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Old 04-16-2008, 03:48 PM   #1
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Cry Why do friends do this?

I am so hurt right now, so please excuse my venting....

My best friend and I have known each other since 6th grade, and we've always been close. Once we graduated, I went to college and she started working full time. Of course we lost touch a little bit since we were on different paths, but we always found time for each other when we had it and never forgot things like birthdays and such. Well college has come and gone, and now we are even less in contact. I got married last October, and of course she was my Maid of Honor. We kept in touch till right after Christmas, and then she started hanging out with new people where she works. I totally understand that we have our own lives now, and of course since we are grown up now we are going to talk less, but in February she completely forgot my birthday. It wasn't the first time she's done this (she forgot the year before too), but this time it really hurt. Maybe because I live in a new area, and had to basically find new people to talk too. It has been really tough. She did send me an email the day after my birthday just to say hello, and she asked me what I did the day before!!! I couldn't believe it because it was my birthday that day, and I brought it up saying I went out because it was my birthday. She responded, but didn't acknowledge what I said and started with another topic. After that I was like whatever with it, and if she ever needs to talk to me I'll be here. But tonight I logged into my Myspace account and saw she posted a new photo album. I clicked on it, and it is pictures she took from her new friend's 23rd birthday party she hosted!!! It just really hurt, because she didn't even remember mine, and of course I remember that hers is in two weeks. I know this might sound petty, but it just really hurt and I don't understand.....

I've always been considerate of her feelings, and I've put up with a lot. But with this it just makes me feel like she just doesn't care anymore.
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Old 04-16-2008, 04:03 PM   #2
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my friend did the same thing to me.. we were friends for 8 years and ever since she started dating this new guy... she has blown me off time and time again. she didn't come to my birthday.. she said she had to do something with her mom then come to find out she just went to hang out with her new friends instead.. i finally just told her i didn't want to talk to her anymore.. so i deleted her from my myspace and stopped associating with her..it's hard and it sucks..but sometimes that's just what you have to do!

You don't deserve to be treated like that and need better friends that care about you
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Old 04-16-2008, 04:04 PM   #3
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I am so sorry your friend stiffed you......
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Old 04-16-2008, 04:06 PM   #4
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my friend did the same thing to me.. we were friends for 8 years and ever since she started dating this new guy... she has blown me off time and time again. she didn't come to my birthday.. she said she had to do something with her mom then come to find out she just went to hang out with her new friends instead.. i finally just told her i didn't want to talk to her anymore.. so i deleted her from my myspace and stopped associating with her..it's hard and it sucks..but sometimes that's just what you have to do!

You don't deserve to be treated like that and need better friends that care about you
I know....it is hard. Like I have put up with so many things... and some day it will be the last thing I can stand (which I think I have reached that point). I don't think regular friends would put up with things like I've gone through.... oh well....
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Old 04-16-2008, 04:10 PM   #5
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OH Sonya, I am sorry you are feeling BLUE. I am here for you...YOUR new Melbourne friend.

Oh and Hey Did I miss your birthday? LOL... Okay so that is not funny Caren GEES!!!

I am sorry though you are sad. I bet she did not mean to make you feel that way. I would personally talk to her about how you are feeling friend to friend. I mean if you guys were that close at one time I am sure she will understand. Who knows she may not even know what she was or is doing and when she finds out she may be really sorry. I think it takes A LOT from us as we get older to keep in touch with our friends because lets face it life just happens but things will change again, watch you will be surprised.

Hang in there girl - Head up and Hugs coming your way!
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Old 04-16-2008, 04:16 PM   #6
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OH Sonya, I am sorry you are feeling BLUE. I am here for you...YOUR new Melbourne friend.

Oh and Hey Did I miss your birthday? LOL... Okay so that is not funny Caren GEES!!!

I am sorry though you are sad. I bet she did not mean to make you feel that way. I would personally talk to her about how you are feeling friend to friend. I mean if you guys were that close at one time I am sure she will understand. Who knows she may not even know what she was or is doing and when she finds out she may be really sorry. I think it takes A LOT from us as we get older to keep in touch with our friends because lets face it life just happens but things will change again, watch you will be surprised.

Hang in there girl - Head up and Hugs coming your way!
No you didn't miss it.....it was right before I became a YT member. No worries!

Thanks for the encouraging words... it means a lot, and I'm so happy you are one of my Melbourne friends!
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Old 04-16-2008, 04:23 PM   #7
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oh, bless your heart. I can completely relate and understand how you are feeling. it's terrible because those that we love the most are the ones that have the ability to hurt us the most. I just went through a very rough patch with my best friend and we have come out much stronger because we both sat down and spoke VERY openly to each other. we hurt each others feelings very bad during that talk...but we got it all out and we came out a lot stronger and more aware of what was going on in our lives. maybe you need to sit and talk...hash it out really good....and see what happens from there! I hope you all work it out...it obviously means a lot to you. I will be thinking about you...please update us if you 2 talk...I'll be wondering how it is going

hugs!!!
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Old 04-16-2008, 04:29 PM   #8
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No you didn't miss it.....it was right before I became a YT member. No worries!

