My Locks of Love haircut......

[JCarlson2004]

Originally Posted by Passionfruition

I share my life with him and I'm very open and honest, but I can't be "controlled"......I want to be myself, be spontaneous sometimes, make my own decisions. I'm married, not dead.

You're so right sweetie! Don't let his attitude get you down -- you did nothing wrong! You're very generous and you did a wonderful thing. Think of the child who will get your beautiful red hair who will no longer be ashamed of going to school or going out in public. You did a beautiful thing and should be VERY proud of yourself.

I know it doesn't mean much but I'm proud of you.

[LuvtheCooper]

Well, all I can say is your husband is ONE OF THE LUCKIEST PEOPLE ON EARTH!!! He has a wife who not only is giving and caring to others, giving away a part of yourself to help someone else.... but now you are having to put us with his childishness and his hurtful words and you are being so understanding. I would have told him off the first afternoon he shooed you out of his office. I will say it again YOUR HUSBAND IS THE LUCKIEST MAN ON EARTH!!!!

I would email him this thread too!! He needs a wake-up call. And you sweetie are just "Peach of the Year!"

[Bizzymammabee]

I too had super long hair that hubby loved. Last year for my 30th birthday I cut it all off and cut it as short as yours and also donated it to Locks. It was a great thing. Hubby rooted me on because it was for a worthy cause even though he will mention how he misses it. It will grow back. Sometimes I guess they dislike change. Under it all you are the same hottie that he married just with a small change in looks.

Don't pay it any mind.

[cindy0721]

MEN! ..... he'll get over it...... glad everything is better.....

[Oscar's Mom]

I am so glad everything is better and also glad you stood your ground on this one! Your hair will grow back....and then you can do it again! Maybe you need to get him used to that idea if it is something you feel strongly about and may want to do again in the future! But really, I am glad that you guys got it all worked out and he was man enough to say he was sorry...for some men, that is impossible to do!

[Mydogkelsey]

OH MY I love your new haircut..I think it suits you better.

[Baileys_Momma]

Awwww hon it looks great. Now you are all set for summer with a new sassy do!!

[eroar2]

Val You're hair looks great! Glad that you and Eli semi-sorted things out!

He's probably just worried that he won't be wearing the pants in the house...

Doesn't he know any better?

[Bizzymammabee]

Originally Posted by Passionfruition

Ok....he was a butt all evening but by the end of the night he apologised...and said that his behaviour was irrational and uncalled for and he asked for my forgiveness.

I told him I'd forgive him if I knew what he was sorry for - because he said and did a lot of mean things in the past 24 hours.

It ends up that he is very sorry but still thinks I must be a different person because "the Valerie he knew never would have done this to him" etc etc. I must be a NEW Valerie.....LOL, I know I look like one! Haha.

He still thinks I was dead wrong for not asking his permission first. I told him that he has controlling issues that he needs to deal with. He was shocked and seriously does not see them but I told him that in the future if he tries to control me like this he's going to come up against a brick wall....again. LOL.

So everything is better now. Sortof. He still hates my hair, though.

You should have asked him if he has to ask your permission to get a hair cut...silly is what they are.

Glad you nipped that control thing in the bud.

[megan_kat22]

well i still think your hair is gorgeous short! he'll see it soon enough!

[teri88]

I've been following this. You've done a great job of letting him work out his own anger and not lashing out back to him. But, he said some very hurtful things. You need to tell him that even in anger it is not right to hurt you.

I can totally understand why he would be upset that you didn't warn him, especially if you know he was so attached to your hair. (what is it with guys?) I was even kind of siding with him thinking if you discuss everything and you just went and did this without telling him, well I understand why he's upset. That was until he got to the permission part. You are an adult. You do not need his PERMISSION for anything that you do.

I think your hair is not the real issue here. Maybe you both should go for counseling to decide in advance how you would handle an issue like this in the future. And he needs to learn how to express his anger without making personal attacks.

Final words: you look gorgeous!

[Passionfruition]

Originally Posted by teri88

I've been following this. You've done a great job of letting him work out his own anger and not lashing out back to him. But, he said some very hurtful things. You need to tell him that even in anger it is not right to hurt you.

