I am so upset....crushed

[NanaDtreasures]

Originally Posted by YorkichonBella

I am hoping for the best for You. It seems you are entering the 5th year mark of the prenup? The longer you wait, this could be jeopardized. If you do not like what one attorney has to say, please find another. You also already have evidence of abuse with the hospital records. Tell an attorney "everything". I myself, made so many mistakes that I still regret. It is overwhelming, I know. If you separate, you should not be held responsible for his medical expenses? I pray that you can find someone who will direct you for your best interest. Take care of yourself!

Thank you
I will be married 4 years to him the end of the month.
So I will soon be entering the 5 year mark.
And "shouldn't " is one thing but I am until the degree is final
This is what I was told
Not only that but I owe for something I didn't even know about for 1 year after a loan he made.
The attorney said I assume his debts as he assumes mine
Funny thing is I didn't have any. And I wasn't aware he did.

[NanaDtreasures]

Originally Posted by hartygirl

I don't know about law, but I would be very careful about what I post online. Everything you type it seems can be used in court either for or aginst you.
Also, as far as your husband claiming to have chest pain if you leave him, let him go to the Emergency Room. A cardiac work up will be done and he will be sent home if he is faking, the most he can fake is anxiety. A real MI (heart acttack) will be dected by an EKG and/or blood work. Best of luck to you, get him out of your house, and please let more people know of your situation in your area. You should tell your children. We support you here, but it is simply that. Most of us live too far to drive by and check on you or meet you for coffee.
For your own saftey let your children and friends know what you are planning and they can help. Call them every day just to let them know you are safe.
I wish I had more advise

Yes I know they can use everything. Thats why I haven't told the half of it.
Its too embarrassing too.the only thing I haven't said that wasn't true is in my first post I said Nala having puppies.(Its Allie) and we're both 50( hes 48)
I was just so upset... So let him use whatever he wants.
He dont know how to look for anything but Porn anyways. Rrrrr
My daughter and son both are nurses here in Ohio.
They said basically the same thing. BUT last time he didn't actually have a heat attack, and they still put stints in.
But my kids the same thing. Run there and tell them hes faking it to get the other stents he needs , and they both said its a toss up if they would or not. As its already in his records he needed more. They said they will do the minimum. But they will do what they have to , as if he left and died. They would worry lawsuit.
I have great support from my family. I thank God for them many times a day.

[NanaDtreasures]

Originally Posted by cariblonde

I agree find another attorney I wish I had more advice for you but I am a real estate paralegal in NC not a family law attorney in Ohio which is who could give you the expert advice you need, I'm sorry I searched your state statutes for over an hour and your situation is over my head.. I couldnt find anything as of yet about being responsible for medical expenses for a spouse but I can offer you support please pm me if there is anything you want to talk about or if things become unbearable ((((((Hugs)))))) I will continue to search for more info

Thank you soooooo much.((((((((((hugs))))))))))
I am the one in over my head.
A couple years ago. I posted to free law forums about this.
Thinking there no way.
They seen and heard it all. They'll tell me he will be stuck with everything.
I just KNEW men and WOMEN had to have tried to blackmail others like this.
And I'm sure they have. BUT it seems in Ohio they sure can.
If I had purchased the house before marriage AND the deed was in my name.
Now that might have been different.
I hate living in OHIO...

[NanaDtreasures]

Saleswman You're from Ohio too!!! Wish I wasnt...lol
MindieRose , MeganS, flgurl69 , Susan123
chachi ,LBrooks323,yorkiesmiles
a2luckygirl katelin, and to everyone else...I know I missed some I'm sorry.
Thank you for keeping me in your prayers and thoughts.

red98vett, I just hope you see how bad it sounds from this end. I dont know you or your husband ....but he sounds very immature and also physical - put those together and you have an abusive man who could possibly hurt you -
Yes....I know it sounds bad..and I feel sometimes I'm in danger.I do leave..But I am afraid of him and just try to stay out of his way.

katelin
Just keep planning and moving towards your goal. Take good care of yourself and your babies.. I'll be thinking of you today.

