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judyeve · 03-18-2007, 01:27 PM

Dear Jeannie:

I'm so sorry you're having this problem. I have almost exactly the same sad story. My SIL is the problem, my daughter doesn't stand up for me, and she has had MS for the past 3 1/2 years. I haven't seen my 3 grandchildren since January 2006. She's my only child and we were as close as can be before he showed up. I have tried everything, including going to Al-Anon (he drinks) for two years. I also helped them, gave to them, watched the kids, took off from work when she first got sick, etc., etc. etc. None of it mattered in the end.
I won't even go into the stories of how he has treated me.

It finally reached a point where I told my daughter that no matter how much I love her and my grandchildren, if she doesn't put her foot down to her husband's abuse of me, there can be no relationship. That was after I called her one Wednesday morning and he told me that I could no longer see my grandchildren. Why? I didn't even ask. I said to her that I wouldn't have a relationship with any woman who allowed her husband to treat her mother the way she allows my SIL to treat me. She told me that she wouldn't do that and that she was choosing her marriage. I never asked her to give up her marriage, but obviously putting her foot down to him would really rock their boat.

I understand why she did it. She's not as strong as I am, she has a terrible illness, 3 young children, and he is there. I don't like the way he talks to anybody, much less them, but she must feel pretty helpless at this point.
I feel so sorry for her and for my grandchildren too. She's still my baby and I'll always love her. She got stuck in such a terrible life and there was never anything I could do to help her. She just would never listen, no matter how tactfully I put things. It was like watching sand falling through my fingers.
I never thought I would lose our relationship totally, but I did.

My heart is broken, but, like you, if that's how they're going to be, I don't want them around me.

I certainly understand how you feel and I totally agree with you.

Judy

03-18-2007, 01:27 PM	#64
judyeve Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Brooklyn, NY Posts: 1,729	Dear Jeannie: I'm so sorry you're having this problem. I have almost exactly the same sad story. My SIL is the problem, my daughter doesn't stand up for me, and she has had MS for the past 3 1/2 years. I haven't seen my 3 grandchildren since January 2006. She's my only child and we were as close as can be before he showed up. I have tried everything, including going to Al-Anon (he drinks) for two years. I also helped them, gave to them, watched the kids, took off from work when she first got sick, etc., etc. etc. None of it mattered in the end. I won't even go into the stories of how he has treated me. It finally reached a point where I told my daughter that no matter how much I love her and my grandchildren, if she doesn't put her foot down to her husband's abuse of me, there can be no relationship. That was after I called her one Wednesday morning and he told me that I could no longer see my grandchildren. Why? I didn't even ask. I said to her that I wouldn't have a relationship with any woman who allowed her husband to treat her mother the way she allows my SIL to treat me. She told me that she wouldn't do that and that she was choosing her marriage. I never asked her to give up her marriage, but obviously putting her foot down to him would really rock their boat. I understand why she did it. She's not as strong as I am, she has a terrible illness, 3 young children, and he is there. I don't like the way he talks to anybody, much less them, but she must feel pretty helpless at this point. I feel so sorry for her and for my grandchildren too. She's still my baby and I'll always love her. She got stuck in such a terrible life and there was never anything I could do to help her. She just would never listen, no matter how tactfully I put things. It was like watching sand falling through my fingers. I never thought I would lose our relationship totally, but I did. My heart is broken, but, like you, if that's how they're going to be, I don't want them around me. I certainly understand how you feel and I totally agree with you. Judy