I just want to tell you all that I have been reading every single one of your posts and it is impossible to tell you how much your responses and your friendship means to me. It is like water to a person dying of thirst. It has actually gotten me through today--when all I wanted to do was sleep and never have to make another decision again. You are all my special angels and I feel so very blessed to be a part of this amazing community. You have gotten me through a day in which I felt as if I were dying. I just don't know enough words to say thank you for all your compassion and love. The fact that you all took the time out of your busy schedules to read the words of my aching heart and write back, you are all a miracle in itself.
So far Merlin is still sleeping most of the day. He has eaten two tiny meatballs with rice the whole day, which is more than he would eat yesterday.
We home cook for him and he will only eat meat (chicken, beef, turkey). Sometimes I can get a lick of Gerber baby chicken into him. I know he should be on a low protein diet, but he will not eat anything else. We tried sneaking rice into the meatballs and supplementing with vitamins and minerals but he spits it out if it changes the taste of the meat. At this point we are just glad he is eating SOMETHING.
I spend alot of time with him and he sleeps in my arms. He seems comforted being close to me. I hold him and read your posts and cry, and believe it or not, after spending time with you in this way, I do not feel as much alone as I did. I whisper "I love you" in his ear, and he always
attempts a weak lick after that.
I appreciate every single one of your replies. They mean so so much to me. Words fail. I just cannot tell you how much you have meant to me. I even feel a little stronger. Also after reading one of the posts by, I think it was (Sadiesamie?) -not sure- I feel maybe a tinge of hope. I will go to the k9kidney diet place (I think it is called this) and go and register and see what they have to say. Maybe it is not much hope, but it is some. In the meanwhile I see my vet on Monday with my sweet little Merlin. And I do think that if there is no hope and he is in pain I will be able to do it. I hope against all hope that there is a way to improve his quality of life, but if not, I cannot let him suffer, if he IS suffering. It is sooo hard to tell.
Sadiesamie, thank you so much for your suggestions. I will follow up. As for what the actual numbers mean, I have to ask my vet about what that urine test was for. She said at first she thought that he was in mild or beginning kidney failure and that normal numbers would be 2 to 2.5 but then when she saw his number is 30, that is when she said maybe it is time to think about sending him to Rainbow Bridge. I was so blown away by all this that I forgot to ask her what the levels were for. As for his diet, he is not on any supplements because he spits all food that contain supplements out except what he wants to eat. And usually that is meat. We home cook for him. Any supplement I add he can taste it and he will not eat. I've tried Balanceit, green mush, etc. I know this is bad for him-to only eat protein. I try to get carbs and vegetables into him in every way possible. We blend all his food so he cannot pick out stuff, but he just turns his face away. Short of force feeding him and sticking the food down his throat, i just don't know what else to do for him. What is a UPC test? What is a pres dog food? (Prescription???). That chocolate thing you mentioned, I haven't heard of that, but if it worked, I would try anything. But Merlin does not like chocolate. He only likes meat. Mainly steak, burgers, etc. But lately, he even turns this away. We made meatballs and rice today though, with some tomato sauce and seasoning and he ate some (2). Even the rice. But only tiny tiny meatballs, maybe one ounce each, all day.
He usually eats when we cry. He knows we want him to eat. He eats to appease us, at least that is what we think. I know he understands. I just know. Anyway, thank you all again so much. I am so sorry for such a lengthy post. i just got away from myself. All I can say is thank you, and blessings to you all. I will keep you posted. Again, thank you. My love, Shellie
