for all you guys with preteens - Page 2 - YorkieTalk.com Forums

Mybabyboymax · 10-23-2007, 06:30 PM

I am going to call tomorrow and give the childs name. I will not be letting my daughter know that I called. I really dont want her to change and avoid coming to me next time. she is so open with me that i know her crushs name, who has had their first kiss already etc. I don't want to jeopardize that, and I dont want this girl to know it was my daughter and have all her friends turn on her. If that happens she would be upset with me and upset that her friends are mad. If I do it this way it works out for everyone, and her friend can get help. I told my daughter that she should do what she feels is right concerning their friendship. She wants to continue being there for her, and I agree. I really want to say thank you to all that responded, you guys really helped me. I knew what was the right thing to do, I guess I needed you guys to help me see that I was doing the right thing

Tillys_mom · 10-23-2007, 06:48 PM

I think you should also tell the couselor. When I was that age my friend started stealing the alcohol wipes they used in our home management class to clean the headphones and was sniffing them. It didn't scare me at first but then she started getting nose bleeds all of the time. I never could tell my mom but another mom found out and called my mom. My mom was so hurt. It's great your daughter came to you, that's very mature of her. I believe my mom brought it to the schools attention and they put the wipes away so the students couldnt access them. The teachers always had to clean them. It's sad what kids will do sometimes and scary.

LunasMomma · 10-23-2007, 07:16 PM

I'm glad that you reported this. You could be saving this girl's life.

It's good that your daughter talks to you about everything. Don't stop the girls from being friends, but try to supervise their time together and do something fun with them. You'd sure make a difference in that child's life!

teffiemoore · 10-23-2007, 07:44 PM

I have raised a daughter and 2 sons...its awsome that your daughter comes to you with the things ..it shows she trusts you and with this, its very important that to maintain that trust, you treat the information she gives you with care...you sound like a very smart women..asking for advice and thinking this decision through before acting is insurance for continuing this great relationship with your baby...unfortunately the freind that is starting to "cut" sounds like she has some complex problems and alot of times beginning at this young age, it begins in the home. Talkingwith a school counselor is a great place to start. I feel more comfortable with this verses talking with the girls parent. I might also talk with your daughter about ways you both may be able to reach this girl...maybe educating your daughter about "cutting" and having her pass small elements on to her freind in a caring aspect....Education is the best prevention for ignorance and self preservation...Good luck and your a great Mom!

Mybabyboymax · 10-23-2007, 08:12 PM

You know when she came to me, at first she wasn't crying but as soon as she said "mom she could cut in the wrong place and die" was when she started crying, it hurt me so much to see her hurting. I didn't even have to tell her the things that could happen...she was telling me! she mentioned that her friend could catch an infection and also said that she had told her friend that and asked her to please get help. my daughter said that her friend told her she wouldn't do it anymore. My daughter and I did some searches on google and read up on it and they don't usually just stop just like that

I just hope that once I talk to the school guidance this little girl gets help. I don't know her parents and my daughter doesn't see her friend outside of school so it would be hard to talk to her mom. she also told me that her friend gets bad grades on test and doesn't even looked worried about it and she asked her if she wasn't upset that her mom would be disappointed in her and the girls response was"my mom doesn't care" so that leads me to believe the problems are at home

teffiemoore · 10-24-2007, 05:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mybabyboymax

You know when she came to me, at first she wasn't crying but as soon as she said "mom she could cut in the wrong place and die" was when she started crying, it hurt me so much to see her hurting. I didn't even have to tell her the things that could happen...she was telling me! she mentioned that her friend could catch an infection and also said that she had told her friend that and asked her to please get help. my daughter said that her friend told her she wouldn't do it anymore. My daughter and I did some searches on google and read up on it and they don't usually just stop just like that

I just hope that once I talk to the school guidance this little girl gets help. I don't know her parents and my daughter doesn't see her friend outside of school so it would be hard to talk to her mom. she also told me that her friend gets bad grades on test and doesn't even looked worried about it and she asked her if she wasn't upset that her mom would be disappointed in her and the girls response was"my mom doesn't care" so that leads me to believe the problems are at home

Wow, this is so sad that this girl has the message that her Mom doesn't care at her age....Two reason for kids "cutting" is, attention or high frustration levels that the act will actually provide a "release" for this frustration...I never supported my kids in hanging around with the "wrong crowd" or certain bad influences, but sometimes healthy kids can provide another option as a roll model for kids that are in trouble and have a limited support system at home, (with limited exposure for your child of course). I hope this doesn't become a burden for your preteen...it may be time to pull her completely away if you start to see that it is..

Mybabyboymax · 10-24-2007, 05:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by teffiemoore

Wow, this is so sad that this girl has the message that her Mom doesn't care at her age....Two reason for kids "cutting" is, attention or high frustration levels that the act will actually provide a "release" for this frustration...I never supported my kids in hanging around with the "wrong crowd" or certain bad influences, but sometimes healthy kids can provide another option as a roll model for kids that are in trouble and have a limited support system at home, (with limited exposure for your child of course). I hope this doesn't become a burden for your preteen...it may be time to pull her completely away if you start to see that it is..

