Feelin' blue....

[Passionfruition]

I'm feeling a little down today....here's why. Sorry it's so long.

Carly, my best friend in the whole world (other than my husband of course) lives in London, England. She was born and raised in London, and even attended Kings College London for her nursing degree.

We met when I was visiting London when I was 16 years old. It was 1998. She adopted me as her new best friend and showed me all around London and even got me my first "fish and chips". We had fun comparing all the words we said differently, like "tshirt" and "water".

Through the years, we've worked hard at keeping in touch. When we first met, we sent each other a letter a week. At least. It took a while to reach each other, but we didn't care...we just did it anyway. We saved up our money to make phone calls to each other....until we both got mobile phones that were unable to dial international numbers.

Carly flew over to the USA to visit me in 2001. We had an awesome time! In December 2003, Elias and I flew to London to see her and spent 2 weeks visiting, touring around and having fun.

Right after that trip, we worked super-hard at keeping in touch. Emails every week!! But slowly and surely, the emails became once a month....then once every other month. This past year, I might have heard from her twice.

It's not like she's to blame, either....I've been just as bad with communication. I may have written her a time or two more often, but I have cable internet at home. Carly doesn't.

But even though communication has been scarce, I still have thought of her every day. I have wondered how she is and what she's up to. How she's liking work, school, etc. How her friends are and how her parents are...

One can have many friends in their life, but very few friends that reach soul-deep. She's one of those friends to me.

-------------------------------------------------------

Well, on Saturday, I received an email from her saying that she's engaged!

The email was short.....and she didn't even say what his name was. I didn't even know she was dating anyone to begin with. She apologised for her lack of communication and explained that they've been 'courting' since September and have been official since November. They got engaged this past Thursday night when he proposed by the Tower of London.

How could I not have known she's been seriously dating someone since September? How can I know she's engaged and now even know the guy's name?

I can't even call her. And I'm utterly heartbroken over this. I'm happy for her, don't get me wrong. She deserves the best and if this guy is the standard I know she holds for the guys she dates, I know she's found a keeper. I am even hoping that I can save up and go to her wedding.....but she didn't say if she'd set a date for her wedding yet.

Last night, I wrote her a really long e-mail. I poured my heart out in that email and I cried the whole time. After I sent the email, I cried some more. The contents of the email was no more than what I'm saying to you now, but it wasn't what I was saying that made me cry. It's how I felt. How I still feel right now as I'm sharing this with you.

She knew when Eli and I first started dating. When we made it official, I emailed her a picture of him. We chatted on AIM about my new relationship. She knew when it got more serious, and she knew when I got engaged.

But still, I'm sure hearing that I'm engaged to someone she's never met was hard for her, though I didn't think of it that way at the time. Now I know how she must have felt....but ten times worse.

Why are we so opposed to change? Why is hearing this news from her SO VERY hard for me to process?

I can't be a hypocrite by saying I'm opposed to change. I was the first of most of my friend-groups to become engaged and get married. The mere fact that I've been here every moment to experience every little change in my life makes the changes seem so much less drastic. But the fact that I haven't even heard from Carly and out of the blue, she's engaged.....seem so incredibly drastic.

She's still my best girl, even if it takes her two weeks to respond to my email. Change is a part of life, and thank goodness it is! I just wish I could deal with it a little easier.

If you have advice or similar experiences, please share. I need a little cheering up...

[vainchick5]

Awww Val, I'm so sorry you're feeling down. I have had a similar experience. I was best friends with this girl named Val (I know Ironic) since the 4th grade all the way through college. She had a crush on my cousins (mom's sisters son(). So I introduced them and within a year they were dating. But I noticed when I went to college we started drifting apart. I didn't even know they were dating because the relationship between me and my cousin was aweful at that point so she hadn't told me they were dating. She just stopped responding to my messages. He had basically made her choose between me and him and she chose him. It was aweful. I still cry when I think about it because we had a long friendship. She was my other half. We were joined at the hip, our parents were each others and ect. I didn't even know when she was engaged and she didn't tell me or invite to her wedding either. I found out through mutual acquantences. Even when she would see me, when she was away from him she would say hi and just run away. It was so hurtful to me but now when I think about her, I wish her nothing but the best. I hope she is happy in her life, even if it means it's without me.

