whats the right thing to do?

[yesenia83]

i dont know where i should post but because of the nature of the situation i figured here would be appropiate. its a rather involved story and i apologize if it upsets anyone.. I needed a place where someone would understand the way i feel.

a close friend of mine called me sometime in december to explain that her fiances family pet Sandy (chihuaua, 10 years old) was taken to the vet because of a lump in her tummy. It turned out to be a tumor and the vet told them she was too old and it wasnt worth operating. . She went to an animal hospital that has a bad rap. so when she told me this i told her to get a second opinion and she stood firm that her vet said this and that. so i didnt hear about it again till 2 1/2 weeks ago when she calls me to tell me that they have to put the dog down and if i could take her. . So i get really pissed because no body made an effort to try to save the dog. So after giving her fiances family a piece of my mind i said i would take her but that she and her fiance have to come as well ,her for getting me involved and him cuz thats the least his family could do. I called the Humane society of New york where we take our babies for check ups and they were very kind about explaining everything to me. I was histerically crying because ive never put a dog down and me and my husband would do anything to keep our babies safe, we even used our rent money for vet bills when one of our babies got sick. So the day we were supposed to go she said she couldnt go cuz she would just die seeing it. And i was pissed , her fiance didnt want her to go b/c she was stressed out about there up coming wedding and was too emotional to go. . So when i see the dog she was to energetic and happy to see me( they say she attacks strangers) but i guess she knew an animal lover when she saw one. I argued my way into having them at least try my vet to see if they could do something for her . Her tumor was so big 1/3 her size and she was only a lil 8 lbs. they sad when they took her to the vet it was the size of a dime and ins 2 months it grew. when we finally get there his father who at the last minute decided to come was complaining why there taking so long to see us. and i wanted to slapp him across the room. after maybe the longest 20 minutes of my life they call us in( during this time her fiance was out doing some errand while I waited with their pet)The vet look horrified to see the size of the tumor and asked why did they wait so long. so i blew up and told him everything how they didt want to pay for the surgery, even though they have the money and how they didnt want to go for a second opinion. He then explained that if they would have came before they could have operated and that there is always a chance of the pet dying in surgery just like humans. so he said there was no other alternative but to put her down. You know what his father does starts crying and tell me to do it cuz he cant. i was so hurt because of the look on sandys face like was did she do wrong face. so they let me stay with her before they did the procedure. I was calling her fiance and he finally showed up and was upset to hear that they couldnt do anything. so we went in. i was shaking so hard because before i left in the morning my babies started to cry ( a normal thing when i leave) but this time it was so different . they acted like i wasnt coming back and when they where preping sandy i kept thinking about my babies. She had a calm overcome her right befor they did it. and it happend so fast . i wanted to stop them but i couldnt even move. I had to sign everything and the guilt i feel is horrible. I also think at least shes in a better place and shes rid of stupid parents.( i almost forgot , they had her for 10 years and never took her to the vet not even spayed, that why she got the tumor). so after it all i petted her and that when your mind plays tricks i thought i saw her move and breath. after tha, guess who had to call the cremetory, yes me. Here i am crying so hard i got a nose bleed and i was the one who had to call. I dont understand people. my friends fiance was the one who paid for the eveything because his parents didnt want to. they even chose to have the urn UPS to them because they couldnt drive to far to pick it up at the cremetory. which is in brooklyn, very close. . Now here is the issue his mother wanst the urn because she says it was hers but my friends fiance says he is gonna keep it because they didnt want to take care of her when she was alive that they dont deserve the urn. and because he and i went thru the ordeal of seeing her put to sleep. i want to know what is the right thing to do. i feel he should keep it because he was the only one who paid for everything or should his mom keep it because the dog lived in her house? its a very touchy subject and i have no say so even though i was put thru the worst part. At least even though there now is all this drama ,sandy is in a better place. id appreciate any thoughts and advice.

[mojo]

I just want to say I am so sorry. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You where the one there and you helped her cross over. Can you imagine if she had to be alone? I am so glad you were there to love her. I have negative feelings towards your friend, but I will just bite my tongue.

[Rae Rae]

I agree w/ Mojo. You were there for her while she crossed over, and that's a lot for you to do. It's hard to be there, but you still were.

As for who gets the urn, I would stay out of it and let the family decide. You already were there for them and did a lot for them, most importantly you were there for Sandy, who is playing at the rainbow bridge and probably having a great time not suffering, and not being parented by uncaring people. I think it's most important that you were there for Sandy, and now your job is done.

[SophieRose]

So glad you were with Sandy when she passed over the bridge. It is very upsetting to see how some people treat animals, and at time when I read the various threads, I cannot even reply because I want to say "what are you doing even having a animal in your life"?

It is better that you remove yourself because Sandy is grateful you were there for her at her special moment. You are a good person and animal lover, unfortunately everyone does not share in those same feelings.

Animals are fine until they require care and attention; I always wonder if they take care of their pet in this manner, how will they take care of their human children?

[yesenia83]

Thank you all for your support. Knowing that sandy is better playing in the rainbow bridge makes me feel better than her being with them suffering. Whats help me deal with it is knowing i would never put my babies in a position that would make them suffer. I just have the luck that im around for people who lose someone dear. over 3 years ago i witness a friend give birth to a full term still born because of her carelessness. I had a 12 week rottweiler die of parvo in my arms 10 years ago and a yorkie who was a victim of a hit and run.( im now paranoid of walking my babies during the day when the cars are zooming by, i pick all three up them up before we cross) Since this thing with sandy all these things have surfaced which i thought i had forgotten. Im sorry im blabeling on. i never talk about these experiences with my family ,im known for being the strong, organzied one when something bad happens. but i think people think im some sort of robot in emergencies. but thank you all for listening. you all are the best.

