i can't decide if i can be in that room. i am totally unprepared - Page 2 - YorkieTalk.com Forums

IsabelleOllie · 04-21-2011, 08:53 AM

I have never had to bring one of my dogs to be put to sleep. I have had to have two cats put to sleep, I was not with one, and I regret it to this day. Megan was only 5, she had asthma and prednisone was no longer working, nebulizer treatments were not helping and she was suffering. I was not strong enough to be with her, I stayed in the car sobbing while my (now ex)husband took her in to the vet's office. She was my baby, I hand raised her from the time she was 10 days old and was brought into the shelter because her mama had died. I should have been there, I should have held her, I should have been telling her that I loved her as she left this world. It was selfish of me. I have terrible guilt about this, I am in tears now, and am having a hard time typing these words.

When my parents cat Bacardi, who was my pet as a teen and young adult, became old and sickly and it was his time to go, I made sure that I went with my mother. I stayed with him, I did what I wished that I had done for Megan. As hard as it was for me, it was better for him to be with his family and to fel our love. I know exactly how he died, and I know it was peaceful, and I don't have to wonder or wish that I had done thing differently.

And I will make sure that I am always with my babies in the when their time comes, they will not be alone with strangers, and I will tell them that they will always be loved.

my2boyz · 04-21-2011, 09:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gidget529

Her passing was very peaceful. She just went to sleep listening to her mommie's voice.

We knew nothing about a tranquilizer but our vet was compassionate enough to give Boog something so we could have a few restfull minutes with him before she gave him the injection. She is/was a fantastic vet...the office girls called her when we said we were coming in with Boog and, even though it was her day off, she came to the clinic to be with us and help Boog cross over. Boog also went to sleep hearing 'I love You' from both me and my husband and comforting words from our vet...everyone in the office cried with us afterwards.

Yes, it was one of the worst days of my life but we couldn't change it and I have never regretted being there.

TxVicki · 04-21-2011, 10:21 AM

I'm so sorry you are facing this. It is very, very difficult. Only you can decide what you need to do.
I know with me I have been thru this 7 times and I have always been with my babies, I wouldn't have it any other way.
My vet gives them an injection to make them relax and I spend as much time with them as I need and then she comes back in with the other injection. I have always held my babies during this time. I now have all 7 Urns in a Curio Cabinet with their pictures and a figurine that closely resembles them.
I hope not to have to go thru this any time soon, since I just went thru it in Oct and then New Year's Eve.
But I do have one that is 14 and is in Ok health.
Just know that prayers are being said for you and your Baby.

Ellie May · 04-21-2011, 11:00 AM

I'm so sorry about your little boy.

It's okay to not be present. Not everybody can handle being there and it is okay. Remember, just because most people on YT are present doesn't mean you need to be. It's a very personal decision and nothing you should feel forced into. Ultimately, you should do what you think is best. If you choose to leave, yes, there could be some regret later. However, if you choose to stay and already know you can't handle it, that isn't healthy for you. There is no reason to feel guilty if this is something you can't watch.

It is over with quickly and it's almost always a very peaceful time. It's the most special gift you could ever give him - no more suffering. Don't let anybody pressure you into being present. It's your choice.

BonBon · 04-21-2011, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ellie May

I'm so sorry about your little boy.

It's okay to not be present. Not everybody can handle being there and it is okay. Remember, just because most people on YT are present doesn't mean you need to be. It's a very personal decision and nothing you should feel forced into. Ultimately, you should do what you think is best. If you choose to leave, yes, there could be some regret later. However, if you choose to stay and already know you can't handle it, that isn't healthy for you. There is no reason to feel guilty if this is something you can't watch.

It is over with quickly and it's almost always a very peaceful time. It's the most special gift you could ever give him - no more suffering. Don't let anybody pressure you into being present. It's your choice.

Perfectly said.

I'm so sorry you're facing this difficult time. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

143julz · 04-21-2011, 11:04 AM

What a difficult decision that is...I was torn too, but I wanted it to be MY FACE, MY VOICE, MY ARMS that Julz would close her eyes to and go to sleep with remembering ME and my DH as being there.

NO regrets and I'm glad I listened to my DH...no way I was going to drop her off and walk out and have her see me leave her in a place she was always scared to be at anyways. That wasn't the last memory i wanted her to have of me.