And your other long informative post....Geeeeeez girl....Thank you SO MUCH!!!!!!!!
You must have took an hour to type that all.
Is that what you meant when you typed it and lost it ? OMG ((((((hugs))))))
I just cant tell you enough I wish/hope that all were true.
But I have a plan...And I am taking notes to a new attorney.
I am going to look for a WOMAN like someone else said...
(The other attorney was a man) hope maybe he just didn't like me...
Or it was a man thing...you know? I pray he isn't right on Ohio laws.
I kept thinking...as I have been for 2 years....this is just not right...this is so unfair...
I sent email to myself with yours and a couple other ones. So I can make good notes for the attorney. Millions of questions for her. I will start Monday looking for one in my area. Jen is helping me.
Please dont anyone worry about me...I do leave..Its harder now with Allie due to whelp and Nala soon. But I will take her and leave for the night before I put myself in danger.
He hasnt been as violent in a while now. I thank God for that too.
I decided not to tell him that I'd seen the porn. It would only make more problems for me. And I'd lose my computer again. Its kinda my lifeline right now.
I know that sounds stupid but it really is.
As half the time he gets angry if I even talk to my kids on the phone.
We all think its because no one ever calls him...Go figure?!?!?!?!
But I talk to my kids all the time online ...so its just better not to even say anything
I really dont care...as you all said thats the least of my problem.
You all are special to me right now too.

Originally Posted by katelin

Debbi,

First, get another attorney. Look for a woman, they are sometimes more sympathetic. Especially look for a family law specialist. They are state certified and should be better than a run-of-the-mill attorney in this area. For an attorney to tell you that when you are ready the money won't mean a thing is utter nonsense! How poor and dependent does he want you to be??? I hate to say it, but there are still those men out there that don't want a woman to be in charge of her own destiny and think they should stay in their marriages. (Sorry if you saw a woman already, same advice) Get another attorney!

As I said I don't know Ohio law, but in CA we have no-fault divorce. Anyone can pull the plug at any time for any (or no) reason. If you must prove cause for a divorce in Ohio, you have it. You have been abused. You have been to the hospital and there are records that are available to you. You and your family can make declarations of the treatment you have suffered. You have cause, and you can prove it. Don't worry about trying to get him on tape etc. Most judges hear this stuff all day and don't take any stock in He said/She said. They are looking for more hard evidence. YOU HAVE IT. So don't worry about that.

Again, not familiar with Ohio law, but know the underlying principles for contract and family law. Your Prenup is a Contract. It is enforceable by any court (still valid right? under 5 years since marriage?). Whatever you agreed to (assuming it was properly entered into) is the DEAL between you. Check the language carefully. Courts want to enforce the exact letter of the contract. Assuming you get your initial investment back under the prenup agreement, you will probably have to sell the house and split any of the additional profit (less expenses). But this isn't all bad. You can then go on in this depressed economy and buy something else that is all yours. Or perhaps buy out his interest, whichever you can agree upon. thank goodness you got a prenup. (Although I do have a question about which came first, the property or the prenup, and the language in the prenup. You need to see a lawyer for this).

You need a protective order. He won't go quietly into the sunset. Get ready for this as best you can, and be strong! Have everything in order (including changing the locks on the house and making sure the Sheriff has a copy of the protective order) before you have him served.

I still maintain that the date of separation determines when you stop being responsible for his debts (including medical, unless insurance is paying for it). Otherwise what would stop any vindictive spouse (and there are lots out there) from running up all the charge accounts, etc. just to get back at the other spouse??? Surely those men/women in Ohio legislature haven't lost all of their marbles (sorry, I just get so mad at the inequities the law sometimes sets up). So check into this, as it is key to removing all of your husband's power to threaten you. True, you would be equally responsible if you were still married, but not if you are separated. (IMO).

