need advice for a cheater - Page 3 - YorkieTalk.com Forums

Jezebel Dutches · 07-09-2010, 01:22 AM

I'm just so confused and just want to run away. I don't sleep or eat. The new puppy only makes matters worst! Having a new puppy is suppose to be a joyful experience, but everytime I look at her it only deepens the pain. This is because I know why he purchased her.

And by the way, does anyone know why she has a white foot???

Rachael x · 07-09-2010, 02:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jezebel Dutches

I'm just so confused and just want to run away. I don't sleep or eat. The new puppy only makes matters worst! Having a new puppy is suppose to be a joyful experience, but everytime I look at her it only deepens the pain. This is because I know why he purchased her.

And by the way, does anyone know why she has a white foot???

Try and think of the new puppy as a new start.
Out with the old and in with the new

It dosn't matter who bought her all that matters is she is here now and she will give you unconditional love.
Also I dont know about the feet but my Poppy's has white toes on her back legs

xxxx

WV~Yorkies · 07-09-2010, 02:58 AM

I am so sorry what you are going through and don't want to sound mean but kick his ass out the door girl. You keep him around he keeps investing more in the house the more you will have to pay later on to keep it. This is his 3rd time. It is going to keep happening...he has proved that. Maybe try to rent out a room in your house to help make the payment. I know the house is special to you but you are giving up your happiness for it. Even if you lose it you never know what the future may hold. You could get it back one day. Don't waste your life and love on someone that does not apprecitate it. You deserve better!

As far as the puppy if it causing you pain you need to sell her asap. You don't want something that is going to cause you pain every time you look at her. When you get a new puppy you need to look at her with love not painful memeories. I am not saying you don't love her but she is going to be a reminder always.

Rachael x · 07-09-2010, 03:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WV~Yorkies

I am so sorry what you are going through and don't want to sound mean but kick his ass out the door girl. You keep him around he keeps investing more in the house the more you will have to pay later on to keep it. This is his 3rd time. It is going to keep happening...he has proved that. Maybe try to rent out a room in your house to help make the payment. I know the house is special to you but you are giving up your happiness for it. Even if you lose it you never know what the future may hold. You could get it back one day. Don't waste your life and love on someone that does not apprecitate it. You deserve better!

mojo · 07-09-2010, 05:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WV~Yorkies

I am so sorry what you are going through and don't want to sound mean but kick his ass out the door girl. You keep him around he keeps investing more in the house the more you will have to pay later on to keep it. This is his 3rd time. It is going to keep happening...he has proved that. Maybe try to rent out a room in your house to help make the payment. I know the house is special to you but you are giving up your happiness for it. Even if you lose it you never know what the future may hold. You could get it back one day. Don't waste your life and love on someone that does not apprecitate it. You deserve better!

As far as the puppy if it causing you pain you need to sell her asap. You don't want something that is going to cause you pain every time you look at her. When you get a new puppy you need to look at her with love not painful memeories. I am not saying you don't love her but she is going to be a reminder always.

Totally agree- going to keep happening so you need to decide if that is something you can live with because it's not going to change.

celstu1 · 07-09-2010, 05:44 AM

Yuck! What a situation.... cheaters are cowards. Cowards get my pity, and there is no more emotion I hate giving than pity! yes, he is trying to focus your attention on something else (the new puppy) and off of him. A distraction so to speak so you won't have time to check on his activity, or lull you back into unawareness of his activity!

Maybe he did it to make you feel like you'd be even MORE financially unstable if you kicked his sorry A$$ out, to make you think twice about that. Either way, he certainly did put you in a bind here. He sounds very selfish.
I am not married, nor have I ever been. I was with a guy for 10 years that I probably would have been able to look the other way and forgive him if he cheated on me because I was completely and foolishly in love sooo much with the guy. He was a tool, but not a cheater as far as I know. We did end up breaking up 5 years ago and selling the house and canceling the wedding and all that fun stuff. I know its hard to leave someone you love, I had to do that, it nearly killed me to let him go. In the end though, you won't feel like you 'wasted' so much of YOUR time with someone who was never going to change. Tell him you want texting removed from his phone and see what he says, whether you do it or not, you'll get the idea how much 'these girls' mean to him by his reaction to that.
If you don't want to leave him, then counseling sounds like a MUST for HIM. He is very selfish and narcissistic and those qualities need to be fixed.

Cha Cha · 07-09-2010, 06:55 AM

I have never been through this so I have no advice for you. But I do want to make a suggestion for the puppy. Everything happens for a reason, and regardless of how that puppy came into your life it is/was for a reason. It is only your choice to attach your feelings towards him to that puppy, but she is here now, and she needs YOU now. So just maybe she is the Angel you need to help you get through this mess. I am sorry you have to deal with all this.

susan lynn · 07-09-2010, 07:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cha Cha

I have never been through this so I have no advice for you. But I do want to make a suggestion for the puppy. Everything happens for a reason, and regardless of how that puppy came into your life it is/was for a reason. It is only your choice to attach your feelings towards him to that puppy, but she is here now, and she needs YOU now. So just maybe she is the Angel you need to help you get through this mess. I am sorry you have to deal with all this.

