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09-02-2006, 09:10 PM | #1 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: CA
Posts: 1,406
| im going to lose my mind... if you all didnt know i have a newborn.. and let me tell you.. i live with my boyfriend and he lives with his parents.. we are saving for ahouse at the moment.. well im going to lose my mind because... my mother in law loves to give her 2cents and drill it into me.. when my baby cries she RUNS and barges in my room and asks me what did i do to her.. why is she crying.. blah blah.. well 1, im changing her diapers, she's wet.. shes crying because shes a baby and im trying to soothe her.. ok let me fill you all in on whats happened and that i've kept my mouth shut for this long.. but i just have to vent ... when my daughter was in surgery.. she came along.. when my daughter was out from recovery.. she was the one who took her and didnt let me hold her.... she was the one who acted like she was her mom and i was their nanny.. the nurse actually thought my baby was her daughter .. on her doctors check up.. she came.. and she told me.. can i hold her, you always hold her.. and she rolled her eyes at me.. i said of course you can.. and then we were walking into the elevator and some lady was like ohh a newborn, shes so cute, how old is she.. as i was about to answer she cut me off and answered for me.. the lady then said.. oh my, you must never get sleep.. and my mother in law said "yea".. im like thinking in my head omg.. wtf.. shes taking all the credit.. of my hard work.. my sleepless nights.. and she went to vegas for a weekend.. and omg i was so happy LOL.. but when she came back.. my boyfriend left to go to the gym.. and well she didnt even knock on my door or ask, she just said give her to me.. and took my baby.. she then proceded to tell me why would i give her mylicon.. or any over the counter medicine. that i dont know what im doing.. and that it (as she pats me on the shoulder) must be too hard for me.. and that she needs to rescue me.. oh and then her formula.. i wanted to switch her to something.. and well she wanted another formula.. well needless to say i bought the one she kept bugging me about.. and my daughter got constipated and fussy and is so gassy on top of her colic.. since she's already like this i decided to change it to something that i wanted and she tells me i dont know what im doing.. the funny thing is.. she only tells me this stuff when my boyfriend is not around.. when he's around shes a complete angel and listens to anything and everything i say.. can i rip my hair out now please? we are moving into my parents house as soon as my mom is done with my room... but thats not till another 2-3 weeks.. im just so stressed out because my mother in law.. is driving me nuts.. its like she wants me out of the picture and doesn't want khristianna to be my daughter, she acts like she's her daughter.. like when i had her wearing a cute outfit, she changed it because she didnt like it.. ok she had heart surgery 7 months ago.. and she holds tianna and says.. "we both have surgery, no one is quite like us".. and im lik eumm.. i had a c-section too ya know and it was painful too.. im just so tired of it all really.. i dont think im really telling the whole lot of whats really going on.. but i want to shoot myself sometimes because shes too overbearing and i can't take it anymore.. someone help me like i have these bottles that supposed to prevent colic.. and instead of using the 20 bottles thta i have.. she uses the 2oz little bottles and nipples she makes her husband get and uses them.. and my daughter gets SO gassy with those.. and she's drinking 4 oz.. and she tells me to use them, but i told her i didnt want to because i bought my bottles for a reason.. and she said well do whatever you want with the bottles because i dont know what you use anymore.. ok i think i should stop im sooo upset.. |
Welcome Guest! | |
09-02-2006, 09:19 PM | #2 |
No Longer a Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 6,111
| Good venting It must be really hard for you..I had a totally different experience..I was young and had NO HELP whatsoever...Im sure your mother in law is trying to be helpful but has just gone overboard. She doesnt realize you have to learn by trial and error. If I were you Id have a heart to heart. Things could go really bad if you dont approach it the right way. Dont blame her or put her down..just lay your feelings out and tell her how it makes you feel. You have to stand your ground and let her know it will be your way with your daughter and try not to hurt her feelings as she probably dosent even realize what she is doing. My mother always has to add her two cents into everything I do or dont do for my kids. I have learned in the past 14 years not to take it to heart, listen to her suggestions and make my own decision. Sometimes my mom is right and thats even harder to accept lol...2 weeks you will be out of there so there is a light at the end of the tunnel Vent anytime you need to...its the best way to feel better!! Dawn |
