I can do this .....

[bettyeanne]

As some of you know [and a lot of you don't], my precious Mother has been in very poor health for some years now. About the last three years she has been in constant pain ... we lost her on July 18 [just 10 days after her 90th birthday and on the day that my Toto turned 3 years]. I cannot tell you how lost and empty I feel. Even though I know that she is no longer suffering and I know that sweet, gentle soul is finally happy with my Daddy in heaven ... I still have those moments when I am so selfish that I can hardly stand it. I just want her back and it's so strange, at those moments, I can hear her voice as plain as anything I have ever heard ... "You are my good child", she would tell me. I hear it every time I face a difficult decision in finalizing all those things that must be done ... and knowing that is the reason she chose me for these tasks. It's difficult to carry out her wishes and to be civil to those who broke her heart ... but, I was raised by two of the most wonderful parents in the world and ... I can do this!!

For those of you who still have one or both your parents ... never, ever miss an opportunity to hug them and tell them that you love them. In their twilight years they feel so "unnecessary" and it's up to us to make them feel like the most important person in our lives ... because they are!

[Timmy]

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know it must be difficult because I cannot imagine losing my mother. She is everything to me. You are so lucky to have had her for 90 years, most of us don't and even though she is not physically with you she is with you spiritually. Be strong because she is watching over you.

[LuvMySissy]

Please accept my deepest condolences. I can't imagine losing my mother. It was devastating when I lost my grandmother 9 years ago, and even more devastating to lose my beloved aunt last year (who was also a best friend). The grief process goes on for a very long time regardless of the circumstances surrounding the loss, and you will feel empty for a long time. Soon, though hearing those words will bring you comfort as will your memories with her. She will always be a part of you and I am sure she is watching over you and continuing to thank you for carrying out her wishes.

[red98vett]

Bettyeanne....I'm so so sorry to hear this about your mom. You're so right about appreciating them more in their later years. I'm blessed with both my parents and just dread the day they're no longer with me. It sounds like you were a great comfort to your mom and it had to be so hard seeing her in pain like that. Please accept my deepest condolences...

[Jaspermom]

Thank you for your words of wisdom that come from your pain. You are wonderful to share this, sweetheart. My condolences.

[Yorkie3]

So sorry for the loss of your mother. My mother is 83 and is now starting to really slow down. She fell the other day and it's been hard seeing her is so much pain. The following link was emailed to me the other day and I just thought it was worth sharing.

http://parentswish.com/site01/small.html

[simonandhallie]

I am so saddened by your loss. My thoughts are with you and your advice will be taken with great admiration.

[speck103]

[QUOTE=bettyeanne]As some of you know [and a lot of you don't], my precious Mother has been in very poor health for some years now. About the last three years she has been in constant pain ... we lost her on July 18 [just 10 days after her 90th birthday and on the day that my Toto turned 3 years]. I cannot tell you how lost and empty I feel. Even though I know that she is no longer suffering and I know that sweet, gentle soul is finally happy with my Daddy in heaven ... I still have those moments when I am so selfish that I can hardly stand it. I just want her back and it's so strange, at those moments, I can hear her voice as plain as anything I have ever heard ... "You are my good child", she would tell me. I hear it every time I face a difficult decision in finalizing all those things that must be done ... and knowing that is the reason she chose me for these tasks. It's difficult to carry out her wishes and to be civil to those who broke her heart ... but, I was raised by two of the most wonderful parents in the world and ... I can do this!!

Oh bettyeanne, I know exactly what you are going through. My Mother passed away almost 3 years ago and I still burst into tears on the way to work or out shopping. Alot of times it's just from remembering her. I also still hear her voice telling me how proud she was of me and all the great advice she gave. My mother was my best friend, so it was her and I against the world! Even though, I am the youngest of 7 children, I too was the one that had to tie up all the loose ends after she passed away. I look back and am amazed how I got through it, but I know it was the strength my mother had through her illness that carried me through.
Trust me when I say, it does get easier. In time you won't feel so lost and be able to focus on the wonderful times you had with her. You will always miss your Mom and should keep her memories alive by sharing them with others. During those "lost and lonely" times, what I did and still do is "talk" to my mother and it makes me feel like she's still here with me.
In essence, I think that you and I are very blessed because we had wonderful mothers whom love and advice will always be with us.
My prayers are with you.

[Patti]

I am so sorry for the loss of yur beloved Mother. I am taking care of my 86 year old parents and while some days are trying I always try to put myself in their position and treat them with all the dignity they deserve. As we age we loose so much of our selves and sometimes it's the little things that seem so insignificant to us that helps them get through each day. I thank God for each day I have with them and no I will have no regrets when they are gone only unbearable sadness. 2 of my 3 siblings rarely visit and one hardly calls and they are both close enough to do both. I would feel so comforted by hearing her voice she's letting you know she's ok and she appreciated all you did for her. In time your memories will bring you happiness but it all takes time. I will keep you in my prayers.

