So my best friend is coming down to visit me for a week next month. We met when we were 6 years old and we grew up in the same small town and were like sisters, and still are. She now lives 8 hours away from me. So anyways, we're both really excited about it since I haven't seen her since Christmas, and we've decided we're going to get piercings together when she comes. I've got my ears and bellybutton pierced plus a tattoo on my back, and I don't want anything too noticeable and out there because I'm an engineering student and I do have to be able to look professional, and cover up what I do have. So I've decided to get my tongue pierced! With my friends who have it done, I don't even notice it unless they decide to show it, so it'll be just something I know is there. Plus if I don't like it, I can always take it out.
Tonight while I was studying, my mom called me. I have never ever been close to my mom, or anyone in my family for that matter. But I really needed a study break so I was trying to make our conversation last a little longer, and I mentioned the piercing. She freaked out. She said I better not let people back home see that, and I can't let my grandma see it, and I can't let my brother know about it, or he'll tell my grandma... and I actually started to think maybe I shouldn't do it. She said it looks awful, I'll wreck my teeth, blah blah blah... but I told her, "If I have problems, if I don't like it, I can take it out." And it's my life, right? I'm almost 22, and I still usually let my parents dictate everything to me.
My mom wanted me to be a pharmacist, and I took pre-pharmacy for a year and then decided my heart was in math and physics and I switched to Engineering and boy was she mad. I haven't let her know anyone I've dated in the past two years, because she hates if they're younger than me (even though my dad is 2 years younger than her), if they're shorter than me, if they're not good-looking enough for me, if they don't have good jobs, and it really gets to me when I care about the person.
I'm a totally different person in my family than I am in real life. Nobody in my family knows me at all. I lived with my grandma for 8 months last year while I was on a work term for school, and I felt like I had to be her perfect little vision of me all the time. One night I was going out and she asked if I ever drive after drinking too much and I said no. So now she believes I never drink, never have drank, and she even said if she saw me with alcohol she would probably fall off her chair. So now I pretty much can't drink at any family function.
I guess I kind of just feel like I'm stuck between the two me's and I'm scared when my family gets to see the real me they won't like it, like my mom already doesn't. I feel so frustrated tonight I can't even concentrate on my schoolwork anymore
I almost feel a little better just getting that all out.