Broken Hearted

[Sandysbabies]

Bless your heart. I am sitting here crying as I read yours and all the other posts. I know like the others how hard it is to lose one. Max,(schnauzer) will be gone a yr. the day after Mother's Day. I am still crying at times. I thought I would die too and to make matters worse someone on another forum was critical of me because I didn't go in with him. I was to pick him up that morning to come home but the vet called as I was dressing and said he had gone down hill real fast. He had diabetes and had gone into pancreatis and had other issues too. She told me just don't even try to come, (I was bawling my eyes out) because she said you don't need to see him like this. Someone else told me that it was good that I didn't because I would always have that picture in my memory. Everyone does things different and some handle things different. I wish I had been strong enough to be there but I really don't think I could have took it by myself. We had Max cremated and he is in the computar room and it just makes me feel close to him and he knew how much we loved him. Our dogs are our kids. Little Kayla came to us in Aug. last yr. and will be a yr. old next mo. She has been so much help in my healing. She is the first yorkie we have had. I will be praying for you as what to do but I knew if I brought Max back home he was just going to get sicker. I know you will make the right desision at the right time.

[broodizt]

I just want to tell you all that I have been reading every single one of your posts and it is impossible to tell you how much your responses and your friendship means to me. It is like water to a person dying of thirst. It has actually gotten me through today--when all I wanted to do was sleep and never have to make another decision again. You are all my special angels and I feel so very blessed to be a part of this amazing community. You have gotten me through a day in which I felt as if I were dying. I just don't know enough words to say thank you for all your compassion and love. The fact that you all took the time out of your busy schedules to read the words of my aching heart and write back, you are all a miracle in itself.

So far Merlin is still sleeping most of the day. He has eaten two tiny meatballs with rice the whole day, which is more than he would eat yesterday.

We home cook for him and he will only eat meat (chicken, beef, turkey). Sometimes I can get a lick of Gerber baby chicken into him. I know he should be on a low protein diet, but he will not eat anything else. We tried sneaking rice into the meatballs and supplementing with vitamins and minerals but he spits it out if it changes the taste of the meat. At this point we are just glad he is eating SOMETHING.

I spend alot of time with him and he sleeps in my arms. He seems comforted being close to me. I hold him and read your posts and cry, and believe it or not, after spending time with you in this way, I do not feel as much alone as I did. I whisper "I love you" in his ear, and he always
attempts a weak lick after that.

I appreciate every single one of your replies. They mean so so much to me. Words fail. I just cannot tell you how much you have meant to me. I even feel a little stronger. Also after reading one of the posts by, I think it was (Sadiesamie?) -not sure- I feel maybe a tinge of hope. I will go to the k9kidney diet place (I think it is called this) and go and register and see what they have to say. Maybe it is not much hope, but it is some. In the meanwhile I see my vet on Monday with my sweet little Merlin. And I do think that if there is no hope and he is in pain I will be able to do it. I hope against all hope that there is a way to improve his quality of life, but if not, I cannot let him suffer, if he IS suffering. It is sooo hard to tell.

Sadiesamie, thank you so much for your suggestions. I will follow up. As for what the actual numbers mean, I have to ask my vet about what that urine test was for. She said at first she thought that he was in mild or beginning kidney failure and that normal numbers would be 2 to 2.5 but then when she saw his number is 30, that is when she said maybe it is time to think about sending him to Rainbow Bridge. I was so blown away by all this that I forgot to ask her what the levels were for. As for his diet, he is not on any supplements because he spits all food that contain supplements out except what he wants to eat. And usually that is meat. We home cook for him. Any supplement I add he can taste it and he will not eat. I've tried Balanceit, green mush, etc. I know this is bad for him-to only eat protein. I try to get carbs and vegetables into him in every way possible. We blend all his food so he cannot pick out stuff, but he just turns his face away. Short of force feeding him and sticking the food down his throat, i just don't know what else to do for him. What is a UPC test? What is a pres dog food? (Prescription???). That chocolate thing you mentioned, I haven't heard of that, but if it worked, I would try anything. But Merlin does not like chocolate. He only likes meat. Mainly steak, burgers, etc. But lately, he even turns this away. We made meatballs and rice today though, with some tomato sauce and seasoning and he ate some (2). Even the rice. But only tiny tiny meatballs, maybe one ounce each, all day.

