Please pray for me

[izzierj]

It might be a good idea (probably already said!?) that you and your husband and kids (so he doesn't pull anything over on them) sit down with him and give him the law of your house...Even though he is 'lazy' he probably has a bit of pride (or not) and sometimes people with this mentality need to be spoken to as if you're telling them a suggestion and not an order, because like a child, giving them an order makes them resist and resentful...You need to be firm as well as well as reasonable...Women can do this ...lol..
By the way, if he doesn't work, how can he afford cigarettes? And remember he did survive on the streets and can do so if need be..Everyone makes choices....
VERY IMPORTANT: A guy (and his wife) at work had a room mate who opened the door when it was dark out and their blind yorkie went out and drowned their pool...So, I don't know if your furbabies are runners, but please be careful....

[abbey lee]

Originally Posted by Graleyne

My issues with this man are as follows:

1. This is about the SIXTH time we have taken him in in 8 yrs.

2. He has no money, no job, no home, no license, no car, no ambition and its all everyones fault BUT HIS!

3. He is 46 yrs old going on 10

4. He actually had the audacity to say to me once (and truly believe at the time) that he had more of a right to be in MY home with MY husband because he was family! He has since been set straight. Guess if I didn't kill him then I probably won't.

5. He is a slob and rarely showers unless I say something. He has gone WEEKS with no shower.

6. He is OBSESSED with the online games EverQuest and Second Life and talks about them constantly and I do mean constantly.

7. He does very little to help out around here and what little he does he only does when DH is home so that it looks to DH like he is trying. However DH works nights and sleeps during the day and this is when T does nothing but watch television, read, and play video games.

The list goes on...and on...and on....

The ONLY reason he is here is because he was truly going to be on the streets if he didn't come here.

This sounds so mean to say, but he smells. He smokes (outside) but the smell sticks to him and anything he touches like glue AND he has the worst BO of anyone I've ever met. I am constantly going behind him with air freshener and bleach (I try to do it so he doesn't notice - I don't want to be rude and I try to make it look just like regular cleaning if he does notice)

I am just trying very hard to keep my patience and my temper in check because I have next to none of either one when it comes to him.

Thanks for all the prayers. I really need and appreciate them.

Ick. Sounds bad. You're aweome for taking him in, many people would say no. Especially after #4!!

[Graleyne]

Right now he has a carton that he obtained somehow before he came here (he's been here since Thursday). Don't know what he will do if he has no job before he runs out. Dh and I don't smoke and we will not pay for someone else's habit.

You would think #1 on his priority list would be getting a job but oh no. He was asking dh if he could put a computer and internet in our house! Geeeez. *I* do not have a computer and internet in my house (I post w my cell phone).

Do ya'll think giving him until September 1st is a reasonable amount of time? That gives him 2 1/2 months.

[Little Bit]

Like the others have said, set down some rules. Would have been nice if it could have been before, but yes, definite rules.
1. Shower daily.
2. Give him specific chores that he has to do around the house. Write them out.
3. He must go out EVERY week day and look for work.
4. No internet or computer. You know he'll just play games and waste time.
5. A definite time limit when he has to be out. September is fine.
6. A definite list of does and don'ts. If he acts like a kid then treat him like one. Lay it all out and spell out the consequences.

Where is his family? Is there not anyone in his immediate family who will take him in? There is no excuse that this man does not have a job, even if it is sweeping the floor at Wal-Mart!

Bless your heart for taking him in. We will definitely be praying for you and your family.

[Betty'sMom]

Originally Posted by Graleyne

Right now he has a carton that he obtained somehow before he came here (he's been here since Thursday). Don't know what he will do if he has no job before he runs out. Dh and I don't smoke and we will not pay for someone else's habit.

You would think #1 on his priority list would be getting a job but oh no. He was asking dh if he could put a computer and internet in our house! Geeeez. *I* do not have a computer and internet in my house (I post w my cell phone).

Do ya'll think giving him until September 1st is a reasonable amount of time? That gives him 2 1/2 months.

Too long!!!!!!!!!

[Graleyne]

Thanks ya'll. I am feeling a little better today. I sat down and wrote out the rules and made him sign them. I did this with DH present and with his support.

