[QUOTE=bettyeanne]As some of you know [and a lot of you don't], my precious Mother has been in very poor health for some years now. About the last three years she has been in constant pain ... we lost her on July 18 [just 10 days after her 90th birthday and on the day that my Toto turned 3 years]. I cannot tell you how lost and empty I feel. Even though I know that she is no longer suffering and I know that sweet, gentle soul is finally happy with my Daddy in heaven ... I still have those moments when I am so selfish that I can hardly stand it. I just want her back and it's so strange, at those moments, I can hear her voice as plain as anything I have ever heard ... "You are my
good child", she would tell me. I hear it every time I face a difficult decision in finalizing all those things that must be done ... and knowing that is the reason she chose me for these tasks. It's difficult to carry out her wishes and to be civil to those who broke her heart ... but, I was raised by two of the most wonderful parents in the world and ... I can do this!!
Oh bettyeanne, I know exactly what you are going through. My Mother passed away almost 3 years ago and I still burst into tears on the way to work or out shopping. Alot of times it's just from remembering her. I also still hear her voice telling me how proud she was of me and all the great advice she gave. My mother was my best friend, so it was her and I against the world! Even though, I am the youngest of 7 children, I too was the one that had to tie up all the loose ends after she passed away. I look back and am amazed how I got through it, but I know it was the strength my mother had through her illness that carried me through.
Trust me when I say, it does get easier. In time you won't feel so lost and be able to focus on the wonderful times you had with her. You will always miss your Mom and should keep her memories alive by sharing them with others. During those "lost and lonely" times, what I did and still do is "talk" to my mother and it makes me feel like she's still here with me.
In essence, I think that you and I are very blessed because we had wonderful mothers whom love and advice will always be with us.
My prayers are with you. 