He usually eats when we cry. He knows we want him to eat. He eats to appease us, at least that is what we think. I know he understands. I just know. Anyway, thank you all again so much. I am so sorry for such a lengthy post. i just got away from myself. All I can say is thank you, and blessings to you all. I will keep you posted. Again, thank you. My love, Shellie

[mogli]

Shellie,

Sorry to hear about Merlin's condition ... we lost Mogli to KF in December, just a week before his 7th birthday. One thing I know about KF is that when their levels get very high, they feel neaseaus. Something to look for.

Has your vet mentioned giving sub-cutaneous fluids? That could make him feel better depending on the rest of his health picture and level of KF. You basically inject fluid under the skin to help flush out toxins that the kidneys can't process.

I grew up with several yorkies. From our second "run", Wicket outlived Poco. He was almost 16 or 17 and a very old little man. He was very slow and would sleep most of the time, once in a while he'd perk up for a few minutes. Anyways, long story short ... one day my mom woke up and he wouldn't eat. She just knew. So she called my sister who is studying to be a vet, and she came home so he could cross the rainbow bridge to be with Poco.

It's the toughest decision you can make. When you feel that his quality of life is deteriorating and you can look in the mirror and honestly say you're doing it more for yourself than for him ... that's when it's time to seriously consider. He'll always be with you, so letting him go isn't permenant. With Mogli, I just kept telling him to not give up on me, 'cause I wasn't going to give up on him. He was strong. When it's time you can feel it, it's the hardest thing to do.

Make sure to give him extra kisses, he knows he's very special and loved.

[yorkie mom-3]

Oh! Shellie you and Merlin have been in my thoughts and prayers. I feel your heartache. Animals know these things long before we do. He will tell you and something inside you will know. Just know that we are here for you. Wish I could give you a hug right now.

[MaxwellHouse]

I am so sorry. We lost Brutus after 12 years, and I was shocked as we thought we'd have at least 17. You need to let Cassie help you through this time with Merlin. She must be feeling the sadness in the house, too and it may be hard for her. God bless you. I know it is very hard to go through this with sweet Merlin.

[yorkiesmiles]

Shellie, Thank you for the update. I can not imagine being in tears before my baby would eat. I am sos orry that you are in such pain. I hope you walk away with a clearer picture after you see the vet tomorrow. It is so overwhelming when the vet tells us things, but now tomorrow you go with your questions in hand ready to find out a bit more. Praying for some miracles and special magic in Merlin's life

[saphire]

Sending prayers for you and Merlin.


http://i303.photobucket.com/albums/n...ets/00_001.gif




Sheilagh

[winstonw]

Thanks Shellie for the update today. Once again, your love for Merlin is so very evident in all your loving and caring ways you are taking care of him. He is so very lucky to have you as you with him. I know he knows all the love you put into every bite of food that he eats. Again tonite, tears with you and Merlin. Hoping tomorrow at the vets will provide some more insight for you. You and Merlin are in my thoughts and prayers.

[MyPeanutAbbyGra]

Shellie, in so many ways you are very lucky to have had such a special bond with Merlin. For that, I'm very happy for both of you. I know right now is excruciating and for that, I'm truly sorry.

I wish you all the best tomorrow when you take Merlin to the vet. Please know that our prayers are with you.

Lots of love and prayers,
Tammy

[Grizzley Bear]

Hi Shellie.. My heart goes out to you. I am also in tears and wishing you the best tomorrow at the vet. I can feel the love that you and Merlin share and just know that you and Merlin are blessed to have each other. I can honestly say that I have been there to like some others and that is how I found Yorkie Talk. Please accept the hugs and prayers I am sending. I will keep you in my thoughts and please know that you can always pm me also.
Hugs to you and Merlin.