09-02-2006, 10:21 PM | #3 |
I love my lil wolf! ;) Donating Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Washington
Posts: 2,434
| ooooh gosh... that would BE SO ANNOYING!!! You know, I think you really should say something, and not be "so nice" about it. Yeah, it may hurt your mother in law's feelings a bit, but she will get over it. You should let her know how you feel and how much extra unneeded stress this is causing you. You should also let her know that you respect her opinions but you are the one who is going to the make the final decisions on YOUR daughter! (btw your situation sounds a bit like the movie "monster-in-law"..hehe have you seen it? ) Good Luck!! |
09-03-2006, 02:58 AM | #4 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: GERMANY
Posts: 1,544
| My grandma is doing this to my new aunts son right now. She had enough one day and just flipped at a big family dinner. SHe told her he is my kid not yours. I am the one who popped him out of my body, not you. If I want to let him eat candy all day, ever day and dress him up like a girl I can! hes mine. and it went on and one from there. I am here (Germany) so I missed. I always miss the good stuff After that, my Grandma backed off. I think you just need to talk to her and tell her how you feel!! and if you dont do things your way, scent it YOUR BABY! Then when you move, she can only see your baby when you are around. or something that will make her see, its you way or no way. You way to nice to take that. I was alway taught to speak my mind. I would had flipped out on her the 1st time she started it. Good luck and keep remembering 3 more weeks till you move!!! |
09-03-2006, 03:39 AM | #5 |
Yorkie Kisses are the Best! Donating Member | Girl...I know how hard it is to be a new mom with people interferring - but you're in HER house so if you really want to solve this problem - MOVE OUT. I know she's handy to have around for babysitting and all... but MIL's are just not meant to be roomates. I personally would do whatever I could to be on my own and all that would stop. (and if it didn't - you can always just limit the visits) It's not a competition - you are the baby's mom so I wouldn't worry about what she says. She is the GRANDMOTHER ....and if she starts acting like 'the mom' again - just say EXCUSE my baby's grandmother - she tends to be a little Possessive - maybe one day she'll get the hint I would try to work on moving out before this becomes a huge problem in your relationship |
09-03-2006, 04:05 AM | #6 |
Rescue Angel Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: md
Posts: 1,530
| I know you are about to POP but HONESTLY... It is her house so just smile and bear it a couple more weeks. If you blow up NOW it will be even WORSE the next few weeks and probably do More damage the good.
__________________ Yorkieangel |
09-03-2006, 04:49 AM | #7 |
Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Indiana
Posts: 4,685
| First, I would see if your parents could at least find room for you and the baby, immediately. Let your mother know that you are stressed and would like to move in sooner. If there is no way to move in with your parents immediately, then have a heart to heart with your mother-in-law. Let her know how you feel, without attacking her verbally. If you don't, then the next 2-3 weeks will seem like a year. It is her house and she has opened it up to you and the baby. You could very easily take advantage of the situation and let her be the overboard grandmother and get some of the things done you've been putting off. Once you're on your own with the baby, you'll find a little less time for those things. Just some suggestions. You'll know what works best for you.
__________________ Janet |
09-03-2006, 06:18 AM | #8 |
No Longer a Member | Everyone has given you some good advise. I am a mother inlaw, and yes lots of times we think we know best because we have been there already...my mother inlaw was the same way. I know it's hard but to put in my then husband's words "Just listen to what she has to say, use what you want and let the rest go out the other ear". The stuff I had to learn by trial and error I think my daughter inlaw was born with. She is great with my grandbabies and after I realized that early on I kept my trap shut and watched her with pride. |
09-03-2006, 06:32 AM | #9 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Bay Area, California
Posts: 1,877
| That's such a hard situation, but you are living in her house. Like others have said, I would try to move to your parents house, or some place else, sooner than later. I would also talk to your mother-in-law and let her know that it's bothering you. Good luck with everything!