I can totally understand why he would be upset that you didn't warn him, especially if you know he was so attached to your hair. (what is it with guys?) I was even kind of siding with him thinking if you discuss everything and you just went and did this without telling him, well I understand why he's upset. That was until he got to the permission part. You are an adult. You do not need his PERMISSION for anything that you do.

I think your hair is not the real issue here. Maybe you both should go for counseling to decide in advance how you would handle an issue like this in the future. And he needs to learn how to express his anger without making personal attacks.

Final words: you look gorgeous!

Aw, thanks for your advice and kind words. I found it interesting you said you really saw his side. Since you do, I'd love to pick your brain a little.....since I'm going crosseyed trying to understand him right now. My confession....he never used the word "permission" but he said I absolutely should have called him before going to get my hair cut...and not only that but because I didn't call, all heck broke loose as far as he was concerned. He said that "not calling" was the same as going behind his back. Which isn't true, either! So if I'm "required" to call him, then to me, it's the same as permission.

There I was trying to get up the guts to go and do something very hard for me (I loved my long hair) - but I wanted to cut it for charity.... and if I'd called Eli, he would have thrown a fit right then and there over the phone, begging, crying, whatever, for me not to go thru with it. I even started an encouragement thread b/c I really needed it. Calling him would have been working against everything I was trying to accomplish. I didn't do it for spite, in no way at all...I even cut my hair shorter than I would have wanted it, way shorter, but I did it for charity.

Anyway, I've been really frustrated b/c we can't see eye to eye. I see how he feels but I don't think it justifies his behavior. I think at this point, the way he has acted is far "worse" on the scale than me not calling him, IMO.

[chewysmom]

Originally Posted by Passionfruition

Ok....he was a butt all evening but by the end of the night he apologised...and said that his behaviour was irrational and uncalled for and he asked for my forgiveness.

I told him I'd forgive him if I knew what he was sorry for - because he said and did a lot of mean things in the past 24 hours.

It ends up that he is very sorry but still thinks I must be a different person because "the Valerie he knew never would have done this to him" etc etc. I must be a NEW Valerie.....LOL, I know I look like one! Haha.

He still thinks I was dead wrong for not asking his permission first. I told him that he has controlling issues that he needs to deal with. He was shocked and seriously does not see them but I told him that in the future if he tries to control me like this he's going to come up against a brick wall....again. LOL.

So everything is better now. Sortof. He still hates my hair, though.

VaL:

I'm glad things are a bit better between you two! My hubby also likes to control things and be a bit bossy and when I see a spell coming on, I quickly create a project just for him...he's the boss of it. It puffs him up a bit and keeps him out of my hair for a while so I can get the real work done, LOL Maybe you can try something like that with Eli?? Is he easily distracted by the false sense of control a wife-created project brings?

[vainchick5]

Originally Posted by chewysmom

VaL:

I'm glad things are a bit better between you two! My hubby also likes to control things and be a bit bossy and when I see a spell coming on, I quickly create a project just for him...he's the boss of it. It puffs him up a bit and keeps him out of my hair for a while so I can get the real work done, LOL Maybe you can try something like that with Eli?? Is he easily distracted by the false sense of control a wife-created project brings?

Gerry you always have the most honest and best suggestions..loool. You crack me up Val, I'm glad you and Eli worked it out, for the most part. Don't feel bad, you did a great thing and he'll see that soon even if he still doesn't like the short hair. I think it looks great.

[chewysmom]

Originally Posted by vainchick5

Gerry you always have the most honest and best suggestions..loool. You crack me up Val, I'm glad you and Eli worked it out, for the most part. Don't feel bad, you did a great thing and he'll see that soon even if he still doesn't like the short hair. I think it looks great.

HEHE! I'm a pragmatist, what can I say I have to say it really does work. I got Big Daddy to manage the little league team...how in control can he be, bossing around a bunch of 6 year olds He is busy planning and calling and emailing that sometimes in the evenings I get a good 2 hours while he is doing all that stuff. Believe me in September I'm trying to get him hooked up with soccer...

Val, you're a rockstar, you'll weather the storm!