I agree w/ Mojo. You were there for her while she crossed over, and that's a lot for you to do. It's hard to be there, but you still were.
As for who gets the urn, I would stay out of it and let the family decide. You already were there for them and did a lot for them, most importantly you were there for Sandy, who is playing at the rainbow bridge and probably having a great time not suffering, and not being parented by uncaring people. I think it's most important that you were there for Sandy, and now your job is done.
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