__________________ Kona Bernie |
09-03-2006, 06:49 AM | #10 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posts: 1,279
| Girl, I would not put up with that. Even though you are living in her house at the moment, she should still treat you with respect. Have you tried telling your BF about his mother and how she is treating you. Maybe he could talk to his mom about it. Personnally I would become the biggest witch and tell that woman to back off and this is my baby and not hers. Good luck, I hope everything works out. |
09-03-2006, 08:53 AM | #11 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: CA
Posts: 1,406
| i do know it is her house but.. my things that i have bought with my money should not be touched or searched through... but ok let me tell you something else.. cause it just really pissed me off.. after my 6 week post partum checkup.. my doctor gave me birth control pills.. which they were in a bag (that was totally not see through!) and up on a shelf high away from anywhere.... well.. she just so happened to be in my room one time watching tianna i guess and when i looked.. my birth control pills and condoms were just laying there on the desk for all to see i was like, wait a minute.. i didnt put those there and i know they don't have legs... :| i just knew she went through my stuff.. she always does.. like with little tummies gripe water for upset tummies, colic & hiccups.. well that too was on a shelf, when i came into my room there she was and said, why are you giving this to her, who said you could.. then i told her that Tianna has colic & when she has hiccups it really really upsets her & she gets realy uncomfortable.. well she said, not good enough reason.. that hiccups are good for her because it develops her body (which to me is crap lol).. well i called the pediatrician & he said of course its ok to give it because its over the counter & it does say pediatrician recommended.. i told her & she shut up.. lol.. but see what i have 2 go through.. and she found out we are moving to my house & she was like why? what for, theres no need to.. i told her id like my parents to be able to be apart of my daughters life too.. well she didnt say anything just said.. well you better bring her here everyday 2 visit :help: i cant tell my bf because he will really let her have it.. & i do not want to be here when that happens.. and since i tore my abdomen where i had my c-section the doctor gave me tylenol #3, which realy wasnt working for me, so he changed it to vicodin.. she tells me i shouldnt take any medicine because its not the right thing to do while caring for the baby.. & i kno the side effects of vicodin is drowsiness.. but it never makes me sleepy unless i take 2 & i only take one every 6 hours.. im just so stressed out & i want to cry.. when she says give her to me, go be productive withyourself.. i do, i do our laundry, go grocery shopping even though im not supposed to and she knows that.. i reminded her about my tummy, she said thats too bad.. |
09-03-2006, 09:18 AM | #12 |
Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Indiana
Posts: 4,685
| I know I gave you advice earlier, but you are being a very nice daughter-in-law to have kept your mouth shut this long. If after you talk to her and it doesn't do any good.....deck the b****. Can you get up of a morning and you and the baby spend the days at your parents and then come back to her house in the evening? Maybe you and the baby being away from her most of the time will help some. I've never had in-law problems. Mine were great as far as in-laws go...Wish I could give you a hug.
__________________ Janet |
09-03-2006, 09:48 AM | #13 |
YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: TX
Posts: 1,226
| Omigosh....do we share a mother-in-law?! I was nearly 30, married, and we'd been together for 10 years before we had a baby.....and she made me CRAZY!!!!!! So I can just imagine how much worse it must be in your situation. FOR NOW my advice would just to be to bite your tongue until you get out of her house. Start distancing yourself from her and her "help" as much as possible, but don't do it in an emotional way. Even if you have to say, "Well, this is our baby, and we have to raise it our way", do it in a completely calm and bland manner. She will USE any negative emotion that you show against her, and just get worse! Good luck, and I hope your situation improves SOON! In the meantime, maybe it will just help to know that your rant has been heard!
__________________ OUR HEARTS KIKI MAZIE JIMBOB ELFIE OUR JOYS |
09-03-2006, 10:12 AM | #14 |
Love The Verminator! Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: ny
Posts: 4,282
| I am so sorry you have to deal with a MIL like that on top of trying to take care of YOUR baby and heal your own self. Kristianna (love that name BTW) is YOUR baby. It is ultimately going to be you and your BF who are going to raise her. It should be your final decisions that affect her upbringing. Tell her you'll gladly listen to her suggestions, but you and he will decide together what will or will not be done. If you make a wrong decision, you will learn by it. You are her mother, you have natural instincts. Maybe if you ask her opinion occasionally, she will cool down a bit. Just make her feel needed. She probably wants a child of her own and is using Tianna to achieve that feeling. If she can't have any more children, for whatever reason, she may be jealous. Try to hang in there for the next couple weeks, grit your teeth and see what happens when you move out. You might want to talk to your Dr. about something for stress. You really need your rest, too. You have a little girl to take care of. Good luck.
__________________ Roxy loves Alphy Remi loves Millie [COLOR="Purple"]Mom to RoxyJo & Remington , Fozzy Bear & Chloe |
09-03-2006, 10:55 AM | #15 | |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: CA
Posts: 1,406
| Quote:
this exactly what i do now.. when my boyfriend goes to work.. (he works from 4-1030pm) .. we get ready at 2 leave at 3pm.. and stay at my parents house for the day.. and at night we come home.. and my boyfriend goes to the gym at like midnight to 1am.. and thats when she drives me nuts the most.. unless its in the daytime when my boyfriend plays basketball.. i also forgot to mention the fact that she picks on my weight and it really hurts my feelings A LOT.. im just biting my tongue and hopefully i bite it so hard it falls off so i wont say anything.. its so hard to try to work out when 1) i tore my abdomen 2) i never have time for myself 3) your MIL keeps saying you eat too much or when are you going to exercise.. or if i miss a meal.. she goes yay your on a diet now.. this is going to be theee longest 3 weeks of my life.. | |
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