IMO it's not our job to police anyone perception of what is in their opinion rude. What is the point of telling anyone they are speaking or posting in a rude manner? What one might perceive as rude the next person might feel it was direct or even funny.

Just wanted to say it is good to see you posting again :) Jill.

Oh, thank you! It's good to be online again! Feeling better and just had to get on YT while I was!!! I missed this wonderful forum soooooo much!!!

I think too its the same as calling a name like bully it puts someone on the defensive and it is way overused

Sure and day is not day and night is not night. Sure there is a scale of interpretation , and then there is perception which is a reality for all.

If you put forth a response to 50 folks, and ask for their interpretation of that response, and you got 40 or so folks saying this was rude, then well you have a rude response. And rarely is blatant rude in my opinion not recognized by the majority of readers.

True. Rude is like porn - you know it when you see it. And if a statement isn't truly rude, so many others are crude, which is also not that helpful for getting one's point across to readers and usually only helps the angry poster feel better. Wonder what happened to the ability to debate a point with civility?

But why say rude when it puts people on the defensive and creates arguments. I have never seen where someone was called rude or a bully that it didnt start an argument. If I am expected to reword My I dont believe you because it can be perceived as calling someone a liar and starting an argument why shouldnt people be expected to reword rude or bully

Actually chichi I think they should. Calling one names be it rude or bully or a liar is rarely effective, if your true desire is to help the poster. And those terms are rarely used against the OP's original post. But they are often used against the responders, which does the OP not one whit of good, given the postings of th responders are already done.

Bullying here takes many forms, as it does in any other on-line forum, or in real life. It can be very subtle or very blatant.

IMO when we have huge shall I say side bars that have nothing to do with the OP's question that gives a very sour flavour to our board.

Yes, I couldn't agree more. Calling someone a bully is name calling because it's an opinion that is bring help by you. Also, when it's said "I've received PMs about you......" It's IMO the exact same things because the person making that statement is then elevating themselves to a position of dictating how they feel as leader of this mysterious "group". As if there is this divide of 2 groups. Also, I've never understood the whole I'm afraid to post statement either. But then again I'm an extrovert and have no issues walking into a room of strangers and introducing myself and immediately making a lot of friends. Again, my opinion is that people find me kind, generous, straightforward while also being caring and fun.....back in the real world if I were to tell people that anyone thought I was mean they would think it was a joke.

I actually enjoy reading the forum. I like people of all walks of life so the short blips of things others find rude don't really bother me. There are really only two things that bug me here:

1. People tell other people how to post by passive aggressively informing the OP that the person responding is "harsh" or a "bully". Example: OP posts and asks "Should I take my dog to the vet, he's had explosive diarrhea for four days and is laying in a corner half alive" Person A responds by saying "you need a vet, RIGHT NOW" and then Person B comes along and says "Have you tried a teaspoon of pumpkin?" and Person A comes back and says "I'm sorry, pumpkin isn't going to help, OP dog needs a vet NOW" and Person B says "pumpkin works for me" and person A feels again he/she must come back to impress STRONGLY upon the OP that a VET and NOT PUMPKIN is needed in this situation because perhaps Person A has lived this and wants to tell OP that a "stitch in time saves nine" and Person A has to go around person B being upset about their idea of pumpkin being "dissed" by the "bully". Then Person C, D, and E happen to agree with Person A. Person F, G, and H agree with person B. Person I, J, K and maybe even L offer prayers and they don't get into the whole pumpkin vs. vet debate. Then somehow person M says that the OP is being made to feel like a bad owner. Then the OP starts to believe he/she is being bullied for being a bad owner. Person N comes along and says NO NO NO you are not a bad owner, you are a good mommy. Persons O, P, and Q agree with the whole "you're a good mommy" thing. Person S, T, and U are pissed off and plead with the other members of the alphabet to please get back on task because the OP needs help. Finally, persons V, W, and X report the thread. Y asks why just as Wylie's Mom turns the locks. What kind of help did we all give????? Now none of us will ever know whether Yorkie with Explosive Diarrhea Lying in a Corner Half Alive got to the vet. Maybe the pumpkin worked??

2. People try to shut down the conversation when they don't like it (e.g. dog food advisor threads where person A posts "i love DFA" and person B says "OMG he's a dentist not a real DFA" and person A jumps in and says "People can like DFA if they want" and then person B says "They can, but it's not a good source of info" and then person A says to person B "please stop, you've posted your opinion" and person B responds with "so did you" and then it goes round and round.

Those are my only two beefs with this place.

Here is exactly what is so bothersome. Why call anyone a bully? It's no different than stupid, ugly, fat, bitchy, polite police etc.

