Advice needed!

[chloeTG]

Okay well, it's been a long time since I last posted but I'm needing some advice and thought I'd post here among friends.

My fiance and I have been together for 2 years. We have recently become engaged this last February. He wants to wait to get married until I have 3 months salary and my credit card with a balance of 5K paid off completely. That's about 13,000 in the bank before I guess he can have the concious to marry me. What do you guys think? I'm feeling hurt, while my love is unconditional I feel his is...I'm also having to sign a pre-nup and accept something else that is private to him so I won't post. I just feel like I've already had to accept several things I wouldn't normally want to accept because I love this man. Now what? I'm so hurt, I don't know if I can get past it and he won't budge.

I need lots of prayers...

[RebelBelle]

Does he have 3 months salary in his savings account or clear credit? I think it's very responsible of him to want to go into marriage prepared, but maybe he is being a bit overly cautious.

Has he explained why he wants you to do these things before you get married?

[Bianca]

Well as far as the prenup I think if he earned what he has and you haven't helped him to get it then yes you should sign it.
I think he is acting responsible also, I mean maybe he just wants to get married and not have to worry about making payments and start fresh you know what I mean?
If you feel insulted then you should be able to sit down and talk it out and tell him your feelings. I mean he is going to be your husband.
Best Of Luck

[BamaFan121s]

Hmmm...sounds to me like maybe he has some trust issues? I certainly think it's a smart move for both of you to make sure you are finacially set before starting your new life together...just so long as he is making the same efforts to save up and pay off debt as you. Finanical strain can be one of the most stressful and trying situations, especially on two people who are newly trying to find their groove as husband and wife. But again, the street goes both ways.

Go with your gut girl. There is nothing wrong with making sure you are looking out for yourself in this situation.

[mustangbee]

Originally Posted by BamaFan121s

Hmmm...sounds to me like maybe he has some trust issues? I certainly think it's a smart move for both of you to make sure you are finacially set before starting your new life together...just so long as he is making the same efforts to save up and pay off debt as you. Finanical strain can be one of the most stressful and trying situations, especially on two people who are newly trying to find their groove as husband and wife. But again, the street goes both ways.

Go with your gut girl. There is nothing wrong with making sure you are looking out for yourself in this situation.

Well said, I agree 100%

[celstu1]

Sounds to me hes worried about your financial life together... here is the thing... in most relationships one person is usually the spender while the other is usually the saver. Thats how financial issues crop up. What he is proposing for you to do is a temporary fix. He is asking you to be prepared to go INTO the marriage financially, but what about the life of the marriage? Is he thinking he is going to take over your finances once you are his wife so that you will always have no debt and money in the bank? He is going to get sick of doing that and you will resent him for it. I truely feel he needs to accept you, all aspects of you, before you guys get married. If he wants to protect himself and his money with a prenup, fine... but you should not have to change your life to accomodate his marriage proposal. Sorry if I sound harsh, Ive learned a lot of hard lessons with guys, and changing yourself and feeling like you are not #1 to the guy you are with are not acceptable in my eyes. I'd rather be alone!

[Angela]

I personally don't think I could ever sign a pre nup just b/c its like going into a mttiage planning on failing...in my opion. However, I uderstand that a lot of people have no problem with signing one.....the thing that bothers me the most or makes me wonder the most about what you posted is : He wants you to have three months salary and you cc paid off....What if during the marriage you loose your job or want / need time off?? I certainly hope this never happens to you, but what if? I don't know, I would be hurt, upset, and insulted with what he has proposed you do in order to marry him.

Good Luck,
Angie

[Zanders' mom]

Originally Posted by Angela

I personally don't think I could ever sign a pre nup just b/c its like going into a mttiage planning on failing...in my opion. However, I uderstand that a lot of people have no problem with signing one.....the thing that bothers me the most or makes me wonder the most about what you posted is : He wants you to have three months salary and you cc paid off....What if during the marriage you loose your job or want / need time off?? I certainly hope this never happens to you, but what if? I don't know, I would be hurt, upset, and insulted with what he has proposed you do in order to marry him.

Good Luck,
Angie

Hmmm, I agree with this answer and previous ones.. I feel this is an eye opener for you .... is this how you want your husband to be with you? is this how you want to live your life? While getting your finances in order before marrying is smart .... what are his thoughts on ... staying home to raise and enjoy your babies? will he resent you and want you to go to work? sounds like a good time to talk about many things, then step back and wonder is this how I want my life to be? better for you to explore this now than after you are married. Lots of good wishes for you.

[Lexi Rae]

when i was engaged my x had owed 10,000 on his credit cards and i had
a zero balance. i told him he had to pay it off before i married him..
i wasnt going into a relationship paying his debt.. so he did and we got married and we started off fresh, no debt..
now if i get married again, i will have to have a prenup signed , without a doubt. reason being, now i almost own my house by myself and its almost paid for. worked my tail off for it and you bet no one will ever take it away from me.
i know if you love someone you shouldnt ask for a prenup, but the heck with that..you just never know and thats scary. i learned my lesson once and thats good enough for me.. even dr. phil said on his show once to get a prenup signed especially if you own something big.... im sure he loves you with all his heart, just try to understand where he is coming from.
good luck.

[chloeTG]

Thanks for all your replies, I appreciate it very much! While I understand the prenup, it's been hard for me to not feel badly about everything else. While I do owe 5,000 on my credit card that's all the debt I do have. My credit score is a 740 while his is a 545...and although he has no debt, I doubt I would be the one keeping us from owning a house. Guess it's just something I'm either going to accept or not accept. I feel the prenup should be enough, I've been willing to sign that from the start...now it's just keeps adding up...after this what else will it be?

I've got some thinking to do...

Thanks guys! ((HUGS))

[tammy8833]

this is a little smart a$$y
but tell him you will work on your stuff but he has to work on his credit and when his is as good as your you two can marry

yes its smart to be financially ready..but things are always changing. finanicially everyone has ups and downs but what counts is how you two handle it togethrer. thats what a marriage is a partnership. life is always ready with a new curve ball...you save up 3 months of salary them bam something happens..

money is always an issue between couples, but if he is starting this way now then i would be concerned about your furture with him. IMO he is putting you down...i can not accept you the way you are today, is what he is saying.

i just see more and more issues with this one..you have the upcoming cost of a wedding how is that going to be arranged? what happens if in this economy you lose your job? how ridiclous would he look if he lost his? what happens if you get pregnant and either need to be resticked to bed rest and take early leave or you dont get paid for time off? what if the baby is ill and you have 100,000 in medical debt.

dont change your self unless you want to change yourself (unless you are doing something illegal..=)

These are all real things and they have happened to us..all of the above

i dated my husband for 3 years we had many ups and downs, him. me. and together. we got engaged. we got pregnant. we had a nice wedding at my parents house. he has crap and i have crap but at the end of the day i wouldnt trade him. there are still finiancial things we are dealing with from back then and we have been married 5 years. but we tough it out together and when one of us loses, we both lose. when one of us win we both win.

we have been together thru job loses, financial down pours, 100,000 in medical debt due to the premature birth of our son. but we are still together. we still love each other. we knew all the problems we were facing when we got married and we still did it because we love each other and at the end of the day we cant stand to be apart from one another. even after a brutal day of arguing and fighting and sometimes even disappointments.

add kids to the mix and you better REALLY love each other..lol

its not always a smart move, but who said love was smart?

good luck hun, you know whats best for you.