I actually felt Nana's comment was to my previous post regarding prayers and best wishes. Again I'll state my opinion is that prayers are wonderful and all. Heck there's prayer thread right now for me and my birth mom. If hoping those prayers work. At dealing with a serious illness for my birth mom and looking for straight forward answers to get her well and released from the hospital.

I get what your saying and it is very much the way I am. Im more of a problem solver than a support person. Im not sugary sweet and Im very direct. I believe theres room on this board for both and I dont think one group should knock down anothers posting style. I know if I ever had a seriously ill pup i would be hoping you or Ladyjane would be around to answer my questions as I have seen you do so many times before with other posters.

Yes this is what I was referring to. I am glad we have those who work for rescues, are breeders and vet techs etc. They are invaluable. But as I said I am none of those so lots of time the only thing I have to offer are support and prayer.

Totally agree! People all have different personalities either on a forum or in real life and I believe we just all need to go about doing what we do best. I'm direct and passionate in my beliefs and convictions. I see nothing wrong with it just like I see nothing wrong with those that can only offer comfort. I'd never insist that prayers or comfort were not offered in a manner that I felt were not worded properly. So when I'm told (yes people actually have told me) my words are not to their liking it just boggles my mind. I would never expect someone to change their writing style to fit my opinion. I just state my opinion and move along. Not sure why we can't all embrace this as I have learned that it makes life a whole lot simpler. Offer what we can be it prayers, hugs, or information while not worrying so much about what someone else is doing or saying. I wouldn't think "you" would go knock on your neighbors door and make a request like that so why knock on your neighbors door on a forum? I always thought of YT being a community just like your neighborhood back in real life. Everyone doesn't need to be friends in your neighborhood, BBQ and drink beer. Just coexist and life is much more pleasant. :)

My Experience Pray for Zoey Thread
 

The outpouring of support for Zoey both when she went through heartworm treatment and then 6mths later her cancer treatment, was so incredible, was so very much appreciated by me.

Equally I appreciated the practical links, the answers to my question on what med for stimulating appetite, the stem cell treatments, etc, but also the prayers and standing by |me| that I felt through those months was inestimable in value.

In my mind this was Yorkie Talk at its very very best. You all knew I was fighting a big battle with Zoey and her health, and to a one you were more than supportive. You never said to me, give up, the outcome prognosis is poor, hey we all knew that it was. Instead you gave me many shoulders to lean upon as we went through this. I tear up every time I think about my lost one. I had so wanted to win that battle, but it wasn't to be.

For me the prayers and well wishes and just being there for me was of equal value at least with the practical suggestions.

I will always thank YorkieTalk and our members here for this, and will never ever forget your support.

Never ever discount the value of a hand that offers emotional support.

Or when your words are taking out of context for example I told someone I dont believe you and that was changed by them to say I was calling them a liar. I would not call someone a liar and if I did I would expect to be suspended but I think it is okay to say I dont believe you about something if you really dont why do you need to go along like you do. I see things like this happen all the time on here

And when you did not win that battle, we all cried with you! Just because we don't all agree on every last point does not mean we do not as a community come together as a family when one of our own is hurting! As megansmomma said, it's like a neighborhood.... you may not be able to stand your neighbor or want to hang out and have BBQs together but if your neighbor needed a helping hand, you would put your disdain aside and lend the hand (or at least, you should!).

Chachi, I don\t believe you, means in my mind I don't think you are telling the truth about x/y or z. If you are not telling the truth then you are calling them a liar. What else does the phrase I don't believe you mean?

You could say I don't think or I am concerned that we are not hearing the whole story. Or the facts you have related seem to be in contradiction to each other and I am confused.

But I am very cautious about saying you are a Liar, or I don't believe you, two terms which are synomynous in my book.

Everyone has their own way of phrasing things but I do believe you can say the simple words I dont believe you and not be calling someone a name which is what liar is

To me too - saying "I don't believe you" is the exact same thing as "I don't think you're telling the truth" which is the exact same thing as "you're a liar/lying". I don't understand the difference in meaning that you're pointing out...the meaning is the same, isn't it? If not, what does "I don't believe you" mean?

I can't believe this,
I can't believe you,
I don't believe you,


All phrases said daily by many...Say it aloud...I use to say it to my kids all the time....


ex: My son broke his leg for the 3rd time, I yelled at him "I don't believe you, how can you be so damn careless, you've just ruined your whole summer and mine, do you know how long that is, and I don't want to hear you complaining about being bored damn it, this is all your fault....I don't believe you, how could you, who jumps down 3 flights of stairs and thinks they are going to land without getting hurt? Do you have any common sense, I just don't believe you"


woops, flash back.

I think again, tone is often "misheard" on forums....geesh now my blood pressure is up reliving that moment, I'm going to call my 30 year old son and tell him off again....lol

Words can easily be misunderstood because the written word many times cannot properly convey emotions or empathy. Each reader will take away from a post their own interpretation. Geez I misunderstood your post the other day and felt it was written about me. You cleared up the confusion and all is well. We moved on and played happily about YT. All the PMs that fly around behind the scenes complaining about the perceived tone of a members post is pretty much like gossip or tattle-tailing. I just don't have the time or energy to put that much I to what others are doing. Ya know......

