She's having nightmares.

[scrapbetter]

Have you gone to counselling with her? I know it sounds crazy for one so young.. But if you go to someone who is primarily into behavior modification for children, it can help. The way it was described to me was that it's not so much that a child "remembers" situations, details, etc ...but they do "remember" instability, fear, insecurity..and even anger... and they counsellor can help everyone who is a caregiver for the child help her to find ways to cope with that.
The hard part will be when your sister gets out. Poor little girl probably doesnt trust or believe in her own mommy...and that will make it hard for mom. Most addicts have not been clear headed enough to have a "real picture" of parenthood in their heads and need help understanding that its not all love and hugs.. It's snot, pulled teeth, vomit, whining, teaching, repeating yourself...etc..
I wish you luck and let us know how she is doing.
Bren

[Sherry Lynn]

Monica, you are an angel!

[Latuya]

Originally Posted by Sherry Lynn

Monica, you are an angel!

LOL,,,,, I have my moments. But thank you!

Well it went ok this weekend. It took Cherish to warm up to her mother but after that she was really good. Now the problem,,,, This is what I see. She is angry and she does not understand why her mommy can't be with her. First of all we had a really tough time potty training her and now that we got it down, she goes and sees her mother, she messing up. It's like she doesn't care. Since it was a 4 hour trip, I had a pull up on her and even with that she did well. I stopped 2 times for potty breaks there and back. But while we were there she went in her pull up. I was so upset with her. My mom had taken her before we got to the meeting place. And I kept asking her if she had to go every so often. I told my sister to be asking her too. But she went anyway in her pull up. She also gave my sister a hard time when it came time to say bye. Cherish kept asking if her mommy can come with us. I know it was hard for my sister and I can see her eyes getting watery. She tried to hug and kiss Cherish and Cherish gave her a dirty look and did not want to even look at her went it was time to go. And when we got to the car Cherish was really quite. It wasn't till we were like half way home she starting talking. She was acting like she was talking to Des (my daughter) and she went on and on about seeing her mommy and that her mommy hates her. Me and my mom just looked at each other and just cried. She thinks her mommy hates her. We tried to tell her that her mommy loves her and she will be coming home real soon. I am making an appointment with her doctor to see what she thinks we should do.

Yesterday she wet 2 times in her panties. I'm trying to be understanding here but after the second time, I was very upset with her and did swat her butt. I FEEL REALLY BAD! I know there's something going on in her head and I need to be more understanding with her. We are having a better day today. She's gone potty by herself 3 times today and we haven't had any accidents.

My husband was talking to her last night and she told him that she went to go see her mommy and she sat on her lap. There was no talk of hate or bad things at all. And today she was talking to her mommy (acting) and she was telling her that she misses her and that she is going to buy her a candy when she sees comes to see her. We are planning to go see my sister more and I'm hoping that if Cherish sees her more often she wont think her mommy hates her. This is so hard and I know Debbie sees what her daguhter is going through. And I hope and pray that she does right by this little girl and most all herself and makes a go of a happy drug free life for her and her daughter.

Thank you all for listening. This has been tought on all of us and it really helps to let it all out. Thank you all for your kind words! I means alot!

[Sherry Lynn]

Bless her little heart. At least she's talking, though. That way you can have some insight into what's going on in that little mind of hers. She is SO lucky to have you!

[cheryl000]

Wow, this is a hard one. I am an aunt and a mother too. I think it's great that you took her daughter in, as I would do the same for all of my nephews. I think that you should be a little easier on her on the potty training issue. She is going through a very stressful time, when people come into and out of a child's life. The last thing she needs is to feel bad about her self and be spanked. I would try to use more positive reinforcement than negative with her. Give her a treat, like some kool-aid, candy, cookies, or a toy right after she does go potty. I would not yell at her or hit if she does have an accident, but talk to her and explain to her that big girls go in the potty and alot of other talking.
As for her mother, do you keep alot of pictures around for her daughter to see? I would try to get a video of her to play or some kind of sound recorder. Those trips will be very hard on everyone, but what happened with her mom is something the mother needs to see. Her mother needs to see how all of this is affecting her child. Hopefully this will help her stay out of jail when she finally gets out and give her a reason to stay clean. As for the daughter, try to make it easier on her, speak happily about going on the visits, take her out for ice cream after wards as some type of reward. Try not to cry around her, kids can sense the mood around them. Kids say a lot of things they don't mean just to get attention she doesn't hate her mother, she is just mad that she's not getting what she wants and she doesn't understand. Definately keep talking to her and let her know how much everyone loves her. Good luck

[Latuya]

