 years older than I was. All to be thin, all because I could not stop comparing.

Today I still struggle. Just recently I had a horrible break up and of course I found myself fasting. I am somehow psychologically immune to feeling hunger; this has been profoundly negative in terms of trying to have normal eating habits. I am overly self critical and sometimes become depressed. I still have to attend regular therapy. I tell you all this because there was a point at which I had a problem, I knew it, could have gotten help and chose not to. I live with the consequences today, but it is not just me that does it is my loved ones, my friends, my family, the people that I burned over the years to hide my problem or because I was so unbalanced I did not realize I was doing it. Please find help for yourself before things come to this.

[maxlover]

My daughter went through this in high school - we went through therapy and doctors. She found a wonderful doctor who helped her through it. Please get help though - she was at the point she had to have EKG's and it was affecting other internal organs, her hair was thinning, etc. Today she is a happy, healthy young woman. She still struggles off and on, I think it is always in the back of her mind, but she maintains her weight now at a healthy level. You are not alone - many young women have this disorder and there is help. There is alot of support out there now. Bless your heart, it takes alot of courage to open up about this.

[blueeyes_jd]

sweetie... as everyone before me said... you are a VERY strong BEAUTIFUL woman! reading all of these post from people on here has made me think of a few things....
1. no matter how hard you try to "hide it" your family already knows its not a very good secret because your body is giving you away...
2. like a lot of people on here have said you NEED HELP!!
3. you need to throw out your scales... and not look in the mirror for awhile...
and the list can go on and on... but I want to tell you my little secret... when I was 7 years old my mother died from breast cancer. then my Dad remarried 11 months after... not giving his children enough time to grieve... and on top of that she was the EVIL step mother... when I was 12 I think I was in a size 2 or so... my dad told me I was too fat... so I started looking at my friends and compering myself... I had a friend where guys could wrap their arm around her waist... so I stopped eating... at the time I was dealing with my mothers death, my father marring the EVIL step mother, her son sexually abusing me, and my family being torn apart... I ended up being pushed off to the side... being physically, mentally, and emotionaly abused by my father and his wife... and would get "kicked out" of my home, and then they would call the police on me... I ended up going to a foster home. and got to a point where I felt comfortable enough to eat again... then my foster mom started... she is someone that is really sick herself... so when I gained weight... she would say to me... "we need to go on a diet" so I went on all of the diets you can imagine and it wasnt good enough for her... so I stopped eating once again and started exercising ALL the time... I would wake up early go walking/jog 3 miles then I would get home shower get ready for school, go to school and I had dance and drill, and arobics then I would get home do homework then eat a fistful of dinner then I would go to my room and do a work out video then repeat EVERYDAY... after about 3 weeks my foster mom then said to me "Jessica you are getting too skinny, too fast" so I ALWAYS felt that I wasnt good enough for ANYONE... I think at that point I felt like I couldnt make anyone happy no matter WHAT I did... it just wasnt good enough... so I turned to find love in ALL the WRONG places... and ended up getting hit by a car... and I was in bed for about a month... thats the only way I got out of it.. but now instead of not eating thats all I do is EAT... so THANK YOU for posting this! it has made me realize I too NEED HELP! I feel like you really need to talk to your husband with a counselor or doctor... Im sure he knows but I think he is just trying to not see it ... so it kind of makes him as sick as you are in a way... Im sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry you have to go through this... I would wish this on NO ONE!!! its my own personal HELL... I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK!! and I hope you take some advice from these loving SMART people on here... and open up to at least your mom... HUGS and LOTS AND LOTS of PUPPY KISSES!!!