You are so brave to come forward with this, and it hurts me to think you can't even talk to your husband about it.
I struggled with anorexic-like behavior for a few years in early high school. I was a dancer as well, and just hated myself. I would not eat breakfast, would eat a small package of pretzels for lunch, and pick at dinner. I couldn't have weighed more than 100lbs, but had curves, which in my mind, made me fat. I somehow grew out of it when I realized that I liked to run and liked going to the gym and working out. Becoming physically fit (different than skinny) made me change my habits and allowed me to eat healthy- not starving myself. I went through another bout of it in early college, where I went from 118lbs to 105lbs. I had a lot of stress at that time and felt like I was losing control. Luckily, I never got to a dangerous point, but I still worry someday I could get "triggered" and go back to it. I now try to control stress with exercise and believe it or not Ranger has really been fantastic for my stress levels.
I agree with everyone else that you need to talk to someone. Maybe after you have made some headway with yourself, you can bring your husband into it and he can be part of your support system. Again, I think you are so amazingly brave to bring this up, but surprised you would think people would "bash" you. I hope you get some help and get better. We are all here for support. |