need advice for a cheater

[nana911]

Originally Posted by Jezebel Dutches

Fortunately we do not have any children. I have a good job and can support myself. The problem I will have is we just built a very expensive house on land that was deeded to me from my great grandfather. I will have to struggle to make the house payment alone...the house can not be sold because the land it was built on has been in my family for over 300 years.

Even more important that you get out sooner. Before children. But it is your house. The longer he contributes to the equity the better his case in claiming a stake in it and forcing you to give him a larger piece of it, or forcing a sale to give him a cash buy out. The longer he stays and pays the bigger his slice of pie (your house) is gonna be.

Oh, and sweetie, if you're able to look at things that pragmatically you are ready to move on!

[lovmyyorkie]

Originally Posted by Jezebel Dutches

Fortunately we do not have any children. I have a good job and can support myself. The problem I will have is we just built a very expensive house on land that was deeded to me from my great grandfather. I will have to struggle to make the house payment alone...the house can not be sold because the land it was built on has been in my family for over 300 years.

This is why I said to first see a divorce attorney he can tell you what to do to protect yourself and your future, because you know he is going to do the same and might even try to blame you for his actions. Be strong.

[Rachael x]

I would advise you to leave him.
Any man who treats you like this is not worth your time, there are so many men out there who would never dream of treating there partner like this.
I know it probably dosn't feel like it right now but things will get better, the trust is gone so there is no going back to the way things were before.
You can do so much better don't let this **** hold you back xxxx

[Lisa and Pic]

I am so very sorry you are going through this - sounds like for the 3rd time. Your thread said, "need advice," but I think you already know what to do. Just need some support while you deal with this and YT is such a great place to get support. Please protect yourself with a lawyer. Sending hugs...

[susan lynn]

The best answer is to pray and leave it in Gods hands. If you can afford to be on your own you should probably move him out and go on with your life. Especially if no children are involved. My brother had a problem like this. His wife was on a chat room with a man she met on the internet. She said they were just friends. Well she ruined my brothers life, divorced him married this guy and also ruined her childrens lives. She now lives in a expensive home with her new husband and he lives in an apartment.

[manolos mom]

Originally Posted by chachi

I think you need to talk to your Husband about it but also you both need to go to marital counciling to help you and him get back on track with your marriage

I agree with Chachi

[FL Tink]

I wont give you any advice either..but one thing to consider:

If he refuses to let you read all the texts to her and from her...then there probably is something going on. I certainly hope you can get counseling...even if he wont go.
So sorry for your troubles

[mojo]

I wouldn't tolerate it. 800 texts?? I would surely bet there is more to it, but even if it is just texts you say it's the third time? He doesn't care about your feelings, he has shown that. He may at this point care that he was caught and be ever so sorry and promise it will never happen again. I'm sorry, for me that would be too much. Of course that is easy to say and I am not in your position. But I surely think this will continue to happen irregardless of the promises.
Do you plan to have children with this man? If so, think 5, 10 years down the line and how it will feel to find out yet again he is cheating on you. Now you have children and are stuck as you want them to have daddy.
I do agree you should see a counselor BY YOURSELF prior to making any life changing decisions here.
I'm so sorry you are going through this, but please know you are worth more than that and don't have to share a husband with anyone.

[LuvmyYorkies2]

So sorry you are going through this & I know any decision you make will be a very difficult one but you have to do what's best for you.

Can you secretly start looking for roommates, maybe family members who may be needing a place to stay? That way, you'd have them lined up and ready to move in so you can have a little cushion & help.

I would consult an attorney to see what you should do to protect you & your family's property, then I would file a petition of eviction for him which I think has to be at least 30 days. That's why I would use that time to get some roommates lined up.

Only you can make the decision, I think you know what you need to do. If you truly feel this is going to happen again, it should end. If you think there is a possiblity, you need to suggest counseling and make this the very last attempt.

Hugs & best of luck!

[Jezebel Dutches]

First off I want to think everyone for their caring words and advice!
But the story gets even worst! He called me and asked if I would come home for a few minutes. I did, figuring maybe he was ready to fess up. I came in he asked me to have a seat, which I did. He proceeded to tell me how he loves me and wants only me and then says he has something he needs to give me....immediately after he pulled the pink folder from behind the pillow I knew what it was.
On thursday my mom and I had taken Jezebel to a pet store to buy her some supplies. While there we admired a cute little yorkie girl and I asked to see her. The Associate brought the puppy out with a PINK folder containing her information. I played with the puppy awhile and put her back. After returning home I told him of the experience. Thought nothing else of it.

He handed me the folder and said "she yours and in the basement." Needless to say this caused me more sadness than joy. I feel he's trying to fix things by buying me a $1,600 puppy! I immediately told him to take her back, but the store excepts no returns and he signed the contract stating that.
Now I not only have to decide what to do about my marriage, but take care of a tiny puppy in the process!

[mojo]

Originally Posted by Jezebel Dutches

First off I want to think everyone for their caring words and advice!
But the story gets even worst! He called me and asked if I would come home for a few minutes. I did, figuring maybe he was ready to fess up. I came in he asked me to have a seat, which I did. He proceeded to tell me how he loves me and wants only me and then says he has something he needs to give me....immediately after he pulled the pink folder from behind the pillow I knew what it was.
On thursday my mom and I had taken Jezebel to a pet store to buy her some supplies. While there we admired a cute little yorkie girl and I asked to see her. The Associate brought the puppy out with a PINK folder containing her information. I played with the puppy awhile and put her back. After returning home I told him of the experience. Thought nothing else of it.

He handed me the folder and said "she yours and in the basement." Needless to say this caused me more sadness than joy. I feel he's trying to fix things by buying me a $1,600 puppy! I immediately told him to take her back, but the store excepts no returns and he signed the contract stating that.
Now I not only have to decide what to do about my marriage, but take care of a tiny puppy in the process!

All I can say is WOW! and not in a good way. Is your mom helping you through this I hope?

[SophieKatesMom]

I am sorry you are going through this but if it helps I have been through the same with my EX.

In my case it never stopped even with all the promises, I finally took some good advice got some counselling and left. It was rough at first because even with all his cheating ways I missed him but I pushed myself through it and moved on - with a lot of help from family and friends.

Today I am in a good relationship with someone I trust, life is not suppose to be about second guessing everything your loved one tells you. That is exhausting and makes it almost impossible to enjoy any other part of you life.

Regarding the Yorkie Puppy, WOW!!! that is all I can say. That is kind of wrong to use a sweet puppy to win you over (no matter how exciting it is to receive a puppy).

Good luck, remember only you can decide if you can trust him again and when the right time to say "enough is enough".

[terlis]

So sorry you have to go through this. I think you know what you have to do. You just need to move forward and do it. Would you be comfortable in your marriage after this has happened repeatedly. I know someone whao has lived many miserable years with a husband only because she makes more money than he and doesn't want him to take anything away from her, like her house. What she doesn't realize is that he has taken her happiness and peace of mind.
Again so sorry you have all this to deal with. Judging by the responses, support here is not in short supply. Wishing you well in whatever lies ahead.

[MaddiesMommie]

Listen to your gut instinct, that is my advice. Only you know what you can deal with. I have witnessed people put up with more than I think I ever would and have saw a friend give up on a marriage over almost nothing.
You know what is best for you. Life is much too short to choose to be unhappy. I pray that you find the strength to do what you need to in order to get through this.

[mizzwanned]

I'm really sorry I feel like if you are giving your all, why is he not?