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08-05-2005, 11:02 AM | #1 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Arkansas
Posts: 972
| Pitty Party :( I'm having a really bad week!!! I started seeing this guy for almost a month now and I'm completely head over heels! I haven't really "dated" anyone since my senior year when the then "Love of My Life" broke my heart and since then I haven't had strong feelings about anyone until now. The guy is great, so sweet after a week of seeing each other he sent me 1/2 dozen roses but the problems is he is so "hot and cold". His last relationship was horrbile. He worshiped the ground his ex walked on and she did nothing but cheat on him the ENTIRE time and use him because he paid for everything, and I mean everything she wanted. One day things are going great then the next he "needs some space". Ever since my last relationship I've been very independent and head strong but for some reason this guys has me hooked. All day long I've been torturing myself because I'm scared to death that maybe he's not into me anymore or maybe I'm pushing to much. He told me from day one that he was looking to settle down and find the "right" girl and be in a serious relationship and most days he acts like that but today isn't one of them. I'm sorry for such a long post but I'm at work with nothing to do but let these thoughts run through my mind and has literally made me sick. I don't understand what's wrong with me I don't ever act like this ever!!! I'm usually the one to push people aways because I'm scared I will end up getting my heartbroken again. Any advice?? |
Welcome Guest! | |
08-05-2005, 11:19 AM | #2 |
Tinkerbell, My Little Flutterpup Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Beautiful California!
Posts: 6,112
| I would not pressure or push him, let it be and enjoy what it is. I know that is hard especially in the situation you are in now. Just relax, take a deep breath and tell yourself you can handle whatever becomes of this relationship you have with him. Sending lots of postive thoughts your way. |
08-05-2005, 11:20 AM | #3 | |
YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Effingham, Illinois
Posts: 2,535
| Quote:
Act like everything is ok and around him be happy, happy, happy! NEVER call him--let him call you and when he does tell him about all the neat things you've been doing and how busy you've been. Don't be available to him 100% of the time either. Remember, men like to work hard for what they get! Don't play hard to get, BE hard to get. Think of the one who broke his heart! She was a real challenge, right? Not that I'm saying you should be a user and a cheat! I'm definetely not saying that! Whatever you do, if you want to marry this man someday---DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM!!! Sorry to those of you who have live-ins, but this is my opinion and advice was asked for!
__________________ I'd rather be in Mexico! | |
08-05-2005, 11:22 AM | #4 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Arkansas
Posts: 972
| Thank You! I really need positive thoughts right now. I don't think I'm pushing, I'm just going with the flow. I just wonder if he is pushing me away when he starts getting close because he's scared. But truth be told I'm just as scared. I've been alone for so long and now it feels like I finally found someone and even though we've only been together a month my heart is breaking for fear of losing what it took so long to find. |
08-05-2005, 11:28 AM | #5 | |
BANNED! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Janesville WI
Posts: 2,483
| Quote:
I agree, dont be there at his every beck and call. Make him want you. Ive been there and done that. Im almost 30 and have yet to be married. Yes i have kids but I was never married to thier dad. I have been through hell and back when it comes to relationships. I have been the girl that answers the phone on the first ring, the one that did everything he wanted, the one that made myself into some one I wasn't, the one that waited on him hand and foot and the one that never had an opinion. But then again I have dated: the drunk, the mean drunk, the party animal, the abusive one, the mommas boy, the pig, and so on. Now I am me. I have opinions, I stand on my own 2 feet, I never sacrifice who I am or what I believe in, I always make my voice known. So if you really want this to work out with him you need to still be you. Be the person you were the day you started dating. Dont change who you are. And like it is said above, DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM....... Again, I have been there and done that. Best of luck. If you need someone to talk to you are more than welcome to PM me. Im always here to listen. | |
08-05-2005, 11:30 AM | #6 |
& Bailey & Bella Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Ohio
Posts: 8,164
| I agree with the others, Men love a challenge, nothing will push him away quicker than being clingy and needy, give him space, men cant handle that,, If hes INTO you, he'll react to that. And if not,,, YOU'RE better off.. I know how hard, being distant can be,,,believe me,,but I know from experience it DOES work. Play it cool,,,and He'll get HOT!
