Has anyone ever read "he's just not that into you"

[bizzbeth]

Some of you know I'm going through a crappy breakup with my BF of 5.5 years whom I live with.

I came home (to my mom's house) for the weekend because I couldn't function around him and she had me read "he's just not that into you"... I admit some of the stuff is no-brainer... but the thing that hit the hardest was something along the lines of this:

If he wants to be with you and you are a huge part of his future and he care for you and loves you enough he would try anything to make it work. If he breaks up with you and says "it's not you, it's me... I need to get some things straight and I hope we can be together in the future" it means he just isn't that into you. If he really thinks you're as amazing as he says you are he'd NOT be willing to let you go "do what you want while he does what he wants"...

That's my crappy situation and no matter how much I cry about it he obviously doesn't want me back and if he was into me as much as he says he is then he wouldn't be throwing it away to go out on the weekends with his friends.

It's a tough realization... but I'm worth more than that and I hope that someone will realize that

Thanks for listening

[tjdmom]

Don't worry someone will but in the meantime, concentrate on yourself and think about what it is about you that wants someone someone like him. You have a lot of power here and use it so that you are never in that kind of situation again. It sounds like you are on the right track, you should be proud of yourself.

[Patti]

Yoor soul mate will come when the time is right. Try spending time with friends doing things you enjoy, take a class etc just try to keep busy. Break ups stink but you learn something from every experience.

[Wylie's Mom]

I haven't read it, but I really feel for you. Darlin', let me tell you - you will know you've met your "king" when you feel like you're treated like a "queen". And, I don't mean over-the-top gifts and flower and blah blah - I mean, he treats you like a queen as in - love, affection, attention, caring, listening, puts you first. You just KNOW.

It may be difficult, but don't settle for anything less - because YOU are worth SO much more. GEEZ GIRL, look at that pic in your avatar ---- you have no reason not to wait for what YOU want, because you will find it!!!!!

So, turn it around and think to yourself "This guy isn't giving me what I ultimately need and want....and I'm JUST not that into it!"...put the ball in your court so that you have some of the decision making power, it feels so much better that way. Hang in there, because waiting for the right man is one of the best decisions you'll ever make!

[bchgirl]

It's a hard realization. Just remember...his actions speak louder than words.

If he wanted to do....anything....he would. Simple as that...regardless of how busy he is, how stressed, or any other excuse he has...if he wanted to see you, wanted to call....he would.

I agree....stay busy!!

[marcerella02]

Hi Elizabeth. I know what you are going through... i was with my ex for 3 years... we had plans to get married... and out of no where he told me he wasn't in love with me any more.... the folowing year was the hardest year of my life.. i felt like i was walking with this cloud all around me... i lost a lot of weight because i woudln't eat... and i know you don't want to hear it will get better but i want you to know that how you feel is normal... i cried every day for the first few months... but let those who are around you help you... when you don't want to go out.. let them take you out... one day you are going to wake up and realize the first thing you thought of was something OTHER than your ex... and then before you know it a whole day will go by... i'm here if you want someone to talk to... feel free to pm me *sending you a big hug*... guys can be horrible....

[Charlies Angel]

You can do such much better than him! Get on with your life and focus on YOU! do what you want, what makes you happy, and just have fun. I know it's hard, but you don't want to be with someone that doesn't want you. When your not looking, you'll find the man you've always dreamed about. Keep your head up and don't look back. The future is bright!

[pinkshoesgal]

First of all, I love that book! It's so funny and so true! I'm sure many of us have gone through a point in our lives with someone where we swear he is "the one" even though we get treated like crap. I like the quote: "Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together." I also like to think that while we're busy trying to make it work with someone, your true soulmate may be out there someone and you need to clear the way for him to find you! Good luck with whatever you decide!

[Shadow]

EXACTLY! Stay busy and be kind to yourself. Focus and you and do things for yourself that make you feel special! You will come throught this for the better and realize alot when it is said and done,I have been there a few times myself and sometimes LOVE just plain SUCKS!

Originally Posted by bchgirl

It's a hard realization. Just remember...his actions speak louder than words.

If he wanted to do....anything....he would. Simple as that...regardless of how busy he is, how stressed, or any other excuse he has...if he wanted to see you, wanted to call....he would.

I agree....stay busy!!

