"I don't consider her a woman"

[Lil Sis]

You will do well!! I was talking to my Karrie about your story. She felt for you.. she said in her new job she doesn't even wear skirts because of all the past.
She said that now that she lives and works in Chicago she has a new definition of what conservative is. Well, that may be true.. but they have the problem.. not you!!!!!! And if we take the conservative thing too far we will become something different and give them too much power. so a nice balance will do

Good luck. I am proud of you

[roseylovestosho]

Originally Posted by boopster

You could pretend they're a pack of Yorkies that need training... Reward their good behavior and ignore the bad. It might not make any difference, but you could at least get some amusement value out of the notion.

Good for you for choosing not to let them get to you!

THAT JUST MADE MY DAY!

[roseylovestosho]

Originally Posted by Lil Sis

You will do well!! I was talking to my Karrie about your story. She felt for you.. she said in her new job she doesn't even wear skirts because of all the past.
She said that now that she lives and works in Chicago she has a new definition of what conservative is. Well, that may be true.. but they have the problem.. not you!!!!!! And if we take the conservative thing too far we will become something different and give them too much power. so a nice balance will do

Good luck. I am proud of you

What your daughter when through put things into perspective. There are women out there suffering from a lot worse treatment than I am...your daughter must be a very strong woman--I don't think I'm emotionally strong enough to go through what she went through.

[Rhetts_mama]

You are a very beautiful young lady. I feel for you, though. I was one of those girls who was always considered "one of the guys" by the boys in my class. It used to frustrate me to no end until one of my friends explained that it was because I was always up front with them, spoke my mind (whodda thunk?) and didn't have time for silly mind games.

If they don't include you in study groups and other activities, take the lead and start the group yourself.

[Rhetts_mama]

Originally Posted by boopster

You could pretend they're a pack of Yorkies that need training... Reward their good behavior and ignore the bad. It might not make any difference, but you could at least get some amusement value out of the notion.

Good for you for choosing not to let them get to you!

Love this!

[LoALAnna]

I'm just now reading this thread. I have to comment because it brings back some bad memories for me. These so called "men" in your group remind me so much of the guys in my junior high years (seventh and eight grades). They were so intimidated by women (or rather, girls) that they had to resort to nasty commentary to compensate for they're inferiority. You are in NO WAY anything but a beautiful, feminine woman. These immature children have some competition on they're hands, and it seems like this is the only way for them to "deal". Give 'em HELL!!!

[RachelandSadie]

Originally Posted by Mardelin

Now come on Jim you live in the South and are fully aware that those Southern Women can wrap a guy around their finger with very minimal effort.

And let's face it some men do have some over inflated egos, especially young ones that don't feel comfortable in their own skin yet.

That being said, there are very few men like you and of course my husband....those men that don't find it unmasculine to care for those soft cuddly things, whelp a litter, sit up nights nursing a pup.....that's a special kind of a man.

I have one of those. It's amazing. He put Sadie in a sweater today because he was worried to leave for work that she would be afraid of the thunder. He thought the shirt would comfort her more...what a smart and sweet guy

[QuickSilver]

Originally Posted by boopster

You could pretend they're a pack of Yorkies that need training... Reward their good behavior and ignore the bad. It might not make any difference, but you could at least get some amusement value out of the notion.

Good for you for choosing not to let them get to you!

This is what I was going to suggest.

I am extremely thin-skinned, and while I have been in male dominated fields since college (engineering and computer programming), I *still* don't deal well with that kind of crap.

Others have said this, but I'll repeat: men are much more obnoxious with each other than women are, and most guys in engineering socially inept to begin with. They see themselves as harmless geeks who never get any chicks.

I am *very* sure they consider you a woman, as you are very attractive. They are probably intimidated by you because they have no experience with girls. They may or may not be chauvenist pigs on top of it.

In any case, the next time one of them makes a joke, look right at him with no expression for like ten seconds. Then move on. Repeat as needed. If they follow up with "what, can't take a joke?", do it again. Not responding is very mild, and at the same time, very powerful.

I would also consider speaking with your advisor and director. Maybe don't "tattle", but tell them what's going on and ask for their advice. That way, they are not pressured to respond, but esp. if your advisor is a feminist, he may start noticing and quashing those remarks when he hears them.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

[Nancy1999]

Originally Posted by QuickSilver

This is what I was going to suggest.

I am extremely thin-skinned, and while I have been in male dominated fields since college (engineering and computer programming), I *still* don't deal well with that kind of crap.

Others have said this, but I'll repeat: men are much more obnoxious with each other than women are, and most guys in engineering socially inept to begin with. They see themselves as harmless geeks who never get any chicks.

I am *very* sure they consider you a woman, as you are very attractive. They are probably intimidated by you because they have no experience with girls. They may or may not be chauvenist pigs on top of it.

In any case, the next time one of them makes a joke, look right at him with no expression for like ten seconds. Then move on. Repeat as needed. If they follow up with "what, can't take a joke?", do it again. Not responding is very mild, and at the same time, very powerful.
I would also consider speaking with your advisor and director. Maybe don't "tattle", but tell them what's going on and ask for their advice. That way, they are not pressured to respond, but esp. if your advisor is a feminist, he may start noticing and quashing those remarks when he hears them.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

I love the technique you suggested, it might make someone think before they talk. Now if we just had something where I could think before I type!