Mary

[MeganS]

Shellie, my heart is broken for you. I was crying reading what's happening to you. I honestly believe that Merlin will tell you when its time, and you will know without a doubt. Its one of the most impossible decisions a pet owner faces, and its a true challenge of our unselfish love. When little Merlin needs to be free from his suffering, you WILL know, because that's what comes with the special bond you have with him.
I will keep you in my prayers. please feel free to PM me at any time. I'm sending you and Merlin big hugs.
Megan

[Tink's Mom]

I'm so sorry to hear about your furfriend. It is so hard to see them suffer. I had to make that decision last year with my 17 year old mini Poodle Indy. I still miss him something awful. But he was in so much pain I couldn't let him suffer anymore. You will know and your friend will let you know when it's time to let him go. He'll give you that look or just start withdrawing.

I hope you will be able to calm yourself and think rationally about your friend's needs. It's so hard, I know. I'll say a prayer for your breaking heart.

[sadiesamie]

Originally Posted by broodizt

I just want to tell you all that I have been reading every single one of your posts and it is impossible to tell you how much your responses and your friendship means to me. It is like water to a person dying of thirst. It has actually gotten me through today--when all I wanted to do was sleep and never have to make another decision again. You are all my special angels and I feel so very blessed to be a part of this amazing community. You have gotten me through a day in which I felt as if I were dying. I just don't know enough words to say thank you for all your compassion and love. The fact that you all took the time out of your busy schedules to read the words of my aching heart and write back, you are all a miracle in itself.

So far Merlin is still sleeping most of the day. He has eaten two tiny meatballs with rice the whole day, which is more than he would eat yesterday.

We home cook for him and he will only eat meat (chicken, beef, turkey). Sometimes I can get a lick of Gerber baby chicken into him. I know he should be on a low protein diet, but he will not eat anything else. We tried sneaking rice into the meatballs and supplementing with vitamins and minerals but he spits it out if it changes the taste of the meat. At this point we are just glad he is eating SOMETHING.

I spend alot of time with him and he sleeps in my arms. He seems comforted being close to me. I hold him and read your posts and cry, and believe it or not, after spending time with you in this way, I do not feel as much alone as I did. I whisper "I love you" in his ear, and he always
attempts a weak lick after that.

I appreciate every single one of your replies. They mean so so much to me. Words fail. I just cannot tell you how much you have meant to me. I even feel a little stronger. Also after reading one of the posts by, I think it was (Sadiesamie?) -not sure- I feel maybe a tinge of hope. I will go to the k9kidney diet place (I think it is called this) and go and register and see what they have to say. Maybe it is not much hope, but it is some. In the meanwhile I see my vet on Monday with my sweet little Merlin. And I do think that if there is no hope and he is in pain I will be able to do it. I hope against all hope that there is a way to improve his quality of life, but if not, I cannot let him suffer, if he IS suffering. It is sooo hard to tell.

Sadiesamie, thank you so much for your suggestions. I will follow up. As for what the actual numbers mean, I have to ask my vet about what that urine test was for. She said at first she thought that he was in mild or beginning kidney failure and that normal numbers would be 2 to 2.5 but then when she saw his number is 30, that is when she said maybe it is time to think about sending him to Rainbow Bridge. I was so blown away by all this that I forgot to ask her what the levels were for. As for his diet, he is not on any supplements because he spits all food that contain supplements out except what he wants to eat. And usually that is meat. We home cook for him. Any supplement I add he can taste it and he will not eat. I've tried Balanceit, green mush, etc. I know this is bad for him-to only eat protein. I try to get carbs and vegetables into him in every way possible. We blend all his food so he cannot pick out stuff, but he just turns his face away. Short of force feeding him and sticking the food down his throat, i just don't know what else to do for him. What is a UPC test? What is a pres dog food? (Prescription???). That chocolate thing you mentioned, I haven't heard of that, but if it worked, I would try anything. But Merlin does not like chocolate. He only likes meat. Mainly steak, burgers, etc. But lately, he even turns this away. We made meatballs and rice today though, with some tomato sauce and seasoning and he ate some (2). Even the rice. But only tiny tiny meatballs, maybe one ounce each, all day.

