My Locks of Love haircut......

[teri88]

Originally Posted by Passionfruition

Aw, thanks for your advice and kind words. I found it interesting you said you really saw his side. Since you do, I'd love to pick your brain a little.....since I'm going crosseyed trying to understand him right now. My confession....he never used the word "permission" but he said I absolutely should have called him before going to get my hair cut...and not only that but because I didn't call, all heck broke loose as far as he was concerned. He said that "not calling" was the same as going behind his back. Which isn't true, either! So if I'm "required" to call him, then to me, it's the same as permission.

There I was trying to get up the guts to go and do something very hard for me (I loved my long hair) - but I wanted to cut it for charity.... and if I'd called Eli, he would have thrown a fit right then and there over the phone, begging, crying, whatever, for me not to go thru with it. I even started an encouragement thread b/c I really needed it. Calling him would have been working against everything I was trying to accomplish. I didn't do it for spite, in no way at all...I even cut my hair shorter than I would have wanted it, way shorter, but I did it for charity.

Anyway, I've been really frustrated b/c we can't see eye to eye. I see how he feels but I don't think it justifies his behavior. I think at this point, the way he has acted is far "worse" on the scale than me not calling him, IMO.

I see his side in that you knew he would be really upset, so you just didn't tell him. If you knew he would be really upset then you probably should have talked it over. Let him get all of his anger out before hand. Then, after he was done yelling you could calmly say "I understand you aren't happy about this, but it is my hair. This charity means a lot to me and I'm going to do it"
He probably would still have been angry but it would have shown that you respect his feelings. That said: no matter how angry he is now, he should not be making personal attacks. (telling you you look awful, etc.) Right now he is probably feeling that you don't care about his opinion and his feelings are hurt because you didn't consult him (or warn him) about something that meant alot to him. If it was me, I'd probably tell him "look, I made a mistake in not telling you beforehand. I didn't realize it meant so much to you." And tell him what you said on here, how you really loved your long hair and it was a hard thing for you to do, but you did it for the kids who have cancer. You didn't do it to spite him or to hurt him, you did it for the kids. I think if he really understands that he'll come around.

[vainchick5]

Originally Posted by teri88

I see his side in that you knew he would be really upset, so you just didn't tell him. If you knew he would be really upset then you probably should have talked it over. Let him get all of his anger out before hand. Then, after he was done yelling you could calmly say "I understand you aren't happy about this, but it is my hair. This charity means a lot to me and I'm going to do it"
He probably would still have been angry but it would have shown that you respect his feelings. That said: no matter how angry he is now, he should not be making personal attacks. (telling you you look awful, etc.) Right now he is probably feeling that you don't care about his opinion and his feelings are hurt because you didn't consult him (or warn him) about something that meant alot to him. If it was me, I'd probably tell him "look, I made a mistake in not telling you beforehand. I didn't realize it meant so much to you." And tell him what you said on here, how you really loved your long hair and it was a hard thing for you to do, but you did it for the kids who have cancer. You didn't do it to spite him or to hurt him, you did it for the kids. I think if he really understands that he'll come around.

As always Teri, excellent post. Your husband is a lucky man to have such an understanding wife

[centralnewyorki]

Val- good for you, girl! That is such a wonderful thing to do... again!

Men can be so overly dramatic, can't they?! Your husband is a lucky man if the worst thing in your marriage is you cutting your hair without consulting him first! With all that you hear about going on in marriages today (lying, cheating, etc.) this is so insignificant! (Not that any of that is okay, but still, you know what I mean...) I think you could put things into perspective for him by bringing him to the cancer ward of the hospital... hopefully he'd walk out of there thanking God that the worst thing he has to deal with is his wife cutting her hair- at least he isn't a patient in there.

And you look gorgeous... and no, I'm not just being nice!

[Passionfruition]

Thanks!!! :-) He and I are trying to talk it out now - I think he's coming around. He hates any sort of change - at all - so I guess it just took him a bit to adjust.

I blogged about my haircut today - www.xanga.com/passionfruition

I even put up some new pictures at the end of the "after" sort.

[cheryl000]

First of all let me tell you that donating your hair was a GREAT thing to do. I have done it before myself and it's such a rewarding feeling you get back. Second, I have heard that your color of hair (shades of orange/red) are the most needed with LL.
My husband is the same way your's is. He MET ME with short hair right after bootcamp and now he always tells me not to cut it. But when I do, he gets over it. When I ask him if he likes it, he asks me "Do YOU like it?" When I say yes, he says "Well good then." But if I get my hair highlighted, he likes it and he will tell me a real compliment. But did you know that your hair really even isn't considered short? I would consider your hair medium to long. Your hubby is lucky you didn't cut your hair really short, like ear level! But I think your hair is adorable now, it brings out your face more and it has more volume.
I hate to say it, but you're right-your husband sounds like a drama king. He is throwing a fit so that you don't cut your hair and so that he gets his way in the future. Maybe he needs to be reminded about how looks aren't everything. There are brave women even here on YT that have cancer or are cancer survivers who have lost ALL of their hair and they still have the love and support of their husbands. These women are still beautiful inside and out. Hair doesn't make a person, it's an assesory, like jewelry. We are the same people with or without this stuff. I would suggest asking him about that.
I think your husband is a good man. A guy doesn't get a girl like you without being an awesome person. I just think he probably has some other issues going on. I really don't think your relationship was based on hair. Regardless, he needs to be more considerate of your feelings. Did you tell him that you cried? He can say what is on his mind without being hurtful. He could say that you just look different, or ask you if you liked it.
Above everything else I am sure that beautiful little boy or girl will never regret that you have given such a special gift to him or her. This is the LL website:
http://www.locksoflove.org/index.php

[Jaspermom]

Wow, a lot can happen if you don't look at YT for a few days!

I am so proud of you for giving your hair to Locks of Love, Val sweetie! I am also thrilled with how you handled your hubby's anger. I agree with Teri (must be the older woman's view, eh Ter?) with the idea that telling your hubby first would have been better for him. Not ASKING him, TELLING him that you were cutting your hair. That way it wouldn't have been so shocking to him seeing you in short hair. Yes, he would have tried to talk you out of it, but you are right, it is YOUR hair, and you have the unconditional right to do what you want with it. However, you also have to live with this man, and a warning may have smoothed the way.

This will not be the last bump in the Marriage Road, lol. I say these times are what make us grow and change, and as long as you two do this together, you will be a stronger and more loving couple when you come out the other end of this tunnel.

GOOD LUCK!
xoxoxoxo

[KimMee's Mom]

I think you look fabulous and it seems like your hair grows really fast! I am sorry your husband was upset. I am sure he will realize his mistake. What you did for someone else is like gold. Think of some one with no hair being able to feel good about themselves, priceless

[deb4air]

Your haircut is adorable Sexy and sweet ..u go girl~

[yorkieheart]

Good for you! my friends do the same thing! i love your new look!