"I don't consider her a woman"

[Mardelin]

Originally Posted by roseylovestosho

Thank you Nancy. I wasn't planning on going down the sexual harassment path--it's definitely not something that I'm willing to put myself through. I only have one older brother and never really went through much teasing in that respect, but growing up I did always end up being "one of the boys" as I always got along better with boys than with girls. Somewhere along the lines that changed however, and I think I may have just become more sensitive than I once was due to my own insecurities. I think I have stepped on their egos as you've said because one time when one of them tried embarrassing me in public I embarrassed him right back...and I'm pretty sure after that was when I stopped being invited to group study sessions/social activities. After that, I stopped being sarcastic right back and really nothing has changed except that the comments have gotten pretty harsh and I'm still isolated. As I mentioned a little earlier, this is only in a group setting when all 4 of them are together. Whenever I talk to any of them one on one they are extremely nice to me, even complimentary...which is why I am extremely confused by the situation. I know I have to grow a thicker skin, but I guess I just feel lonely not only having to do schoolwork all the time, but then not even really having any friends here that I can talk to...either way what I'm trying to say is that yes at first I thought it was just them making me out to be one of the guys, but when I started being excluded from group work is when I thought that the way they were treating me was a result of something else...

First understand that men's egos are so inflated. So, your comment really hit hard.

Let me offer a bit of advice. I worked in a man's world and managed men in a man's world. It's very difficult to be taken seriously for your intelligence. I know we shouldn't have to play the game, but we are women and that's the way it is. I worked hard at playing down my feminine side. In the way I dressed, spoke and conducted myself. I'm not saying I took on a masculine roll just very professional.

However, remember you can use your femininty to manipulate men in the work place.....they're so stupid they fall for it everytime and you can make them do stuff for you by knowing how use it. Hone that skill....it's very subtle but, it works.

[Nancy1999]

Originally Posted by Mardelin

First understand that men's egos are so inflated. So, your comment really hit hard.

Let me offer a bit of advice. I worked in a man's world and managed men in a man's world. It's very difficult to be taken seriously for your intelligence. I know we shouldn't have to play the game, but we are women and that's the way it is. I worked hard at playing down my feminine side. In the way I dressed, spoke and conducted myself. I'm not saying I took on a masculine roll just very professional.

However, remember you can use your femininty to manipulate men in the work place.....they're so stupid they fall for it everytime and you can make them do stuff for you by knowing how use it. Hone that skill....it's very subtle but, it works.

Always a great mentor!

[yorkieusa]

Originally Posted by Nancy1999

Always a great mentor!

Yes, she is! She's right, too!

[Woogie Man]

Originally Posted by Mardelin

First understand that men's egos are so inflated. So, your comment really hit hard.

Let me offer a bit of advice. I worked in a man's world and managed men in a man's world. It's very difficult to be taken seriously for your intelligence. I know we shouldn't have to play the game, but we are women and that's the way it is. I worked hard at playing down my feminine side. In the way I dressed, spoke and conducted myself. I'm not saying I took on a masculine roll just very professional.

However, remember you can use your femininty to manipulate men in the work place.....they're so stupid they fall for it everytime and you can make them do stuff for you by knowing how use it. Hone that skill....it's very subtle but, it works.

Mary...do you think that about ALL guys?

To the OP, coming from a man's perspective, it sounds like they're just being juvenile. I'm sure if they invited you along with them, you would see just how little you're missing.

Try to seek out friends, male or female, that you're on the same plane with. They're out there...sometimes you just have to look. I've always had lots of female friends, but some guys can't be friends. They're locked into some skewed mentality that hopefully they'll outgrow.

BTW...I'm unanimous with everyone else in saying that you're GORGEOUS! Trust me, their attitude has nothing to do with the way you look.

[Mardelin]

Originally Posted by Woogie Man

Mary...do you think that about ALL guys?

To the OP, coming from a man's perspective, it sounds like they're just being juvenile. I'm sure if they invited you along with them, you would see just how little you're missing.

Try to seek out friends, male or female, that you're on the same plane with. They're out there...sometimes you just have to look. I've always had lots of female friends, but some guys can't be friends. They're locked into some skewed mentality that hopefully they'll outgrow.

BTW...I'm unanimous with everyone else in saying that you're GORGEOUS! Trust me, their attitude has nothing to do with the way you look.

Now come on Jim you live in the South and are fully aware that those Southern Women can wrap a guy around their finger with very minimal effort.

And let's face it some men do have some over inflated egos, especially young ones that don't feel comfortable in their own skin yet.

That being said, there are very few men like you and of course my husband....those men that don't find it unmasculine to care for those soft cuddly things, whelp a litter, sit up nights nursing a pup.....that's a special kind of a man.

[Nancy1999]

Originally Posted by Mardelin

Now come on Jim you live in the South and are fully aware that those Southern Women can wrap a guy around their finger with very minimal effort.

And let's face it some men do have some over inflated egos, especially young ones that don't feel comfortable in their own skin yet.

That being said, there are very few men like you and of course my husband....those men that don't find it unmasculine to care for those soft cuddly things, whelp a litter, sit up nights nursing a pup.....that's a special kind of a man.

You still got it Mary!