I agree with Cha Cha, this baby needs your love and attention. You also need her love. So I would focus on her and see what your husband does.

azureblue54 · 07-09-2010, 07:37 AM

I think he deserves a visit from a process server, telling him to vacate your home asap, and then serve him with divorce papers. This kind of man never changes; he's a manipulator, big time, as demonstrated by his purchase of the puppy, and his reoffending attitudes towards you. They're always sorry, then they do it again; it's the thrill of the hunt and conquering. Love and enjoy the pup, and look at her as your new beginning...without him. Just make sure you don't receive the bill for her purchase. See a lawyer, asap!

terlis · 07-09-2010, 08:13 AM

If the new puppy causes you too much pain, perhaps you know another yorkie lover who would give her a loving home. If you know someone you could give her to them and he would be out the $1600.00 and he would know that you can't be bought. Or you could sell her and save the money for future use. Right now he probably thinks he has made up for his "indiscretions" by buying you something. Maybe you should show him that is not the case.

Deuce · 07-09-2010, 09:14 AM

I can't offer advice or anything, never been married, but I have a knack for choosing the wrong kind of guys...exactly the kind of guys your husband seems to be. They take advantage of my kindness and understanding and my always optimistic approach to everything. I assume everything can be fixed, and there is always good in every situation. Boy have I been made to look stupid.
In fact, my first bf whom I was with for 2.5 years cheated on me many times, and then let me dump him, then he'd come begging to get me back, and of course we would talk things out. Then 2 weeks after Christmas a couple years back he had the nerve to dump me! He told me that I wasn't good enough for him, and that I would make a horrible wife, basically told me everything that I would worry about being is exactly what I was. 2 weeks later he was shacked up with some other chick and I was alone and sad.
But I've grown since then, 1.5 cheaters later (don't ask about the .5 it gets silly) I've found a great guy, plus a great puppy and a fat cat and I'm happy. I'm much happier living alone with my furries and having a boyfriend that lives elsewhere that I can actually trust to not stab me in the back then I ever was with cheater-boy.
You have to make your decision, I'm not one to ever tell anyone to leave their husband, but you have to ask yourself "does he make me happy" if not, then maybe you should seek counseling with him, or leave the situation behind you.
Sorry, I've sort of rambled on longer than I thought, but I wish you good luck with whatever happens and that whatever you choose is what will make you happy.

143julz · 07-09-2010, 09:52 AM

[QUOTE=WV~Yorkies;3192197]I am so sorry what you are going through and don't want to sound mean but kick his ass out the door girl. You keep him around he keeps investing more in the house the more you will have to pay later on to keep it. This is his 3rd time. It is going to keep happening...he has proved that. Maybe try to rent out a room in your house to help make the payment. I know the house is special to you but you are giving up your happiness for it. Even if you lose it you never know what the future may hold. You could get it back one day. Don't waste your life and love on someone that does not apprecitate it. You deserve better!

Agree!!

Let HER have him and take HIM off your hands and move on!!
Stay strong and move on darling

mojo · 07-09-2010, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by terlis

If the new puppy causes you too much pain, perhaps you know another yorkie lover who would give her a loving home. If you know someone you could give her to them and he would be out the $1600.00 and he would know that you can't be bought. Or you could sell her and save the money for future use. Right now he probably thinks he has made up for his "indiscretions" by buying you something. Maybe you should show him that is not the case.

My guess would be he prob. paid for her with a credit card, they are married, thus she pretty much paid for her own puppy. If that is the case, I wouldn't give her away as the o/p would then be out a puppy and the money. See if you can take her back or sell her if you decide it is causing you too much pain.

07-09-2010, 01:22 AM	#31
Jezebel Dutches Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Virginia Posts: 105	I'm just so confused and just want to run away. I don't sleep or eat. The new puppy only makes matters worst! Having a new puppy is suppose to be a joyful experience, but everytime I look at her it only deepens the pain. This is because I know why he purchased her. And by the way, does anyone know why she has a white foot??? __________________ Jezebel Hailie Daisy Olivia My Girls are My World

07-09-2010, 02:58 AM	#33
WV~Yorkies Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: WV Posts: 3,605 Blog Entries: 2	I am so sorry what you are going through and don't want to sound mean but kick his ass out the door girl. You keep him around he keeps investing more in the house the more you will have to pay later on to keep it. This is his 3rd time. It is going to keep happening...he has proved that. Maybe try to rent out a room in your house to help make the payment. I know the house is special to you but you are giving up your happiness for it. Even if you lose it you never know what the future may hold. You could get it back one day. Don't waste your life and love on someone that does not apprecitate it. You deserve better! As far as the puppy if it causing you pain you need to sell her asap. You don't want something that is going to cause you pain every time you look at her. When you get a new puppy you need to look at her with love not painful memeories. I am not saying you don't love her but she is going to be a reminder always. __________________ Melissa Wvyorkies

