Husband on Strike

[JeanieK]

Did I say it must be an "asian" thing . . .

Of course, Tiger now sleeps in my bed and Nika soon to follow!

What can I say . . I hope this revelation will not get me kicked out of YT! [/COLOR][/QUOTE]


Well it could very well be a cultural thing. And if the dad isn't bothered by it then 'whatever'. I'm not sure how couples work out the intamacy part. But when one parent has a problem with it then his feelings need to be considered. It certainly is not going to harm the kids to sleep in their own beds.

[Tashasmom]

I'm not asian and my children have slept with us. I'm glad they did and i'm glad my youngest does. I too have a very close bond with all of my kids. We have a great relationship and they feel comfortable talking to me about all of their problems. I don't think it has made them dependent upon me at all..if anything I think it has made them more independent and more self assured. I do think that it is everyone's preference. If your child sleeps in his or her own bed i don't think that makes him a bad kid or an under acheiver or not well rounded..nor do i think if my child sleeps with me does it make him these things.

[Tiger's Mom]

[/QUOTE]


Well it could very well be a cultural thing. And if the dad isn't bothered by it then 'whatever'. I'm not sure how couples work out the intamacy part. But when one parent has a problem with it then his feelings need to be considered. It certainly is not going to harm the kids to sleep in their own beds.[/QUOTE]

I totally agree with you . . both must be comfortable with the arrangement, othewise it wouldn't not work . . as in the case of the husband who's going on strike!

[Tiger's Mom]

Originally Posted by Tashasmom

I'm not asian and my children have slept with us. I'm glad they did and i'm glad my youngest does. I too have a very close bond with all of my kids. We have a great relationship and they feel comfortable talking to me about all of their problems. I don't think it has made them dependent upon me at all..if anything I think it has made them more independent and more self assured. I do think that it is everyone's preference. If your child sleeps in his or her own bed i don't think that makes him a bad kid or an under acheiver or not well rounded..nor do i think if my child sleeps with me does it make him these things.

It is nice to know I am not ALONE

[Tashasmom]

Originally Posted by Tiger's Mom

It is nice to know I am not ALONE

I thought the exact same thing when i seen your post lol. It's hard to tell them no when all the want to do is snuggle up to mama or daddy and go to sleep. And i'm sorry the best feeling in the world is wrapping my arms around him..putting my face in his hair and smelling that baby smell..(he's 3 so not really a baby baby but he's my baby) It makes me feel so good that he knows he is always safe in my arms and daddies arms. That and to be honest with you. My husband when he was little he always wanted to sleep with his mom and dad and they wouldn't let him..so he'd try to sneak in the room sometimes falling asleep in the hall or by their bed. And I thought that was so sad when he told me that. My husband and I make time for intamacy don't get me wrong..we are just more creative and sneaky about it lol..we feel we only get so much time with them as it is and if that makes them happy and it makes us happy then why not. I think more focus should be put on kids that are mistreated then kids that possibly a little pampered.

[chewysmom]

I don't blame this poor husband! My son has never slept in bed with us other than special occassions, like watching E.T. or Star Wars with us while we were all snuggled up. Needless to say he was put into his own bed once he fell asleep.

As for this being an "Asian Thing", I am half Asian and no one in my family with children lets this sort of behaviour become a habit. I actually know many people who do let their children sleep in bed with them and in the cases of these families, the reason boils down to pure laziness...not bothering to read stories at bedtime or wanting to teach their kids that they must learn to sleep alone... I have often wondered whether these mothers do it for the children or for their own selfish reasons

Don't even get me started on the breastfeeding issue!

[Tashasmom]

lazy..I think that was a rude comment. For your info..we read to our son every night and we say prayers before bedtime..I didn't criticize those that chose to have their children sleep in their own beds so i resent you criticizing me.

[jkat]

I am Asian too (Taiwanese, first generation). I must say, I have NEVER slept in my parents' bed. It's NOT a culture thing. There is plenty of Asian families I know that don't let their kids sleep in their beds.

If your kids grew out "fine", well then, you should consider yourself lucky. Perhaps you have set your boundaries right in other areas of their lives.
Point is, sometimes kids become too much of a focus in a family (soccer games, piano lessons, birthday parties, etc.). Parents these days don't have much private time for one another anymore! Sleep time is a perfect time to be intimate with my mate (it's average 8 hours!). Kids should not take that precious time as well.

I know everyone thinks differently so I will say, this is just how I'd deal with the situation personally.

[yorkiepip]

Originally Posted by Tashasmom

My oldest slept with me til he was four and now he's 17 a good student..works pays his bills doesn't drink do drugs run the streets and is a very well rounded kid. Now if he had turned out bad..i hardly doubt it could of been cause he slept with mom..thats ridiculous. My girls slept with me off and on..and my youngest sleeps with us every night. He bout died from asthma. He was crying and started coughing and the next thing I know he is blue and lifeless in my arms..while i'm waiting on an ambulance..if my baby wants to sleep with us..then my baby will sleep with us..and no my husband doesn't have a problem with it..he wouldn't want it any other way. He's a wonderful dad and I wouldn't want it any other way..