I know it's not the same situation as yours, and it's a bit more drastic but it's somewhat similar and I just wanted you to know you're not alone. We have all been in those situations with friends. I miss her everyday but she made a choice and stuck with it and I have to respect that. Hopefully your friends email will explain more, or maybe you guys can buy calling cards and talk to each other. I know sometimes when new relationships start, it's hard to tear away to make time for old friends. That has been my problem lately. I have this great new guy whom I'm so in love with, but we spend all of our spare time together. I at least still call all of my friends regularly, I just don't seem them as often as I used to. I hope this helped a little Hugs coming out to you from me and Coco

[cindy0721]

I'm so sorry Valerie! I know it must be hard.... friends come and go and sometimes it's hard to deal with all the change.... I too have a friend that this has happened to me and it is sooooooo hard to deal, it gets better, just remember that things happen for a reason and I honmestly hope everything gets better for you, true friends are hard to come by...

haAA HAA mY BEST FRIEND that I talk about is Valerie too.. .how funny..

[Patti]

I'm sorry it must be hard. I have been best friends with my BF for 48 years. We met when we were 5. We have some incredible memories but there werre times over the years where we went awhile without much contact and we always found our way back. 20 years ago we got pregnant within a month of each other and we talk everyday and even though we live within 30 minutes of each other we don't see each other but maybe 1 a month but we know the other will always be there for each other. Sometmes people lives just get so hectic and we don't mean to neglect a freindship but it happens. I hope you 2 can remain close even though your lives are so different right now.

[rrosenberry]

I understand what your saying and understand how you feel.
I was just on AIM and my best friend lives in NC, and has for about the last 10 years, we have been best friends since the 8th grade. Now she is working mid nights so she is online in the afternoons and we can chat, Today we were remanissing (sp) about OLD stuff, I was cracking up.. it is amazing how when you connect with someone, no matter how many miles, or days go by you can pick right up where you left off.

I hope in your letter you let her know how you felt,and how you hurt because of this distance, ( I'm sure you did, you write as you feel. I can tell) She probably was busy and overwhelmed with her new man, as some woman do, I'm sure she'll realize how you feel and get back to you. It is like a love relationship,and it does take work and effort to remain in touch and close. There are times I think about now calling someone,or not returning that email, But I usually always do,and I'm glad I did, usually on the phone, we talk too long,and I end the call much happier than before I called.
I'm sure you'll work it out with her, and you'll be at her wedding. You guys sound too close to not.

[heather_lathrop]

Im so sorry Val! You are such a sweet heart and I hate to see you upset! I don't have a similar story, but my best friend is married to a military man. So he has to go from base to base all over. She moved away in 2001. And I have talked to her everyday! She has had three kids since she has been gone! It was so hard for me to not be there when all of this happened! I was heartbroken as well. She had her last baby a few weeks ago, and I couldn't be there! I cried for days, everytime I would see a picture of him! I think its hard when someone we love is so far away! I hope that you can become close again, and do some catching up! Love ya girl!

[Jaspermom]

I am so sorry that you feel bad about losing touch with your friend. This happens to everyone, unfortunately. You did so well, but time and distance have a tendency to blur relationships. I know you feel really sad about this, but just do what you can to continue the relationship as well as you can. If your friend feels the same, then you will get back in touch like you were. But don't be surprised if it is never again like it was. It happens. Just do the best you can. If you mean a lot to her, she will try harder too!

I'll be your best friend, Val!! I am old enough to be your mom, but I think you are the GREATEST!!

[Claire]

I had a sort of similar situation, sort of... Julie and I had been friends since we were 4 years old. We kept in touch even though we lived in diffrent countries for a while. We came from 2 totally diffrent backgrounds...
She came to New Orleans to visit me for Mardi Gras and we had her bachloret party while she was here. She decided after I hosted a long "party" weekend and bought my bridesmaid dress and all that she did not want me in her wedding anymore because she did not like the guy that I was dating at the time (even thought we had been together for 5 years at the time and she had met him a million times before). If I broke up with him I could be in her wedding. I did not break up with him so she kicked me out of her wedding. She told me that I had changed and she did not like the new me. What is funny is that I did not like her soon to be husband, he was not good enough for her. She was always worried about what he would think and she always seemed unhappy when he was around. I never told her that. She was not the same Julie anymore either....
That was over 5 years ago. I am still hurt by all of that. She never once apologized. She called me recently, out of the blue, she is still married and has 3 kids. She wants me to come visit her, but to tell you honestly, I don't want to see her. It's amazing that something as happy as a wedding can change friends.
I think you did the right thing by sending her an email. I don't have the guts to do that right now. I bet that your friend did want to call you/email you and tell you about the relationship but maybe she was worried about your opinion or maybe she was worried about the change of relationship too. It is also easy to get swept into the worlwind of a new relationship. Sometimes, friends that you would normaly call to gush about the new relationship get put on the back burner for a while because you are just to wrapped up in the new man in your life...
Good luck to you and your friend. Just remember, this too will pass!

[Passionfruition]

She wrote me back! Already! It was a pretty long one too explaining everything!