07-09-2010, 05:44 AM	#36
celstu1 Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 10,534	Yuck! What a situation.... cheaters are cowards. Cowards get my pity, and there is no more emotion I hate giving than pity! yes, he is trying to focus your attention on something else (the new puppy) and off of him. A distraction so to speak so you won't have time to check on his activity, or lull you back into unawareness of his activity! Maybe he did it to make you feel like you'd be even MORE financially unstable if you kicked his sorry A$$ out, to make you think twice about that. Either way, he certainly did put you in a bind here. He sounds very selfish. I am not married, nor have I ever been. I was with a guy for 10 years that I probably would have been able to look the other way and forgive him if he cheated on me because I was completely and foolishly in love sooo much with the guy. He was a tool, but not a cheater as far as I know. We did end up breaking up 5 years ago and selling the house and canceling the wedding and all that fun stuff. I know its hard to leave someone you love, I had to do that, it nearly killed me to let him go. In the end though, you won't feel like you 'wasted' so much of YOUR time with someone who was never going to change. Tell him you want texting removed from his phone and see what he says, whether you do it or not, you'll get the idea how much 'these girls' mean to him by his reaction to that. If you don't want to leave him, then counseling sounds like a MUST for HIM. He is very selfish and narcissistic and those qualities need to be fixed. __________________ “Petting, scratching, and cuddling a dog could be as soothing to the mind and heart as deep meditation and almost as good for the soul as prayer.” ― Dean Koontz

07-09-2010, 06:55 AM	#37
Cha Cha Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Where the deer and the antelope play Posts: 7,069	I have never been through this so I have no advice for you. But I do want to make a suggestion for the puppy. Everything happens for a reason, and regardless of how that puppy came into your life it is/was for a reason. It is only your choice to attach your feelings towards him to that puppy, but she is here now, and she needs YOU now. So just maybe she is the Angel you need to help you get through this mess. I am sorry you have to deal with all this. __________________ Shelly and the girls Moka Mylee

07-09-2010, 08:13 AM	#40
terlis YT Addict Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: ontario canada Posts: 330	If the new puppy causes you too much pain, perhaps you know another yorkie lover who would give her a loving home. If you know someone you could give her to them and he would be out the $1600.00 and he would know that you can't be bought. Or you could sell her and save the money for future use. Right now he probably thinks he has made up for his "indiscretions" by buying you something. Maybe you should show him that is not the case. __________________ SophieLola

07-09-2010, 07:37 AM	#39
azureblue54 Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: WI Posts: 137	I think he deserves a visit from a process server, telling him to vacate your home asap, and then serve him with divorce papers. This kind of man never changes; he's a manipulator, big time, as demonstrated by his purchase of the puppy, and his reoffending attitudes towards you. They're always sorry, then they do it again; it's the thrill of the hunt and conquering. Love and enjoy the pup, and look at her as your new beginning...without him. Just make sure you don't receive the bill for her purchase. See a lawyer, asap!

07-09-2010, 09:14 AM	#41
Deuce No Longer a Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Virginia Posts: 1,717 Blog Entries: 1	I can't offer advice or anything, never been married, but I have a knack for choosing the wrong kind of guys...exactly the kind of guys your husband seems to be. They take advantage of my kindness and understanding and my always optimistic approach to everything. I assume everything can be fixed, and there is always good in every situation. Boy have I been made to look stupid. In fact, my first bf whom I was with for 2.5 years cheated on me many times, and then let me dump him, then he'd come begging to get me back, and of course we would talk things out. Then 2 weeks after Christmas a couple years back he had the nerve to dump me! He told me that I wasn't good enough for him, and that I would make a horrible wife, basically told me everything that I would worry about being is exactly what I was. 2 weeks later he was shacked up with some other chick and I was alone and sad. But I've grown since then, 1.5 cheaters later (don't ask about the .5 it gets silly) I've found a great guy, plus a great puppy and a fat cat and I'm happy. I'm much happier living alone with my furries and having a boyfriend that lives elsewhere that I can actually trust to not stab me in the back then I ever was with cheater-boy. You have to make your decision, I'm not one to ever tell anyone to leave their husband, but you have to ask yourself "does he make me happy" if not, then maybe you should seek counseling with him, or leave the situation behind you. Sorry, I've sort of rambled on longer than I thought, but I wish you good luck with whatever happens and that whatever you choose is what will make you happy.

07-09-2010, 09:52 AM	#42
143julz Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Largo, FL Posts: 1,294	[QUOTE=WV~Yorkies;3192197]I am so sorry what you are going through and don't want to sound mean but kick his ass out the door girl. You keep him around he keeps investing more in the house the more you will have to pay later on to keep it. This is his 3rd time. It is going to keep happening...he has proved that. Maybe try to rent out a room in your house to help make the payment. I know the house is special to you but you are giving up your happiness for it. Even if you lose it you never know what the future may hold. You could get it back one day. Don't waste your life and love on someone that does not apprecitate it. You deserve better! Agree!! Let HER have him and take HIM off your hands and move on!! Stay strong and move on darling __________________ Dudley Doo and Dexter too!!! RIP (12/93-10/08) MY LIL JULZ!!!