[Woogie Man]

Originally Posted by Mardelin

Now come on Jim you live in the South and are fully aware that those Southern Women can wrap a guy around their finger with very minimal effort.

And let's face it some men do have some over inflated egos, especially young ones that don't feel comfortable in their own skin yet.

That being said, there are very few men like you and of course my husband....those men that don't find it unmasculine to care for those soft cuddly things, whelp a litter, sit up nights nursing a pup.....that's a special kind of a man.

Aw...Mary...I wasn't fishing for a compliment, but thanks!

What I do now with my furbabies is more a result of getting soft-hearted as I get older. It's amazing how they reflect the love you give them back tenfold, and it's so effortless on their part. Can't say I could have done it years ago. I was in a different place but was never in a place where I would tease and insult a woman. Those guys are seriously dumb.

I know what you mean about those Southern Girls (G.R.I.T.S.), but oddly enough my Margaret is a Connecticut Yankee!

[Woogie Man]

Originally Posted by Nancy1999

You still got it Mary!

Nancy...Mary was NOT doing that!...at least not now...I don't think...errr Though no doubt she probably could (and has) on other occasions. I will be honest and say I've felt her 'steering currents' from time to time.

[Nancy1999]

Originally Posted by Woogie Man

Nancy...Mary was NOT doing that!...at least not now...I don't think...errr Though no doubt she probably could (and has) on other occasions. I will be honest and say I've felt her 'steering currents' from time to time.

Well, the trick is, when a female is really doing it well, a male doesn't know it.

[yorkieusa]

Originally Posted by Nancy1999

Well, the trick is, when a female is really doing it well, a male doesn't know it.

So true!

[jojomima]

Originally Posted by roseylovestosho

I'm in a phD program where I am the only female in my entire class. To make a long story short we were having a meeting with the director of our program because recruitment week is coming up and she wanted ideas on how to improve the presentation of our program as to attract the new recruits to come to our school. In the middle of the meeting the director turned to me in front of everyone and said "Well, Rose you are the only woman in your class..." and I didn't even get to finish hearing what she said because the guy sitting next to me said "I don't know about you guys but I don't consider Rose a woman," and all of his friends laughed. I had to stop myself from crying. This is not the first time either, they're always making REALLY mean comments about me TO MY FACE. I've tried ignoring them, defending myself etc and nothing changes. I'm getting teary-eyed just thinking about it...I'm beyond sad... They've made fun of the way I talk, what I wear...my personality...the list goes on. The link below is a picture of me since I don't have any pictures of me on here and I think sometimes its easier to identify with people when you can actually see them...imo

http://i53.tinypic.com/29wn98z.png

What can I do?!

Well, it's certainly not you. You're very pretty and you probably intimidate them. They are trying to make themselves feel superior. If it were me I would be giving alot of attitude, you know, like they are not worth considering?

Hope it gets better. Hang in there girl!!!!

[jojomima]

Originally Posted by boopster

I would have said "That's OK - because I don't consider you a man!" But then I have an unfortunate tendency to blurt out things like that when under pressure.

.

That's the "attitude", I'm talking about! But if it's not your style, trying talking to your instructor, you said it was a she right?

[Lil Sis]

wow- I feel for you. I can share my thoughts... advise I would give my daughters.

1.) I would not let them know it bothered me! Don't give the jerks the power

2.) I would document everything

3.) I would take my time, but I would find a mentor that you could talk to.
There are some legal issues here.

4.) You are beautiful... you know that... I would dress very Conservative in my dress and actions around the "guys"

5.) I would research the history of women in traditionally male fields -- see how the women dealt with the issues.

I am a teacher.. so it is a tradition female field and I did not have your problems. I can remember the put downs in other areas, and before I was a teacher I was management in a bank.
My daughter is beautiful.. I mean on a scale of 10 she is a 20. She has always had problems with comments and the like. In high school girls hated her- but she is a kind sweet soul so she does have a net work of friends.
In Miami she worked in a law office and she was finishing up her university degree. She had two case of sexual harassment.. it was very emotional and difficult, when she went to the partner to complain he turned it around onto her. I wanted to sue... I wanted to hurt the creep.. but she held her head high and finished up the job. She is now in Chicago and doing well.

Hold your head high.. be proud of who you are!! Don't give them the power to hurt you. You can't change who they are, or how they act. You can change how you react to them. They are not worth your tears!!!!!

[roseylovestosho]

I woke up feeling better about the situation. Mostly because as most have you mentioned whether implicitly or explicitly, there's really nothing I can do about how they behave around me, but I can definitely change how I react. I do dress conservatively, so there's really nothing I can change in that respect. As for my attitude, I usually pretend like I didn't hear the comments and I think I'm going to continue that route. The only difference that I hope to make is not let the comments bother me as much as they have been, because even though they have no way of knowing that they hurt me (because they don't see me upset) I don't like that I'm so easily saddened by how others treat me. I just have to be a stronger person. For reference, I'm 22 and the people making the comments are all older than me (they're 29-30 years old) not sure if that has anything to do with it?

[boopster]

You could pretend they're a pack of Yorkies that need training... Reward their good behavior and ignore the bad. It might not make any difference, but you could at least get some amusement value out of the notion.

Good for you for choosing not to let them get to you!