I'm sorry you are faced with this decision. You'll find what's right in your heart for you

chattiesmom · 04-21-2011, 11:23 AM

My thoughts and prayers are with you and Rufus. I know it is a very difficult decision for you to make, but I am sure you will come up with the right answer.

Several years ago when we had to free our chow from the pain of her cancer, we made it a family affair. Hubby and I picked the kids up from school and made the trip to the vet with Sassy. The kids said their goodbyes in the waiting room and hubby carried Sassy into "the room" where he held her in his arms and I held her paw. Doc gently did what he had to do and Ron and I talked her through it all. Her last sight was Ron's face and her last feeling was my tear drops falling on her paw. We went home with Sassy, where we, as a family dug her grave and said our final goodbyes. As sad as it was, I wouldn't have done it any other way.

donnie · 04-21-2011, 11:33 AM

my heart go's out to you. i was in the same boat when it was time for my sharpi chloebelle to pass i kept her around for another week, then i knew it was time to let her go.

youll be surprised how fast they pass, in the end i was glad i was there holding her when she passed and for alittle time after she was gone to have my last time with her....i thought that after all she had done for me and my family for over 12years and asked for nothing in return it was the least respect for her i could do is be there with her and hold her.. she went fast and in peace not affraid with strange folks around her TO ME it was worth it to be there not taking ANYTHING from you should you decide not to... either way i do feel your pain....

just as with vicki, i have my babies cremated and placed in urns, will someday take them with me when its my time..... again im soo sorry for your pain...

111lily222 · 04-21-2011, 11:46 AM

My heart breaks for you. I know it's an extremely painful decision to make and a very personal one.
My husband and I knew right away that we wanted to be in the room with my Brody when the time came but my daughter who was 20 at the time was pretty strong up until we made it to the vets and he explained the procedure to us and she started to have second thoughts. Brody grew up with her so she was very distraught over her decision as well. She told me she didn't think she could be there because she thought the image would be in her mind for awhile and partly because she didn't know what to expect. She struggled with her decision for a bit and decided to stay in the room. I think for her she managed it by thinking of all the times Brody never left her side. Brody was always there for her and she didn't want him to be in a strange place without her.

Like I told my daughter, there's no right or wrong. It's a personal decision.
We're all here for you.
I wish you peace with whatever decision you choose

gidget529 · 04-21-2011, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iloverufus

with approximately 3 weeks left with rufus, a story i've shared in two other threads, i keep wrestling painfully with whether or not i can be in that room and watch someone take my dogs life away. it dawned on me recently, it's not so much that he has to go, that's heartbreaking, what was eating at my soul was how i can live in the moment of watching my dog lose his life. its unbearable and that's where i realized my problem lies. i dont know if i can bring myself to watch that. im in a bind bc no matter what choice i make i'm going to be haunted. if i am there what if i can't get that picture out of my mind, and it's the last picture i have of him, if i'm not there, i feel guilty like i abandoned him. i've had ppl give me their opinions. i talked to a therapist and he suggested that maybe being in that room is not right for me, and that i shouldn't feel guilty. i promised rufus i would be there but as time draws near i don't truly know if i can. i just want him to know that no matter what happens, i love him more than i love myself. he is the one who taught me to respect myself and i am forever indebted to him. i have no clue what to do, and i can't say what i will do. for some reason i dont know if being there is right for me. like any death i've experienced, i was able to go see my grandmother right after she died, and while painful, i didnt have to watch her die and it was peaceful seeing her after. a bit scary but not something i wasn't able to handle. its the watching of this event that scares me to death. i can go say my goodbyes when it's over, i just dont know if i can be there when it happens. and i worry that what if i'm not, and the next time i have a dog when i'm an adult and i go thru this again, and i'm strong enough to watch, does that mean, not being there for rufus mean i loved rufus less? all these thoughts and i just am totally at a loss

I've posted already before, but I can't get you and poor rufus off of my mind. I will be praying for you. This has got to be an agonizing time for you.

susan lynn · 04-21-2011, 04:50 PM

My Prayers are with you and Rufus. I know this is a very difficult time for you. I had to make this decision 2 seperate times with my Cairn Terriers. I waited as long as I could but I was with them when I had to have them put to sleep. I held them, talked to them and made sure they knew I loved them. I am so glad I was there with them but I understand this may not be the right decision for you.

