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Old 04-09-2006, 06:35 PM   #1
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Default Ahhh! I need to vent

So my best friend is coming down to visit me for a week next month. We met when we were 6 years old and we grew up in the same small town and were like sisters, and still are. She now lives 8 hours away from me. So anyways, we're both really excited about it since I haven't seen her since Christmas, and we've decided we're going to get piercings together when she comes. I've got my ears and bellybutton pierced plus a tattoo on my back, and I don't want anything too noticeable and out there because I'm an engineering student and I do have to be able to look professional, and cover up what I do have. So I've decided to get my tongue pierced! With my friends who have it done, I don't even notice it unless they decide to show it, so it'll be just something I know is there. Plus if I don't like it, I can always take it out.
Tonight while I was studying, my mom called me. I have never ever been close to my mom, or anyone in my family for that matter. But I really needed a study break so I was trying to make our conversation last a little longer, and I mentioned the piercing. She freaked out. She said I better not let people back home see that, and I can't let my grandma see it, and I can't let my brother know about it, or he'll tell my grandma... and I actually started to think maybe I shouldn't do it. She said it looks awful, I'll wreck my teeth, blah blah blah... but I told her, "If I have problems, if I don't like it, I can take it out." And it's my life, right? I'm almost 22, and I still usually let my parents dictate everything to me.
My mom wanted me to be a pharmacist, and I took pre-pharmacy for a year and then decided my heart was in math and physics and I switched to Engineering and boy was she mad. I haven't let her know anyone I've dated in the past two years, because she hates if they're younger than me (even though my dad is 2 years younger than her), if they're shorter than me, if they're not good-looking enough for me, if they don't have good jobs, and it really gets to me when I care about the person.
I'm a totally different person in my family than I am in real life. Nobody in my family knows me at all. I lived with my grandma for 8 months last year while I was on a work term for school, and I felt like I had to be her perfect little vision of me all the time. One night I was going out and she asked if I ever drive after drinking too much and I said no. So now she believes I never drink, never have drank, and she even said if she saw me with alcohol she would probably fall off her chair. So now I pretty much can't drink at any family function.
I guess I kind of just feel like I'm stuck between the two me's and I'm scared when my family gets to see the real me they won't like it, like my mom already doesn't. I feel so frustrated tonight I can't even concentrate on my schoolwork anymore
I almost feel a little better just getting that all out.
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Old 04-09-2006, 06:38 PM   #2
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I wouldnt let her bother you! If you want to get it done I would! My hubby had his tongue pierced for a few years and my parents didnt even notice it until I told them! You really cant even see them! Yes they arent good for you teeth! But nothing is good for you! I think if you want it done you should go for it.
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Old 04-09-2006, 06:43 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by hle_625
I wouldnt let her bother you! If you want to get it done I would! My hubby had his tongue pierced for a few years and my parents didnt even notice it until I told them! You really cant even see them! Yes they arent good for you teeth! But nothing is good for you! I think if you want it done you should go for it.
thanks for the encouragement! My friend has had hers for 3 years and she has used the plastic balls on it the whole time, which she said doesn't damage your teeth like the metal ones, but I can imagine it's a little tough always having it in there. Plus it's not like I'm going to keep it in forever. I can't imagine being 80 and having a tongue ring haha I guess my mom's discouragement is probably going to push me to do it even more now. I wasn't allowed to get a tattoo or bellybutton peircing while I was living under my parents roof, so I graduated high school, moved a couple hours away, and got both done within 6 months Of course, a lot of my family looked at me differently, and I know my grandma disapproves.
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Old 04-09-2006, 06:44 PM   #4
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your only 22, you have a lot of growing up still to do, this may be who you are now, but believe me, you will change, I know I did, and it was for the best. But your family should love you no matter what! Hang in there, life should get better!
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Old 04-09-2006, 06:44 PM   #5
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Parents have a hard time letting go! When I went to college my dad threatened to cut me off if I got any tattoos. He said nothing about piercings. I started with my tongue, then my eyebrow, then my.... Anyway, my dad was none to thrilled. I can say that these were decisions I made then and now I don't have any piercings left. I say do what you want. I do however recommend you get a short bar in your tongue after the first six months. It took me biting my piercing once to realize that I did not want to damage my teeth. Oh and by the way, the middle of your tongue has the least amount of feeling. It does not hurt. It just feels like a little pressure
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Old 04-09-2006, 06:49 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by Lola LaRue
Parents have a hard time letting go! When I went to college my dad threatened to cut me off if I got any tattoos. He said nothing about piercings. I started with my tongue, then my eyebrow, then my.... Anyway, my dad was none to thrilled. I can say that these were decisions I made then and now I don't have any piercings left. I say do what you want. I do however recommend you get a short bar in your tongue after the first six months. It took me biting my piercing once to realize that I did not want to damage my teeth. Oh and by the way, the middle of your tongue has the least amount of feeling. It does not hurt. It just feels like a little pressure
Thanks! My mom tried to tell me it would hurt really bad, but I heard that it's not painful at all. I haven't had anything done in about 3 years now so I'm pretty excited for it! I'm also getting another tattoo when I graduate in December, which my mom also isn't happy about... but my dad's all for it! When my brother and I got our first tattoos he decided to go get his first one... at age 50!
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Old 04-09-2006, 06:49 PM   #7
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Uck, that has to be tough. Sometimes it is so hard for a person to live up to someone else's standards. That is no way to live. Why not have a drink? You are an adult. Your family WILL NOT fall over dead. They might be upset for a minute, but they will realize eventually that they're being silly and move on. There is nothing they can do about it. I think that after you start being yourself around your family you will feel a huge weight lifted off of your shoulders.