__________________ Rhonda, Bailey, Josie and my angel Bella Rue' "Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." ~Anatole France~ |
08-05-2005, 11:38 AM | #7 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Arkansas
Posts: 972
| That's the thing I'm not always available to him. I go out and do my own thing when I want and if I feel like going and hanging out and he doesn't I go and do as I please. It's always "You wanna hang out tonight" never "Hey I'll be at your house in 5 minutes". I've told him up front from day one I don't want to spend my every moment with you and there will be times I won't to go hang out with my girls and if you ever want to hang out with your friends without me, just tell me it won't hurt my feelings at all. I'm not the type to have someone tell me what I can and can't do and I'm not going to act like that either. It's just tearing me up inside that we click so well and get along so good and have tons of fun with whatever we do but ever now and then he pulls away and I don't get it. It's like he's not sure what he wants. I haven't talked to him today nor will I until he calls (he said he'd call later) but I can't stand the waiting game. I talked to his best friend and he says that he really likes me (many people have told me this) but he thinks that maybe he just overwhelmed because he went from being single for a few years (just like me) to all the sudden having a girlfriend. Hello we're in the same boat!! But instead of talking to me he keeps everything inside for fear of how I might react I guess. |
08-05-2005, 11:47 AM | #8 |
Tinkerbell, My Little Flutterpup Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Beautiful California!
Posts: 6,112
| Just from my experience, never talk to his bestfriend about him! His best friend is probably going back to him telling him how desperate and insecure you are. |
08-05-2005, 11:49 AM | #9 |
YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Effingham, Illinois
Posts: 2,535
| Don't talk to his best friend about him too much! If the best friend is telling you things just smile and say "that's nice, I like him too. We have fun together." Keep it VERY light with everyone about him. pm all of uss if you have to, but let the world around him think you aren't that serious and just having a good time. Remember, his best friend will tell him everything you say and maybe it will sound like you are the one instigating the conversations.
__________________ I'd rather be in Mexico! |
08-05-2005, 11:50 AM | #10 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Arkansas
Posts: 972
| It's not actually his bestfriend, it's my best friend, his best friends wife. I talk to her a lot about me and him just because I don't know him that well but it's strickly girl talk between me and her. |
08-05-2005, 11:56 AM | #11 | |
YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Effingham, Illinois
Posts: 2,535
| Quote:
__________________ I'd rather be in Mexico! | |
08-05-2005, 12:02 PM | #12 |
Charmed by Sophie & Daisy Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: North Alabama
Posts: 593
| Affairs of the heart - such pain and drama I agree with the above posts. I know it's tough to play the waiting game when your heart is on the line. If he's 'that into you' then it will work out. It sounds like you ARE that into him. I"ll keep my fingers crossed for you guys! |
08-05-2005, 12:20 PM | #13 |
YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Northern Indiana
Posts: 1,252
| I'm not sure aloof is the best way to play this game. I dont' think you should change anything about the way you respond to him. If all of the sudden you start playing hard to get and aloof his worst fears will have come true, (i.e. another girl that doesn't want me or is cheating on me). As far as talking to your best friend go ahead and talk, but don't tell her anything you wouldn't say to his face because chances are good it will get back to him. I would imagine he's scared and hurt and doesn't want to take the risk of getting hurt again unless he's sure you're into him. My husband was terrified of takin risks, but me and him got a long great because i didn't play games and told him the truth and was honest with him from the beginnings. most of my girl friends thought i was insane because of the kind of things i would tell him, but i didn't care i am who i am and i just hoped he liked it. Some guys do like a challenge don't get me wrong....i've never been much of challenge, if i like a guy i tell him so, but i'm afraid if you make this guy chase you he won't because he probably chased his last girlfriend and that didn't turn out well. he may be pushing you away subconsiously trying to protect himself just let him know that taking things slow is okay and you're in no rush, but aren't going anywhere either.
__________________ Ponyup Mom to LOGAN |
08-05-2005, 12:23 PM | #14 |
YT 6000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 6,238
| Take it one day at a time, and just be happy! Don't worry too much about the small details, and let him know how you feel (when appropriate) and try to get him to open up about his feeling as well. Communication is a good thing. Relax, over time, both of you will realize whether you guys are meant to be or not. Just be honest and open in your relationship, and hopefully he'll do the same for you. And remember that not every guy likes a woman that plays hard to get (or plays games), but since it sounds like you guys have been dating for a while already, that's probably not a critical issue for you right now. Maybe make plans to see him a couple of times a week, and if you both want more later, add on more dates. Just enjoy it! |
08-05-2005, 12:24 PM | #15 |
BANNED! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Janesville WI
Posts: 2,483
| And there you have the mans point of view. LOL |
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