I am trying to understand your thinking here. So calling some-one a Liar, which is a noun describing a less than ideal personal characteristic, is somehow bad, because you have "named" them to be a certain thing. And perhaps name calling in your mind is a "bad" thing. Please understand I am not judging you, just trying to understand.

But saying I don't believe you, does not flow to I believe you are lying about this, I am having trouble with the logic.

I think maybe just maybe what you are saying, I will not brand you a "constant liar" but in this instance I don't believe what you are saying.

Okay I can get that.

.

To me it isnt about them or I would call them a liar. It is about me it is something I dont believe and I could say it in lots of other contexts for example I dont believe the moon is made of cheese.

And this is all a perfect example of perception bc in your example, imo, you should be saying "I CAN'T believe you" if the onus is on you, not on them. When one says "I don't believe you", then the onus is on the other person, imo. So, that's how I'd interpret the difference there in semantics. But, that's just me.

In other words: I can't believe you = I'm capable of believing you, but I can't in this case.

Whereas: I don't believe you = I'm incapable of believing you, therefore, you're a liar.

Personally I think there are many ways to word things and get our point across without coming across as rude or uncaring. Yes we all have our own way of posting and yes we all interpret the written word differently. Even when raising my children I tried to speak to them in a calm manner and get my point across to them. On the occasions when I would be at the boiling point and say things to them in a loud, or what they perceived to be a rude manner, I could literally see them blocking me out. All that did was make them upset and angry and me more angry. I also try to do that with everyone else. Am I perfect? Absolutely not I am human and have to apologize for a lot of things I say and do in life and here. For instance, when I use the words (I was raised to) I am speaking of how I was raised and not how you or anyone else was, be it good or bad. So if those words did offend anyone here then I do apologize because they were never intended to say you had bad raising.

It is #1 but Im going to be more careful in my phrasing in the future because I dont like being accused of calling someone a liar which i dont call anyone even outside of here it really bothered me. Im am just a more to the point person rather than thinking about how I could phrase something

And so the discussion ensues between the longer term members. It is very interesting to me.

I am strongly reminded of a neurosurgeons quote; We are more different on the inside of our brains then we can ever be on the outside of our bodies.

The reception of language and in particular written language, as that is what we have to work with here, is subject to so many variables of reading comprehension, regional differences in expression, never mind country differences, that it is rather amazing we can communicate effectivey at all.

It is a sobering note, a thought to keep in mind, as we respond to posts.

I would like to ask a favor of everyone as I'm learning here and via PM that perhaps some members really do not know what is considered "inappropriate"....let's post examples of what we think is an inappropriate way of saying things. Let's not argue whether anyone is right or wrong....just post whatever you think, personally. Let's see the variety we get....

For me it's stuff like:

-You're ridiculous
-You're a bully
-What you posted is ridiculous
-You should be ashamed of yourself!
-You should not even own an animal!
-What you're doing is horrible.
-You need to work on your comprehension skills.
-Maybe you should go back and read the thread as you clearly haven't!
-Maybe you should leave this thread if you don't like it.
-You're rude.
-You're just wrong.
-You clearly don't care about this dog.
-You should not be breeding in the first place.
-You should work on your grammar.
-I'm putting you on ignore.

You need to work on your reading comprehension skills/been said to me

Anything about grammer bothers me

Im sure there are more but Ann has covered alot still thinking

Those are pretty much it for me, or words such as those.

Blowing out another person's light will not make yours shine brighter.

I think thee word rude is overused I would truly rather see someone say your not being nice than rude because rude has been used to encompass anything someone deems to be unappropriate when sometimes its not inappropriate it is just how they are comprehending it

I've seen all of these said on this forum. A couple of them made me cringe when I read them. Those are wounding words, not words that lead to trying to understanding anothers views. All those words do is create defensiveness and animosity between members.

I may be alone on this but the thing I see on the forum that tends to create derailed threads is repetitiveness directed at one person. If a poster says something that another disagrees with or needs clarification on it starts with the two posters, then there are two, then three, and sometimes four members saying essentially the same thing over and over when the issue was already being addressed by the first poster...

I agree, its like a hammer on the head at times.

I agree and Ive said it on here before it leads to someone feeling bombarded. I was told not by mods that your going to get that on a forum with so many people

I always feel bad when it's happening to new member, I just cringe. If that happened to me it would feel like I stepped into a shark attack.

I love to see a good debate but quickly lose interest and heart when members begin behaving like virtual children. To me, name-calling and losing patience to the point of being rude while in a discussion or debate shows a personal lack of ability to otherwise resolve the conflict with their reasonable thoughts and words and says as much about the member personally than any words they use. At some point one must accept others are just not going to see things their way, no matter how "right" that person feels they are and use some restraint before they strike out verbally in some sort of verbal vengeance. Most adults find ways to disagree without resorting to more teenage tactics of using zingers, taking verbal potshots and making hurtful statements and if they are not able to do so, should simply walk away from the thread for a while. To stay and post their ugly feelings may help that poster feel powerful at the moment but isn't really helping this wonderful forum or those who love it.