Here, the "date of separation" is determined by the date you decide to leave or be "separate". It helps to have something concrete to point to, such as signing papers at a lawyers' office, kicking the spouse out of the house followed by legal action, leaving the home yourself, etc. But in truth, it is really based upon your state of mind, that is, when you decide you are not going to be married any more. However, courts have so much trouble with this they like to have something concrete to point to. Your lawyer can advise you... but I would be shocked if there wasn't some "date of separation" that can be applied to your debts. If so, you are in the clear, just don't tell him anything until you are ready and have done what you can do to establish the date of separation. You may have to leave the home to do this (take your furbabies too). Don't be afraid of doing that if necessary. It doesn't mean the house (or your investment) is lost to you forever.

Now for you. Be strong. You can do this! This man doesn't have anything but fear and intimidation in his arsenal. He ain't got nothin else goin on. Don't buy into it. You are a great person and deserve the very best (and there are "best" men out there still). You'll be whelping with one hand and kickin that man out with the other.... I'd love to see that!

Now I have to do a little disclaimer: I'm not licensed in Ohio to practice law, and I'm retired (inactive status) in California.

Hugs, and Yorkie Hugs to you and all your babies.

[flgurl69]

Thinking about you... hanging in there and good luck.

[IluvLucy]

I've had you on my mind and in my prayers since I read this thread last night. PLEASE be careful!

My first husband was a mean, abusive, drug using, drunk! I know where you're coming from................

[3angels]

Hi all,
This is Jen Debbies daughter I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for the support suggestions and prayers you have sent my mother!! I hope there is away for her to get out of this marriage and situation with the things (money belongings and pups) she needs.I have researched and tried to find away for her to get out safely to no end. I dont know what to tell her or to do anymore.I hate this man for what he has done to my mother!! I feel like it will never end and when it does I am scared for her. I hope someone can come up with something that will help her. I have seen alot of you post telling her to go to family she is always welcome here pups and all. We adore her my husband thinks of her as his mom and my kids love there nana to no end.She is one of the most caring sincere people I have ever known and he doesnt deserve to breath the same air as her.Thanks again for all your prayers bless all of you for thinking of her!!!! Jen

[NanaDtreasures]

Originally Posted by 3angels

Hi all,
This is Jen Debbies daughter I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for the support suggestions and prayers you have sent my mother!! I hope there is away for her to get out of this marriage and situation with the things (money belongings and pups) she needs.I have researched and tried to find away for her to get out safely to no end. I dont know what to tell her or to do anymore.I hate this man for what he has done to my mother!! I feel like it will never end and when it does I am scared for her. I hope someone can come up with something that will help her. I have seen alot of you post telling her to go to family she is always welcome here pups and all. We adore her my husband thinks of her as his mom and my kids love there nana to no end.She is one of the most caring sincere people I have ever known and he doesnt deserve to breath the same air as her.Thanks again for all your prayers bless all of you for thinking of her!!!! Jen

Well Jen...what a way to make your first post~!
I hadnt told Jen about posting here until just minutes ago.
I told her how Tom had looked at porn again. And I just really wanted out.
I told her...I really embarrassed myself by telling you all so much of my personal life..

But I told her there thousands of caring people here.
And if I can find out how to do this it may be here.
Jen is my angel..Her and Aaron have always been there for me even making a room for me to come to when I cant take him anymore.
So many people are PMing me....worried that he can look up my username and use what I've wrote here in court.
Some even google it and it showed.
He dont know it. Nor a password.
But if he wanted a copy to take to an attorney I would ask him to please wait.
Let me take a few hours and post it ALL.So much I havent even told....

Then take that along with copies of pics I have...tapes I have where Jen and Mom counted 278 times in a 30 minute tape where he called me vulgar names and said twice my parents should have "culled" me.
So I'm not worried about that at all...
Thank you all for being so sweet and warning me tho!!

[yorkiesmiles]

Originally Posted by 3angels

Hi all,
This is Jen Debbies daughter I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for the support suggestions and prayers you have sent my mother!! I hope there is away for her to get out of this marriage and situation with the things (money belongings and pups) she needs.I have researched and tried to find away for her to get out safely to no end. I dont know what to tell her or to do anymore.I hate this man for what he has done to my mother!! I feel like it will never end and when it does I am scared for her. I hope someone can come up with something that will help her. I have seen alot of you post telling her to go to family she is always welcome here pups and all. We adore her my husband thinks of her as his mom and my kids love there nana to no end.She is one of the most caring sincere people I have ever known and he doesnt deserve to breath the same air as her.Thanks again for all your prayers bless all of you for thinking of her!!!! Jen

Debbie, How blessed you are to have a daughter like Jen. I am glad you are surrounded by love.