Thanks for the encouraging words... it means a lot, and I'm so happy you are one of my Melbourne friends!
I know I for one am blessed to have you in my life now.
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Old 04-16-2008, 04:47 PM   #9
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I wish it wasn't this way, but I think we all go through it @some point in our lives. I do agree to try and talk things over with her. Let her know how you are feeling. Maybe she is jealous, wants to prove something with starting new friends in her life, you never know. She may not admit it, but at least you are trying to mend your long friendship. Most often, no one says anything & you drift further apart. I hope not! Most guys seem to just say what they mean & get over it. Girls, not so much, we take things personal. I wish you the best.
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Old 04-16-2008, 05:06 PM   #10
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oh, bless your heart. I can completely relate and understand how you are feeling. it's terrible because those that we love the most are the ones that have the ability to hurt us the most. I just went through a very rough patch with my best friend and we have come out much stronger because we both sat down and spoke VERY openly to each other. we hurt each others feelings very bad during that talk...but we got it all out and we came out a lot stronger and more aware of what was going on in our lives. maybe you need to sit and talk...hash it out really good....and see what happens from there! I hope you all work it out...it obviously means a lot to you. I will be thinking about you...please update us if you 2 talk...I'll be wondering how it is going

hugs!!!
I will keep everyone posted. She tends to not return my calls. That is another problem.... the only communication we have from time to time is via Myspace! Blah it sucks, but ok well. I will try again to get in touch with her, especially she her birthday is this month....
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Old 04-16-2008, 05:07 PM   #11
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I know I for one am blessed to have you in my life now.
Aww that is too sweet! Thanks Caren!
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Old 04-16-2008, 05:08 PM   #12
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I wish it wasn't this way, but I think we all go through it @some point in our lives. I do agree to try and talk things over with her. Let her know how you are feeling. Maybe she is jealous, wants to prove something with starting new friends in her life, you never know. She may not admit it, but at least you are trying to mend your long friendship. Most often, no one says anything & you drift further apart. I hope not! Most guys seem to just say what they mean & get over it. Girls, not so much, we take things personal. I wish you the best.
That is so true! Us girls hold feelings in and never express our feelings...
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Old 04-16-2008, 05:26 PM   #13
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I know how you feel. You wonder what happened? Or if YOU did something wrong to alienate them? When all the time, probably there are just people who realize how valuable a good and long time friend is over new acquaintances and those that don't. Sometimes it's just, like you said, our paths are different. Some people are more thoughtful than others too, and the other person doesn't realize how much it hurts to be forgotten, or replaced. Sometimes you go out of your way all the time for someone else and they just leave you in the dust and you have no idea why. But the thing is, it's usually THEIR self esteem issues; not yours. They just make you wonder.
It's really sad and very hurtful; I know, I've been there. I hope that you can either talk it over with her and at least get some peace of mind. It sucks that she was too busy with someone else's party to even acknowledge your special day.

Maybe this will help you feel a little better:

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person or people involved; and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships, and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
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Old 04-16-2008, 05:41 PM   #14
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I thought I was the only one that had the same experience with a best friend. I am much older than you now but my best friend of about 30 or so years has put me through similar stuff. it is kinda late right now but I will pick up with this thread again tomorrow. I really can not believe that these things happen to people...the ones that get hurt and the ones that do the hurting. I share your pain....been there and to be honest till I read your post thought I was very alone in the confusion of it all.

It sounds as if your friend is very jealous of you and just won't admit it to "herself" and that is why she is taking it out on you. i don't or didn't think I could say that in my situation cause my best friend was nominated best looking in high school....so how could jealousy be the cause of our "falling out" (for lack of a better term). But listening to you I guess her short comings got the best of her too...just like your friend ().

Hope I helped to ease the confusion cause sometimes that is what keeps the hurt there and sometimes it takes a long time to realize it.

To be continued....if you would like to talk more.

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Old 04-16-2008, 05:43 PM   #15
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I am really sorry you feel this way. When I ws younger and quite a bit more stupid, I went thru this situation. Only I was the other girl. The one that became distant and stopped talking to my friend. We had been really close for many years and then all of a sudden she decided she was gonna move to Alabama with her boyfriend. She told me and then 1 week later she was gone. In my mind I couldnt handle it. On the one hand I was very jealous and whenever she would try and talk about this new life she had that I wanted (not with her man, but in general. I thought I was terminally single at the time) I would act like I didnt care or say something mean or change the subject. On the other hand I was like what the hell? We have been friends for 10 years you have known him for 6 months and he is more imortant than me to you???? Whatever I dont need you anymore. Well things didnt work out....and she came home.....it took us a few months to mend things, but luckily she is very forgiving and we are as close as can be. But to this day I am still ashamed of my behavior....that my jealousy kept me from being able to just be happy for her.
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