[yougetthesmiles]

I'm here in tears reading this thread, please except my deepest sympothy. I have no idea what I will do when the day comes and I lose my parents, they mean so much to me and I can't even bare the thought not to have them in my life. I think people take for granted of what they have and they don't think about when the time comes to say goodbye.
I will make sure I give both my parents a hug the next time I see them! Thanks hun and I hope you get to feeling better soon!

[mylittletigger]

I'm soo sorry to hear about your loss. I,too, lost my parents. My dad died when I was eleven after marrying my step-mom two years prior (he was 31, and shortly after my step mom adopted my brother and I) and My mom's alive but dead to me ( I haven't seen her since I was nine, I believe). I've spoken to her but she tries to fill me up with lies and put me on guilt trips so I figure I'm better off without her.


I really agree. There are so many things I wish to this day I had been able to say to my daddy. He was my hero, my everything, he gave my brother and I a reason to live. He rescued us from hell and the day we lost him we lost everything except eachother ( and his parents and siblings). Please everyone who has their parents Please I urge you please tell them daily you love them and spend real quality time with them. You have no idea how much you'll truely miss them when they're gone. You think you know but the pain in unreal. even till this day I feel the pain. I'm at the age where I think about settling down and I'm my daddy's only biological girl and I don't have him to walk me down the aisle or have the father daughther dance. It's heart breaking.


BETTYANNE: I don't know if you recall me, but Toto was Tiggers valentine this year, and I just wanted to say I know exactly what you're going through. It's been twelve years (as of July 12th) and I still hear his voice or feel like he's right beside me. I blamed myself for the longest time. I kept thinking "what if I had been there? I could've saved him" I sometimes still get mad at him for leaving. I'm sorry to hear about your loss but just know I'm thinking about you as well as Tigger and his soon to be little brother. Heartfelt wishes to you during your time of need.

Tigger sends kisses to you and Toto.

[mylittletigger]

Originally Posted by Patti

I am so sorry for the loss of yur beloved Mother. I am taking care of my 86 year old parents and while some days are trying I always try to put myself in their position and treat them with all the dignity they deserve. As we age we loose so much of our selves and sometimes it's the little things that seem so insignificant to us that helps them get through each day. I thank God for each day I have with them and no I will have no regrets when they are gone only unbearable sadness. 2 of my 3 siblings rarely visit and one hardly calls and they are both close enough to do both. I would feel so comforted by hearing her voice she's letting you know she's ok and she appreciated all you did for her. In time your memories will bring you happiness but it all takes time. I will keep you in my prayers.

When I lost my dad I couldn't even cry. everyone else was including my little brother but not me. I had this overwhelming feeling of comfort in my heart and I cry now here and there but I've never fully grieved his loss. I try but I'm afraid if I do, I'll lose a part of me.

[DENISE517]

When I read your thread, I could totally relate. I'm sorry for your loss and It will take alot of time to deal. I know cause I didnt lose my parents but my grandmother who was like a mother to me. She was the greatest person on earth. The one who seemed to always keep us all together. She was the rock in our family. She was the sweetest, most kind person I know. She was 86 when she died. I'm thankful that she was never really sick and in pain. She died in her sleep and no one excepted it. Still to this very day (She died in 98) I find myself at times still crying just wanting one more talk, one more lunch together, one more trip to the ice cream store. She was a very good Christian so I know she is in heaven with my grandpa (Who I've never met, he died when my mom was 13) She never remarried because she said he was the love of her life. I wish I could say it gets easier and it does to some extent but if you are like me you will have good days and bad days. When someone makes such an impact on our lives we are the selfish ones who still wants them her beside us. We are just human. Just know that your mom is out of pain and cherish the moments you had with her. I still have a pic of my grandma on my refridge and when I do the dishes I still talk to her. I'm be praying for a way to help God help you deal.

[DENISE517]

I wrote this poem to my grandma when she died I hope it helps:

Hello Granny, its just me again,
How are you doing, are you meeting old friends,

Is heaven as beautiful as you thought it would be,
Are you having a good time, do you think about me,

Do you miss us the way that we miss you,
Can you look down below and see all that we do,

Each day I ask God to tell you I love you so,
I miss you so much, it's so hard to let go,

I can't help but visit your grave each Sunday,
You're always on my mind, each night and every day,

Your memories aren't enough and I dont know what to do,
The pains driving me crazy, I just want to talk to you,

I feel as though a part of me has drifted away,
"Please don't do this to yourself" is what you would say,

Just know that someday I'll see you again
Not only were you my Granny, but you were My Best Friend,

But until that day, I want you to know,
Your in my heart and I love you so!

[fourdez]

I know exactly how you feel. I just lost my mother last Saturday and even though I have a house full of family who flew in for the funeral I feel extremely lonely. I don't know how to deal with the fact that I will never see her again.