Ringo1 · 04-21-2011, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yorkietalkjilly

Only you know yourself and how you can best deal with his passing and you know your dog and what distresses him. I always worry that I don't want my dear Yorkie's last thoughts in life to be of his mommie terribly upset and maybe even crying out of control. They are so attuned to us that I think that could be just so scary to a Yorkie to see his mommie so upset and if you cannot stop crying hysterically when that moment comes, it might be kinder to the little one to say goodbye as gently as possible and step out. I think you can live with whatever guilt or whatever you have to and deal with that down the road but just think of what you think is best for your dog and what would give the most comfort to him in that last moments. You know your little dog best and whatever you think will make your baby's last moments the easiest, most peaceful and least stressful to him will probably be the best for him. God bless you and sweet little Rufus. You will both be in my prayers.

I agree with this statement. I was crying hysterically when my Casper was PTS and I'm pretty sure it wasn't peaceful for anyone. Honestly, he would have been better off if I had hugged and kissed him and let him go with our trusted Vet.

NOW that I'm older, have experienced more of death, I think I could handle it much better.

I will say only that everyone handles and processes things differently and you should NOT feel guilty if you decide to say good-bye sooner.

What matters is how you have loved and treated Rufus throughout his life and not so much at the second he takes his last breath.

I wish you peace with whatever decision you make. Either decision will be the right one because it will be made with love and concern for your Rufus.

gracielove · 04-26-2011, 08:26 AM

My furry friend of 15 years had to be put down in Dec of 2009. I had a terrible experience as a child with the sight of death kind of shoved in my face. Since that time it has been an awful thing to have to face. Human or animal friends death have been unbearable to me.
Maybe you could go with someone you trust. Just plan on going as far as you can with your beloved. Maybe you can only go to the waiting room but at least you will be near. I know I was a mess and in no shape to go through with the whole ordeal. But my darling pet was needing to be put to rest and someone who he trusted went with him. They stayed with him through the whole thing and the staff was wonderful with him. It was very peaceful and over rather quickly. Sometimes things we build up in our minds are much worse in the mind than they are in reality. Unfortunately, I waited longer than I should have, because of my own fears, to put my loved one out of his suffering. I have learned a lot from this ordeal. Don't feel guilty. Your doing what is needed. I hope you can make peace with this and know it is best. Your furry friend will be at peace in a wonderful place with no more suffering.

Jenn218 · 04-28-2011, 11:56 AM

Be there.... you have to hold your baby... let him know he is going in love and peace and in the comfort of your arms!

I just had to do this with Mojo... and there was no question about if I would be there or not...I didn't want to let him go, but I wasn't going to let him go alone!

Nothing will prepare you for just how hard that is, I thought I would be stronger then I was... I was wrong. BUT you make it thru it... KNOWING that he didn't go alone, knowing you got to hold him one last time!

Be there for him in his last moments with you! Don't ever doubt if you can or can't.... I wanted to be hurt for those breif moment then live my life regretting not holding and kissing and talking to my sweet MOojo before he left us!!!

Hugs and thoughts and prayers go out to you! I know what you are going thru, what you are faced with!! Do what is right for you!

YorkieRose · 04-28-2011, 12:37 PM

I have always perferred the mobile vet who comes to the house. No stress for my dog and a lot less for me.
I had to have two put down in one day...and very old one and a very young one...going to the vet twice in a week for this would have been hard to do and drive home.