No one has to use the word "rude" but we usually recognize when someone is being rude to us or another member. And we all know some will accuse one of being "rude" if one merely make suggestions they disagree with but most of us know "rude" when we see it and can make out own personal judgments. As a general rule of polite, public discourse, it's just wisest to avoid trying to be purposefully rude or crude when having discussions or debates if one wants to make valid points when trying to help the breed we all so love. Probably most of us love passionate debate as long as it stays reasonable and civil but quickly lose interest or start to dread reading on when it begins to take a perceived ugly turn. I just wish more members would personally commit to keeping their posts from turning so sour and mean-spirited for the good of the forum.

This entire post hits the nail on the head! Perfect example of how these heated threads go down!

Let me add this too.... Then everyone who's upset about the thread starts to report what they feel is out of line and poor Mods (Ann) had to look at all the back and forth feuding......the PMs start going and Ann is them faced with writing yet again another thread like this one.

LOL you have so eloquently described exactly what happens on here I hope everyone onthis forum reads your post. It drives me bananas too

OH MY GOD CATHY that had me laughing so hard! That is so YT hot threads in a nutshell!!!


#1 YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES....This is what I've been trying to say!!!


And something similar happened to me a couple weeks back (and a million other times) and out of nowhere someone accused me of being harsh, when really I knew it was an EMERGENCY...and exactly #1 ensued and then I get a PM from OP imploring for help, yep the harsh one, the bully...and ya know what? She is now my friend!!

We will just have to agree to disagree. I have seen too many times where someone is called rude somewhere down the line because they told the OP they need to go to the vet or other situations like that. No matter what the word that is perceived as name calling could be worded differently as others are being asked to word things differently. Like I said Ive never seen it used that it didnt start an argument

:thumbup:

[QUOTE=lynzy420;4466421]OH MY GOD CATHY that had me laughing so hard! That is so YT hot threads in a nutshell!!!


#1 YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES....This is what I've been trying to say!!!


And something similar happened to me a couple weeks back (and a million other times) and out of nowhere someone accused me of being harsh, when really I knew it was an EMERGENCY...and exactly #1 ensued and then I get a PM from OP imploring for help, yep the harsh one, the bully...and ya know what? She is now my friend!![/QUOTE]

Yup, happens all the time! A lot of the time this is when I'm told about those behind the scene PM warning about those horrible bullies on the thread.

So true. Goes to the intent of the poster - were they just trying to be helpful in their way or were they trying to gig or hurt or best the other member in some way? As I said, we all usually know intent when we see it and can readily tell when someone is truly trying to be ugly/tacky with purpose or just trying to make their point.

Im sorry there is no way you could know someones intent without being them and statements like that cause arguments

You have no idea what someone's intent is. The best you have is your interpretation of their intent. And it's that interpretation that causes the strife.

:thumbup:

Yes and a perfect example was what happened between us the other day. That was mild compared to many other posts. Geez I posted a joke about another member right after our exchange and it was taken the wrong way. I begged forgiveness and that too was straightened out.

Exactly

I agree especially with number 1 but I want to add that the OP is usually gone way before I, j, k... and the thread keeps going and going. I'm hoping the prayers worked but only the good lord knows! I hate reading a thread where there is a sick or injured pup and we never know what happened to it because the OP opted out for what ever reason. I know that the truth hurts sometimes (meaning what the OP was told) but I also feel we should all think more about that sick or injured animal before we choose our words. Advising someone to take their dog to the vet should never offend anyone. In my opinion they should have done that instead of jumping on a computer. I do believe that some do it in an attempt to save money which is fine when the situation is not critical. Bickering between members really makes the forum look bad and in some cases if I were the OP I would have left to. Not out of fear. When the responders start making it all about themselves and their ego instead of the situation at hand then it gets really silly. There really is a pattern to all the madness which led to this thread. I'm glad it came up!

Love it!!

Thank you for drawing a clear diagram of exactly what I was saying. THIS is one of the biggest issues on this forum IMHO. For the life of me, I don't know why people have to post as if they were the nice people and the rest were not. I really wish the policing of the threads by armchair moderators would be stopped.

Great examples. What I believe, though, is that when someone sees something like that it should be reported. The non mods who start calling the person out for the post make things worse. Why not just report it and move on? It does NOTHING for the original intent of the thread. Just causes chaos.

I heartily disagree. For example, someone posts something like "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard and you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about and furthermore, don't ever post on my thread again!!!" about something someone else just posted, the intent of that poster to be nasty or ugly in their reply is pretty clear, at least to me. One can disagree with a another person's statements without being so disagreeable. The desire of a poster to one-up another poster or belittle them in some way usually starts the big problems on threads that drone on and on with zingers and put-downs and replies something like I've used as an example are usually how it starts.

Like I said, people should mind their own business. It's real simple to just report a post like the one you just used....and let the mods and/or admin handle it. The problem is NOT the person who said it....the real problem starts when others try to tell that person how wrong they are.

As for intent.....who cares what the intent is? Not something we should be judging constantly....I don't think we really know it .. not REALLY. People just think they do. Irregardless, what is it with people who chomp at the bit here to correct others?

Someone said this some time ago...I think it was Lynzy and it was great:

"Post and let post"......just like "Live and Let Live"