[SophieRose]

Originally Posted by yesenia83

Thank you all for your support. Knowing that sandy is better playing in the rainbow bridge makes me feel better than her being with them suffering. Whats help me deal with it is knowing i would never put my babies in a position that would make them suffer. I just have the luck that im around for people who lose someone dear. over 3 years ago i witness a friend give birth to a full term still born because of her carelessness. I had a 12 week rottweiler die of parvo in my arms 10 years ago and a yorkie who was a victim of a hit and run.( im now paranoid of walking my babies during the day when the cars are zooming by, i pick all three up them up before we cross) Since this thing with sandy all these things have surfaced which i thought i had forgotten. Im sorry im blabeling on. i never talk about these experiences with my family ,im known for being the strong, organzied one when something bad happens. but i think people think im some sort of robot in emergencies. but thank you all for listening. you all are the best.

When my sweet Sophie died on January 23, 2007, I grieved so deeply for her. Dealing with her loss and since she was with me for 13 years, all of the losses of a human kind plus animal just "bubbled up" emotions that I thought were buried.

Perhaps it is a good thing that we revisit those feelings, work through the pain and then we are able to share with others so they don't feel so alone. You are not alone in your feelings, but they are yours to share with certain individuals only.

The forum is a good way to write them down, not worrying about the reflection of another's face or their lack of understanding. Although you will find that there are loving people in your life who do understand, but remain stoic and afraid to express themselves.

Take care

[Ozzie'sperson]

I truly believe there are things in life that you never get over -- you just learn how to deal with them. Sometimes, we find healthy ways of coping and these bad things don't taunt us. Sometimes it means burying them deep, deep down in a part of your psyche and NOT dealing with them because that seems to be the less painful option.

The downside of that is that when you open the door to shove in the next bad thing, all of the others tumble out. Sounds like that is what is happening to you right now. So, so sorry to hear about this awful experience that some very cowardly people put you through.

You did the right thing. The right thing is not always the easiest or the most enjoyable. Hopefully, you can draw some sense of relief in knowing that little baby is not suffering anymore and that she had someone who cared enough about her to not only see to that, but to stay with her through it. God bless you for it.

[Bnot]

I have no patience with folks like your friends. Sorry, I'd probably told them all where to go, and how to get there!

You might be doing yourself a favor by washing your hands of all of them.

Really sad for the dog, really is. I'd go in hock up to my neck to take care of my 2. I did that with a cat back in 01, that I had for 17 years.

If you can't afford animals you have no business getting one.

Sorry your friend put you in that position. If she was my friend, would be the VERY last time she did anything at all to me. People will only do to you, what you Let them do.

[AngieGA]

I am so sorry you had to go through this. However, you were Sandy's angel - you were someone that cares and loves her. I hate to say it but I hope those other people NEVER have another animal and they probably don't need any children. How can anyone be so selfish? It just blows my mind.

I agree with the others - you were with Sandy during her final moments - you gave her the love and comfort that she should have had all along.

God bless you for being her angel !!

[yorkiepip]

I have no advice..sorry, but i just wanted to say im so sorry you had to go thru this. I too have stayed with a pet when he had to be put to sleep and it is harrowing although i knew it was the right thing to do. Bless your heart for caring.

[yesenia83]

Thank you all for being so caring.
These people are sure the pick of the litter. MY "friend" called me to find out why the ashes havent come in?!..im like," are you kidding me?, your man has the paper work! he wanted me to call and find out why!...unbelievable.
He was upset because he stood home all day waiting and nothing came in... the nerve of them.
I told her i was done with all that drama and that they shoudlnt call me asking about it anymore..I also threw in that if he "waited" all day, why didnt he just get his lazy butt and pick it up himslef.
she stood queit and i hung up..Ive gone from feeling sad to pissed off and now I hope they dont reproduce. Again girls, thank you so much for all the support. i love you guys

[Tink's Mom]

Originally Posted by Rae Rae

I agree w/ Mojo. You were there for her while she crossed over, and that's a lot for you to do. It's hard to be there, but you still were.

As for who gets the urn, I would stay out of it and let the family decide. You already were there for them and did a lot for them, most importantly you were there for Sandy, who is playing at the rainbow bridge and probably having a great time not suffering, and not being parented by uncaring people. I think it's most important that you were there for Sandy, and now your job is done.

I agree with Rae Rae. You did a wonderful thing for little Sandy. Just let the family deal with their personal problems on their own. Stay far away.

[chattiesmom]

Originally Posted by mojo

I just want to say I am so sorry. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You where the one there and you helped her cross over. Can you imagine if she had to be alone? I am so glad you were there to love her. I have negative feelings towards your friend, but I will just bite my tongue.

My feelings exactly. What an act of loving kindness to be with her while she made that final journey.....

[furby2000]

Originally Posted by chattiesmom

My feelings exactly. What an act of loving kindness to be with her while she made that final journey.....

Sweet Sandy as you play in the rainbow bridge....thank goodness you were there for her when she really needed to be loved.

[xxmxaxrxyxx]

i 2nd that!