Exactly!!! Just because a child might sleep with parents occasionly does not mean they will be monsters.
Enjoy your kids while you can! They'll be grown up before you know it

[yorkiepip]

Originally Posted by gutu28

I say..to each his own! If it works for you then so be it..

Couldn't have put it better

[Tashasmom]

I will say one thing to the mans defense..Even though I enjoy my son sleeping with me it has to be both parents allowing it. I do think they need to come to a compromise so all of them are happy. I don't think it's good for the kids for them to be fighting over this. So I do agree that they BOTH have to agree to have their child in their bed or in his own bed. I think that goes for all of parenting. You have to have an agreement on parenting..If not its not good for the children

[vainchick5]

No offense meant to anyone, but of course all parents think their kids are well behaved. I watch this Nanny 911 show and sometimes one of the parents or even both think their kids are just great, even though they run a much in the house. I agree with Chewysmom that sometimes people dont' want to take the time to say no, and take the child back to it's own bed, so they just keep caving in until it becomes a bad habit. I had helped my sister with my nephew for 6 months when he was born and he was a colick baby. He was up every hour to hour and half at night. We were walking zombies. Sometimes we would consider having one of us take him into bed with us just to get us some sleep but we both just sucked it up and tried hard to get him back to sleep.The minute we would begin to lay him in his crib, his eyes would open, but when we would lay next to him, he would be asleep. But we didn't want to go the easy route, we worked hard and he is a very wel behaved 3 year old. He listens and understands his boundaries and he doesn't get his way all the time so theres no overindulgence. In MY opinion, parents are so busy caving in to things so they don't have to deal with a screaming child, that they forget kids remember those things. They are smart and know exactly what to do to get parents to agree. That's where overindulgence begins and thats why our society has overweight kids, kids that shoot each other at school, that get suspended, get into fights, run away from home, have sex early, do drugs, ect. Just my opinion. This isn't directed at anyone, just a general observation.

[chewysmom]

Originally Posted by Tashasmom

lazy..I think that was a rude comment. For your info..we read to our son every night and we say prayers before bedtime..I didn't criticize those that chose to have their children sleep in their own beds so i resent you criticizing me.

Actually, this comment was not directed at you. If you re-read my post, you will see that I was speaking of people that I actually know and I do know for a fact that these people are lazy parents.

[chewysmom]

Originally Posted by vainchick5

No offense meant to anyone, but of course all parents think their kids are well behaved. I watch this Nanny 911 show and sometimes one of the parents or even both think their kids are just great, even though they run a much in the house. I agree with Chewysmom that sometimes people dont' want to take the time to say no, and take the child back to it's own bed, so they just keep caving in until it becomes a bad habit. I had helped my sister with my nephew for 6 months when he was born and he was a colick baby. He was up every hour to hour and half at night. We were walking zombies. Sometimes we would consider having one of us take him into bed with us just to get us some sleep but we both just sucked it up and tried hard to get him back to sleep.The minute we would begin to lay him in his crib, his eyes would open, but when we would lay next to him, he would be asleep. But we didn't want to go the easy route, we worked hard and he is a very wel behaved 3 year old. He listens and understands his boundaries and he doesn't get his way all the time so theres no overindulgence. In MY opinion, parents are so busy caving in to things so they don't have to deal with a screaming child, that they forget kids remember those things. They are smart and know exactly what to do to get parents to agree. That's where overindulgence begins and thats why our society has overweight kids, kids that shoot each other at school, that get suspended, get into fights, run away from home, have sex early, do drugs, ect. Just my opinion. This isn't directed at anyone, just a general observation.

Nobi, I agree with you! In this day and age people don't have to think or engage when it comes to their kids. One of the mothers I spoke of earlier actually told me that she continues to breastfeed her 3 year old because she "cannot deal with her tantrums if I don't give it to her" and continues to let her sleep in the parental bed because "I can't stand the thought of not getting a full nights sleep" Yes, this to me is lazy!

[Tashasmom]

NO you didn't directly point your finger at me. But you more or less said it just the same.
Instead of guessing why some parents do or accusing..why don't you just ask? Ask me why my oldest slept with me..ask me why my youngest does. Don't just assume I am a bad parent. Just cause the majority puts their child in their own bed does that mean they are all good parents. NO i think not.
I was 17 when I had my first. I was young with no dad or anyone for that matter. He wanted to sleep with me so i let him.
My youngest when we first adopted him he had to be tested for devolopmental delayment along with other things. He also bout died when he was 2. He had a rough two years..we put him in bed with us because we were afraid he would have an asthma attack and stop breathing. He was in the hospital more than he wasn't..so now do you really think that makes me bad or him a bad child? If you do thats fine. My husband and I enjoy our kids enjoy being parents thats what matters to us.