I feel sooooooo much better! Still not "enough" info...LOL...but of course it never will be with us living so far away from each other.

Thank you ALL so much for taking time to give me advice! Every reply on here was so special to read and it really made me feel better.

You guys are JUST the comfort I needed today! THANK YOU times 1,000!

[cheryl000]

Originally Posted by Passionfruition

She wrote me back! Already! It was a pretty long one too explaining everything!

I feel sooooooo much better! Still not "enough" info...LOL...but of course it never will be with us living so far away from each other.

Thank you ALL so much for taking time to give me advice! Every reply on here was so special to read and it really made me feel better.

You guys are JUST the comfort I needed today! THANK YOU times 1,000!

I am glad you're feeling better. People don't like change, and that is perfectly natural. I hate going back to my hometown, because I like things to stay the same in my mind, then when I go home the building are changed and the family is getting older, esspecially my nephews and my parents.
Please try to thing about all of the blessings in life. At least you're still in contact with her. I lost contact with one of my best friends in 8th grade. I kept trying to call the number she gave me to her dad's, but some guy kept answering and saying it was the wrong number (. I just made contact with one of my best friends from boot camp, I hadn't talked to her in a year. It seems like we have just drifted off. It turns out that she's pregnant and due in a few months. It was sad when I called her because it was so awkward, there was a lot of silence and not much to talk about anymore. So be glad that you two are still friends and are still talking, I think that's wonderful. I wish Tiffany was that way.
She is probably just not writting much because she is "smitting" over this guy she just met. I remember when I first met John, I was so crazy about him and wanted to spend every minute getting to know him better. When she gets married and adjusts then she will probably have more time to write emails. But with a wedding to plan things are going to be crazy (tell her I said congrats btw!)
I hope you get to feeling better and that you make it out to that wedding!

[bugaboosmom]

You don't know me well, but I want' to say sorry you were feeling blue. And I want to say THANK YOU for sharing such a heartfelt, personal story. Your friend sounds a lot a friend I have. But I think we are always in each others Hearts.

[amspoelstra]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way!!! Do I ever? OH YES! I moved to the US to be with my American husband. My whole family and all my friends are over in the Netherlands. I feel like I'm losing touch more with every week that goes by. I talk to my mom once a week for about 20 minutes (she calls my cell). But it's hard to share when your lives are soooo different and you have to keep switching languages. I email my brothers and sisters, but you know how that goes. There are stretches of weeks that we don't hear from one another. And as for my friends, I see and speak them about once a year. And it feels like I've never left. But it's hard knowing you are kind of growing apart... I have a lot of 'feeling blue' moments. Especially when a big event happened in their lives (like with your friend). Like my brother graduating from high school, like my sister having a new boyfriend who I have never met, or my friends getting married. But most of all, my sister has M.S. and I am really sad that I can't be with her and help her out.

Anyway, I know how you feel. Just try hard to stay in contact with those you love!

[yorkiepip]

I lost touch with one of my best friends 6 years ago.
We'd both just had babys and had a minor disagreement about something trivial.
We both thought the other would phone 1st so we both left it at that!!!!!!!!!
Can you believe that!!! How stupid!!!
So we haven't seen or spoken to each other in 6 years!
Big big mistake that i would never make again.
She has now moved country and has another child and 1 on the way.
I met up with her husband (he and my hubby friends from school) at the weekend as he was over to England for few days.
I have talked to him and as him and my hubby says we were both so stupid and we have wasted 6 years of our lifes not seeing or speaking to each other.
I have thought about her week in week out, she was a big part of my life not a day went past when we didn't speak or see each other so why has it taken this long to realise thats life too short.
I am now in the process of making plans to go visit her and her family this year.
I am wasting no more time, life is too short and i am grateful for this second chance.
I sopose what i'm trying to say is don't leave it another month.... make sure you don't lose contact with someone just because your expecting them to make contact 1st. Don't wait it might cost you 6 years like it did me!!!

[Chelsey]

You have given me a wake up call with your thread Val, thankx you reminded me that i need to call my friend right now and i will as soon as i have posted this reply. We have been friends since 1971 we grew up together till we moved to SA, we stayed in contact throughout the years sending letters/cards back and forth. Over the last years she has been the one to stay in contact by sending cards and phone calls, our relationschip has become watery and needs to be jacked up fast before it gets worse! We both have a son and she named her son after mine, hers is 6 years younger an im VERY ashamed to admit that i have hardly seen her son. They now only live 100 km away from us!

So, THANK YOU for this eye opener, it shows that Yorkie Talk is good for many more things, not only do we share our adiction for Yorkies, but its a lot more then that!