[xLoLa]

Originally Posted by pinkshoesgal

First of all, I love that book! It's so funny and so true! I'm sure many of us have gone through a point in our lives with someone where we swear he is "the one" even though we get treated like crap. I like the quote: "Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together." I also like to think that while we're busy trying to make it work with someone, your true soulmate may be out there someone and you need to clear the way for him to find you! Good luck with whatever you decide!

i agree(Y)

[yorkiesmiles]

"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together."

that's fantastic -- I had never heard that before!!

I've read the book -- great book - lots of sense - why do we need to have someone else tell us this; why do we want to stay in something unhealthy when we deserve more?? I read the book, then stayed in the relationship on his terms for at least another yr. -- It took something really drastic for me to walk away from him 8 mths ago. I would never take him back in a million yrs, but I still think about him and sometimes dream about him -- and I hate it!! But he was in & out of my life for 10 yrs

If he ever contacts me again this is what I will tell him: "Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open!"

And if I'm feeling really mean - I might add: "ie consider this door closed!"

I'm sorry you are in a hurting place. It does get better. Focus on taking care of yourself - you are worth it. Don't rush into something new & re-read, & re-read that book. I've slept with good relationship books besides me before - so they were the last thing I saw at night & the 1st thing I saw in the morning - just to keep me focused. Praying the hurt & longing goes away soon.

[bizzbeth]

Thanks everyone!!

I was so confident about it last night and this morning I feel as though I've taken "two steps forward, one step back"... I live with him and have taken the weekend to be alone-- i'm just scared about how I'm going to protect me heart if I am around him at our apartment (that we share with another couple while going to school) and how I'm going to react after seeing pictures of the parties he's going to this weekend.

But I guess... if he were really that into me he wouldn't be putting himself in crumby situations that hurt me NO MATTER WHAT....

I just need to remember that and I'll be okay. I'll be okay. I'll be okay!!

[yorkiesmiles]

Originally Posted by bizzbeth

I just need to remember that and I'll be okay. I'll be okay. I'll be okay!!

Keep repeating that too yourself. Find a mantra or let this be it. You will be stronger for it. Your mom sounds wise. Lean on her and others around you. Find someone to keep you accountable if you decide you want don't want to be with him - someone who will help you stand for yourself when you feel like you can't do it by yourself.

I don't know if you are a spiritual person, but I have found giving these situations to God and asking for God's guidance have been the best thing for me.

[bizzbeth]

Originally Posted by yorkiesmiles

Keep repeating that too yourself. Find a mantra or let this be it. You will be stronger for it. Your mom sounds wise. Lean on her and others around you. Find someone to keep you accountable if you decide you want don't want to be with him - someone who will help you stand for yourself when you feel like you can't do it by yourself.

I don't know if you are a spiritual person, but I have found giving these situations to God and asking for God's guidance have been the best thing for me.

Yes, I need a mantra and I NEED to let his actions speaks louder than his words. It's hard for me because I NEVER trusted his words in the past... because of some of his actions (which weren't wrong... just made me uncomfortable and now I'm 100% trusting what he says and trying to disregard what he is doing because I don't want to believe it... and I can't make excuses for him. If he's doing hurtful things it means he JUST ISN'T THAT INTO ME...

Not so spiritual... but I guess I can think that there is a plans going on out there and I'm screwing with it by trying to hold onto something. Someone else is out there and things will get better. I just don't want to date ANYONE right now... EVER....... okay maybe not ever... but it feels that way. Noone is as handsome or kind as my ex. It sucks when all you can see is the GOOD......

[juliaw04]

I completely agree with marcerella02...I dated my high school sweetheart for 4 1/2 years before one day, out of the blue, he decided he wasn't in love with me anymore. Unlike marcerella02, I didn't lose weight, I gained weight almost 50 pounds! It was because I did nothing but sit around the house watching movies, crying and pigging out on Ben & Jerry's. I was positive that my life was over...and it was, at least the life I had known was over. For almost 2 years, I didn't even try looking for guy. And finally, out of the blue, I became reconnected with an old friend and we have been dating ever since!

It is completely normal to feel like the world has stopped but you will find love again. For me, it happened when I was least expecting it. And finally, my ex and I have gotten to the point where we can be friends again. To this day, I still don't feel comfortable being alone around him, but I do enjoy talking to him on the phone. I really do consider him one of my best friends...we've shared alot of memories and neither of us will ever forget that.