[Lil Sis]

Originally Posted by roseylovestosho

What your daughter when through put things into perspective. There are women out there suffering from a lot worse treatment than I am...your daughter must be a very strong woman--I don't think I'm emotionally strong enough to go through what she went through.

Thanks ... I do love my daughter! But she was not a strong woman. What 20 year could be when an older man is harassing her? It did make her view the world different.. and maybe it was one small tool/ experience she had to have to help her be so successful now with her dream job in Chicago (two years older and smarter) I will say she has made me proud.. not just the job but the woman she has become.
I think you are a lot stronger then you give yourself credit for!!! You are smart, beautiful so NEVER sell yourself short... that just gives tools for the jerks to hurt you. Also... please don't think your problems are not as worthy as someone else's.. it is your world!! I do think you can learn by the advice of the wonderful women on this site and studying women that have "broken" into a man's world.

I wish you the best

[laci32]

Originally Posted by roseylovestosho

I'm in a phD program where I am the only female in my entire class. To make a long story short we were having a meeting with the director of our program because recruitment week is coming up and she wanted ideas on how to improve the presentation of our program as to attract the new recruits to come to our school. In the middle of the meeting the director turned to me in front of everyone and said "Well, Rose you are the only woman in your class..." and I didn't even get to finish hearing what she said because the guy sitting next to me said "I don't know about you guys but I don't consider Rose a woman," and all of his friends laughed. I had to stop myself from crying. This is not the first time either, they're always making REALLY mean comments about me TO MY FACE. I've tried ignoring them, defending myself etc and nothing changes. I'm getting teary-eyed just thinking about it...I'm beyond sad... They've made fun of the way I talk, what I wear...my personality...the list goes on. The link below is a picture of me since I don't have any pictures of me on here and I think sometimes its easier to identify with people when you can actually see them...imo

http://i53.tinypic.com/29wn98z.png

What can I do?!

Please do not even let those bags of wind get to you.They are jelous and idiot. They all have small penis issues so my friend. Hold your head walk past the idiots like you would not give them the time of day . Your beautiful

[Rachael x]

I have to say when I first read your post I expected to see someone with short hair who had a tom boy sort of style, but you are the opposite.. so I just dont get it?
You are beautiful that is obvious. Maybe they feel threatened by you? Some men are very old fashioned and dont like to think that a women is capable of doing the exact same job as themselves. They really are making fools of their selves.
It must be hard and I dont think you should put up with it, I think you should talk to who ever is in charge and let them know how much this behaviour hurts you. I dont see why you should be made to feel this way when you are just there to work like everyone else! good luck!

[linz06]

I was away for the weekend, but I'm glad to see you're feeling a little better about things. I think most of the time I was going through it, I had a wall put up and I didn't let myself think about it too much, because if I thought about it I really did feel hurt. I had one construction supervisor I did work for daily, and one of his men on site would call me "baby" constantly when he wasn't around. He slipped up one day and said it when he was around. The supervisor helped me carry equipment back to my truck and told me he was going to talk to the guy and if he ever called me that again, let him know and he would be off the job immediately. It felt really good to have someone in my corner and I guess I felt that I had some power in the situation. The job only continued another couple of months, but he never called me baby again. It might help for you to talk to someone about it, and even if you don't do anything about it, knowing there's someone backing you up could help you feel better.

All that any of this did to me was make me want to succeed MORE. It gave me the drive to prove them all wrong and get good grades and get a good job and show them I can survive on the same playing field!

What threatens them most, I think, is the thought of you succeeding You are smart, probably smarter than some of them, and they want to knock you down a level. Don't let them

[roseylovestosho]

Originally Posted by linz06

I was away for the weekend, but I'm glad to see you're feeling a little better about things. I think most of the time I was going through it, I had a wall put up and I didn't let myself think about it too much, because if I thought about it I really did feel hurt. I had one construction supervisor I did work for daily, and one of his men on site would call me "baby" constantly when he wasn't around. He slipped up one day and said it when he was around. The supervisor helped me carry equipment back to my truck and told me he was going to talk to the guy and if he ever called me that again, let him know and he would be off the job immediately. It felt really good to have someone in my corner and I guess I felt that I had some power in the situation. The job only continued another couple of months, but he never called me baby again. It might help for you to talk to someone about it, and even if you don't do anything about it, knowing there's someone backing you up could help you feel better.

All that any of this did to me was make me want to succeed MORE. It gave me the drive to prove them all wrong and get good grades and get a good job and show them I can survive on the same playing field!

What threatens them most, I think, is the thought of you succeeding You are smart, probably smarter than some of them, and they want to knock you down a level. Don't let them

Thank you for the vote of confidence. I am trying not to let it get me down too much. I think I need to frame a picture of Teddy in my office...looking at him always makes me smile!

[linz06]

Originally Posted by roseylovestosho

Thank you for the vote of confidence. I am trying not to let it get me down too much. I think I need to frame a picture of Teddy in my office...looking at him always makes me smile!

Good idea I have kept two pictures of Layla on my desk and it helped me a lot! Now I get to have the real Layla at work with me and it's even better lol!