Originally Posted by cheryl000

Wow, this is a hard one. I am an aunt and a mother too. I think it's great that you took her daughter in, as I would do the same for all of my nephews. I think that you should be a little easier on her on the potty training issue. She is going through a very stressful time, when people come into and out of a child's life. The last thing she needs is to feel bad about her self and be spanked. I would try to use more positive reinforcement than negative with her. Give her a treat, like some kool-aid, candy, cookies, or a toy right after she does go potty. I would not yell at her or hit if she does have an accident, but talk to her and explain to her that big girls go in the potty and alot of other talking.
As for her mother, do you keep alot of pictures around for her daughter to see? I would try to get a video of her to play or some kind of sound recorder. Those trips will be very hard on everyone, but what happened with her mom is something the mother needs to see. Her mother needs to see how all of this is affecting her child. Hopefully this will help her stay out of jail when she finally gets out and give her a reason to stay clean. As for the daughter, try to make it easier on her, speak happily about going on the visits, take her out for ice cream after wards as some type of reward. Try not to cry around her, kids can sense the mood around them. Kids say a lot of things they don't mean just to get attention she doesn't hate her mother, she is just mad that she's not getting what she wants and she doesn't understand. Definately keep talking to her and let her know how much everyone loves her. Good luck

Thank you for your advise. Yes we have pictures out and she talks to them. And she thnks her mommy hates her. She just told Des that her mommy does not want her. We hare trying to talk to her about her mother. Like "Your mommy loves you and she can't wait to be with you"

I feel really bad with the spanking thing! I was frustrated and took it out on her. It must be so hard on her and I have to understand that. I thought it was being bounced from place to place that was giving us the hard time training. But now that we got it down I have to realize that we are going to have accidents here and there. And little things like this can put a set back on some issues like potty training. I can't tell you all how much this means to me. I can say that letting this out and listening/reading to what you all have to say it's really helping me deal. Thanks again!

[mustangbee]

Monica, my heart goes out to you. I read all the posts, Cherish is a very lucky girl. She has had a very hard life. I'm afraid she’s going to remember bits and pieces of things that have happened. You might want to look into counseling for her. I think she is scared because she’s not really sure what is going on. Bless her heart, she’s still a baby. She’s very confused, about her Mom, and I think she is worried about you too. She has a bond with you, and is afraid she’s going to loose it. I’m glad she’s going to be with her Mom again, it’s best your sister will be living with your Mom, because Cherish is going to need her Grandma. I like the cookie idea, maybe you can have a craft day too. She can make pictures for her Mom.
As far as Potty Training, I think her accidents are due to fear. She’s scared, and it’s her way of letting you know. Our Daughter did the same thing when she first came to live with us. She really wanted panties with ruffles, and with one week of no accidents, she had ruffles in every color. We talked to her and told her, she was a big girl and if there was a problem we can talk about it. She stopped wetting her pants. She still comes up with some off the wall questions for us. But at least she knows, no matter what it is, we will always work things out.

Your family has been thru a lot. You said you have children, I’m sure this has been hard on them too. It’s not easy explaining why people do the things they do.
Three of our children were severely abused, our youngest it started when she was two, She’s now fourteen, and has many problems. Counseling helps, but it also proved just how much she remembers. They didn’t fill us all in before the adoption, and I must say we were shocked at just how much they left out. We would have adopted them any way, but I could have prepared our boys a little better. Explaining things to them was not easy.
I wish your Family the best, and every thing works out for you. Someday Cherish will know just how much you have done for her. We will keep you all in our Thoughts & Prayers. Thank you for helping Cherish, You’re a real Angel. Hugs to your family.

[Latuya]

Originally Posted by mustangbee

Monica, my heart goes out to you. I read all the posts, Cherish is a very lucky girl. She has had a very hard life. I'm afraid she’s going to remember bits and pieces of things that have happened. You might want to look into counseling for her. I think she is scared because she’s not really sure what is going on. Bless her heart, she’s still a baby. She’s very confused, about her Mom, and I think she is worried about you too. She has a bond with you, and is afraid she’s going to loose it. I’m glad she’s going to be with her Mom again, it’s best your sister will be living with your Mom, because Cherish is going to need her Grandma. I like the cookie idea, maybe you can have a craft day too. She can make pictures for her Mom.
As far as Potty Training, I think her accidents are due to fear. She’s scared, and it’s her way of letting you know. Our Daughter did the same thing when she first came to live with us. She really wanted panties with ruffles, and with one week of no accidents, she had ruffles in every color. We talked to her and told her, she was a big girl and if there was a problem we can talk about it. She stopped wetting her pants. She still comes up with some off the wall questions for us. But at least she knows, no matter what it is, we will always work things out.

Your family has been thru a lot. You said you have children, I’m sure this has been hard on them too. It’s not easy explaining why people do the things they do.
Three of our children were severely abused, our youngest it started when she was two, She’s now fourteen, and has many problems. Counseling helps, but it also proved just how much she remembers. They didn’t fill us all in before the adoption, and I must say we were shocked at just how much they left out. We would have adopted them any way, but I could have prepared our boys a little better. Explaining things to them was not easy.
I wish your Family the best, and every thing works out for you. Someday Cherish will know just how much you have done for her. We will keep you all in our Thoughts & Prayers. Thank you for helping Cherish, You’re a real Angel. Hugs to your family.

Thank you so much for your kind words! It really means alot to me. And may God bless you and your family. Those kids of your sound just precious. And thanks to people like you they have a second chance to have a happy life with someone who will love them like they should have been from the start! Hugs right back at you!