As for the tounge ring. My husband had an OT. Which is the biggest you can get. He eventually took it out because it hit his front teeth so much that it started to change his teeth. His front teeth started to jolt out more and create a gap. He took it out and went to a dentist so now his teeth look much better. He did complain of a metallic taste in his mouth and it affected the way his food tasted. It has been 4 years since he has last worn it and the huge hole is still there.
Good luck in whatever you decide!
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Old 04-09-2006, 06:52 PM   #8
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I had my tongue ring for almost ten years. The whole closed immediately. No metallic taste ever. I say you only live once. I always regretted not getting tattoos. I just never could decide what I wanted. Oh and I needed my Dad for my college tuition.
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Old 04-09-2006, 06:54 PM   #9
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Yeah the whole drinking thing is pretty much JUST my grandma. I grew up in a tiny little prairie town, so I definitely began drinking a little before my time and my parents always knew about it. I think my grandma is worried because one of her sons is an alcoholic, but she has no problem with anyone else drinking, including my younger cousins. I don't get what it is with me!
As for the tongue ring, I just want a tiny little one that will close up when I take it out for good. I tend to be a pretty fast healer that way. After having one set of piercings in my ears for 5 years, they closed up in 3 days of not wearing earrings.
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Old 04-09-2006, 06:57 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lola LaRue
I had my tongue ring for almost ten years. The whole closed immediately. No metallic taste ever. I say you only live once. I always regretted not getting tattoos. I just never could decide what I wanted. Oh and I needed my Dad for my college tuition.
Thankfully I've been pretty much self-sufficient from the day I moved out! So if my dad hates me I'm not losing any money! But I might need him if I decide to go back again after this year, so I guess I should keep him a little happy
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Old 04-09-2006, 07:18 PM   #11
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I'm not sure about these things - I'm an old funky grandma - BUT I see college students everyday and I'll have to say that I HAVE noticed tongue piercings - maybe it was the type of jewelry worn in the tongue - but I have been able to notice the balls in the tongue piercings when people are talking. So, if you decide to do it and you want to hide it - then pay attention to the type of jewelry you wear.
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Old 04-10-2006, 04:53 AM   #12
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Parents eh! Who'd have them?
My dad would never let me have my hair cut when i lived at home (IT WAS DOWN TO MY BOTTOM) so when i left home (Aged 17)and became a hairdresser i had it cut short he wouldnt even look at me let alone speak to me LOL
Im now 32 and have grown it long again (maybe just cause my dad likes it!) LOL
I too am a parent now and see myself saying lots of things my parents used to say to me......but i think you have to do whats right for you, you only get one life so live it!!
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Old 04-10-2006, 05:45 AM   #13
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My parents are very similar. When they dropped me off for college I wasn't supposed to get a tattoo or piercing or they would stop paying for college. I did both and they didn't stop. I don't know if they were afraid that I would do something stupid that I couldn't undo or what, but they were very controlling. It seems to me that you are keeping your future in mind and not going to do anything to jepordize that so I say have fun and do it. but I also understand that sometimes you obey just simply so you won't have to hear all the crap they blow, been there. I still won't drink around my parents. I know they know I drink I just don't wanna listen to them preach at me about it. I am a responsible drinker, but they see all drinking as bad. I say go for it, someday they may realize that if they would of just let you be you who you are is not that far from who they want you to be, but they never give you that chance. Also if you are worried about it they make spacer for tongue rings. They are clear and lay flat against your tongue so no one has any idea they are there. The only thing that my friends complained about when they got it done was the swelling for the first couple weeks. I couldn't get it done because I would play with it and really wreck my teeth because I have an oral fixation. I say you are a grown women paying your own way and making responsible choices and you should do whatever you like and not worry about it. Have fun while you can.
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Old 04-10-2006, 06:52 AM   #14
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okay........I am a mother to 5 kids ranging in age 17 to 25! I do not personally like tatoo's or piercings but once my kids reach age of majority its their decision....not mine! I love each & everyone of them regardless...and yes we have a few tatoo's & bellybutton piercings.
Not to mention........your succeeding in life...an engineering student, likes math & Physics, sounding very mature & wanting to be successful and anticipating your future professional appearance! There is worse things in life than this..........drug addiction, in jail, dropping out.......illness ect.
I'm gonna guess that your gramma won't like it but she will not stop loving you......nor will your family!

If this was my daughter I would be very proud of her & her achievements...and well like I tell my kids its your body.....but be wise & put thought into every decision you make with it!!
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Old 04-10-2006, 08:42 AM   #15
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I say do what makes you happy, in my opinion getting a piercing is better then getting a tattoo because the piercing can come out where as the tattoo is forever... I got my belly button pierced when I was 15 but decided to wait till I was 21 for a tatoo... if I still wanted it at 21 as bad as I did at 15 then I would get it, I never did get it, I was too chicken....
As for your family's obsesion with outward apearances, take it from a gal who comes from an old southern family that is OBSESSED with looking perfect, if you are not around them often then fake-it and be the sweet non-drinking angel that they want you to be when you are around them, trust me! It is SO WORTH it to me to fake-it for a few hours every couple of months and actually have a decent visit with them then fighting about stupid things like tattoo's drinking and piercings... If my grandmother knew HALF of the things that were going on in her Grand kid's lives then she would drop dead on the spot.
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