Cheating Husband...

[Tiggerwit]

Originally Posted by txshopper73

How will your friend take it once she finds out it was you that spilled the beans? Will she tell her hubby that you have made it all up...since no one would want to think their spouse were cheating on them, the spouse may choose to believe the cheater.

I would not want to be in your shoes because you're stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I think the hubby is the one cheating, not the friend, although as a couple they are both friends of the OP, at least that's how I read it. It's a catch 22 and unpleasant situation all the way around. How will your friend react if you tell her and then again how would she react if you don't and she finds out down the road you knew and didn't tell her.

It's a hard place to be in. How good of a friend is she? I don't know. On one hand I feel mind your own business but on the other if she's a good friend I think there's an obligation to tell.

I'm sorry, what a moral dilemma.....

[sweetheartsok]

What's the old saying, "It's better to have loved and lost then not to have loved at all." I think this can be applied to your friendship. If you truly love your friend I feel you would risk your friendship in order for her to know the truth of what's going on behind her back. "The not to have loved at all." In this situation would be that you not say anything to spare yourself being hurt in this situation which to me would say that you didn't love your friend enough to tell her the truth of what you know.

Either way you will find out if you have a true friendship with your friend. Her husband is a snake and she deserves to know the truth. Then let her decide what she wants to do. I would think he is sweating in his little booties knowing that you caught him in the act. What did he have to say for himself? Good luck with whatever decision you make.

[Wylie's Mom]

Now that you have this information, I think you really need to ask yourself what it means if you now hide this information from your friend. I find that dishonest to the friendship, no matter what the result.

I would talk to the husband and give him an opportunity to act with integrity and tell her himself; and I'd let him know that otherwise, the truth would have to come from me - which would be much more painful for her (bc of how exposed she'd feel).

[megansmomma]

Originally Posted by Mitzis Mom

Well... since the cheating part is your friend I think it would be best if you talked to him about the whole thing. That's what friends do. Let him know that you feel bad about that and that you are in a difficult situation. Show him the pictures so he sees that he can't deny it. Let everything go from there.

IMO it's never a good idea to come between two fires and it is also not up to you to decide how serious this thing is and I, personally, would keep out of it, except of the talk with my friend.

This is exactly what I was thinking I would do if in this situation. I would probably also add that since you have knowledge of this fling, infidelity or whatever he would like to call it either he tells or you tell. Give him a set amount of time to make the decision. In the end I do think you will be losing your friends over his disregard for their marriage.

I can feel your pain~I am so sorry that you are in this position.

[megansmomma]

Originally Posted by megansmomma

This is exactly what I was thinking I would do if in this situation. I would probably also add that since you have knowledge of this fling, infidelity or whatever he would like to call it either he tells or you tell. Give him a set amount of time to make the decision. In the end I do think you will be losing your friends over his disregard for their marriage.

I can feel your pain~I am so sorry that you are in this position.

Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom

Now that you have this information, I think you really need to ask yourself what it means if you now hide this information from your friend. I find that dishonest to the friendship, no matter what the result.

I would talk to the husband and give him an opportunity to act with integrity and tell her himself; and I'd let him know that otherwise, the truth would have to come from me - which would be much more painful for her (bc of how exposed she'd feel).

Ann~I think we were both posting at the same time with just about the same advice. Only yours is worded much better.

[MissSophie]

I agree that you should go to the one who is cheating and tell him what you know. Then tell him that you will give him x number of days/weeks to tell his spouse, or you will. Then just wait. My ex-husband of 18 years cheated on me, and after it was all over, I still don't know what I would have done if someone would have told me. However, I felt so betrayed. I am happily re-married, and I am glad that I don't have to think about that again. But I certainly would have also felt very stupid if I was the only one who didn't know, especially if my good friend did

[alishasmom]

She will find out sooner or latter. When that happens, she will also know, who knew, and didn't tell her. Then she will hate you for not telling, her. On the other hand. if you tell her, she is going to doubt you through the prosses of denial, then after everything is over, your friendship will never be the same. No win situation here. Whatever you do, dont let "him" know that you know.

[alishasmom]

The reason why I say, dont tell "him" that you know, is because a cheatting husband who's given the heads up about being discovered, is capable of anything.

[Sky Fox]

I really appreciate everyone giving their take on this delicate situation. I told my husband so we too could discuss it.

Thankfully - my husband took the ball and went with it. He went down there and talked to him. I printed the images out and he took them down there for him to see. Gave them to him. I have them saved here.

My husband is 42 and this fella is 30ish. They fish together and my husband kind of unofficially mentors him - he looks up to my husband. So my husband going to him was PERFECT!

He seemed shameful in his actions and SAID he was going to tell his wife. My husband told him: You know how my girl is - if she thinks it - she says it. So - if you dont tell your girl chances are my girl will.

Scare tactic. Everyone that knows me knows - I call it like I see it. And with brutal child-like honesty. But I know when to open my mouth and speak - likewise - I know when to shut it and keep to myself. Most important!

So the jest of it is: He burned the pics while they were in the shed talking (understandable). He said he was going to tell her but this would be the end to them. But - it needed to be. From what he says - the marriage has simply lingered for quite some time now lacking any and all love - attention - affection - sexual relations. It was just easier to stay together - he said.

I felt I needed to report back and let you know the out come as I brought you into it. Thats about all I need to say. I hope they work it out. KIDS!

[red98vett]

Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom

Now that you have this information, I think you really need to ask yourself what it means if you now hide this information from your friend. I find that dishonest to the friendship, no matter what the result.

I would talk to the husband and give him an opportunity to act with integrity and tell her himself; and I'd let him know that otherwise, the truth would have to come from me - which would be much more painful for her (bc of how exposed she'd feel).

that about sums it up for me too - let HIM tell her

[txshopper73]

Originally Posted by Sky Fox

I really appreciate everyone giving their take on this delicate situation. I told my husband so we too could discuss it.

Thankfully - my husband took the ball and went with it. He went down there and talked to him. I printed the images out and he took them down there for him to see. Gave them to him. I have them saved here.

My husband is 42 and this fella is 30ish. They fish together and my husband kind of unofficially mentors him - he looks up to my husband. So my husband going to him was PERFECT!

He seemed shameful in his actions and SAID he was going to tell his wife. My husband told him: You know how my girl is - if she thinks it - she says it. So - if you dont tell your girl chances are my girl will.

Scare tactic. Everyone that knows me knows - I call it like I see it. And with brutal child-like honesty. But I know when to open my mouth and speak - likewise - I know when to shut it and keep to myself. Most important!

So the jest of it is: He burned the pics while they were in the shed talking (understandable). He said he was going to tell her but this would be the end to them. But - it needed to be. From what he says - the marriage has simply lingered for quite some time now lacking any and all love - attention - affection - sexual relations. It was just easier to stay together - he said.

I felt I needed to report back and let you know the out come as I brought you into it. Thats about all I need to say. I hope they work it out. KIDS!

Thanks for the update. I feel bad for them...it appears with what you've written that their marriage will be over after this. I wish them all the best and kudos to your husband for standing up and taking charge...mine would have just stayed out of it!