He thought we should take a vote on some of the rules <insert rolling of my eyes here>.
I informed him that I was not running a democracy here. I am the supreme ruler and dictator and if he disagreed with the way I run my home the front door isn't very difficult to find.

He said I am a neurotic germaphobe. I once again directed him to the front door.

He asked if he could have meat if he bought it himself. I told him not in my home. We are vegetarians well on our way to going completely vegan.

So basically I laid down the law and stuck to my guns. Some of it may sound harsh but he has taken advantage and run over me in the past and I will not allow him to this time. Luckily DH finally sees him for what he is and is on my side.

[Mom to Hot Rod]

Good for you! I hope everything works out for you and hubby.

[Bizzymammabee]

Oh gosh why do people think it's ok to freeload. God bless you for once again being a good person and opening your home. I do agree with Carol though. Every morning at breakfast he would be up and reading that help wanted and pounding the pavement.

[Yorkiedaze]

Originally Posted by Graleyne

DH's cousin has moved in with us. It is supposed to be "temporary" but we've been here done this before and he never leaves until we finally ask him to. Even though I STRONGLY dislike this man, I can't leave anyone homeless so here he is. *sigh*

Please pray that he actually does what he says he is going to do regarding a job and finding a new place.

Please please please pray that I do not kill him in the meantime. I have both skin and fur kids who need me and I can't afford to go to jail.

Don't you think by you guys taking him in all the time that your not "enabling" him? Sometimes it takes tough love in order for people to learn to stand on their own two feet.

[Bizzymammabee]

You know there is some truth to that. The problem is that just being a good person you don't really realize it.

So what does he just float from relative to relative so he doesn't have to maintain a residence of his own. Maybe you all need to get together and let him know he has reached the end of the line.

[Graleyne]

That is EXACTLY what he does - float from one family member to the next. He works at a job long enough for child support enforcement to catch up with him the either quits or gets "fired".

I said after the last time (which was over a year ago) that he was NOT coming back, but everyone else said the same thing so he truly had no place to go. I can't let anyone live on the street if I can help it. Especially not in this Georgia heat.

I made it very clear this time that he is NOT a guest. Until he has a full time job he is HIRED HELP in my home working for meals and a place to sleep.

I also made it clear that it costs MONEY to run the television and a/c 24 hrs a day and since he isn't able to pay the difference in the utility bill those things won't be used very often. I'll suck up the cost of extra water from him showering daily though lol.

[nvnvgirl]

Aerrica~ I think til Sept. 1st is really reasonable. You just have to make it clear that you're not joking about it and that he will definitely be expected to leave then, so he'd better have something good lined up.

It's nice that your dh is in agreement with you over the rules and everything. And the fact that you don't cave in to his wishes for certain things will make it a little less appealing to him to be staying there for too long (hopefully).

[juliaw04]

It sounds like maybe you have everything under control now. I hope he sticks to the rules, finds a job very quicky, and that DH continues to support you.

[Q-T-Pie]

You sound like my mom- you have a huge heart and for that you will be blessed! You're doing the right thing by setting rules and I hope he gets his act together---prayers are coming your way!
P.S. I just had to say I was getting a visual of you walking behind him with the spray and bleach-

[Bizzymammabee]

Originally Posted by Graleyne

That is EXACTLY what he does - float from one family member to the next. He works at a job long enough for child support enforcement to catch up with him the either quits or gets "fired".

I said after the last time (which was over a year ago) that he was NOT coming back, but everyone else said the same thing so he truly had no place to go. I can't let anyone live on the street if I can help it. Especially not in this Georgia heat.

I made it very clear this time that he is NOT a guest. Until he has a full time job he is HIRED HELP in my home working for meals and a place to sleep.

I also made it clear that it costs MONEY to run the television and a/c 24 hrs a day and since he isn't able to pay the difference in the utility bill those things won't be used very often. I'll suck up the cost of extra water from him showering daily though lol.

It really amazes me how someone can live like that. Then to top it all off some woman was stupid enough to think he was responsible and suitable to be a father.

I think it's great you gave him a deadline and you need to stick to them guns. Let this truly be the last time you help him. If people keep giving in to him and letting him live like that then for sure he will not change.