I too felt the same way when she first told me. I told my hubby, thats it im pulling her out of that school! but when I sat and thought about it and talked to him we came to realize that this can happen in any school and my daughter is going to be confronted with so many things..its part of life

I can try to shelter her as much as I can but ultimately she is going to be confronted with situations like this as well as drugs, smoking, sex etc. I did not forbid her to hang out with this girl because i am a firm believer in god puts people in our lives for a reason. Maybe this little girl needs my daughter, maybe my daughters friendship is what is going to get this girl the help she needs. I too thought about the fact that it may influence my daughter and she might try it, but I dont think that is the case at all.I guess because they are friends at school, they do not go out after school to the movies etc. she doesnt go over her house or anything like that. the rules in my house is that at 12 years old you have no business in the streets alone. so she doesnt have the privileges of hanging out yet. The fact that she came to me shows me that she can be trusted and she knows its wrong. It is such a hard position to be in but I leave it all in gods hand.

Anna Banana · 10-24-2007, 07:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mybabyboymax

I too felt the same way when she first told me. I told my hubby, thats it im pulling her out of that school! but when I sat and thought about it and talked to him we came to realize that this can happen in any school and my daughter is going to be confronted with so many things..its part of life

I can try to shelter her as much as I can but ultimately she is going to be confronted with situations like this as well as drugs, smoking, sex etc. I did not forbid her to hang out with this girl because i am a firm believer in god puts people in our lives for a reason. Maybe this little girl needs my daughter, maybe my daughters friendship is what is going to get this girl the help she needs. I too thought about the fact that it may influence my daughter and she might try it, but I dont think that is the case at all.I guess because they are friends at school, they do not go out after school to the movies etc. she doesnt go over her house or anything like that. the rules in my house is that at 12 years old you have no business in the streets alone. so she doesnt have the privileges of hanging out yet. The fact that she came to me shows me that she can be trusted and she knows its wrong. It is such a hard position to be in but I leave it all in gods hand.

That is such a good way to look at it. Good for you! You, your daughter, and her friend will be in my prayers.

Mybabyboymax · 10-24-2007, 08:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anna Banana

That is such a good way to look at it. Good for you! You, your daughter, and her friend will be in my prayers.

Thank you so much

10-23-2007, 06:30 PM	#16
Mybabyboymax Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 1,859	I am going to call tomorrow and give the childs name. I will not be letting my daughter know that I called. I really dont want her to change and avoid coming to me next time. she is so open with me that i know her crushs name, who has had their first kiss already etc. I don't want to jeopardize that, and I dont want this girl to know it was my daughter and have all her friends turn on her. If that happens she would be upset with me and upset that her friends are mad. If I do it this way it works out for everyone, and her friend can get help. I told my daughter that she should do what she feels is right concerning their friendship. She wants to continue being there for her, and I agree. I really want to say thank you to all that responded, you guys really helped me. I knew what was the right thing to do, I guess I needed you guys to help me see that I was doing the right thing __________________ Its SummerTime!

10-23-2007, 06:48 PM	#17
Tillys_mom Spoilin' Tilly & Jack Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Indiana Posts: 2,227	I think you should also tell the couselor. When I was that age my friend started stealing the alcohol wipes they used in our home management class to clean the headphones and was sniffing them. It didn't scare me at first but then she started getting nose bleeds all of the time. I never could tell my mom but another mom found out and called my mom. My mom was so hurt. It's great your daughter came to you, that's very mature of her. I believe my mom brought it to the schools attention and they put the wipes away so the students couldnt access them. The teachers always had to clean them. It's sad what kids will do sometimes and scary. __________________ Momma Tilly Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.

10-23-2007, 07:16 PM	#18
LunasMomma Izzy's Momma Too! Donating Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Stuart, Florida Posts: 8,799	I'm glad that you reported this. You could be saving this girl's life. It's good that your daughter talks to you about everything. Don't stop the girls from being friends, but try to supervise their time together and do something fun with them. You'd sure make a difference in that child's life! __________________ Tracy, Mom to Izzy and Luna

10-23-2007, 07:44 PM	#19
teffiemoore Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Texas Posts: 916	I have raised a daughter and 2 sons...its awsome that your daughter comes to you with the things ..it shows she trusts you and with this, its very important that to maintain that trust, you treat the information she gives you with care...you sound like a very smart women..asking for advice and thinking this decision through before acting is insurance for continuing this great relationship with your baby...unfortunately the freind that is starting to "cut" sounds like she has some complex problems and alot of times beginning at this young age, it begins in the home. Talkingwith a school counselor is a great place to start. I feel more comfortable with this verses talking with the girls parent. I might also talk with your daughter about ways you both may be able to reach this girl...maybe educating your daughter about "cutting" and having her pass small elements on to her freind in a caring aspect....Education is the best prevention for ignorance and self preservation...Good luck and your a great Mom! __________________ Steph's Furkids,Yogi, Bogus and Suki www.dogster.com/?320202 www.dogster.com/dogs/778799 Join YAP Here! "Animals are the most agreeable freinds"..

10-23-2007, 08:12 PM	#20
Mybabyboymax Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 1,859	You know when she came to me, at first she wasn't crying but as soon as she said "mom she could cut in the wrong place and die" was when she started crying, it hurt me so much to see her hurting. I didn't even have to tell her the things that could happen...she was telling me! she mentioned that her friend could catch an infection and also said that she had told her friend that and asked her to please get help. my daughter said that her friend told her she wouldn't do it anymore. My daughter and I did some searches on google and read up on it and they don't usually just stop just like that I just hope that once I talk to the school guidance this little girl gets help. I don't know her parents and my daughter doesn't see her friend outside of school so it would be hard to talk to her mom. she also told me that her friend gets bad grades on test and doesn't even looked worried about it and she asked her if she wasn't upset that her mom would be disappointed in her and the girls response was"my mom doesn't care" so that leads me to believe the problems are at home __________________ Its SummerTime! Last edited by Mybabyboymax; 10-23-2007 at 08:14 PM.