for all you guys with preteens
 

Ok folks I really need some advice here:(
My daughter turns 12 in 2 days and she tells me pretty much everything. she has told me she was invited to her friends sleepover and then said she wanted to go but she isn't because they are planning to walk the train tracks(deserted) and go walk to blockbuster (which she isnt allowed out without me yet) I let her know how proud of her I was and today she came and told me a friend of hers from school *use to*cut herself. I feel so sad for that little girl, and so does my daughter. while telling me she was crying and is very concerned about her friend. I suggested we tell the school guidance counselor but my daughter is afraid that she will get mad and turn everyone against her which would result in my daughter having a stressful time in school. Im so confused, do I tell her to never talk to this girl? do you guys think she will? I put myself in that situation and 12 yrs old and I know I wouldnt stop being her friend. do I transfer her school? This can happen anywhere even in a new school. I know my daughter is smart but I cant help but be scared that she might get curious if she hangs out with this girl. Im beyond stressed right now...what do I do? :confused:
just so you guys know, my daughter isnt allowed to hang out with friends after school yet, she comes straight home. I do not know this girl or her mom she is just someone in my daughters class.

I would wait a few days and let your daughter know that you won't mention it. Then I would make an annonoymous call to a social worker or have someone investigate this. The parents need to be interviewed to, at 12 they should see marks or know if their daughter is cutting herself.:confused: Maybe the parents don't even know, but someone should before she does more harm to herself. This is so sad.:(

Oh wow, thats a tough one. How horrifying to hear about such a young soul torturing themselves like that. If I were in your position I would go to the school and tell them what you have found out about this little girl. It could be her way of acting out because of bigger problems at home and this could be the only intervention that could possibly put an end to the behaviour or the reasons for the behaviour. I would keep from your daughter that you tell them though, and make sure that they know that you under no terms want anyone to know that you were the one who came to them.

I think just being educated on the situation will get the school to take a closer look.

Going through child protection agency would be a good option to.

I don't have kids, but I think you should explain to your daughter that some things (such as someone physically harming themselves) are of more importance than friendships. Her friend might hate her for telling, but she'll understand the importance of doing with time.

I also think that you, as a parent, have a responsibility of reporting something like this (wither your daughter likes it or not).

I think your daughter sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders. It is great that she can communicate with you. That is so important. I would call the school counselor. You will feel bad if something happens to this girl. I wouldn't tell my daughter that she can't talk to her, but I wouldn't encourage too much contact. It is sad, but there are definatly some problems there. This girl is crying out for help. She may be relieved that someone told. Your daughter sounds like a good kid!

So sad!!!

I agree...I would wait a while...you could even do an anonymous call to the school counselor. In the mean time, I'd limit the time my daughter spent with this girl. While having a friend is good for the other girl, she could start to rub off on your daughter. Ever hear the saying..."Depressed people shouldn't be together...it's suicide".

I have a 12 year old daughter, myself.

Take care and good luck!

talk with the school counsellor or any counsellor. they will give you great advice and also keep things confidential. action will be taken if it is needed, but only by the authorities who can take care of the situation. your daughter did the right thing by telling you.

Thank you for all your advice. I was just talking to my husband and we think its best that I bring it to the school counselors attention. I feel so bad for the little girl and I cant just turn a blind eye. I have a daughter and if another parent knew something like this I would want that parent to tell me. Its just a hard situation and so sad. for those that said I have a good kid thank you it means alot.

EXACTLY! It's always best to put ourselves in the other shoes.

I would not wait at all, do this ASAP. I have had to go to school counselor for things my oldest son told me his good friend was doing too. He was a cutter and he was only in 5th grade at the time, hes in 8th grade now. The school counselor keeps names out, but brought in the boy's parents and talked with them. The child was given help and is doing so much better and is a happy person again! I allowed my son to talk with him when he was going through therapy. It had nothing to do with the childes home life at all but all the stress had at school with bullies and keeping grades up while under stress. His mother had no clue what was going on outside the home.

I know that if one of my children was in need of help I would appreciate problems being brought to my attention so I could help my child.

Also I had worked in day care and we had to take classes on reporting child abuse and neglect. They( social workers) do not give names out when investigating. People worry about being found out as the person who turned another in, but when you think about the possible outcomes I much rather report things then to let something tragic happen. Always report abuse and neglect cases to the proper authority for the sake of the child.

thank you for sharing your story, its good to know im not the only one who has gone through something like this. I have decided to go up to the school tomorrow

I am not a mother, but I do have 4 preteen nephews that I have practically raised. I think that it is a good idea to anonymously call the school and speak with the school counselor. But, I wouldn't stop my child from hanging around this girl. It seems to me that you have raised your daughter right. She is open with you, which is already a plus. I think that having your daughter in this girl's life may be a good thing for the girl. Maybe your daughter can help her through this. You never know what is going on in this girl's life that is making her do this to herself. I say that you allow them to continue to be friends, but if you see a change in your daughter's behavior that may be because of this girl's influence then that's is when I think you should worry about their friendship.

Parents are worriers when it comes to their children and in no shape or form I am saying that's a bad thing. But, at some point we have to step back and let our children be the people that we have raised them to be.

That's my take on it. I pray that you and your husband make the decision that is right for you and your family. I sure that you will.

you are right by going to the counselor.... me personally, I would do it in secret. My daughter tells me everything too and I wouldnt want that to stop if the kids found out. These children can be so cruel, it is sad but Yes, I agree with your choice. As a mom of two girls(16 and 21) I would have wanted to know too...
Good Luck!
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I think that you need to call the school counselor. Tell them that you'd like to make an annonymous report, and tell them the name of the girl and what your daughter told you. Ask them to PLEASE keep your daughter's name - and your name - out of it.

I don't think that there should be a reason for the girl to find out that it was your daughter who told what's going on - but if for some reason she does then yes, she probably will be very mad at her. But you should explain to your daughter that her friend could seriously hurt, or even kill, herself. Eventually, the other girl will probably realize that your daughter really helped her.