I need Advice Please, regaurds to custody Issue.

[amandawash]

Hey there Brandi. I just wanted to say that I am really sorry that you are having to deal with this. I also wanted to say that if you need anything, I am literally a few miles away in Middleton. In my field of work, I hear of this kind of thing often. Unfortunately, it seems like it happens frequently because the parents are well-established and can afford legal representation, knowing full-well it's going to be an extremely difficult battle for you to fight. Like I said, if you need anything.....

[izzierj]

Maybe if you wrote a letter to your daughter and gave it to someone you trusted (make a copy) with all the things you want to tell her (good things, like how much you love her even if things aren't how you wish them to be..)Bring up some loving memories of her childhood so she can get a visual of your love and care as her mom..And so on...(but don't say anything bad about your parents even if you feel they are wrong, children seem to defend the adult that side with them) right now your health should be the most important thing going on, afterall, your attitude affects your health and you do need to stay healthy for the time you reconcile and you will eventually reconcile because it's sounds like a sincere person...Prayers help too...Sending some your way...

[Marlee]

I want to say Thanks for all the advice, I am trying to stay positive. Luckily, our 5...yes 5 other beautiful children are here with us and keep me busy. I just feel so lost at times, so angry with my mother for doing this. I took the papers I was served with to a local attorney yesterday. This womans mouth was literally dragging on the floor. Said she didnt understand how a mom could say and do such things. She also said it was clear my mother thinks she is my daughters mom.

Trust me I am not angry with my daughter, in fact each time I do talk to her, every email is filled with love and telling her I miss her so much. My mom tells her that is me trying to make her( my daughter) feel guilty...All and all the situation simply sucks, I did talk to a lawyer in Washington state last night...woohoo he seems promising. He actually nailed some of the things on the head, said she had to say these things to get a judge even to look at this case. Wow, I know one thing I will not stoop that low to make false accusations against her, I dont talk bad about them in front of the kids, or anything. I am not going to do anything to lose my daughter..

Thanks again for the advice and love, I appreciate it more than I can say..

[mayfateleadyou]

First do not take anything I say as an offense. I do not know your whole situation or you personally but please take what I say into consideration. I was raised for a long time in WA and do know some of there laws. I was 9 when I moved into my grandparents home for "temporary" time being. Turned out I was happier being there. At the age of 10 I made the decision that I didn't want to go back. My grandparents were poor but still fought for me and my brother. It was a long battle and the judge took into consideration of what I wanted cause at the time a 12 year old was allowed to state where they wanted to be. I was also 14 before I admitted to anyone including my grandmother that I was sexually abused. The judges in Washington take in serious consideration what the minor wants. They have no issues in placing a child with grandparents instead of the actual parent. Dawn (my birth mother) did fight it in the beginning not believing that that was what I truly wanted. She believed I had been brain washed and that I wasn't allowed contact with her. I did tell her to stay out of my life and it was my choice and my strength that decided that. Maybe sending her up there really did affect her. Maybe she felt because you sent her away and not any of your other children that it was you saying wasn't good enough. Like I said I do not know your whole situation but please consider the possibility this is what she truly wants. And that wa laws are made for the child and that your parents have a really good chance at winning this becai you aren't even in the same state and your parents have been the active guardians for 3 years. I pray what is best for you and your family works out.

[mayfateleadyou]

Oh and if what you said is true which I don't doubt you about the abuse situations on your part you can get court appointed visitation rights in supervised (quthout your mother) and I would suggest seriously sitting down and talking to your daughter. Find out what she wants. How she feels. Tell her what and how you feel but don't PUSH her. She is young anf yet she probably is like any other teenager and feels like she has the right to make all the decisions in her life. Not saying she should lol but we all know what teenagers are like especially stubborn ones. But you could do more damage you yalls relationship if she feels like you are backing her into corner and attacking her. Dawn told me all the time that she missed me and loved me to the point that we couldn't carry a real conversation. She needs to feel like you respect her. And especially if her grandparents are pushing her top it may make her rethink about who she feels more comfortable being with. But seriously get the court to allow you a one on one visit and talk with her. Don't plead or beg express your feelings but let her express hers. She is old enough and this serious enough to hold an adult conversation. But do tell her you love her and want what's best for her no matter what it is.

[Marlee]

I appreciate your insight, but in some of the things you said I do disagree. For one, I did visit often, I called her all the time and she helped make the choice to move their in the first place, it was about the school there vs. here, personally I hate the school district we are in, when we moved we thought it was in the best in the state, turns out we missed it by 1 block...

She came here often as well during the summers and holidays, so I did not just send her up there, never talked to her again. I was as actively involved as I could be from 500 miles.

I also know from talking to her before she wanted to come home, we were waiting for summer as to not interrupt her school, but she said before this is what she wanted ( Feb. 3rd of this year) A week later she called us and confirmed again she wanted to come home as soon as school was out. The next week is when my mom learned about me and my husband reconciling, and that is when I was cut out, since that time I have talked with her only a few times where she has said something different, and my mom was in the background the whole time.

I did tell them all of them if she wanted to continue with school there I was fine with that. However I wanted her summers and all vacation holydays from school. That way we still would get her here in our family for a fair amount of time, and in the other months I would travel there. My family at this point filed for custody, and the restraining order. Now if it was only about her wanting to live there, why try to exclude us from seeing her at all.

As far as abuse, I no without a shadow of a doubt no one in our home would ever do anything. In fact I am so confident in that fact I would give free access for any agency to walk in and check us at any time. Without notice. I can also say that our children have seen the same doctor since we moved to this state, the schools are actively involved in our lives as 2 of our other children have more special needs. I have people that work with my 2nd oldest as she is hard of hearing so people that work for the state are around a lot.

Would there be no sign of abuse in that kind of actively, or would there not have been a single red flag somewhere.

I just do not see how my daughter could have changed so fast without being told horrible things about us. I just dont. I also know because our 2nd oldest was there for a short time. That things were being said, she was told they no longer needed to call us mom and dad, that they did not have to see us. To me that is my mom causing my children to alienate us. Yes I agree I made a mistake by sending her there. Trust me I regret it. Yet when I did I thought I was getting my daughter started in a school district that we were moving to, therefore preventing a move to where she knew no one in the middle of Jr. high.

I am not offended, I think you have some valid points. But I think in this case I am being shafted. I think my mom is doing this because they do not like my husband, and are mad I stayed with him. I think they are actively trying to destroy a relationship with my daughter. I do know as well, someday she will know, no matter what, I loved her enough to fight for her, to show I was not willing to give up, and stand up and say that no matter what she is my daughter. Something they have tried to undermine as well.

[mayfateleadyou]

Then fight for her with all you got. As long as you know this for sure what she wants then try your hardest. You have a really good shot at getting her back completly or getting mandatory visitations like you want. I feel sorry for your parents not being to respect your wishes in making your marriage work.

[Angela]

Good Luck, Kids espically teens don't always know what is best for them in the long run. I stayed with my grandmother by choice and it was for the best, but I was always around my mom and sisters too.

Angie