He usually eats when we cry. He knows we want him to eat. He eats to appease us, at least that is what we think. I know he understands. I just know. Anyway, thank you all again so much. I am so sorry for such a lengthy post. i just got away from myself. All I can say is thank you, and blessings to you all. I will keep you posted. Again, thank you. My love, Shellie

Hi Sweetie, I was just approved for the yahoo k9kidney group yesterday. They will ask you for all of the lab values so that they can help you. Make sure to get a copy of everything tomorrow so you can post the info they need. Call the vet and tell them that you are coming to pick up all labs and to have them ready when you get there.

From what I have seen so far values they look at are Albumin, Creatine is a big one... UPC stands for Urine Protein Creatine ratio. BUN is another important number. I hope they approve you right away. Please make sure you stress in your reply that you are very scared that you may lose your pup and that things are very urgent that you talk to them.

I have read about miracles where the vets say that the dog will not make it and a couple years have gone by when following the proper protocol and dogs have survived longer with treatment. I do not want to give you false hope but like you said- it's worth looking into.

Then- at least you can remember that you really gave it your all and did everything in your power to help him get well. The moderators on the yahoo k9kidney group know almost every scenario and every situation so I believe it's worth a shot. they have helped very sick dogs.

In the meantime do whatever in your power to get him to eat. Eating is very important. When they go for days without eating that is not a good sign. My mom's dog went 11 days w/o food and also towards the end no water. I tried ot tell her Mindy was suffering. Mom knew she needed to end Mindy's misery and she made that painful decision and let her go. It was the hardest thing she ever did. She told me that the pain was so bad that she could never so much consider having another pet. However, as time goes on, you grieve and eventually you heal.

For me- if I had to contact k9kidneygroup it would be for a few things. ONe to understand the labs and what is happening. Two- to know in my heart if there is anything left that you can do for him, and Three to make the right choice even it that means hurting because you have to say good bye to your special baby that you love so dearly. I believe when an animal is suffering the biggest gesture of love is to end their suffering. I will continue to follow this thread and pray that you connect with the kidney group very very soon. They contacted me right away and approved me to join the group.

I am here for you hon. You take care and be strong. pm me if you would like.
Love and hugs!
Renee, Sadie & Samie

[sadiesamie]

One more thing- I know you are going to the vet tomorrow but don't let them talk you into anything until you are ready. Especially if Merlin does not look like he is suffering. I wish I could see him. I wish I had all of the answers for you.

I can tell you that if Merlin was suffering you would know it.

I hope K9kidney group has talked with you. I have read about peoples yorkies that have stopped eating for days and they have been nursed to health.. Because Merlin is 17 and not knowing his values I am so unsure with everything. I will check on you tomorrow. XOXOXOX....

[sadiesamie]

I am looking at my girls labs right now and I cannot find any values that show 2 -2 1/2. Albumin is normal range 2.7-4.4 and another huge kidney factor is Creatine which shows normal range 0.5-1.6

I wish i knew what the 30 was? It is was BUN then yes that's slightly elevated as normal range BUN is 6-25...

Phosphorus is another 2.5 -6.0 normal range...

if UPC (Urine Protein Creatine was high) meds could help lower that...

My cousin had a yorkie that lived to be 20 yrs old.

Ok- I am off for the night- I will say a prayer for you and Merlin tonight.

Also my Mom's MIndy didn't want to cuddle with her anymore- she wanted to be on the floor alone and by herself. she didn't want to be held or touched- she just wanted to sleep.