04-21-2011, 08:53 AM	#16
IsabelleOllie YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Syracuse NY Posts: 1,590	I have never had to bring one of my dogs to be put to sleep. I have had to have two cats put to sleep, I was not with one, and I regret it to this day. Megan was only 5, she had asthma and prednisone was no longer working, nebulizer treatments were not helping and she was suffering. I was not strong enough to be with her, I stayed in the car sobbing while my (now ex)husband took her in to the vet's office. She was my baby, I hand raised her from the time she was 10 days old and was brought into the shelter because her mama had died. I should have been there, I should have held her, I should have been telling her that I loved her as she left this world. It was selfish of me. I have terrible guilt about this, I am in tears now, and am having a hard time typing these words. When my parents cat Bacardi, who was my pet as a teen and young adult, became old and sickly and it was his time to go, I made sure that I went with my mother. I stayed with him, I did what I wished that I had done for Megan. As hard as it was for me, it was better for him to be with his family and to fel our love. I know exactly how he died, and I know it was peaceful, and I don't have to wonder or wish that I had done thing differently. And I will make sure that I am always with my babies in the when their time comes, they will not be alone with strangers, and I will tell them that they will always be loved. __________________ Melissa and Belle

04-21-2011, 10:21 AM	#18
TxVicki Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: At Home Posts: 8,386	I'm so sorry you are facing this. It is very, very difficult. Only you can decide what you need to do. I know with me I have been thru this 7 times and I have always been with my babies, I wouldn't have it any other way. My vet gives them an injection to make them relax and I spend as much time with them as I need and then she comes back in with the other injection. I have always held my babies during this time. I now have all 7 Urns in a Curio Cabinet with their pictures and a figurine that closely resembles them. I hope not to have to go thru this any time soon, since I just went thru it in Oct and then New Year's Eve. But I do have one that is 14 and is in Ok health. Just know that prayers are being said for you and your Baby. __________________ [SIZE="3"VICKI & ALLIE[/SIZE]

04-21-2011, 11:00 AM	#19
Ellie May And Rylee Finnegan Donating Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Metro Detroit, MI Posts: 17,928	I'm so sorry about your little boy. It's okay to not be present. Not everybody can handle being there and it is okay. Remember, just because most people on YT are present doesn't mean you need to be. It's a very personal decision and nothing you should feel forced into. Ultimately, you should do what you think is best. If you choose to leave, yes, there could be some regret later. However, if you choose to stay and already know you can't handle it, that isn't healthy for you. There is no reason to feel guilty if this is something you can't watch. It is over with quickly and it's almost always a very peaceful time. It's the most special gift you could ever give him - no more suffering. Don't let anybody pressure you into being present. It's your choice. __________________ Crystal, Ellie May (RIP), Rylee Finnegan, and Gracie Boo🐶

04-21-2011, 11:04 AM	#21
143julz Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Largo, FL Posts: 1,294	What a difficult decision that is...I was torn too, but I wanted it to be MY FACE, MY VOICE, MY ARMS that Julz would close her eyes to and go to sleep with remembering ME and my DH as being there. NO regrets and I'm glad I listened to my DH...no way I was going to drop her off and walk out and have her see me leave her in a place she was always scared to be at anyways. That wasn't the last memory i wanted her to have of me. I'm sorry you are faced with this decision. You'll find what's right in your heart for you __________________ Dudley Doo and Dexter too!!! RIP (12/93-10/08) MY LIL JULZ!!! Last edited by 143julz; 04-21-2011 at 11:06 AM.

04-21-2011, 11:23 AM	#22
chattiesmom Donating YT 10K Club Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Alabama Posts: 17,674	My thoughts and prayers are with you and Rufus. I know it is a very difficult decision for you to make, but I am sure you will come up with the right answer. Several years ago when we had to free our chow from the pain of her cancer, we made it a family affair. Hubby and I picked the kids up from school and made the trip to the vet with Sassy. The kids said their goodbyes in the waiting room and hubby carried Sassy into "the room" where he held her in his arms and I held her paw. Doc gently did what he had to do and Ron and I talked her through it all. Her last sight was Ron's face and her last feeling was my tear drops falling on her paw. We went home with Sassy, where we, as a family dug her grave and said our final goodbyes. As sad as it was, I wouldn't have done it any other way. __________________ Silk Step-In Harnesses www.foxypups.etsy.com

04-21-2011, 11:33 AM	#23
donnie Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: drippin springs texas Posts: 47	my heart go's out to you. i was in the same boat when it was time for my sharpi chloebelle to pass i kept her around for another week, then i knew it was time to let her go. youll be surprised how fast they pass, in the end i was glad i was there holding her when she passed and for alittle time after she was gone to have my last time with her....i thought that after all she had done for me and my family for over 12years and asked for nothing in return it was the least respect for her i could do is be there with her and hold her.. she went fast and in peace not affraid with strange folks around her TO ME it was worth it to be there not taking ANYTHING from you should you decide not to... either way i do feel your pain.... just as with vicki, i have my babies cremated and placed in urns, will someday take them with me when its my time..... again im soo sorry for your pain... Last edited by donnie; 04-21-2011 at 11:36 AM. Reason: info