[Patti]

I am praying you can find a a way safely out. Thank God for your caring children.

[Chrissy0277]

Wish I had some good advice to offer but I dont
Just letting you know I was thinking about you and hoping for the best

[vanessa19]

Aw Debbie, I am praying for a safe way out for you. The Lord is watching over you and he will take care of you and those furbabies. God Bless

[IluvLucy]

God bless you.

[LBrooks323]

Get a new attorney. Ohio is NOT a community property state. Especially before 5 years. Your $100k is protected from him and his debts until that agreement is up.Check with another attorney-I'm almost sure about that. I think a debtor could only attach to HIS part of the equity in that house, which he probably dont have alot. Check with a good attorney on this. I dont think you are liable for a loan he has made either. Hurry. You have a small window of time. You are not in a community property state. You are still separate except for what you have willfully joined.

Originally Posted by NanaDtreasures

Thank you
I will be married 4 years to him the end of the month.
So I will soon be entering the 5 year mark.
And "shouldn't " is one thing but I am until the degree is final
This is what I was told
Not only that but I owe for something I didn't even know about for 1 year after a loan he made.
The attorney said I assume his debts as he assumes mine
Funny thing is I didn't have any. And I wasn't aware he did.

[NanaDtreasures]

Originally Posted by LBrooks323

Get a new attorney. Ohio is NOT a community property state. Especially before 5 years. Your $100k is protected from him and his debts until that agreement is up.Check with another attorney-I'm almost sure about that. I think a debtor could only attach to HIS part of the equity in that house, which he probably dont have alot. Check with a good attorney on this. I dont think you are liable for a loan he has made either. Hurry. You have a small window of time. You are not in a community property state. You are still separate except for what you have willfully joined.

I am getting so many posts and PM's telling me this.
I am posting this as I pm'd you.
I have to get my butt to bed soon .
It has been a calm night. He was outside and gone alot this evening.
So a good day for me...Tried my best to catch up with reading and posting
I just cried and cried after talking to this attorney (man) I felt like he hated me...he was more like well whats fair is fair...He seemed like a woman hater to me!!! Jen and I are going to look for a woman starting Monday.
I live in the country about 45 miles from her.
So she will do better finding a woman.
Jen is my lifesaver...We have a plan.
I hope to have him out of here soon.
You dont know the half of it.
This man went nuts...I called 911 the sheriff came.
We dont have police out here.
I was hiding behind a bush in my yard when they pulled in.
And they took him for a psych evaluation. He was out in a half hour.
The DR said you're saner then me..He is bipolar!!!!
And he can "charm" anyone.
About a year later he went nuts again...was screaming etc.I called 911 again
my son in law was here...and he pulled a patio chair out into the yard and said..I am telling them YOU abused me. In come the sheriff...Up they walk to him ...and the one shakes his hand....Long time no see..
They man grew up with HIM!!!!!
To make a long story short. I had never stole a dollar off anyone in my life...at 48 not even a parking/speeding ticket and I went to jail on "probable cause" he said I shoved him. My son in law told me 2 days later....When I got out of jail I couldnt throw him under the bus.
I was like thanks...so you threw me under the bus. You know what he said he was going to do..
Then for him to grow up with the guy to boot.
Can you believe THAT. They wouldn't set bail....Jen was going nuts worried about me.
And they dont have court out here on Mondays...so sun and monday I spent in jail....for nothing I was terrified!!
I have never been mean to anyone and to be married to somebody like this is crazy. Oh and I forgot in Pm. All charges were dismissed...But I cant even call 911....I'll get TPO and divorce first. But yes...thank God For caring people and Jen ,my other kids and family
I am staying strong...Out of his way...and a Plan