04-21-2011, 11:46 AM	#24
111lily222 Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Macomb, MI Posts: 2,112	My heart breaks for you. I know it's an extremely painful decision to make and a very personal one. My husband and I knew right away that we wanted to be in the room with my Brody when the time came but my daughter who was 20 at the time was pretty strong up until we made it to the vets and he explained the procedure to us and she started to have second thoughts. Brody grew up with her so she was very distraught over her decision as well. She told me she didn't think she could be there because she thought the image would be in her mind for awhile and partly because she didn't know what to expect. She struggled with her decision for a bit and decided to stay in the room. I think for her she managed it by thinking of all the times Brody never left her side. Brody was always there for her and she didn't want him to be in a strange place without her. Like I told my daughter, there's no right or wrong. It's a personal decision. We're all here for you. I wish you peace with whatever decision you choose __________________ Dee and Lil' Louie RIP Lil' Brody boy 6.7.99 - 1.3.10 Last edited by 111lily222; 04-21-2011 at 11:48 AM.

04-21-2011, 04:50 PM	#26
susan lynn Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Georgia Posts: 3,262	My Prayers are with you and Rufus. I know this is a very difficult time for you. I had to make this decision 2 seperate times with my Cairn Terriers. I waited as long as I could but I was with them when I had to have them put to sleep. I held them, talked to them and made sure they knew I loved them. I am so glad I was there with them but I understand this may not be the right decision for you. __________________ SUSAN : TESSIE : HOBBES :CALVIN :SASSY There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face! ~ Ben Williams

04-26-2011, 08:26 AM	#28
gracielove YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: NY Posts: 6,582	I know how you feel My furry friend of 15 years had to be put down in Dec of 2009. I had a terrible experience as a child with the sight of death kind of shoved in my face. Since that time it has been an awful thing to have to face. Human or animal friends death have been unbearable to me. Maybe you could go with someone you trust. Just plan on going as far as you can with your beloved. Maybe you can only go to the waiting room but at least you will be near. I know I was a mess and in no shape to go through with the whole ordeal. But my darling pet was needing to be put to rest and someone who he trusted went with him. They stayed with him through the whole thing and the staff was wonderful with him. It was very peaceful and over rather quickly. Sometimes things we build up in our minds are much worse in the mind than they are in reality. Unfortunately, I waited longer than I should have, because of my own fears, to put my loved one out of his suffering. I have learned a lot from this ordeal. Don't feel guilty. Your doing what is needed. I hope you can make peace with this and know it is best. Your furry friend will be at peace in a wonderful place with no more suffering.

04-28-2011, 11:56 AM	#29
Jenn218 Mojo, LilyGrace & Me Donating Member Moderator Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: cuddling with my babies<3 Posts: 17,329	Be there.... you have to hold your baby... let him know he is going in love and peace and in the comfort of your arms! I just had to do this with Mojo... and there was no question about if I would be there or not...I didn't want to let him go, but I wasn't going to let him go alone! Nothing will prepare you for just how hard that is, I thought I would be stronger then I was... I was wrong. BUT you make it thru it... KNOWING that he didn't go alone, knowing you got to hold him one last time! Be there for him in his last moments with you! Don't ever doubt if you can or can't.... I wanted to be hurt for those breif moment then live my life regretting not holding and kissing and talking to my sweet MOojo before he left us!!! Hugs and thoughts and prayers go out to you! I know what you are going thru, what you are faced with!! Do what is right for you! __________________ Hi I'm Jenn Mom to..... Mojo,LilyGrace & DD Kate RIP Mojo FOREVER in our hearts!

04-28-2011, 12:37 PM	#30
YorkieRose No Longer a Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: South Florida Posts: 8,577	I have always perferred the mobile vet who comes to the house. No stress for my dog and a lot less for me. I had to have two put down in one day...and very old one and a very young one...going to the vet twice in a week for this would have been hard to do and drive home.